Butch visibility

[MsTinkerbelly]

Originally Posted by MasterfulButch

Thanks for the input.

It feels like I’m inadvertently taking away her choice as to outing herself and for situations like this where it has negative ramifications, that’s something I’m struggling to reconcile.

I'm not butch, so excuse me for butting in on the butch thread. I bolded the part that spoke to me....

The proudest moments in MY everyday life, are the moments when i am on my Kasey's arm (butch/gender male), and i am seen as her wife. I am not "seen" as queer or femme most other times. I won't go into how we deal with the attention, Dapper gave good feedback on that.

Your lady chooses to "out" herself when she steps out with you, enjoy that blessing.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by MasterfulButch

I’m just bothered that she’d find herself in that position in the first place. It feels like I’m inadvertently taking away her choice as to outing herself and for situations like this where it has negative ramifications, that’s something I’m struggling to reconcile.

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

The proudest moments in MY everyday life, are the moments when i am on my Kasey's arm (butch/gender male),

Your lady chooses to "out" herself when she steps out with you, enjoy that blessing.

It is true that for the femmes who choose masculine looking butches (who are therefore assumed to be lesbian), they are outing themselves. However, they know that and they are choosing to be with you. What Ms. Tinkerbelly said and what Anya said after her I have heard before from partners. These women feel proud when they are with us. For some femmes they appreciate the visibility that being with a masculine female bodied person affords them.

The bottom line is that your partner knows she is outing herself when she is with you and she knows that things could become uncomfortable at times. It kind of comes with the territory of dating a butch. We are lucky indeed.

Side note, it is kind of weird that you haven't brought this up to her. If you have, and she says it isn't a problem, believe her!

Good discussion. Thanks for bringing it to the thread.

[Ascot]

I'm so happy to see that this thread still has a pulse.

Reading the last several posts about Femmes so beautifully choosing to out themselves every time they accompany us has me thinking about how it feels to be the other party in that configuration. I've certainly had the experience of feeling...cushioned. That's the closest word I can find for how it feels. Even as I feel more of everything I am, there's also a softness that seems to hover mere millimeters above everything. I'm pretty sure my walk changes a bit. Sometimes my biceps tighten, my shoulders straighten. I can feel my pride on my skin. Shit that might really annoy me when flying solo often becomes really funny with a partner in crime.

The feeling I don't have to carry is how suddenly people are seeing me differently. Likely no one's perception of me has changed because someone else of a certain sort is by my side. I get to be the same masculinely inclined dyke everyone always sees. I understand how many Femmes love having the validation and enjoy, even knowing the possible risks when being seen with us, finally being seen the way they see themselves. I love that our being with you can afford you that.

Thank you taking that on every time you step out with us.

[Daisy Chain]

Originally Posted by Ascot

I'm so happy to see that this thread still has a pulse.

Reading the last several posts about Femmes so beautifully choosing to out themselves every time they accompany us has me thinking about how it feels to be the other party in that configuration. I've certainly had the experience of feeling...cushioned. That's the closest word I can find for how it feels. Even as I feel more of everything I am, there's also a softness that seems to hover mere millimeters above everything. I'm pretty sure my walk changes a bit. Sometimes my biceps tighten, my shoulders straighten. I can feel my pride on my skin. Shit that might really annoy me when flying solo often becomes really funny with a partner in crime.

The feeling I don't have to carry is how suddenly people are seeing me differently. Likely no one's perception of me has changed because someone else of a certain sort is by my side. I get to be the same masculinely inclined dyke everyone always sees. I understand how many Femmes love having the validation and enjoy, even knowing the possible risks when being seen with us, finally being seen the way they see themselves. I love that our being with you can afford you that.

Thank you taking that on every time you step out with us.

Beautiful post Ascot. Thank you for sharing that.

Daisy

[Ascot]

I think this is a good place for this. Some might find it a tad long, but it is nonetheless interesting.

http://www.afterellen.com/tv/443117-butch-back

[Femminator]

Just a few days ago my Butch and I went to the Fair and took our girls for the day. They are teens so they went off to ride the rides and enjoy themselves, leaving just my Butch and myself to shop vendors and enjoy the sites. My Butch carried my packages for me, and we stopped while she got me my favorite, Cotton Candy. We were walking away and she helped to guide me through the crowd with a hand at the small of my back, when I noticed these two guys giving her a dirty look. I put my chin up and strode on past them, not even giving them any regard. I am ALWAYS proud to be with my Butch. It honestly worries her more than it does me, but it's because she fears for my safety. She told me if anything were to ever happen, I was to run and not look back.

[JDeere]

BUMP BUMP

I brought this topic up for discussion in a facebook group that I belong to, so far not many responses but this thread pretty much has summed up how some butches feel.