About Butches Q & A

fulltimefaking · 02-17-2015, 06:27 PM

I don't know if this is the right place to put this... but I would love to read about some butches experiences of dysphoria.

I'm 22 years old. I have been with girls since I was 14 and out of closet since then so that part is not a problem for me. I dressed and expressed myself rather feminine (with very little passion for it I can tell) until one year ago, when I started to buy "mens clothes". In the begin wearing "mens clothes" felt like being high, like I finally did something that was truly me. I cut my hair and so on.

Later last spring I started to be annoyed by my breast, mainly when I saw them in the mirror, but then it accelerated. Started to lie awake late at night and thinking of how it would be to have flat chest instead and longing for that. Longing in a really hurtful way. And I started to wish I would just wake up and look more like a guy. This is still going on (my attempts to suppress these feelings hasn't succeeded...) Sometimes I feel so disconnected from myself and my body. It is like that I'm some moments can get into some place where me having flat chest is real, and to get back to reality after that hurts so bad. I feel so much panic sometimes, when I realize there is no escape from this, from my body or from society. I feel like I don't want people to look at me, I can't stand anymore that they look at my body.
These feelings of panic worries me partly because I have a history of depression and self harming... I guess I am afraid that I will fall back

I have been trying to seek "explanations" for these feelings like, maybe I am a guy? (I know this is a super binary way of thinking). But I feel comfortable with female pronouns and most of the time with identifying as female. No other trans identities that I've read about makes sense for me either. I just feel like I am a masculine person, even if I don't now exactly what I mean when I say that.

I feel to scared to talk about this with anyone I know. I have mentioned this to my best friend but took it all back later, and said I just think it was a phase (lol). Actually I feel very lonely and disconnected from everything right now. I used to hang out a lot in feminist groups/enviorments, but lately I have just escaped all of that, doesn't feel like it is room for me there.

So, yeah, if someone would like to share it would be great to hear from some butches about your experience on dysphoria and how you are dealing with it.
I got to find a way to deal with this cause I won't be able to afford top surgery for probably another decade and someone like me would never pass the tests swedish doctors do before they provide free top surgery

Also, sorry if my english is not good, it is not my first language.

DapperButch · 02-17-2015, 09:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fulltimefaking

I don't know if this is the right place to put this... but I would love to read about some butches experiences of dysphoria.

I'm 22 years old. I have been with girls since I was 14 and out of closet since then so that part is not a problem for me. I dressed and expressed myself rather feminine (with very little passion for it I can tell) until one year ago, when I started to buy "mens clothes". In the begin wearing "mens clothes" felt like being high, like I finally did something that was truly me. I cut my hair and so on.

Later last spring I started to be annoyed by my breast, mainly when I saw them in the mirror, but then it accelerated. Started to lie awake late at night and thinking of how it would be to have flat chest instead and longing for that. Longing in a really hurtful way. And I started to wish I would just wake up and look more like a guy. This is still going on (my attempts to suppress these feelings hasn't succeeded...) Sometimes I feel so disconnected from myself and my body. It is like that I'm some moments can get into some place where me having flat chest is real, and to get back to reality after that hurts so bad. I feel so much panic sometimes, when I realize there is no escape from this, from my body or from society. I feel like I don't want people to look at me, I can't stand anymore that they look at my body.
These feelings of panic worries me partly because I have a history of depression and self harming... I guess I am afraid that I will fall back

I have been trying to seek "explanations" for these feelings like, maybe I am a guy? (I know this is a super binary way of thinking). But I feel comfortable with female pronouns and most of the time with identifying as female. No other trans identities that I've read about makes sense for me either. I just feel like I am a masculine person, even if I don't now exactly what I mean when I say that.

I feel to scared to talk about this with anyone I know. I have mentioned this to my best friend but took it all back later, and said I just think it was a phase (lol). Actually I feel very lonely and disconnected from everything right now. I used to hang out a lot in feminist groups/enviorments, but lately I have just escaped all of that, doesn't feel like it is room for me there.

So, yeah, if someone would like to share it would be great to hear from some butches about your experience on dysphoria and how you are dealing with it.
I got to find a way to deal with this cause I won't be able to afford top surgery for probably another decade and someone like me would never pass the tests swedish doctors do before they provide free top surgery

Also, sorry if my english is not good, it is not my first language.

