Taking a Risk to Visit Someone You Met Online

[Amber2010]

I think our mind makes us see things in people more then what is really there. When we our talking online or text or cell heck even skype we see in our minds eye who that person is. Even in a virtual game when someone has an avatar and you spend a lot of time together that person is not the real one in person that you can see everything about them. I am not talking just the physical but the simple things like how they cook, what they eat, how they handle situations when you go out are they an angry driver or an angry drunk? Do they put the cap back on the toothpaste. Yes these sound like little tiny things but in the big picture the communication in the on-line chat brings your mind to a place you really never can in real. Our imaginations are so great and our thoughts and feelings of someone you have not met in person is even greater.
Again these are just my thoughts.

[WildHorses]

To me it is about taking a bit of time to ask questions and LISTEN to the answers. If they tell you about their day and mention running someone off the road then that would be a NO. If they got drunk and ended up in a fight or jail, NO.

If you take some time to talk about what they do during the day or night it may help to get a better picture of them. Do they like to go out and party? Do they like spending time with friends and family? When they talk about things do they seem positive and generally happy? What interests do you share and which ones do they have that you do not like?

I think talking about the simple things in life are just as important as anything else. You can learn about a person's background (what they tell you) but does that mean they are the same now? If they talk about daily interactions with people, listen. It might give you a clue as to how they treat people.

My .02

I've met quite a lot of folks through the internet too. I must be honest and confess that the motivation on both sides is generally, initially, carnal rather than social...on the whole.

It has been my experience that time spent on instant messengers, telephone, skype et al, builds a 'false intimacy'. It can appear that [we] know each other far better than [we] actually do.
Action speaks louder than words. Consistency and longevity of action speaks volumes and can only be found in spending real, 3D time together, in my experience and opinion.
When I was dating frequently I learned to meet up quickly so as to avoid the false intimacy and inevitable, almost subconscious, building of expectation of who I thought they were.

[WildHorses]

Daktari,

I think your approach is just my speed. Just rip the band aid off already. If it works good, if not that is good as well.

I know everyone is not comfortable jumping in.

Originally Posted by Daktari

I've met quite a lot of folks through the internet too. I must be honest and confess that the motivation on both sides is generally, initially, carnal rather than social...on the whole.

It has been my experience that time spent on instant messengers, telephone, skype et al, builds a 'false intimacy'. It can appear that [we] know each other far better than [we] actually do.
Action speaks louder than words. Consistency and longevity of action speaks volumes and can only be found in spending real, 3D time together, in my experience and opinion.
When I was dating frequently I learned to meet up quickly so as to avoid the false intimacy and inevitable, almost subconscious, building of expectation of who I thought they were.

[anaisninja]

I'm not ashamed to admit that the better part of my motivation to meet was carnal. And no, that never happened either. Shit.

I agree about meeting IRL sooner rather than later, and when I date online locally that is always my goal.

My intention in this case was to meet 6 weeks after we started chatting. However, due to intervening circumstances, we ended up meeting after about 4 months instead.

My expectations were definitely inflated, and I should've known better. This was not my first rodeo. I met my ex-husband online almost 20 years ago, when the internets were brand new. There wasn't even video chat back then. I was in Texas and he was in Vancouver, BC. We waited 6 months to meet and, except for one minor issue (the one that split us up - sexual incompatibility - d'oh!) it was a smashing success. I suggested all my friends should date this way, because you get to know each other from the inside out.

Then I did again about 8 years ago, and it was a disaster. I swore then that I'd never let it happen again.

How did I let this happen again?

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by anaisninja

How did I let this happen again?

Because you are human and we all crave love and sexual connection (not necessarily in that order).

Be kind to yourself.

[JoSchmooze]

The word I see most often here is expectations.
Sometimes expectations become such that nothing
else matters. We expect that the carnal will happen,
we expect the chemistry to be there, we expect that
this "one" will be "the one"....

It happens because expectations don't match reality....

[starryeyes]

I have met some of my best friends online (specifically on this site) I also have formed several relationships too. In my community, butch-femme really isn't around so meeting people online gives me an outlet to my community that I desperately need! Have I met some creepers?? Absolutely. But, I have also met people I will love for the rest of my life. As long as you are safe, follow your gut and make sure you have someone you can call incase things go bad, I say go for it. There is so much potential and a whole other world you can reach online. It's pretty incredible!

Originally Posted by JoSchmooze

The word I see most often here is expectations.
Sometimes expectations become such that nothing
else matters. We expect that the carnal will happen,
we expect the chemistry to be there, we expect that
this "one" will be "the one"....

It happens because expectations don't match reality....

I agree totally Jo. Even when we think we have no expectations we generally do, but they're masked by a layer of denial

ExMrsD and I didn't really have time for expectations beyond what promised to be a crackin' shag ...we met within a fortnight of getting each others details on a UK bf site through an ex. We always said we were having the longest one night stand in history.

The time I felt hurt most, and felt most used by, was one that had, apparently, good reason after good reason not to meet for several months. I found out why afterwards...she was still seeing her alleged ex. Expectations built during many, many hours on the phone and online.
Sadly, the reality definitely didn't meet the expectations.

It's also my experience that there can be more than one great love or grand passion for everyone. I've been lucky enough to have had two thus far...with fun fillers in and around them. I sure don't rule out another.

Keep the faith