This side of Heaven

Sweet Bliss · 09-13-2014, 12:43 AM

Not feeling very poetic today.

Big dog pulled me down so hard and fast this morning didn't realize I was down until the pain in my arm from scraping the rough utility rug permeated my dull brain. Then the scary pain in my chest started to rise.

Have been out of it all day. Not a good day.

Sucks living with someone who doesn't give a shit when you are flipping out on the inside. Don't feel safe expressing my fear and pain. More suckage.

Pathetic way to live don't you think?

I lie to myself and say it would be worse if I was alone. Truth is I am always alone. Even when she sits staring at her ipad 4 ft away. Never speaking more than a few disjointed thoughts since 10 pm. It's almost one thirty. Since 2009 I have not met anyone in person that can carry on a conversation when technology is in the same room.

How ridiculous is that? Geezus... Soren and I would read to each other at night. I would crochet, or she would work on carving a walking stick as I read to her. Such a simple act of loving intent. I miss that. Quality time. Sharing ideas, philosophy, personal epiphanies, childhood experiences, fantasy future happenings. Isn't there even one person out there who wants a lover AND a companion? I can live without mind blowing sex, material things, fabulous vacations, nice cars, a house. Don't miss what you've never had. I cannot live much longer without true companionship. I'm just plain fucked aren't I?

Sweet Bliss · 11-26-2014, 12:33 PM

*Dramatic Golden Flounce deleted by Admin*

Sweet Bliss · 06-29-2015, 02:13 PM

Well, isn't that interesting.

Last post was the anniversary of my Mother's death in 2008.

Ever noticed that about yourself? The circular motion of our lives?

The constant repetition.

Anniversary of my Father's death will be here in August.

I so miss them both.

Sweet Bliss · 06-30-2015, 08:41 PM

Well, emptied out 7 storage tubs packed up 4, two bags of trash, and one bag for donations. Taking a hard look at all my craft supplies... think someone else could put them to better use.

Packed up my stained glass pieces.

getting closer to done.

closer to gone.

Sweet Bliss · 07-06-2015, 06:10 AM

Okay, goofed off all weekend. Time to buckle down.

What a mess I have made. oh well. My mess, my respond ability to clean.

I'm a little cupcake short and sweet,
here is my icing, here is my cake.
Take a little bite dear,
don't be shy,
here are some apples,
let's make pie.

Sweet Bliss · 07-15-2015, 08:31 AM

I got to bet that your old man
Became fascinated with his own plan
Turned you loose, your mama too
There wasn't a thing that you could do

But I got faith in you
It's a razor love that cuts clean through
I got faith in you
It's a razor love that cuts clean through

You really made my day
With the little things you say
Looking through the window at a silhouette
Trying to find something, I can't find yet

Imagination is my best friend
Got to look out for the greedy hand, greedy hand
Make a living like a rolling stone on the road
There's no place like home, silhouettes on the window

Who was it made your eyes flicker like that
Tell me baby, how'd you get the knack
You came to me with open arms
And I really took you down the track

Now all I've got for you
Is the kind of love that cuts clean through
All I got for you is razor love
It cuts clean through

You really made my day
With the little things you say
Now I'm looking through the window at a silhouette
Trying to find something I can't find yet

Imagination is my best friend
Got to watch out for the greedy hand, greedy hand
Make a living like a rolling stone on the road
There's no place like home, silhouettes on the window

You really make my day
With the little things you say

Razor Love by Neil Young

Sweet Bliss · 08-24-2015, 01:56 AM

you know that commercial where Grandma falls and can't get up??? That was me this evening. Laid on the floor crying for about 45 minutes.... cats just watching me.... so helpful. Tater ran to get roomie to help,..... but of course she didn't understand why he was just sitting in front of her and looking at her with his big brown eyes.

Sophie, my 85 lb goober girl, laid on the floor with me.... licking away my tears laying her giant body next to mine..... preventing shock I'm sure.

After all the tears and holding my left arm, Sophie wedged her big body under me to hold me up and steady me so I could stand again.... That is love in action...

Just in case you were wondering....

