A question for the Femmes

[starryeyes]

There is someone out there for everyone. She just wasn't your "one". You said you just started putting yourself out there, be patient. It takes time, and just cause you strike out the first time doesn't mean you are doomed forever.

As far as the monetary situation goes, money is important to some and not to others. It bothered her, so she isn't for you. Financial stability is very important to some, not so much for others. I don't think anyone should knock her for that.

When I am dating, I look for partners who are in similar financial situations as me, who have stability and who can support the lifestyle we want to live together. There is nothing wrong with that. It would be hard for me to date someone unemployed, as I am an extremely hard worker and look to date butches who have the same ethic. It is just what I want :-)

Smiles and good luck to you... hugs. You will find your one, I promise!

[Scuba]

Originally Posted by uniquetobeme

Making friends is a good way to ease back into dating and you may meet some neat people.

I totally agree with you Uniquetobeme. Sometimes I think we as humans, regardless of gender or sexual preference, forget what it means to actually get to know someone. Dating is great and a lot of fun but whatever happened to getting to know someone BEFORE you ask them out on a date.

My philosophy on all of this is simple. Initial physical attraction can be a really strong force in motivating us to ask a person out on a date (it makes us do crazy, silly things as well). However, it clouds our judgment. If things don't work out for this reason or that we are disappointed. Get to know someone as a friend first. Remove those dating expectations from the equation e.g who pays for what and how much and are you crazy or sane. You'll find out all of this information in a friendship as well AND forgo the dating disappointment. Ask for a date only AFTER you have seen them at their worst and their best.

Bottom line for me...If you a are unable to see me first as a human being and a potential friend then dating is out of the question. AND this has NOTHING to do with how much money you make or what issues you think plague you. It has EVERYTHING to do with integrity, honesty and love.

Keep putting yourself out there. Create those strong friendships and see where things lead from there. When you are strong and confident in your own life, money be damned and issues be damned, than that special someone will see this in you.

Call me old fashion and crazy...Scoobs

PS...Don't see a "no" as rejection. This means you are personalizing someone else's decisions in life. A "no" has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the person who says no.

[kannon]

Drew, I wanted to discuss a couple of points with you. First, PTSD is a treatable disorder. I'm not sure about your unique circumstances but many people do overcome the debilitating effects of PTSD.

Certainly, there is an appeal about someone who makes a decent living. Nothing wrong with a woman who values security. However, I don't think most femmes focus on a butch's or masculine ID'd income. I've found that what women want, or is drawn to in a partner, really depends on what they value. It's different for each woman. For some, it may be monetary, or it could be, chemistry, personality, intelligence, physical characteristics, etc or any combination.

Finally, if you decide to date, make sure it's your decision to do so and not the result of prodding from someone else.

No one likes to be rejected but it happens. Try not to take it personally.

Good luck.

[mariamma]

Not to be too preachy but...I do energy work. Meaning, I work hormones, neurotransmitters and other trace protein structures that cause us to feel what we feel. Anxiety is from too much ACTH, epi/norepi, etc. and not enough oxytocin, etc. Vasopressin has helped some people with PTSD. Here's a link to a NPR segment.
http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2012...-by-ptsd?sc=tw
Be well

[Queerasfck]

Yeah Drew, who cares about one rejection? I had to stop counting mine when I was single. Fuck that. Move on and go find what you really want.

[lisa93]

Of course you should try. I worked with PTSD patients before and many were in loving relationships.

[JDeere]

I know this is the femme zone but i need a bit of help or advice from y'all.

Do y'all think it would be inappropriate for me to bring my ex flowers for when we go out to celebrate her birthday? She asked me to take her out and i abliged to this outing for both of us, granted we are best friends and not getting back together but would flowers be okay or do y'all think it would insinuate something else?

[imperfect_cupcake]

Depends on the person.
My friends give me flowers and from some exes it would be fine because they give flowers to their friends as well, for no reason. But some exes, it would be inapropritate because I know how they feel about flowers - for them it's totally tied to "date" and "what butches do for femmes." I wouldn't want flowers from those exes, it would feel like there was something they were trying to say with them that I didn't want to hear.

[Esme nha Maire]

I agree with Cupcake, JDeere. If you're the kind of person that likes buying small gifts for friends, then your side of the equation is OK. If your ex is the kind of person who doesnt 'read between the lines' about every darned thing, then her side is OK - if both Ok, buy 'em.

I know if me or my ex bought flowers for the other under the circumstances you describe, either of us would be fine with it. It'd be quite odd coming from her, as she almost never did buy flowers for me, but our partnership died many years ago, and that's not going to rekindle. She also knows that I liek surprising folk with unexpected gofts, so she wouldn;t think anything other than that it would be odd, as I know she doesn't like cut flowers, but she'd appreciate the thought behind the gift.

If she likes cut flowers, and other factors - your personalities, as noted above - don't indicate otherwise, then IMO it'd be a nice gesture. But only you can know whether she;d view a gift of flowers as having an ulterior motive.

[JDeere]

Im buying flowers but not roses. To her roses are romantic. A nice bouquet will do.