How we grieve

Gráinne · 04-15-2015, 12:29 AM

My mother died April 28, 19 years ago. Easily the first year, I was just numb. No real crying that I remember. I think it was because she had been in poor health and even though she died within a month of a pancreatic cancer diagnosis, it wasn't entirely unexpected and I came to peace with her. I missed her the most when I had a daughter of my own; they are so alike and would have absolutely loved one another. It hit me again when I received a photo album full of her pictures, and a recipe box with cards in her writing.

My father has been a different story. We were very close, and while he was in his 90's, his death was fairly sudden (again with the three weeks from diagnosis to death). I also never got to see him before his death. I think I'm grieving him a lot this month because I'm researching his family roots, and just attended that Scottish festival again and got reminded of him-again. He passed five years ago.

I think I'm "re-grieving" both of them because I just found my long-lost niece-their biological grandchild. She has told me that she has a book with their writing in it, which will stir things up all over again if/when I see her, and it. I know both of them always wanted to find her, and it was a grief that she was missing (it's a long story).

The biggest shock and grief this month has undoubtedly been Daktari. He was young and relatively vital, even with health problems. The other day, I was reading some old post of mine and he had "thanked" me for it. I bawled. I keep wanting to message him, or find a note for myself. Maybe that's selfish, but it's real.

NitroChrys_Butch · 04-15-2015, 04:21 AM

Want to anger Me to the point of no return. Tell Me you have driven drunk. You and I will have a long conversation about the selfishness of this act. I was just a kid and I lost my very best friend. Leigh. My sister. My confidant. My friend. My buddy. In a house of 5 girls ( yes, including me), Leigh was My anchor. Leigh was the one I talked to. See Leigh and I were alike in so many ways. Had Leigh lived, Leigh would be the one person who would have shaped Me more than any other individual. Leigh was My first experience with another butch. Leigh "got" Me. Leigh understood Me. Leigh. I could tell Leigh anything and everything would be okay. Then some ______________ (you fill in the blank.. I don't curse) took Leigh from Me. No warning. Gone. I was almost 15. And the day that Leigh was taken from Me ..it changed Me. I used to get angry over trival stuff. Now thanks to Leigh I had something important to get angry over. A __________________ who thought of nothing more than a good time took Leigh in an instant of stupidity. I suppose in some ways Leigh's death has meant something because truthfully, I have never driven drunk. I won't. To do so would not only discredit Leigh's life but I would never do that to My parents. I know their pain.

04-15-2015, 12:29 AM	#1
Gráinne Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Neither, nada, out of the box Preferred Pronoun?: My name always works Relationship Status: Happy whatever happens Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Little Rock Posts: 1,864 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,117 Thanked 7,388 Times in 1,457 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	My mother died April 28, 19 years ago. Easily the first year, I was just numb. No real crying that I remember. I think it was because she had been in poor health and even though she died within a month of a pancreatic cancer diagnosis, it wasn't entirely unexpected and I came to peace with her. I missed her the most when I had a daughter of my own; they are so alike and would have absolutely loved one another. It hit me again when I received a photo album full of her pictures, and a recipe box with cards in her writing. My father has been a different story. We were very close, and while he was in his 90's, his death was fairly sudden (again with the three weeks from diagnosis to death). I also never got to see him before his death. I think I'm grieving him a lot this month because I'm researching his family roots, and just attended that Scottish festival again and got reminded of him-again. He passed five years ago. I think I'm "re-grieving" both of them because I just found my long-lost niece-their biological grandchild. She has told me that she has a book with their writing in it, which will stir things up all over again if/when I see her, and it. I know both of them always wanted to find her, and it was a grief that she was missing (it's a long story). The biggest shock and grief this month has undoubtedly been Daktari. He was young and relatively vital, even with health problems. The other day, I was reading some old post of mine and he had "thanked" me for it. I bawled. I keep wanting to message him, or find a note for myself. Maybe that's selfish, but it's real. __________________ The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ~Erma Bombeck

04-15-2015, 04:21 AM	#2
NitroChrys_Butch Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Cape May Point NJ Posts: 269 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 878 Thanked 703 Times in 199 Posts Rep Power: 3072718	Want to anger Me to the point of no return. Tell Me you have driven drunk. You and I will have a long conversation about the selfishness of this act. I was just a kid and I lost my very best friend. Leigh. My sister. My confidant. My friend. My buddy. In a house of 5 girls ( yes, including me), Leigh was My anchor. Leigh was the one I talked to. See Leigh and I were alike in so many ways. Had Leigh lived, Leigh would be the one person who would have shaped Me more than any other individual. Leigh was My first experience with another butch. Leigh "got" Me. Leigh understood Me. Leigh. I could tell Leigh anything and everything would be okay. Then some ______________ (you fill in the blank.. I don't curse) took Leigh from Me. No warning. Gone. I was almost 15. And the day that Leigh was taken from Me ..it changed Me. I used to get angry over trival stuff. Now thanks to Leigh I had something important to get angry over. A __________________ who thought of nothing more than a good time took Leigh in an instant of stupidity. I suppose in some ways Leigh's death has meant something because truthfully, I have never driven drunk. I won't. To do so would not only discredit Leigh's life but I would never do that to My parents. I know their pain. __________________ “Hy who risks and fails can be forgiven. Hy who never risks and never fails is a failure in Hys whole being.”