The Aging Community: What Are Your Plans?

Kelt · 07-07-2014, 09:08 AM

I am dealing with one part of the equation now. My folks need to sell their house and get into assisted living. This is not an arbitrary decision on my part, they have come to this conclusion on their own.

I live a thousand miles away, there are no siblings or relatives to help. My relationship with them is strained at best. To say I am in high research mode is an understatement. Though he would rather die than ask for help, my father is the one with the physical problems, my mother the mental issues.

I am trying to figure out if I should do this in several long distance trips or bite the bullet and just move to their area for a year and get them settled. Writing this down is largely academic, I know what the right thing to do is and I am trying to figure out how to do this and not throw myself under the bus at the same time. I am in the middle of medical issues myself and would have to walk away from treatment if I leave my state.

I also know that there are a lot of lessons ahead and I welcome (will be dragged into) both the opportunity to learn, boots on the ground style, what exactly needs to be done and how to do it. Sort of a dress rehearsal of things to come for myself. I think a chunk of this will be to put in place options for myself at the same time I set them up for my folks.

I have no partner, siblings, or relatives. I have a number of friends locally, but they are at the level where when I am gone, that will fade. I have already begun the process of looking into various housing options and locations and am in that 1-5 year establish "what will be" phase. This just puts a push on it.

Loads of questions and soon I will learn some answers, I'm certain I cannot predict any of this, so.... A big "see what happens, steer when possible" is where I am this week.

07-07-2014, 09:08 AM	#16
Kelt Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Beach Butch Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: SoCal Posts: 2,751 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 19,765 Thanked 15,303 Times in 2,539 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I am dealing with one part of the equation now. My folks need to sell their house and get into assisted living. This is not an arbitrary decision on my part, they have come to this conclusion on their own. I live a thousand miles away, there are no siblings or relatives to help. My relationship with them is strained at best. To say I am in high research mode is an understatement. Though he would rather die than ask for help, my father is the one with the physical problems, my mother the mental issues. I am trying to figure out if I should do this in several long distance trips or bite the bullet and just move to their area for a year and get them settled. Writing this down is largely academic, I know what the right thing to do is and I am trying to figure out how to do this and not throw myself under the bus at the same time. I am in the middle of medical issues myself and would have to walk away from treatment if I leave my state. I also know that there are a lot of lessons ahead and I welcome (will be dragged into) both the opportunity to learn, boots on the ground style, what exactly needs to be done and how to do it. Sort of a dress rehearsal of things to come for myself. I think a chunk of this will be to put in place options for myself at the same time I set them up for my folks. I have no partner, siblings, or relatives. I have a number of friends locally, but they are at the level where when I am gone, that will fade. I have already begun the process of looking into various housing options and locations and am in that 1-5 year establish "what will be" phase. This just puts a push on it. Loads of questions and soon I will learn some answers, I'm certain I cannot predict any of this, so.... A big "see what happens, steer when possible" is where I am this week.