Mental Illness

[Andrew, Jr.]

Yes we do! We take our meds, and go on living as best we can. We live life fully. It is the other folks who have the issues with us. They think of us as freaks, or wacko. I have heard it all. The negative stigma is overwhelming at times. People always disappoint me. Always. Remember health is a gift. Having exceptional health is something to be treasured.

[Jedi]

Today was a rough day. I did many things I don't normally do. My roommate who is in wheelchair had a rough day where her chair died. i rescued her. Why am I the rescuer for so many....including an ex who really hurt me to my core?

[dixie]

Originally Posted by JediMaster

Today was a rough day. I did many things I don't normally do. My roommate who is in wheelchair had a rough day where her chair died. i rescued her. Why am I the rescuer for so many....including an ex who really hurt me to my core?

Hmm... I guess some of us just have a tendency to fall into that rescuer mode. I know I have played rescuer on many occassions, even when 9 times out of 10 i couldn't even rescue myself.


As for mental illness itself, most people know me and know what I have been through the last couple years. I've always (as far back as I can remember) struggled with mental illness, eventhough I never really knew that's what my problem was. I just thought I was a bad person who gave in to some promiscuity, drained my bank accounts, lived dangerously and impulsively, and just in general made bad choices. In April of 2008, after being in a "bad" relationship, I had yet another run in with the "s" word. (Suicide.) I ended up in the psych ward for a few weeks. That's where I learned that I had a laundry list of previously undiagnosed mental health issues, the main being Bipolar. I was shocked to learn that this illness had been a major factor in all those "bad" decisions I had made in my life. I was started on medications and thanks to group and individual therapy I began learning how to cope.

I returned to work but had to see a therapist and psychologist at least 3 times a week, since I was newly diagnosed. My employer was very generous and understanding in the beginning, or so I thought. A couple months later, I received a call at home from the main optometrist in the office I worked at. I was told this: "We have tried to be understanding of your illness but it just isn't working out. Don't bother coming back to your job, you have already been replaced." Wow.. I had only had one day off that week, so it made me wonder how long they had been looking for my replacement.

Losing my job meant losing the excellent insurance benefits that came with it. I was really worried about how I was going to continue treatment. Luckily, I discovered a nonprofit mental health facility in my hometown. I began treatment there, which was really great. They handled my therapy, my medications, and also assigned me an "advocate" who helped me in day to day living, so to speak. Things were looking up. I had a few setbacks, but things were finally evening out. Then the inevitable seemed to happen...

I have had no treatment or medication since June of 2009. The nonprofit facility shut its doors due to an employee embezzling all of their funds. I went to my weekly appointment to find a note taped to their door, explaining the situation. No apology. No referrals to other agencies. Nothing. There have been no other services available in my area. (A very rural area.)

I have tried as recently as two weeks ago to see if any new services have come available. Two Fridays ago I went to our county's health and social services offices. They were really friendly until I asked about mental health services. I was promptly "shoo'd" out of their offices. I guess mentioning mental health to them equates to "omg, a raving psychotic maniac in our presence".

I'm not quite sure what to do now. I've been trying to train my mind with the exercises I learned in the hospital and from tips I've learned while researching online. I admit that I am doing better now than I was this time last year, but I still need help. I have days when I can't get out of bed. I have days when I have "awakened" from a "trance", and felt pain in my arm. I look down at my arm to realize that I had been digging my fingernails down my inner forearm until the skin is hanging, and blood dripping. I have days when I am so manic that I literally want to pull my hair out strand by strand, because I am so anxious and my mind will NOT stop! Luckily, the "s" word hasn't creeped up on me in months. Even that small step is momentous to me, because I have been attempting suicide on different occasions since age 10. (The first attempt that I remember.)

I have so many symptoms, so many phobias, so many "hang-ups". And as of this year I can add hallucinations (auditory and visual) to the list. I'm scared. I know what I am capable of if left to my own devices. I know I need help and treatment. But unfortunately, it's just not available for me right now. I am lucky, however, that I have a very good support team made up of friends and family. If it weren't for them, I know this road would be even more challenging.

[Soon]

Originally Posted by dixielady

<snip>

I have had no treatment or medication since June of 2009. The nonprofit facility shut its doors due to an employee embezzling all of their funds. I went to my weekly appointment to find a note taped to their door, explaining the situation. No apology. No referrals to other agencies. Nothing. There have been no other services available in my area. (A very rural area.)

I have tried as recently as two weeks ago to see if any new services have come available. Two Fridays ago I went to our county's health and social services offices. They were really friendly until I asked about mental health services. I was promptly "shoo'd" out of their offices. I guess mentioning mental health to them equates to "omg, a raving psychotic maniac in our presence".

I'm not quite sure what to do now. I've been trying to train my mind with the exercises I learned in the hospital and from tips I've learned while researching online. I admit that I am doing better now than I was this time last year, but I still need help. I have days when I can't get out of bed. I have days when I have "awakened" from a "trance", and felt pain in my arm. I look down at my arm to realize that I had been digging my fingernails down my inner forearm until the skin is hanging, and blood dripping. I have days when I am so manic that I literally want to pull my hair out strand by strand, because I am so anxious and my mind will NOT stop! Luckily, the "s" word hasn't creeped up on me in months. Even that small step is momentous to me, because I have been attempting suicide on different occasions since age 10. (The first attempt that I remember.)

