Taking a Risk to Visit Someone You Met Online

anaisninja · 05-13-2014, 11:51 AM

I'm not ashamed to admit that the better part of my motivation to meet was carnal. And no, that never happened either. Shit.

I agree about meeting IRL sooner rather than later, and when I date online locally that is always my goal.

My intention in this case was to meet 6 weeks after we started chatting. However, due to intervening circumstances, we ended up meeting after about 4 months instead.

My expectations were definitely inflated, and I should've known better. This was not my first rodeo. I met my ex-husband online almost 20 years ago, when the internets were brand new. There wasn't even video chat back then. I was in Texas and he was in Vancouver, BC. We waited 6 months to meet and, except for one minor issue (the one that split us up - sexual incompatibility - d'oh!) it was a smashing success. I suggested all my friends should date this way, because you get to know each other from the inside out.

Then I did again about 8 years ago, and it was a disaster. I swore then that I'd never let it happen again.

How did I let this happen again?

*Anya* · 05-13-2014, 01:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anaisninja

How did I let this happen again?

Because you are human and we all crave love and sexual connection (not necessarily in that order).

Be kind to yourself.

JoSchmooze · 05-13-2014, 01:29 PM

The word I see most often here is expectations.
Sometimes expectations become such that nothing
else matters. We expect that the carnal will happen,
we expect the chemistry to be there, we expect that
this "one" will be "the one"....

It happens because expectations don't match reality....

starryeyes · 05-13-2014, 02:50 PM

I have met some of my best friends online (specifically on this site) I also have formed several relationships too. In my community, butch-femme really isn't around so meeting people online gives me an outlet to my community that I desperately need! Have I met some creepers?? Absolutely. But, I have also met people I will love for the rest of my life. As long as you are safe, follow your gut and make sure you have someone you can call incase things go bad, I say go for it. There is so much potential and a whole other world you can reach online. It's pretty incredible!

05-13-2014, 03:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JoSchmooze

The word I see most often here is expectations.
Sometimes expectations become such that nothing
else matters. We expect that the carnal will happen,
we expect the chemistry to be there, we expect that
this "one" will be "the one"....

It happens because expectations don't match reality....

I agree totally Jo. Even when we think we have no expectations we generally do, but they're masked by a layer of denial

ExMrsD and I didn't really have time for expectations beyond what promised to be a crackin' shag

...we met within a fortnight of getting each others details on a UK bf site through an ex. We always said we were having the longest one night stand in history.

The time I felt hurt most, and felt most used by, was one that had, apparently, good reason after good reason not to meet for several months. I found out why afterwards...she was still seeing her alleged ex. Expectations built during many, many hours on the phone and online.
Sadly, the reality definitely didn't meet the expectations.

It's also my experience that there can be more than one great love or grand passion for everyone. I've been lucky enough to have had two thus far...with fun fillers in and around them. I sure don't rule out another.

Keep the faith

05-13-2014, 01:29 PM	#3
JoSchmooze Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Stone Butch Preferred Pronoun?: He, hym, mister or "sir", like I get called by strangers! Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Right here, surrounded by technology Posts: 1,830 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 19,267 Thanked 10,989 Times in 1,627 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	The word I see most often here is expectations. Sometimes expectations become such that nothing else matters. We expect that the carnal will happen, we expect the chemistry to be there, we expect that this "one" will be "the one".... It happens because expectations don't match reality.... __________________ *Live your life in such a way that* *when your feet hit the floor* *in the morning,* *Satan shudders and* *says, "Oh God, he's up!"*

05-13-2014, 02:50 PM	#4
starryeyes Senior Member How Do You Identify?: a round peg in a square hole Preferred Pronoun?: Guess... Relationship Status: Seat taken Join Date: May 2011 Location: Rocky Mountain High Posts: 2,491 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,199 Thanked 10,052 Times in 2,076 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I have met some of my best friends online (specifically on this site) I also have formed several relationships too. In my community, butch-femme really isn't around so meeting people online gives me an outlet to my community that I desperately need! Have I met some creepers?? Absolutely. But, I have also met people I will love for the rest of my life. As long as you are safe, follow your gut and make sure you have someone you can call incase things go bad, I say go for it. There is so much potential and a whole other world you can reach online. It's pretty incredible! __________________ "It's ok to make mistakes. It's ok to fall down. Get up! Look sickening....and make them eat it!" - Latrice Royale Starry

05-13-2014, 11:51 AM	#1
anaisninja Member How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: . Relationship Status: . Join Date: Feb 2014 Location: . Posts: 117 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 167 Thanked 486 Times in 93 Posts Rep Power: 6064352	I'm not ashamed to admit that the better part of my motivation to meet was carnal. And no, that never happened either. Shit. I agree about meeting IRL sooner rather than later, and when I date online locally that is always my goal. My intention in this case was to meet 6 weeks after we started chatting. However, due to intervening circumstances, we ended up meeting after about 4 months instead. My expectations were definitely inflated, and I should've known better. This was not my first rodeo. I met my ex-husband online almost 20 years ago, when the internets were brand new. There wasn't even video chat back then. I was in Texas and he was in Vancouver, BC. We waited 6 months to meet and, except for one minor issue (the one that split us up - sexual incompatibility - d'oh!) it was a smashing success. I suggested all my friends should date this way, because you get to know each other from the inside out. Then I did again about 8 years ago, and it was a disaster. I swore then that I'd never let it happen again. How did I let this happen again?