What are your life basics?

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

I thought i got it, but i guess not.

Sorry!

Tinks! You did indeed get it. It's just before people ran off with "need" vs "want" I'd clarify. You were one the money.

[cricket26]

maslows pyramid is a great visual tool used to explain our needs as human beings...the pyramid explains that the basic needs are at the bottom and the more intellectual needs are at the top....the pyramid implies that once our basic needs are met, we can move on to the needs higher up in the pyramid...unfortunately in an economy that allows people to live in poverty some people never reach a level beyond basic needs of survival...and if finances arent the reason keeping some from moving up the pyramid, isolation and discrimination can keep some from moving up the pyramid...one has to learn to adapt to ones circumstances....

[imperfect_cupcake]

Absolutely. I lived in poverty for quite a long time.
I had to make do with things like no heat, $10 a week grocery shopping for two people, no transport money to get to work, so it was walk or cycle, no ability to meet people etc etc etc. and I was surviving. Not living in way I could gain comfort from.

That's why I was asking about needs beyond that level. I learned a lot about where I could live and couldn't, what I could do without and still be happy, and what I couldn't.

Thus my question.

[Blade]

I need my me space
I need my critters, they vary from time to time
I need spiritual time
I need to be close to the mountains but not to far from the ocean
I need time with family and watching the little ones grow
I need my home and the security it gives me
I need good neighbors and friends
I need a challenging job
I need short trips and travel, visiting
I need to help others, it's ingrained in me
I need to be understood

[Daniela]

I need to follow my own set of ethics so that I can look at myself in the mirror at the end of the day.

I need to have private space and the ability to take alone time, because social interaction can drain me.

Conversely, I need to have social interaction (in moderate and controlled doses).

I need my family - though that can be long distance.

I need to be able to be creative in some way.

I need a small group of friends.

I need to feel in control of my life.

I need to be able to laugh at things, and surround myself with people WHO (it wont let me uncapitalize WHO...WTF!) don't take life too seriously.

And last, but certainly not least, I need my iPhone.

[TruTexan]

I need to be loved and love in return intimately.
I need to be around people in moderate doses.
I need more good trustworthy friends in real time.
I need to feel secure in my home and basic needs.
I need to be myself and loved for just being myself.
I need to be needed and wanted and accepted.
I need to be respected.
I need to know my feelings matter and not just to myself.

Just a few things I need.

[cricket26]

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

Absolutely. I lived in poverty for quite a long time.
I had to make do with things like no heat, $10 a week grocery shopping for two people, no transport money to get to work, so it was walk or cycle, no ability to meet people etc etc etc. and I was surviving. Not living in way I could gain comfort from.

That's why I was asking about needs beyond that level. I learned a lot about where I could live and couldn't, what I could do without and still be happy, and what I couldn't.

Thus my question.

some say the days you live in poverty are the happiest of your life...think of young married couples just starting out....the times i have had less are the times i have been the happiest

[imperfect_cupcake]

They were most certainly not the happiest. Real poverty where you are hungry and cold and isolated are not very happy at all.

[Gemme]

Agreed, cupcake.

There were days in my childhood that I had a choice between no food or dry cat food. Or when my mother dragged me across several states to sleep in homeless shelters. We were broke as a joke but those were not the happiest times for me. Not even close.

For my basics, this is what I need to thrive:

*community and a sense of knowing where I belong and what pack/pride/gaggle I belong to
*personal safety, in home and heart
*stable employment and home life
*unlimited time to myself (I may not take a lot some days, but I don't like limitations placed upon time I spend with myself)
*an abundance, even an over abundance, of food in the house (leftover from that whole no food/cat food thing)
*a firm bed for whole body health
*regular exercise for physical and mental health and pain management for health issues
*I need to be seen. Really and truly seen and accepted and loved. No filters, no fillers. Good, bad and ugly.
*Support, professionally and personally.

I can certainly still exist missing some or all of these things but it's just that; existence. I want to do more than just breathe air in and out. I want to live; truly so. These are some of the things I require to do that.