I have so many symptoms, so many phobias, so many "hang-ups". And as of this year I can add hallucinations (auditory and visual) to the list. I'm scared. I know what I am capable of if left to my own devices. I know I need help and treatment. But unfortunately, it's just not available for me right now. I am lucky, however, that I have a very good support team made up of friends and family. If it weren't for them, I know this road would be even more challenging.

Dixie,

Maybe if you feel comfortable posting about where you are (general area?) located, some of the BFP'ers may have some resources in which you can access. Or, perhaps, there are people who know Dixie and or can PM her with some options?

I am sorry to hear of the unavailability of resources/treatment at the moment. I am hoping, with this post, some will offer advice/suggestions/options.

All the best to you and everyone.

[dixie]

Originally Posted by HowSoonIsNow

Dixie,

Maybe if you feel comfortable posting about where you are (general area?) located, some of the BFP'ers may have some resources in which you can access. Or, perhaps, there are people who know Dixie and or can PM her with some options?

I am sorry to hear of the unavailability of resources/treatment at the moment. I am hoping, with this post, some will offer advice/suggestions/options.

All the best to you and everyone.

I'm fine with that. Heaven knows I need all the help I can get. I live in western North Carolina. The surrounding counties have facilities, but most have told me that since I'm not a citizen of their county they can't help me. (Due to their funding obligations criteria.)

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by dixielady

Losing my job meant losing the excellent insurance benefits that came with it. ...

I have had no treatment or medication since June of 2009. The nonprofit facility shut its doors due to an employee embezzling all of their funds. I went to my weekly appointment to find a note taped to their door, explaining the situation. No apology. No referrals to other agencies. Nothing. There have been no other services available in my area. (A very rural area.)

I have tried as recently as two weeks ago to see if any new services have come available. Two Fridays ago I went to our county's health and social services offices. They were really friendly until I asked about mental health services. I was promptly "shoo'd" out of their offices. I guess mentioning mental health to them equates to "omg, a raving psychotic maniac in our presence".

Originally Posted by dixielady

I'm fine with that. Heaven knows I need all the help I can get. I live in western North Carolina. The surrounding counties have facilities, but most have told me that since I'm not a citizen of their county they can't help me. (Due to their funding obligations criteria.)

Hi, dixielady. I am sorry that the nonprofit agency in your area (I am assuming it was a community mental health center?), closed its doors.

The county is responsible for its residents and so the people who were going to that center, must have gone somewhere?

I assume that you either have Medicaid, or are uninsured?

If you have Medicaid, you can call them/look online, and they will give you a list of providers in your area. Medicaid actually pays better than most private insurances (for outpatient mental health treatment), so you should be able to find private practitioners in your area that do take Medicaid.

If you are uninsured, the county/NC has to supply you with something, or approve you going to another county. What did the people at Health and Social Services tell you? If you have a Mental Health and Hygiene Department, check them out. Otherwise, contact Health and social services again and push the issue. Again, the clients from the agency you went to have to be getting services somewhere (otherwise the hospitals would most likely have had a very significant increase in admissions since 6/2009 and you would have heard about it)...many of these people probably receive services from Health and Social Services as well, so that organization must know something. :-(

Good luck to you. I'm sorry this has happened.

[dixie]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Hi, dixielady. I am sorry that the nonprofit agency in your area (I am assuming it was a community mental health center?), closed its doors.

The county is responsible for its residents and so the people who were going to that center, must have gone somewhere?

I assume that you either have Medicaid, or are uninsured?

If you have Medicaid, you can call them/look online, and they will give you a list of providers in your area. Medicaid actually pays better than most private insurances (for outpatient mental health treatment), so you should be able to find private practitioners in your area that do take Medicaid.

If you are uninsured, the county/NC has to supply you with something, or approve you going to another county. What did the people at Health and Social Services tell you? If you have a Mental Health and Hygiene Department, check them out. Otherwise, contact Health and social services again and push the issue. Again, the clients from the agency you went to have to be getting services somewhere (otherwise the hospitals would most likely have had a very significant increase in admissions since 6/2009 and you would have heard about it)...many of these people probably receive services from Health and Social Services as well, so that organization must know something. :-(

Good luck to you. I'm sorry this has happened.

Thank you.

The agency I went to was a private nonprofit. My county doesn't seem to offer any type of mental health program, or none that I can find anyway. At the social services (DSS) offices, they claim they have never heard of such programs. At the actual health department, they claim they don't treat such things.

I am uninsured still. When I lost my job my son was able to get NC Healthchoice (which is similar to Medicaid) but for some reason I don't qualify. Or at least, I do qualify but I would have to pay $2000 out-of-pocket before it would pay anything. Kinda seems pointless to me. If I'm going to pay a couple grand on my own, I might as well pay it all, ya know?

I will keep searching and keep harassing my county until I figure something out...

Thanks to everyone for the help and advice though. I really appreciate it.