No Good Deed Goes UnPunished

[Kelt]

Originally Posted by QueenofSmirks

From a social perspective we often want to do things for others because we want to help, or give, or we feel it's the "right thing to do" -- but there is actually a theory that we might be wired to expect some reciprocity, and/or thanks. In other words, subconsciously, we might expect a response that makes us feel good, and because we have been conditioned to that response, it fosters us doing more "good deeds." Additionally, we may be wired to help others in the hopes they will help us in return, as part of our innate survival skills. Interesting stuff.

As to the question - yes, of course I've done good deeds and have had a mixed bag of results. I've had very appreciative responses from people I've helped, and I've had a few kicks to heart as well. It's human nature to feel hurt, angry, disappointed when someone reacts in a way that we don't expect, but I always do remind myself that it was my decision to help, and I'm only responsible for my actions, not anyone else's reactions.

This post makes me think. I'm not sure if I think we are 'wired' if that means genetically programed, but socially programed certainly. When we are kids we are taught our pleases and thank you's and as we get older I think the help we give and the thanks we get in return get bigger as we take on more responsibilities.

One thing I enjoy is doing the random acts of kindness you hear about, helping someone carry something, or pay the road toll for the next person sort of thing. Even just taking the time to give really good directions. I like being the 'good guy' because, as you say, we get what we give most of the time. I have also had times in my life where situations called for really stepping up to the plate to 'do the right thing'. Sometimes that works out and is enormously satisfying; and sometimes all you end up with is vitriol and spite for your efforts. I have learned the hard way about making that choice for myself and how we cannot control the reactions of others.

The choices are mine to make and I will probably act differently in the future. For the big life changing helping hand situations, I would have to think hard two or three times now. Maybe I should think of myself first, that's not what I was taught but maybe I should. As for the random acts for strangers, heck yeah! The thanks and the big smiles I get in return more than compensate for any minor inconvenience it may cost me.