[Uli]

Originally Posted by cricket26

some say the days you live in poverty are the happiest of your life...think of young married couples just starting out....the times i have had less are the times i have been the happiest

There is a giant difference between 'we are on a tight budget, but will definitely probably not run out of ramen noodles before next pay day' and actual poverty. That notion of 'ahhh, the salad days, when we were young, broke, and happy' (which is a pretty specifically middle class notion) is not at all similar to actual poverty where you're stomach hurts and there's not even a cracker on which to squirt your last bit of ketchup.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by Gemme

Agreed, cupcake.

There were days in my childhood that I had a choice between no food or dry cat food. Or when my mother dragged me across several states to sleep in homeless shelters. We were broke as a joke but those were not the happiest times for me. Not even close.

For my basics, this is what I need to thrive:

*community and a sense of knowing where I belong and what pack/pride/gaggle I belong to
*personal safety, in home and heart
*stable employment and home life
*unlimited time to myself (I may not take a lot some days, but I don't like limitations placed upon time I spend with myself)
*an abundance, even an over abundance, of food in the house (leftover from that whole no food/cat food thing)
*a firm bed for whole body health
*regular exercise for physical and mental health and pain management for health issues
*I need to be seen. Really and truly seen and accepted and loved. No filters, no fillers. Good, bad and ugly.
*Support, professionally and personally.

I can certainly still exist missing some or all of these things but it's just that; existence. I want to do more than just breathe air in and out. I want to live; truly so. These are some of the things I require to do that.

Gosh, indeed. Having a home that I don't have to wear a wool hat to bed and shiver, my face be ice cold and watch my breath mist in front of me, take two hours to get to work, in order to dodge train fare, steal cat food from the vet practice so I can eat (dry frozen fifth grade fish fillets), shop lift food and barely make rent, constantly worried if I'm going to be able to the next month, while not being a citizen, is very frightening.

Now, I am on a tight budget. I have no milk for my tea Till the 30th, I'm living literally on rice and beans but I am not scared about being on the street. I'm not hungry and I'm warm this is poor. Not poverty.

I think you used a better word: thrive.
The basics I need to thrive. Thank you for understanding what I mean.

Gosh, isn't it great to have the opportunity to know <3

[Jesse]

Gosh I can relate to many of the posts here, some more than others.

I need to feel safe physically, emotionally and spiritually.
I need healthy, locally grown food that has not been modified or drowned in pesticides.
I need friends from all walks of life.
I need to be heard.
I need to matter to the people that I allow in my space.
I need for my personal boundaries to be respected.
I need to know what my friends expect and need from our relationship.
I need time and space in which to be still and just be me without expectations from others.
I need time for learning.
I need my creative outlets.
I need to maintain an intimate relationship with nature.
I am a huge fan of dogs in general and would be lost without my dog.
I need healthy interpersonal communication
I need laughter, sunshine, & warmth.
I need to know that I am loved.

I feel that I thrive when these needs are cared for.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

Gosh, indeed. Having a home that I don't have to wear a wool hat to bed and shiver, my face be ice cold and watch my breath mist in front of me, take two hours to get to work, in order to dodge train fare, steal cat food from the vet practice so I can eat (dry frozen fifth grade fish fillets), shop lift food and barely make rent, constantly worried if I'm going to be able to the next month, while not being a citizen, is very frightening.

Now, I am on a tight budget. I have no milk for my tea Till the 30th, I'm living literally on rice and beans but I am not scared about being on the street. I'm not hungry and I'm warm this is poor. Not poverty.

I think you used a better word: thrive.
The basics I need to thrive. Thank you for understanding what I mean.

Gosh, isn't it great to have the opportunity to know <3

I got what you were saying. Maybe it was some similarities in life experiences or that I had a teacher who practically lived and died for Maslow (I mean, REALLY loved him.), but I heard you. I just needed a bit of time to get some thoughts in order.



Jesse brought up a good one. Boundaries! For me and everyone else. That can possibly fall under the umbrella of seeing me; knowing me truly but it can more than that as it's not just the knowledge of the boundaries but the adherence to them and the respect for them.

Excellent point, Jesse.

