Question to butches and how they deal with differences in dating

[SleepyButch]

Originally Posted by Kelt

Cupcake, I’m sorry that worked out that way for you. I think you bring up a really good point though and it’s something I’ve been learning later in life. Not all femmes dig romance.

This is something that was trained into me from my very beginning. Every movie, show, book on etiquette, OS mentorship, you name it; it was drilled into me as a default. That if I just showed up with a bunch of flowers, hold your hand and buy you ice cream in the park ... That I’d be doing something right and have a crack at screwing up something else.

I’ve learned that romance is a spectrum just like everything else and that part of learning about someone new is to figure out this bit too. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only older butch that has that wired up wrong. I still love to do the OS rituals, but I can now see that not all will appreciate it and it’s not personal, just a different view.

Hard to believe that not everyone loves romance right? I now make it a point to ask if she likes romance because it's just something I do a lot without thinking about it. I think if someone doesn't want romance, they are not for me. It's hard to retrain yourself into not doing things especially when I get a lot of pleasure from being romantic.

Looking at it from cupcake's point of view from her words on this thread, I think that sometimes right away, things can get hidden behind the blanket of romance, meaning you can get caught up in it all and maybe not really see what is in front of you. So not that you can't be romantic but save the romance for later when you are trusting each other more and know each other better?

Who knows. All I really do know is that getting to know me is getting to know my romantic side and it tends to come out right away.

[Shystonefem]

Originally Posted by SleepyButch

Hard to believe that not everyone loves romance right? I now make it a point to ask if she likes romance because it's just something I do a lot without thinking about it. I think if someone doesn't want romance, they are not for me. It's hard to retrain yourself into not doing things especially when I get a lot of pleasure from being romantic.

Looking at it from cupcake's point of view from her words on this thread, I think that sometimes right away, things can get hidden behind the blanket of romance, meaning you can get caught up in it all and maybe not really see what is in front of you. So not that you can't be romantic but save the romance for later when you are trusting each other more and know each other better?

Who knows. All I really do know is that getting to know me is getting to know my romantic side and it tends to come out right away.

But the romance has to come from the right place. I have am ex that spent hundreds of dollars on flowers every single week, left gifts at my housr, would call stores that she knew I would be at and bought stuff fore in advance....... BUT.... she turned out to be a psycho. Sometimes people try too hard so that their "other" side doesn't show....... right away.

[SleepyButch]

Originally Posted by Shystonefem

But the romance has to come from the right place. I have am ex that spent hundreds of dollars on flowers every single week, left gifts at my housr, would call stores that she knew I would be at and bought stuff fore in advance....... BUT.... she turned out to be a psycho. Sometimes people try too hard so that their "other" side doesn't show....... right away.

Of course it has to come from the right place. I can tell you romance isn't about buying people things all the time. Isn't that more of trying to buy someone's affection? That would be a red flag for me right away I think but that's just me. I would rather someone be creative than buy me things all the time. Yes, I like to be romanced as well.

It's up to the two people involved to take the time to get to know each other. No one's other side is going to show right away, which is what I think one of the points of this thread is. Hell, sometimes someone's true side doesn't show up for a long time!

[Shystonefem]

Originally Posted by SleepyButch

Of course it has to come from the right place. I can tell you romance isn't about buying people things all the time. Isn't that more of trying to buy someone's affection? That would be a red flag for me right away I think but that's just me. I would rather someone be creative than buy me things all the time. Yes, I like to be romanced as well.

It's up to the two people involved to take the time to get to know each other. No one's other side is going to show right away, which is what I think one of the points of this thread is. Hell, sometimes someone's true side doesn't show up for a long time!

I completely agree with you. I was stupid. I know that now.

[SleepyButch]

Originally Posted by Shystonefem

I completely agree with you. I was stupid. I know that now.

Please don't say that you were stupid. It's easy to get caught up in the moments like you described. A lot of crave attention and it comes in many forms. Some people express love differently. As I mentioned in an earlier post euphoria can be a bitch! We all make mistakes. It's what we do with them after we realized that we made them that counts.

[Shystonefem]

Originally Posted by SleepyButch

Please don't say that you were stupid. It's easy to get caught up in the moments like you described. A lot of crave attention and it comes in many forms. Some people express love differently. As I mentioned in an earlier post euphoria can be a bitch! We all make mistakes. It's what we do with them after we realized that we made them that counts.

No, I was an idiot. I really believed, at the time, that she just wanted me that much. She wanted the idea of me and never really wanted "me". It wasn't euphoria, I just thought that she really loved me. And, when you get into something like that, the "obsession" doesn't go away easil tty. I am still getting calls, emails, etc....