05-14-2016, 04:09 AM | #461 |
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butch Join Date: Mar 2015
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Roomie: I wonder what kind of bird that is...
Me: I think it's an oriole. Roomie: Never heard of it. Me: You never heard of an oriole? Roomie: Nope. Me: How could you never hear of an oriole? There's even a baseball team with that name... the Baltimore Orioles.... Roomie: Oh. I thought they were named after the cookie. Me: The cookie?.....(momentarily stumped, then...)You mean Oreos?
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Compassion is an action word with no boundaries.-Prince |
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05-28-2016, 12:18 AM | #462 |
☆ the stars are aligned ☆
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strong, independent, badass redhead Preferred Pronoun?:
babygirl, buttercup, sugah Relationship Status:
married to my Boo Daddy <3 Join Date: Feb 2010
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Boyfriend leans over, rubs my butt and says:
It's like Buddha's belly...but Shannon's butt! |
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06-21-2016, 07:40 PM | #463 |
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Full Flavor Femme Join Date: Apr 2011
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Last night was a full moon. Impulsively, I began howling while I was driving. I tried to coax my daughter into howling with me. She wasn't going to play with me, coaxing, begging, threatening...nada. So, I continued to howl because it's ridiculously fun. As we pull into the garage and I turn off the car, my daughter looks at me very seriously and says,"You're ruining this family with your behavior."
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06-22-2016, 03:42 PM | #464 |
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Full Flavor Femme Join Date: Apr 2011
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My 15 year old asked me for her social security card because she was filling out an application for a job. I told her that we'd have to get a new card. As she is walking off I hear, "Great, Donald Trump is going to deport me."
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04-30-2017, 12:35 AM | #465 |
☆ the stars are aligned ☆
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strong, independent, badass redhead Preferred Pronoun?:
babygirl, buttercup, sugah Relationship Status:
married to my Boo Daddy <3 Join Date: Feb 2010
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*as we're playing Super Smash Brothers at 1 a.m. as Donkey and Diddy Kong, and during a boss fight he jumps in front of me and gets blasted away*
"I got you, boo - even as a big hairy gorilla I still protect you!" |
04-14-2018, 10:39 PM | #466 |
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I am your favorite hello and hardest goodbye. Join Date: Nov 2009
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His reaction to all the boxes of baby wipes I bought at action..
Blade: Did we have a baby I don't know about?
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She has been through hell, so believe me when I say, fear her when she looks into a fire and smiles. ~E.Corona~ |
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04-15-2018, 04:00 AM | #467 |
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once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010
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As I was drfting off to sleep in the recliner, I hear my roomie say stop licking my bellybutton! I open my eyes to see Briar sitting on her lap and her cracking up, saying she's (Briar) never seen my bellybutton.
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Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it. |
04-15-2018, 10:29 AM | #468 |
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Mom, a body has been found in the park near town.
A dead one.
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Formerly known as Daisy Chain I am half agony, half hope, Jane Austen
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04-30-2018, 09:29 PM | #469 |
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With my momma standing in the kitchen as an innocent bystander...I asked a friend if they liked the treat I brought them?
With a very delighted look on their face, they responded "Yes! I like it like that so I can suck on it!" I didn't know beef jerky required sucking on it.
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She has been through hell, so believe me when I say, fear her when she looks into a fire and smiles. ~E.Corona~ |
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04-30-2018, 09:39 PM | #470 |
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I am your favorite hello and hardest goodbye. Join Date: Nov 2009
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Later, after mom had moved to the couch...
I asked that same friend if I should use a certain roll of material to make an easier path to the table for momma at camp? They warned me "absolutely not, that stuff's slicker than a minner." I turned to mom to tell her "he usually says "slicker than a minner's dick." He gets all goofy faced and says "Yes, I usually do, but never in front of your mom". I thought mom was gonna leave a puddle from laughing so hard. (Btw..."minner" is Southern for minnow.)
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She has been through hell, so believe me when I say, fear her when she looks into a fire and smiles. ~E.Corona~ |
07-08-2018, 04:15 PM | #471 |
Timed Out - Permanent
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Ummmm I think the sheep have escaped again. .. followed by...
F*ck. |
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09-13-2018, 05:59 AM | #472 |
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Me, myself and I Join Date: Sep 2011
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Now that school is back in session three of my nephews come here before and after school.
Yesterday I was sitting outside with them while they were riding their bikes. The seat on the bike that the 11 yr. old was riding tilted back and as he called it "slingshotted his balls". As I proceeded to fix the seat to kept this from happening again the three boys had "ball talk" for at least the next 30 minutes. The things these boys say. |
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09-13-2018, 10:20 AM | #473 | |
Practically Lives Here
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Butch Relationship Status:
..... Join Date: Nov 2009
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Quote:
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09-13-2018, 03:48 PM | #474 |
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b. grrl Join Date: Nov 2009
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::from the desk of the honey badger:: "fyi, remember the woman who gave the Trump motorcade the finger from her bike?" (me) "yes?" .............."well she's running for office" (wry smile~ from the honey badger..."she'll get my vote" (me) "ha...mine too"
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"All cruelty springs from weakness" Seneca |
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09-13-2018, 08:47 PM | #475 | |
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femme *blows a kiss off my finger tips ** Preferred Pronoun?:
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oy
Quote:
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~ Always, ocean |
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09-14-2018, 05:56 AM | #476 |
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09-29-2019, 12:04 PM | #477 |
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Me, myself and I Join Date: Sep 2011
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My nephew Jefferson: Is it rare for a dog and a bird to mate?
Me: (laughing) Very, very rare! |
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10-06-2019, 08:16 PM | #478 |
Infamous Member
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once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010
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Well it did not get heard because I caught myself before I said it. But I almost said I don't like those big old balls in my mouth. Referencing huge meatballs
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Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it. |
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