What TO DO in a relationship..... - Page 10

Tawse · 09-07-2011, 06:27 PM

accept the fact that you're going to argue

make an agreement that if the argument gets too passionate - you'll drop it so that both of you can calm down.

make an agreement that the disagreement will be readdressed when both are in a better head space.

understand that you both need to have your own life, you don't have to share every facet of your lives with each other.

understand that there will be times where it will be much easier to walk away from each other than to stay and work it out - make an agreement that barring "deal breakers" you'll both strive as hard as possible to work it out.

Remember that people tend to make serious changes in their lives every 7 years or so - as a couple you have to learn to grow together. Don't think that the person you're with today will be the same person 10 years from now - or vice versa. We all change.

When it comes to arguing - ask yourself "Is this the beach I want to die on" Chances are - it's not.

When you argue - never call each other names. It will destroy your relationship. Plain and simple. There's not a single successful healthy long term relationship that contains name calling when arguing.

Understand that your sex life will at times not be a significant part of your life - for various reasons.

Also understand that even if your partner doesn't have a high sex drive it doesn't mean that you can't masturbate - or that they wouldn't enjoy watching you do such.. who knows what it may spark

teasing is one thing - picking on a sensitive subject is another thing. Find out the difference for your partner.

you're going to at some point (probably multiple times during the course of the relationship) take each other for granted - it's a natural human condition. Talk to your partner if you feel that is happening.

Learn how to take constructive criticism.

Buy your partner small knickknack gifts randomly just for the hell of it. It lets them know you're thinking about them.

You and your partner should have this room in your relationship that no one else can go to. This is a figurative room - a room where you and he/she share each others secrets - a room where you talk to each other more than and about more subjects than you talk to anyone else. If you find yourself building a room with someone else - and starting to tell that person more than you tell your partner - you're asking for trouble. Serious trouble.

girl_dee · 09-07-2011, 06:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElijahRene

For the love that all that is holy, above all else, Make a Good Choice!! Do not excuse bad behavior early in the relationship and think...."If I just love them enough they will change." It's not going to happen, in fact, it almost always gets worse. So trust your gut and believe that you deserve "xyz", whatever that is for you. Remember, we teach people how to treat us. /rant

~Elijah

Now this is some damn good advice. Although I do find it strange when people say to me * I love you!! Now change ...*

Liam · 09-22-2011, 08:00 AM

Never assume anything.

*Anya* · 09-22-2011, 08:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElijahRene

For the love that all that is holy, above all else, Make a Good Choice!! Do not excuse bad behavior early in the relationship and think...."If I just love them enough they will change." It's not going to happen, in fact, it almost always gets worse. So trust your gut and believe that you deserve "xyz", whatever that is for you. Remember, we teach people how to treat us. /rant

~Elijah

OMG! Truer words have never been spoken.

I still have a hard time forgiving myself for wasting so many years living for that big change and not trusting my own gut and common sense!

If someone cheats on you once: They Will Do It Again!!!

macele · 09-22-2011, 09:34 AM

if she makes a great pecan pie,
tell her that you want one for supper tonight!!

Bard · 09-22-2011, 10:46 AM

take time to go fishing even bait her hook I think it is all the little things kind of like a glue that binds
when I look at her I don't think well I wish she would change I look and see the face that I want to be the last thing I see at night and the first thing I see in the morning.. I would not change a thing

Apocalipstic · 09-22-2011, 11:39 AM

Be a sweet, kind lover.

starryeyes · 09-22-2011, 01:08 PM

never forget the butterflies you first felt when you met them... :-)

Starry

Liam · 09-22-2011, 03:55 PM

Take responsibility for your own feelings.

Quintease · 09-22-2011, 04:29 PM

Don't let the pets sneak into the bedroom and wake him up when his alarm is going off at 5am...

Corkey · 09-22-2011, 04:32 PM

Listen

--------

Ebon · 09-22-2011, 04:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Corkey

Listen

--------

What's that now?

Corkey · 09-22-2011, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ebon

What's that now?

Q-tips?

_______

ruffryder · 09-22-2011, 05:40 PM

DON'T GIVE UP ON SOMEONE YOU CAN'T GO A DAY WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT.

HOLD HER AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE AND JUST BE.

Lazy Daze · 09-23-2011, 05:44 AM

Do what works for you and your partner, don't let others tell you how your relationship Should be.

Laugh together everyday at all the crazy stuff you encounter

Share everything~ feelings, the bed, the covers (hint hint honey!), even your ice cream cone

Don't be afraid, don't expect to be hurt, don't keep your guard up. They are not your past, and they shouldn't have to pay for what the past has done to you

Communicate!!!

