That one question....

Nic · 08-25-2014, 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loren_Q

"Where are you from?"
"What's your nationality?"
"What are you?"

I got these a lot growing up. The 'nationality' one got weird because I'm an American. Here's a sample exchange:

Them: What's your nationality?
Me: I'm an American.
Them: No, I mean, where are you from?
Me: Originally from Arizona but have lived most of my life in California
Them: No, before that.
Me: I wasn't around before that.

Not that long ago someone asked me "what part of Mexico" I was from. I said, "I'm from Panama." He just nodded. Didn't occur to me until later that he had no clue they were different countries. Too busy shaking my head over his assumption that all brown people he hears speaking another language must be from Mexico.

Greyson · 08-26-2014, 12:12 AM

I have heard this all my life but now some people are not quite as verbal with their ignorance.

I too got a lot of "Where are you from? What is your Nationality? What are you?"

I would reply, I am Mexican American. Then this is the comment that really burned me up, "You don't act like a Mexican." For me that is a loaded comment. What the hell is a Mexican supposed to act like? Maybe I do not fit their stereotype and I am unsure if some even realize how racist that comment is. Another one, "But you know, you're not like them." I think they think they are being flattering when it fact they are showing their ignorance and racism.

Sweet Bliss · 08-26-2014, 01:35 PM

Just thought I would add to the where are you from issue. Mine is in reverse kinda. A neighbor many years ago laid into me about being whitey, responsible for her peoples attempted genocide. More assuming.... I not so politely told her I was only the second generation to be born in this country... so it's wasn't me or mine. We became close friends after that.

My parents raised me and my brother to believe we are Spanish Basque ... a lifetime of hearing how my father hated the French..... turns out we are French Basque...*snickering

I always knew that . Genetic memory is flawless.

Greyson · 08-26-2014, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sweet Bliss

Just thought I would add to the where are you from issue. Mine is in reverse kinda. A neighbor many years ago laid into me about being whitey, responsible for her peoples attempted genocide. More assuming.... I not so politely told her I was only the second generation to be born in this country... so it's wasn't me or mine. We became close friends after that.

My parents raised me and my brother to believe we are Spanish Basque ... a lifetime of hearing how my father hated the French..... turns out we are French Basque...*snickering

I always knew that . Genetic memory is flawless.

I don't know much about the Basque. I believe they are located in Northern Spain. It is my understanding the Basque want independence from Spain. Do the Basque people speak French, Spanish, both?

JDeere · 08-26-2014, 09:31 PM

Another question I have been asked that I am, as an adult, learning to deal with.

Are you adopted? My answer is yes, I am adopted but hearing the same mundane stuff spew, from other people's mouth's, really hurts.

Femmadian · 08-27-2014, 07:03 AM

"How many children do you have?"
"When are you going to have children?"
"Why don't you want children?"
"Don't you think you'll regret it later?"
"Don't you think you're being a bit selfish?"

As I get older, the questions get more intense and accusatory. They come from family, co-workers, acquaintances, prospective (but quickly eliminated) romantic interests, and once-upon-a-time friends. I tend to employ a three-strikes-you're-out rule with people who do this. If you still can't get it (or refuse to accept it) after three separate instances of having it explained to you, then you are the weakest link. Goodbye!

A person's reasons for wanting or not wanting, having or not having children are incredibly personal and intimate and not up for debate... and they're not a comment on someone else's decision to do the opposite of what they've chosen (or had chosen for them) for themselves (see: some omnivores' hostility to vegetarians/vegans).

I have no problem with people who have children. Some of my best friends have children (no, really

)! I just don't want that life for myself. Men don't seem to get this same shaming and pressure when it comes to this choice and so it raises feminist alarm bells for me when someone refuses to respect it.

Interestingly, the most relentless badgering I get (other than from conservative men) tends to be from older women whose children are more or less grown up and/or self-sufficient, middle class women with careers who are able to take time off when their children are young, or women who haven't had children yet but want them. You know who never badgers me about my choice? Young working class women who are in the thick of it all... I see them struggling to find affordable childcare, be present for their children while making sound financial choices, balance the needs and responsibilities of a partner (if they have one), trying to claw their way up in often precarious, low-wage work, all while trying to maintain their sanity and some semblance of self. They don't seem to be under the illusion at that very moment that parenting is an easy gig or something that should be done for the hell of it. In fact, they are often the biggest supporters of, essentially, what is this woman's right to choose. Funny, that.

And you know what? If I ever do get the urge to hear the pitter patter of little feet, there's always:

08-27-2014, 07:14 AM

"But you are a 'lady' really aren't you?"

"What do you do for a living?"

imperfect_cupcake · 08-30-2014, 09:43 PM

The one I constantly hear around adoption is "have you met your real mom?"
ugh. jesus.
my answer is usually
"actually my mom who raised me is my *real* mom. I think you mean my birth mom"

JDeere · 08-30-2014, 09:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

The one I constantly hear around adoption is "have you met your real mom?"
ugh. jesus.
my answer is usually
"actually my mom who raised me is my *real* mom. I think you mean my birth mom"

I hear that on a daily basis from certain people who I come across, in online groups as well!

Sweet Bliss · 08-31-2014, 07:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Greyson

I don't know much about the Basque. I believe they are located in Northern Spain. It is my understanding the Basque want independence from Spain. Do the Basque people speak French, Spanish, both?

The Basque people speak Basque regardless of ancestral roots. Like many European people they speak many languages. In the beginning the Basques lived in all of what is now Spain, France and I think Portugal. Over many years they have been pushed back into the Pyrenees Mountain range. Yes we want separation from Spain. Enough is enough. Like bullfights and running of the bulls. The Basque language has no roots in any other language.