[cricket26]

at the risk of sounding like my poverty was worse than your poverty...i will spare the details of my childhood, suffice to say that i know poverty...it may not have been "happy" times...but i thought the question was "what are your basic needs"


in times of hardship and poverty we depend on each other more and form closer bonds....meeting more emotional needs


the bonds formed during hard times...last a lifetime

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by cricket26

at the risk of sounding like my poverty was worse than your poverty...i will spare the details of my childhood, suffice to say that i know poverty...it may not have been "happy" times...but i thought the question was "what are your basic needs"


in times of hardship and poverty we depend on each other more and form closer bonds....meeting more emotional needs


the bonds formed during hard times...last a lifetime

My wife ran off with someone else because of the stress of that stretch poverty and the depression when her dad died. My best friend has just gone through two years of really hard poverty with her husband they fought more, almost got divorced and barely made it through because of the stress.

Cricket, if poverty has brought you closer together with your partner, I think that's great. and I promise I'm not trying to have a go at you. I like you, but please... can you please not assume your experience with poverty is like everyone's.

you did say "some say the days you live in poverty are the happiest of your life"

and now you are saying "it may not have been "happy" times"

then why aren't street people jolly? Why aren't people living in shelters absolutely full of joy and support for other humans?

I'm glad that being impoverished was once of the best times of your life. Really. But it's actually rather hurtful, at least to me, to hear that I should have been happy and bonding with people when what happened was that when I was that way, no one wanted to know. And I lost people.

That was my experience. I never, ever want to go there again. ever. that's why I did some dodgy things to get a plane ticket and come home, so I could at least be poor and a citizen, instead of in poverty, lonely and with no way out, and not a citizen.

Please, cricket. I'm not trying to be mean or compeditive. You are obviously a good person. but please stop telling me how poverty should feel or play out. Your experience is yours. And I'm glad it was a real positive for you.

[imperfect_cupcake]

And perhaps I haven't been clear enough. I'm sorry if I haven't. It's not "what are your basic needs." But "what are your basic *to be happy* (or as gemme put it, "to thrive, not just exist") needs according to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, given that your needs in the bottom row have been met"

When you live in poverty, the bottom row of Maslow's pyramid is not met. I mean, beyond

"Air, food, water, clothing, shelter, sleep"

I mean how or what are the things that bring you the other levels:
How or what brings you a sense of Safety and security
How or what brings you a sense love and belonging
How or what brings you a sense Self esteem
How or what brings you a sense of Self actualisation

What does that for you? What are all the things or situations that bring that for you.

I apologise if it's been unclear. I did try with posting the link twice for people to click on to look at what I ment and try to explain a couple of times but I know I'm not the most articulate of people. I hope this is more clear to those I have have found me confusing.

[cricket26]

i too apologize for posting in a thread that is an obvious trigger for me...so ....i will gracefully decline commenting further

[TruTexan]

I have a need to belong in my family
I have a need to know where I belong in life.
I have a need to feel like I'm not the only one dealing with the things I cope with daily.
I have a need for my friends to understand where I'm coming from when I speak
I have a need to be able to understand what I'm reading.....it sucks i have trouble with this.
I have a need to be more in control of my feelings, emotions, anger, love,etc.
I have a need to be more forgiving.
I have a desperate need to control my own thought processing, which is running amok almost daily and tends to interfere with reading and understanding what I've just read.
I have a need to get my ptsd and anxiety more under control.
I have a need to be heard, listened to, and have something done about it, not just leave me with my emotions and my heart in my lap holding them all alone.

I've been working on a lot of these with my therapist.

[Katniss]

A fast car
A full tank
Wi-Fi






Katniss~~(A simple girl with simple needs....)

[Cin]

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

For those not clear about what I mean and you think I'm confusing wants with needs.... Ok sorry. I'll try again but I'll make sure I put the picture here:



(Edit to add: won't let me put an image in so I'm afraid you'll have to actually click it and look at it)

This is what I linked to. This is Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.

I'm sayin' aside from the bottom layer oF listed physiological needs, HOW or WHAT things bring you the rest of your (as *Maslow* defines "needs") needs? How or what makes you content and happy, not just surviving. Like I'd never be content and happy living in a cement mixer even though it would keep the rain off me. I need to live where I have control over my own personal space or I get stressed out.

Thank you For your patience.

I've made a pigs ear of this thread, trying to articulate. But I hope I've done a better job now.

Do you have to go from one layer to another in order? Can you jump to Self Esteem without first meeting your social needs? Can you skip safety and go right to self actualization? Is it only the needs of the bottom layer that must be met before you can move on to other layers?