Love with all you have, and accept the love you are given~ he has shown me what it is truly like to be LOVED and I am completely in love with him bc of it

Tawse · 09-23-2011, 05:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lazy Daze

Share everything~ even your ice cream cone

She better not touch my ice cream.. them's fighten words.. O.o I'll buy her her own ice cream.. or make her her own dish... O.o lol

somethings are just sacred lol

Lazy Daze · 09-23-2011, 06:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tawse

She better not touch my ice cream.. them's fighten words.. O.o I'll buy her her own ice cream.. or make her her own dish... O.o lol

somethings are just sacred lol

His ice cream and gelatto always tastes waaaaaaay better than mine tho! Lol

Tawse · 09-23-2011, 06:57 AM

LOL Funny enough - that's what Gillian always says.. even if we order the same ice cream.

I've also noticed when we order appetizers - she eats all the food on "my" side of the bowl/plate before starting on her side...

I have my eye on you ladies... lol

Abigail Crabby · 09-23-2011, 07:19 AM

Make time for each other..........and the other side of that token - make time for yourselves.

No one can *be* your everything - do all the things you like to do together, but don't forget you had friends and family before the relationship.....make time for them just as you did before.

Tuck lil notes in their lunchbox, bag, purse etc

Be silly together - Life is too short to be too serious all the the time.

Be each other's support system, even if you can't mend the hurt or upset, you can listen and just be there for them.

Be you always - You are the person they fell for -

Accept them as they are - if you've made the right decision you don't need to try to change them.

Be true to him/her and most of all be true to yourself.

If you argue - be kind - words hurt, name calling hurts....

Go to neutral corners until you can comunicate on adult levels -

Most of all - love with with all you have, but always love yourself as much.

Remember they fell in love with you - not the you they want you to be.

Remember you fell in love with them, not the them you want them to be.

LaneyDoll · 09-23-2011, 07:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Abigail Crabby

If you argue - be kind - words hurt, name calling hurts....

OMG you are so right!!! Even words that seem harmless carry a huge sting. I will get over the fight but those words stick. I always wonder, "Do I really seem needy/ridiculous/mean?"

09-22-2011, 08:00 AM	#183
Liam Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Guy Preferred Pronoun?: He, Him, His Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The Evergreen State Posts: 2,269 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 14,865 Thanked 6,876 Times in 1,861 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Never assume anything. __________________ <3 Love is weird.

09-22-2011, 10:46 AM	#186
Bard Family Man How Do You Identify?: TG Male Preferred Pronoun?: Masculine ones Relationship Status: She just gets me Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ..... Posts: 2,828 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,997 Thanked 12,786 Times in 2,431 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	take time to go fishing even bait her hook I think it is all the little things kind of like a glue that binds when I look at her I don't think well I wish she would change I look and see the face that I want to be the last thing I see at night and the first thing I see in the morning.. I would not change a thing __________________ This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill Fifteen percent concentrated power of will Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain And a hundred percent reason to remember the name! Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Don't dream it, be it.

09-22-2011, 11:39 AM	#187
Apocalipstic Pink Confection How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, Ma'am Relationship Status: Dating Myself Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Nashville Posts: 4,266 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,195 Thanked 11,361 Times in 2,838 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Be a sweet, kind lover. __________________

09-22-2011, 03:55 PM	#189
Liam Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Guy Preferred Pronoun?: He, Him, His Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The Evergreen State Posts: 2,269 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 14,865 Thanked 6,876 Times in 1,861 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Take responsibility for your own feelings. __________________ <3 Love is weird.

09-22-2011, 04:29 PM	#190
Quintease Member How Do You Identify?: Rainbow femme Preferred Pronoun?: princess Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: United Kingdom Posts: 514 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 508 Thanked 1,817 Times in 417 Posts Rep Power: 10560327	Don't let the pets sneak into the bedroom and wake him up when his alarm is going off at 5am... __________________ It is not worth an intelligent person's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that.