There are definitely a number of butches who feel dysphoric about their chest, but you may want to consider that perhaps when it comes to your sex, you would identify as non-binary (betweeen male and female) or gender neutral (neither male nor female), and that this is what you are bumping up against, rather than it coming solely from a place of being (a) butch. One can be butch and still be something other than female or woman identified. You are by far not the only person who feels this way. I will PM you a link to a forum that you can check out if you don't get all your questions answered here.

You are not alone, my friend!

BullDog · 02-17-2015, 09:37 PM

I am completely comfortable as female and woman but also would prefer a flat chest and still hope to do something about that in the future. There are other butches that feel that way too. However you identify in terms of your gender and feel about your body, either now or in the future, just know that you are not alone and there is no one way to be female, male or any other expression. Best wishes.

BullDog · 02-17-2015, 09:43 PM

fulltimefaking,

Here is a thread you might want to read:

http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/foru...ead.php?t=6999

TruTexan · 02-17-2015, 10:39 PM

fulltimefaking,
You are not and never alone in how you feel. There are plenty of us butches out there that have gone through what you're dealing with. I am a female, woman identified lesbian butch, but I don't really care for my breasts, they to me are just things that make me look more like a girl more than I want to. When I worked in physical jobs, they'd get in the way of things I had to do. I always wanted to have smaller breasts that wouldn't stick out so much. Over the years, I've just learned to deal with it by accepting the fact that I have them and they are a part of my body whether I like it or not. I've never wanted Top Surgery, although there are others that have wanted that and did it.
However you feel is just that, how you feel about YOU. Allow yourself to go through your emotions, feelings and logic to see where you can find some kind of comfort. have you thought about binding? That is a way some of us have dealt with our breasts and some still do. There are bras out there you can get that are more flattening for you to a degree. I'm sure there's a thread around here someplace that talks about butches and binding. Try looking in the Butch Forum topics. There's tons of information there other than just that as well. Hang in there and don't ever be afraid to reach out to one of us here on the planet to talk to along with lots of others here as well. Come into chat sometime and meet a few of us and enjoy your stay here.
As Dapper and Bulldog have responded, they are some really great folks to talk to. Don't hesitate to initiate friendships on the site. You belong here just as much as we do. I'm glad you found us. Welcome to the Planet by the way.

Corkey · 02-17-2015, 10:48 PM

Hi. Be you, be the best you you can be. Be as nonconforming queer butch human being you can be. Welcome to the Planet, the place for being.

TruTexan · 02-18-2015, 08:04 PM

Hey Fulltimefaking,
I found a link to the Frog Bra thread Dapper started; check that out and see if you'd be interested in using that for while til you figure things out.

FROG BRA LINK

02-17-2015, 09:37 PM	#3
BullDog Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Dominant Stone Butch Daddy Preferred Pronoun?: She Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In A Healing Place Posts: 5,371 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,160 Thanked 22,640 Times in 4,463 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	I am completely comfortable as female and woman but also would prefer a flat chest and still hope to do something about that in the future. There are other butches that feel that way too. However you identify in terms of your gender and feel about your body, either now or in the future, just know that you are not alone and there is no one way to be female, male or any other expression. Best wishes. __________________ Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other. - Rainer Maria Rilke

02-17-2015, 09:43 PM	#4
BullDog Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Dominant Stone Butch Daddy Preferred Pronoun?: She Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In A Healing Place Posts: 5,371 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,160 Thanked 22,640 Times in 4,463 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	fulltimefaking, Here is a thread you might want to read: http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/foru...ead.php?t=6999 __________________ Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other. - Rainer Maria Rilke

