Poly Relationships

[giggleluver]

Challenges seem to be of the nature in poly relationships...but I tend to meet challenges head on.and with a smile. I hope to eventually meet a couple or become part of a permanent triad...It's not just about the sex but about the family dynamic...I am only just now understanding this need. I have been in the poly life style in some way 6 years but keep hitting walls with people who are inexperienced in dealing with the issues that arise (immaturity) or find partners who pick mates who have jealousy issues, or just don't like sharing...I really hate getting attached and having my heart broken...twice

[D Phryxus]

I am still growing, developing, evolving when it comes how I practice poly. I see this as a good thing since stagnation only leads to toxicity...in my opinion.

I've been poly since I got married...well, I guess you could say I've always been poly but didn't actually attempt to have multiple relationships until I was married. My hubs has had multiple relationships off and on since he realized "Oh that's a girl and I like them." He used to be a whore and now he claims the title heteroflexible ethical slut and we're happy with his choice.

He encouraged me to try out poly when we married because he knew I was bi and knew I had never actually had any sort of intimate relationship with another woman.
Out first choice was bad...very bad. She was the first of many to inform me I was "sexually unattractive" after 3-6 months of a sexual relationship and follow it up with a request to only date my husband (to his credit, he told them no).

We decided to date separately for the most part now in order to avoid any attempt another woman might have in thinking they can play around with me in order to get to him.

Lately my challenges are in being open to trusting my own gut instincts, working out schedules, and dealing with the community at large.

This last part is mostly in not responding to all the irritating nonsense I hear or read. Today was a prime example: I have read from one person online that Poly people should not get married and those that are shouldn't really ever be trusted because they are committing adultery and breaking vows to forsake all others. -insert row of expletives here-
This was right after a discussion on a forum about Poly break ups and agreeing that telling me, after my long term girlfriend leaves, that I should be ok because I have another partner is like telling a parent who loses their child that they should be ok because they have others.

Anyways...that was a longer post than I meant to open with on here.

[Mel C.]

Nice post D Phryxus.

People seem to like dictating what is right/wrong for everyone else. I wasnt raised to be a homosexual...or butch...or kinky...or poly. Took a long time to realize I don't have to live by everyone else's rules. Sometimes I back step a little, but really, it isn't up to someone else to decide what Kind of relationships I have. Now if I could only find some like-minded people.....

[D Phryxus]

Originally Posted by Mel C.

Now if I could only find some like-minded people.....

I think that is the major difficulty/goal/fun of poly is finding those people ^_^

[Mel C.]

http://sexgeek.wordpress.com/2007/06...relationships/

Thoughts?

[Mel C.]

Originally Posted by Mel C.

http://sexgeek.wordpress.com/2007/06...relationships/

Thoughts?

Hmmmm...I thought the article had good information whether a person is monogamous or polyamorous. Learning to follow the rules (I prefer "guidelines") is not simple IMHO.

[feminality]

Originally Posted by Mel C.

Hmmmm...I thought the article had good information whether a person is monogamous or polyamorous. Learning to follow the rules (I prefer "guidelines") is not simple IMHO.

The Information in the article was great ... I find though that many of the rules or "guidelines", if applied to everyday life makes for happier
interpersonal relationships all the way around . *S*

[Loren_Q]

Originally Posted by Mel C.

http://sexgeek.wordpress.com/2007/06...relationships/

Thoughts?

I disliked the opening quote because, to me, it smacks of "poly is more evolved" and I think that sentiment is crap. I've seen very healthy monogamy and piss-poor poly. It's not the relationship style that's evolved, it's the people in the relationship. Okay, let me get off my soapbox now.

Like Mel, I think these 'rules' are good for any relationship or for a single person.

I think the idea of knowing what you want, what is realistic and the 'why' behind your 'what' is paramount in all relationships.




So overall I liked the article but not so much the opening quote.

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by Loren_Q

I disliked the opening quote because, to me, it smacks of "poly is more evolved" and I think that sentiment is crap. I've seen very healthy monogamy and piss-poor poly. It's not the relationship style that's evolved, it's the people in the relationship. Okay, let me get off my soapbox now.

Like Mel, I think these 'rules' are good for any relationship or for a single person.

I think the idea of knowing what you want, what is realistic and the 'why' behind your 'what' is paramount in all relationships.




So overall I liked the article but not so much the opening quote.

I think the point is less that poly relationships are more evolved than that the people involved in them MUST be significantly more evolved than the average presumptively monogamous couple in order to have a successful relationship(s). Like Loren I've seen very poor poly, indeed. The people involved might have been capable of reasonably successful monogamous relationships, but once the fault lines start multiplying in geometric proportions each time they add a new challenge, such as a new partner, their relationships become untenable.

[giggleluver]

just saying hello, it's been a while since I've been here.