11-26-2014, 12:33 PM	#2
Sweet Bliss Senior Member How Do You Identify?: I Am Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: solo Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: the Beach, Pacific side Posts: 4,160 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,354 Thanked 7,268 Times in 2,159 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	fini Dramatic Golden Flounce deleted by Admin

09-13-2014, 12:43 AM	#1
Sweet Bliss Senior Member How Do You Identify?: I Am Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: solo Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: the Beach, Pacific side Posts: 4,160 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,354 Thanked 7,268 Times in 2,159 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Not feeling very poetic today. Big dog pulled me down so hard and fast this morning didn't realize I was down until the pain in my arm from scraping the rough utility rug permeated my dull brain. Then the scary pain in my chest started to rise. Have been out of it all day. Not a good day. Sucks living with someone who doesn't give a shit when you are flipping out on the inside. Don't feel safe expressing my fear and pain. More suckage. Pathetic way to live don't you think? I lie to myself and say it would be worse if I was alone. Truth is I am always alone. Even when she sits staring at her ipad 4 ft away. Never speaking more than a few disjointed thoughts since 10 pm. It's almost one thirty. Since 2009 I have not met anyone in person that can carry on a conversation when technology is in the same room. How ridiculous is that? Geezus... Soren and I would read to each other at night. I would crochet, or she would work on carving a walking stick as I read to her. Such a simple act of loving intent. I miss that. Quality time. Sharing ideas, philosophy, personal epiphanies, childhood experiences, fantasy future happenings. Isn't there even one person out there who wants a lover AND a companion? I can live without mind blowing sex, material things, fabulous vacations, nice cars, a house. Don't miss what you've never had. I cannot live much longer without true companionship. I'm just plain fucked aren't I?

06-29-2015, 02:13 PM	#3
Sweet Bliss Senior Member How Do You Identify?: I Am Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: solo Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: the Beach, Pacific side Posts: 4,160 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,354 Thanked 7,268 Times in 2,159 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Well, isn't that interesting. Last post was the anniversary of my Mother's death in 2008. Ever noticed that about yourself? The circular motion of our lives? The constant repetition. Anniversary of my Father's death will be here in August. I so miss them both.

06-30-2015, 08:41 PM	#4
Sweet Bliss Senior Member How Do You Identify?: I Am Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: solo Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: the Beach, Pacific side Posts: 4,160 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,354 Thanked 7,268 Times in 2,159 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Well, emptied out 7 storage tubs packed up 4, two bags of trash, and one bag for donations. Taking a hard look at all my craft supplies... think someone else could put them to better use. Packed up my stained glass pieces. getting closer to done. closer to gone.

07-06-2015, 06:10 AM	#5
Sweet Bliss Senior Member How Do You Identify?: I Am Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: solo Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: the Beach, Pacific side Posts: 4,160 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,354 Thanked 7,268 Times in 2,159 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Okay, goofed off all weekend. Time to buckle down. What a mess I have made. oh well. My mess, my respond ability to clean. I'm a little cupcake short and sweet, here is my icing, here is my cake. Take a little bite dear, don't be shy, here are some apples, let's make pie.

07-15-2015, 08:31 AM	#6
Sweet Bliss Senior Member How Do You Identify?: I Am Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: solo Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: the Beach, Pacific side Posts: 4,160 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,354 Thanked 7,268 Times in 2,159 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	I got to bet that your old man Became fascinated with his own plan Turned you loose, your mama too There wasn't a thing that you could do But I got faith in you It's a razor love that cuts clean through I got faith in you It's a razor love that cuts clean through You really made my day With the little things you say Looking through the window at a silhouette Trying to find something, I can't find yet Imagination is my best friend Got to look out for the greedy hand, greedy hand Make a living like a rolling stone on the road There's no place like home, silhouettes on the window Who was it made your eyes flicker like that Tell me baby, how'd you get the knack You came to me with open arms And I really took you down the track Now all I've got for you Is the kind of love that cuts clean through All I got for you is razor love It cuts clean through You really made my day With the little things you say Now I'm looking through the window at a silhouette Trying to find something I can't find yet Imagination is my best friend Got to watch out for the greedy hand, greedy hand Make a living like a rolling stone on the road There's no place like home, silhouettes on the window You really make my day With the little things you say Razor Love by Neil Young

08-24-2015, 01:56 AM	#7
Sweet Bliss Senior Member How Do You Identify?: I Am Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: solo Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: the Beach, Pacific side Posts: 4,160 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,354 Thanked 7,268 Times in 2,159 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	you know that commercial where Grandma falls and can't get up??? That was me this evening. Laid on the floor crying for about 45 minutes.... cats just watching me.... so helpful. Tater ran to get roomie to help,..... but of course she didn't understand why he was just sitting in front of her and looking at her with his big brown eyes. Sophie, my 85 lb goober girl, laid on the floor with me.... licking away my tears laying her giant body next to mine..... preventing shock I'm sure. After all the tears and holding my left arm, Sophie wedged her big body under me to hold me up and steady me so I could stand again.... That is love in action... Just in case you were wondering....