Thank you so much for asking. We are famous for exploring, a sea faring people and skilled at raising /herding sheep.... settling in Nevada and New Mexico, and other areas. Nevada holds a famous Basque Festival every year. Lots of fun for the whole family!

Many ports are still recognized by their Basque names. Many in Canada.

Ravenouss · 12-31-2014, 09:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nic

Not that long ago someone asked me "what part of Mexico" I was from. I said, "I'm from Panama." He just nodded. Didn't occur to me until later that he had no clue they were different countries. Too busy shaking my head over his assumption that all brown people he hears speaking another language must be from Mexico.

Maybe he knew and was embarrassed remembering once there was a war that killed 23 American soldiers and 10,000+ civilians in Panama because the U.S. had decided their friend Noriega wasn't a good friend anymore and had to be replaced.

BUT, I do know what you mean that "nodding." Most time it's the realization they had made an assumption . Often times it's the bewilderment (where is that country???) and sometimes the mild guilty from the knowledge that it is yet another of the countries that were in the wrong place at the wrong time in U.S. foreign policy.

08-26-2014, 12:12 AM	#2
Greyson Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Transmasculine/Non-Binary Preferred Pronoun?: Hy (Pronounced He) Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: SF Bay Area Posts: 6,589 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 21,132 Thanked 8,146 Times in 2,005 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	I have heard this all my life but now some people are not quite as verbal with their ignorance. I too got a lot of "Where are you from? What is your Nationality? What are you?" I would reply, I am Mexican American. Then this is the comment that really burned me up, "You don't act like a Mexican." For me that is a loaded comment. What the hell is a Mexican supposed to act like? Maybe I do not fit their stereotype and I am unsure if some even realize how racist that comment is. Another one, "But you know, you're not like them." I think they think they are being flattering when it fact they are showing their ignorance and racism. __________________ Sometimes you don't realize your own strength until you come face to face with your greatest weakness. - Susan Gale Last edited by Greyson; 08-26-2014 at 12:33 AM.

08-26-2014, 09:31 PM	#5
JDeere Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Transgender Preferred Pronoun?: He/him/his Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 17,752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31,018 Thanked 28,833 Times in 9,708 Posts Rep Power: 21474865	Another question I have been asked that I am, as an adult, learning to deal with. Are you adopted? My answer is yes, I am adopted but hearing the same mundane stuff spew, from other people's mouth's, really hurts. __________________ Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. Albert Einstein

08-27-2014, 07:03 AM	#6
Femmadian Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Join Date: Apr 2014 Location: Isla Nublar Posts: 385 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,296 Thanked 2,400 Times in 362 Posts Rep Power: 21474848	"How many children do you have?" "When are you going to have children?" "Why don't you want children?" "Don't you think you'll regret it later?" "Don't you think you're being a bit selfish?" As I get older, the questions get more intense and accusatory. They come from family, co-workers, acquaintances, prospective (but quickly eliminated) romantic interests, and once-upon-a-time friends. I tend to employ a three-strikes-you're-out rule with people who do this. If you still can't get it (or refuse to accept it) after three separate instances of having it explained to you, then you are the weakest link. Goodbye! A person's reasons for wanting or not wanting, having or not having children are incredibly personal and intimate and not up for debate... and they're not a comment on someone else's decision to do the opposite of what they've chosen (or had chosen for them) for themselves (see: some omnivores' hostility to vegetarians/vegans). I have no problem with people who have children. Some of my best friends have children (no, really )! I just don't want that life for myself. Men don't seem to get this same shaming and pressure when it comes to this choice and so it raises feminist alarm bells for me when someone refuses to respect it. Interestingly, the most relentless badgering I get (other than from conservative men) tends to be from older women whose children are more or less grown up and/or self-sufficient, middle class women with careers who are able to take time off when their children are young, or women who haven't had children yet but want them. You know who never badgers me about my choice? Young working class women who are in the thick of it all... I see them struggling to find affordable childcare, be present for their children while making sound financial choices, balance the needs and responsibilities of a partner (if they have one), trying to claw their way up in often precarious, low-wage work, all while trying to maintain their sanity and some semblance of self. They don't seem to be under the illusion at that very moment that parenting is an easy gig or something that should be done for the hell of it. In fact, they are often the biggest supporters of, essentially, what is this woman's right to choose. Funny, that. And you know what? If I ever do get the urge to hear the pitter patter of little feet, there's always: __________________

08-26-2014, 01:35 PM	#3
Sweet Bliss Senior Member How Do You Identify?: I Am Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: solo Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: the Beach, Pacific side Posts: 4,160 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,354 Thanked 7,268 Times in 2,159 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Just thought I would add to the where are you from issue. Mine is in reverse kinda. A neighbor many years ago laid into me about being whitey, responsible for her peoples attempted genocide. More assuming.... I not so politely told her I was only the second generation to be born in this country... so it's wasn't me or mine. We became close friends after that. My parents raised me and my brother to believe we are Spanish Basque ... a lifetime of hearing how my father hated the French..... turns out we are French Basque...*snickering I always knew that . Genetic memory is flawless.

08-27-2014, 07:14 AM	#7
Daktari Guest Tournaments Won: 1 Posts: n/a My Photo Gallery	"But you are a 'lady' really aren't you?" "What do you do for a living?"

08-30-2014, 09:43 PM	#8
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,711 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	The one I constantly hear around adoption is "have you met your real mom?" ugh. jesus. my answer is usually "actually my mom who raised me is my real mom. I think you mean my birth mom"