09-07-2011, 06:27 PM	#181
Tawse Member How Do You Identify?: TG Gender Queer Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Atlanta Posts: 730 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,973 Thanked 2,733 Times in 642 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	accept the fact that you're going to argue make an agreement that if the argument gets too passionate - you'll drop it so that both of you can calm down. make an agreement that the disagreement will be readdressed when both are in a better head space. understand that you both need to have your own life, you don't have to share every facet of your lives with each other. understand that there will be times where it will be much easier to walk away from each other than to stay and work it out - make an agreement that barring "deal breakers" you'll both strive as hard as possible to work it out. Remember that people tend to make serious changes in their lives every 7 years or so - as a couple you have to learn to grow together. Don't think that the person you're with today will be the same person 10 years from now - or vice versa. We all change. When it comes to arguing - ask yourself "Is this the beach I want to die on" Chances are - it's not. When you argue - never call each other names. It will destroy your relationship. Plain and simple. There's not a single successful healthy long term relationship that contains name calling when arguing. Understand that your sex life will at times not be a significant part of your life - for various reasons. Also understand that even if your partner doesn't have a high sex drive it doesn't mean that you can't masturbate - or that they wouldn't enjoy watching you do such.. who knows what it may spark teasing is one thing - picking on a sensitive subject is another thing. Find out the difference for your partner. you're going to at some point (probably multiple times during the course of the relationship) take each other for granted - it's a natural human condition. Talk to your partner if you feel that is happening. Learn how to take constructive criticism. Buy your partner small knickknack gifts randomly just for the hell of it. It lets them know you're thinking about them. You and your partner should have this room in your relationship that no one else can go to. This is a figurative room - a room where you and he/she share each others secrets - a room where you talk to each other more than and about more subjects than you talk to anyone else. If you find yourself building a room with someone else - and starting to tell that person more than you tell your partner - you're asking for trouble. Serious trouble.

09-22-2011, 09:34 AM	#185
macele Member How Do You Identify?: a bold-assed maximus Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: mississippi Posts: 1,066 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,178 Thanked 3,231 Times in 847 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	if she makes a great pecan pie, tell her that you want one for supper tonight!!

09-22-2011, 01:08 PM	#188
starryeyes Senior Member How Do You Identify?: a round peg in a square hole Preferred Pronoun?: Guess... Relationship Status: Seat taken Join Date: May 2011 Location: Rocky Mountain High Posts: 2,491 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,199 Thanked 10,052 Times in 2,076 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	never forget the butterflies you first felt when you met them... :-) Starry

09-22-2011, 04:32 PM	#191
Corkey Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Human Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Very Married Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Where I want to be Posts: 8,155 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 47,491 Thanked 29,270 Times in 6,637 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	Listen -------- __________________ "Many proposals have been made to us to adopt your laws, your religion, your manners and your customs. We would be better pleased with beholding the good effects of these doctrines in your own practices, than with hearing you talk about them". ~Old Tassel, Chief of the Tsalagi (Cherokee)

09-22-2011, 05:40 PM	#194
ruffryder Senior Member How Do You Identify?: FTM Preferred Pronoun?: guy ones Relationship Status: ... Join Date: May 2011 Location: chillin' in FL Posts: 3,690 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 21,951 Thanked 9,679 Times in 2,875 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	DON'T GIVE UP ON SOMEONE YOU CAN'T GO A DAY WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT. HOLD HER AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE AND JUST BE.

09-23-2011, 05:44 AM	#195
Lazy Daze Member How Do You Identify?: * Preferred Pronoun?: * Relationship Status: * Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: * Posts: 1,036 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,665 Thanked 2,808 Times in 745 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Do what works for you and your partner, don't let others tell you how your relationship Should be. Laugh together everyday at all the crazy stuff you encounter Share everything~ feelings, the bed, the covers (hint hint honey!), even your ice cream cone Don't be afraid, don't expect to be hurt, don't keep your guard up. They are not your past, and they shouldn't have to pay for what the past has done to you Communicate!!! Love with all you have, and accept the love you are given~ he has shown me what it is truly like to be LOVED and I am completely in love with him bc of it __________________ *In a world where you can be anything..be Yourself*

09-23-2011, 06:57 AM	#198
Tawse Member How Do You Identify?: TG Gender Queer Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Atlanta Posts: 730 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,973 Thanked 2,733 Times in 642 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	LOL Funny enough - that's what Gillian always says.. even if we order the same ice cream. I've also noticed when we order appetizers - she eats all the food on "my" side of the bowl/plate before starting on her side... I have my eye on you ladies... lol

09-23-2011, 07:19 AM	#199
Abigail Crabby Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Queer Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Princess Relationship Status: Single, but sociable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Mount Airy, NC Posts: 4,226 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 14,554 Thanked 9,668 Times in 2,484 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Make time for each other..........and the other side of that token - make time for yourselves. No one can be your everything - do all the things you like to do together, but don't forget you had friends and family before the relationship.....make time for them just as you did before. Tuck lil notes in their lunchbox, bag, purse etc Be silly together - Life is too short to be too serious all the the time. Be each other's support system, even if you can't mend the hurt or upset, you can listen and just be there for them. Be you always - You are the person they fell for - Accept them as they are - if you've made the right decision you don't need to try to change them. Be true to him/her and most of all be true to yourself. If you argue - be kind - words hurt, name calling hurts.... Go to neutral corners until you can comunicate on adult levels - Most of all - love with with all you have, but always love yourself as much. Remember they fell in love with you - not the you they want you to be. Remember you fell in love with them, not the them you want them to be. __________________ Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. Marcel Proust Turns whatever happens to you into a positive...