02-17-2015, 10:39 PM	#5
TruTexan Senior Member How Do You Identify?: lesbian butch Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: in a one horse town in a large state, in the U.S. Posts: 3,952 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,112 Thanked 5,266 Times in 1,633 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	fulltimefaking, You are not and never alone in how you feel. There are plenty of us butches out there that have gone through what you're dealing with. I am a female, woman identified lesbian butch, but I don't really care for my breasts, they to me are just things that make me look more like a girl more than I want to. When I worked in physical jobs, they'd get in the way of things I had to do. I always wanted to have smaller breasts that wouldn't stick out so much. Over the years, I've just learned to deal with it by accepting the fact that I have them and they are a part of my body whether I like it or not. I've never wanted Top Surgery, although there are others that have wanted that and did it. However you feel is just that, how you feel about YOU. Allow yourself to go through your emotions, feelings and logic to see where you can find some kind of comfort. have you thought about binding? That is a way some of us have dealt with our breasts and some still do. There are bras out there you can get that are more flattening for you to a degree. I'm sure there's a thread around here someplace that talks about butches and binding. Try looking in the Butch Forum topics. There's tons of information there other than just that as well. Hang in there and don't ever be afraid to reach out to one of us here on the planet to talk to along with lots of others here as well. Come into chat sometime and meet a few of us and enjoy your stay here. As Dapper and Bulldog have responded, they are some really great folks to talk to. Don't hesitate to initiate friendships on the site. You belong here just as much as we do. I'm glad you found us. Welcome to the Planet by the way. __________________

02-17-2015, 10:48 PM	#6
Corkey Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Human Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Very Married Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Where I want to be Posts: 8,155 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 47,491 Thanked 29,268 Times in 6,637 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	Hi. Be you, be the best you you can be. Be as nonconforming queer butch human being you can be. Welcome to the Planet, the place for being. __________________ "Many proposals have been made to us to adopt your laws, your religion, your manners and your customs. We would be better pleased with beholding the good effects of these doctrines in your own practices, than with hearing you talk about them". ~Old Tassel, Chief of the Tsalagi (Cherokee)

02-18-2015, 08:04 PM	#7
TruTexan Senior Member How Do You Identify?: lesbian butch Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: in a one horse town in a large state, in the U.S. Posts: 3,952 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,112 Thanked 5,266 Times in 1,633 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Hey Fulltimefaking, I found a link to the Frog Bra thread Dapper started; check that out and see if you'd be interested in using that for while til you figure things out. FROG BRA LINK __________________

02-17-2015, 06:27 PM	#1
fulltimefaking Junior Member How Do You Identify?: queer butch Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: single Join Date: Feb 2015 Location: sweden Posts: 2 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 0 Thanked 18 Times in 2 Posts Rep Power: 0	I don't know if this is the right place to put this... but I would love to read about some butches experiences of dysphoria. I'm 22 years old. I have been with girls since I was 14 and out of closet since then so that part is not a problem for me. I dressed and expressed myself rather feminine (with very little passion for it I can tell) until one year ago, when I started to buy "mens clothes". In the begin wearing "mens clothes" felt like being high, like I finally did something that was truly me. I cut my hair and so on. Later last spring I started to be annoyed by my breast, mainly when I saw them in the mirror, but then it accelerated. Started to lie awake late at night and thinking of how it would be to have flat chest instead and longing for that. Longing in a really hurtful way. And I started to wish I would just wake up and look more like a guy. This is still going on (my attempts to suppress these feelings hasn't succeeded...) Sometimes I feel so disconnected from myself and my body. It is like that I'm some moments can get into some place where me having flat chest is real, and to get back to reality after that hurts so bad. I feel so much panic sometimes, when I realize there is no escape from this, from my body or from society. I feel like I don't want people to look at me, I can't stand anymore that they look at my body. These feelings of panic worries me partly because I have a history of depression and self harming... I guess I am afraid that I will fall back I have been trying to seek "explanations" for these feelings like, maybe I am a guy? (I know this is a super binary way of thinking). But I feel comfortable with female pronouns and most of the time with identifying as female. No other trans identities that I've read about makes sense for me either. I just feel like I am a masculine person, even if I don't now exactly what I mean when I say that. I feel to scared to talk about this with anyone I know. I have mentioned this to my best friend but took it all back later, and said I just think it was a phase (lol). Actually I feel very lonely and disconnected from everything right now. I used to hang out a lot in feminist groups/enviorments, but lately I have just escaped all of that, doesn't feel like it is room for me there. So, yeah, if someone would like to share it would be great to hear from some butches about your experience on dysphoria and how you are dealing with it. I got to find a way to deal with this cause I won't be able to afford top surgery for probably another decade and someone like me would never pass the tests swedish doctors do before they provide free top surgery Also, sorry if my english is not good, it is not my first language.