Your Ideal Relationship Format

[Gráinne]

Originally Posted by MasterfulButch

Back Story
When I first came out, I was new to the scene, young and following some gut instinct. I had no real understanding or the perspective that a few more years would have brought. Anyway, I kissed my first girl and had that wonderful feeling of ‘rightness’ which I’m sure many of you will identify with. Within a very short space of time my excitement was thoroughly doused as the girl and her gay male best friend proceeded to explain to me that “gay people don’t do long term relationships”. “If that’s what you want in life,” they told me, “then you better not go down this path.” This threw me into a spin of trying to reconcile my definite sexuality with my equally definite belief in a certain type of relationship. The thought that two of the most fundamental facets of my personality were so diametrically opposed was horrific.

Fast forward to the present day and I’m glad to say I now know how thoroughly wrong these people were. Years and experience have taught me that we can have whatever form of relationship we want, subject to finding a willing partner(s) of course. So, I thought I would celebrate this choice and also how far society has come in those intervening years by asking you for your opinions…

Getting to the point
Imagine (if you need to) that you’ve found your ideal partner(s) and there are no tedious barriers like financial situations to worry about, what would your optimum relationship format look like?

I’m thinking general here. Would you be monogamous? Would you be poly? Live together? Live in neighbouring properties with an inter-connecting door? Be focussed primarily on other things (e.g. work)? Backpack around the world together? Are you soulmates? Best friends? Have a commitment ceremony? Call her/them wife? Have children? Have pets? Start a charity together? Still be together twenty years on? Live in the moment? BDSM? Vanilla?

Firstly, it would take someone really special, as I am not looking for anything. But, assuming someone does show up...

I'd live separately. I'm just about at the empty nest stage within three years or so, and I don't want to live with anyone. I love space.

Both of us would be focused on our work and our own lives. I want a lot of independence, for myself and for her.

I don't think I'll ever do the marriage thing again, for reason #1 above and it just isn't me. That doesn't mean I'm any less committed, though. She would ideally be more like my best friend with the physical side of a relationship. I don't want to blend money or our things. As for monogamy, very probably. I don't really have time for one partner, let alone being poly. And I think I would get jealous of a poly partner, so that wouldn't work.

I've done the children thing for 16 years, so I need someone who is either child-free or doesn't want to start over, like me.