What Cracked You Up Today? - Page 25

starryeyes · 02-22-2012, 11:31 PM

The person I was working with today. Really!? never worked with someone who looked or acted so unprofessional in my entire career. I wonder how these people don't get weeded out of the field... very interesting. Needless to say, I did crack up!

Slowpurr · 02-23-2012, 07:16 PM

Don't blame Serge, he had a traumatic childhood.

genghisfawn · 02-23-2012, 07:45 PM

Hearing someone say, "squat and cough" (and not like you'd think.) I swear my sense of humour belongs to someone who's 8 years old and male.

BrutalDaddy · 05-03-2012, 08:44 PM

Femmsational and I were watching a new game show called Total Blackout.

Purpose of show is playing on people's fears and phobias by having them compete in complete darkness. One of the contestants was this hilarious gay guy who just had us laughing until it came time for the contestants to rely on their sense of smell to guess what the "object" is.

He slides the little slot back, takes a huge sniff and goes...."Ooooo I know this one!"

.............It was a man's ass.......ROTF!!!!!

And yes, he finally guessed it right. lol.

spritzerJ · 05-03-2012, 09:06 PM

First grade boy says to me... "what happened to your lips?"
Me: that is lip gloss.
first grade boy: "oh, and what happened to your eyes?"
me: "eye shadow. it is make up and it is normal sometimes."
first grade boy: "well it is new on you."

femmsational · 05-18-2012, 07:03 PM

LMAO!!!

The Brutal One just got home from 5 days on the road. First time in....7 years....I think, that we've been apart that long. First thing he does is hug me and then we start talking. I notice that his eyes are much lower than normal. Like not looking at my face. So I ignore it thinking that his neck is probably sore from driving. He goes to change and comes back out of the room and walks through the living room, once again he's talking.......to somewhere lower than normal. I still think, eh, maybe he's just tired and doesn't realize what he's doing. Couple minutes later, we're in the kitchen getting pizza. Brute reaches for the plate I'm handing him and this time there is NO mistaking where he's looking. LMAO!!! I totally called him on it and it embarressed the heck outta him.

So what cracked me up is that obviously when we are apart for a period of time, he reverts back to a 13 year old boy going through puberty. LOL~~~

Still cracking up!!!

julie

BrutalDaddy · 05-18-2012, 08:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by femmsational

LMAO!!!

The Brutal One just got home from 5 days on the road. First time in....7 years....I think, that we've been apart that long. First thing he does is hug me and then we start talking. I notice that his eyes are much lower than normal. Like not looking at my face. So I ignore it thinking that his neck is probably sore from driving. He goes to change and comes back out of the room and walks through the living room, once again he's talking.......to somewhere lower than normal. I still think, eh, maybe he's just tired and doesn't realize what he's doing. Couple minutes later, we're in the kitchen getting pizza. Brute reaches for the plate I'm handing him and this time there is NO mistaking where he's looking. LMAO!!! I totally called him on it and it embarressed the heck outta him.

So what cracked me up is that obviously when we are apart for a period of time, he reverts back to a 13 year old boy going through puberty. LOL~~~

Still cracking up!!!

julie

Erm........... Okay, okay..........YES! I was staring at them alright?!

How was I supposed to know that being gone for 7 days would cause me revert back to being a 13 year old boy going through puberty?!?!?!

Oh Yes They Are Good To Look At,
Brute.

*Anya* · 05-18-2012, 09:21 PM

Now these cracked me up today, lol!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kobi

The local newspaper published an article on "some of the worst analogies written by high school students". These are amusing yet also kind of sad. Hope these kids dont have to take the MAT's.

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli and he was room-temperature beef.
The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbarge truck backing up.
The red brick wall was the color of a red brick crayola crayon.
The sardines were packed as tight as the coach section of a 747.
Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.
It came down the stairs looking much like something no one had ever seen before.
The sunset displayed rich, spectacular hues like a .jpeg file at 10% cyan, 10% magenta, 60%yellow, and 10% black.

http://bethanyamandamiller.wordpress.com

bunni · 05-18-2012, 09:53 PM

This:
http://www.regretsy.com/2012/05/12/w...family-tithes/

Rook · 05-19-2012, 10:15 PM

WingsOnFire · 05-19-2012, 11:59 PM

Watching my beagle growl and bark at the sliding glass door... and trying to convince her that it is HER reflection.. lol.. That was funny...

always2late · 05-20-2012, 01:04 AM

jac · 05-20-2012, 04:49 AM

Not sure if I have already put this in here sometime in the past ( I don't think so) but I'm too lazy right now to look and it's too early to care sooooo....

This woman walks into an ice cream shop and asks...

woman: can I have a chocolate cone?
attendent: we don't have any.
woman: oh. can I have a cup with a scoop of chocolate then?
attendent: we don't have any.
woman: well, then can I have a mix of chocolate and vanilla?
attendent: *deep frustrated sigh* do you see the "straw" in strawberry?
woman: uh huh?
attendent: do you see the "van" in vanilla?
woman: yes!
attendent: do you see the "freak" in chocolate?
woman: there is no freakin' chocolate!
attendent: THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU!!

Have a nce day... and don't be pissin' off the ice cream attendent today!!

Morgan · 05-20-2012, 12:47 PM

scootebaby · 05-20-2012, 01:27 PM

reading my Here & now post and realizing i used Cowboi's answer for where i was leaving for

reckon i need to pay closer attention!

LaneyDoll · 05-20-2012, 01:31 PM

I was on the phone with my mom, trying to get her the tech support number for Kindle. I gave her the number then said, "Hey, they have an option to call you. Would you rather me have them just do that?"

She said, "ok, hang on a second." Then "yells" to my kids who are visiting her, "Guys, where is my phone? I need my phone, I am expecting a call."

I hear my oldest saying, "um, Meme, you are talking on it."

~giggling begins~

jac · 05-20-2012, 07:52 PM

A facebook status from a friend and response from her mom...

status reads: pooped. shower and then bed. work at 5.
mother: we do not need to know when you go poop! that is kinda personal.
friend: I wasnt saying that I need to poop people. lol Im saying that I'm tired. lol

Turtle · 05-20-2012, 10:24 PM

OK, so first I was watching Kevin Hart on Netflix (please don't bother me about this, he's not totally PC, but neither am I all the time and he's fuckin funny)...LAUGHING my ass off...

AND then I'm reading the "Hellions" thread and come across Medusa tying a girl to the tetherball pole with a jump rope and the teacher didn't notice for awhile....in KINDERGARTEN! I'm very visual...I'm still crackin up...

Thank you, Medusa!

jac · 05-22-2012, 06:29 PM

I went with my daughter and grandson (2.5yo) to sibling class at the hospital. There were six other kids and various other sidecicks (parents, etc) along for the ride....

Nurse: Julain how old are you?
Julian: Seven!!

MrSunshine · 05-30-2012, 06:29 PM

"These candidates are bullshit, all you're doing is picking out the dick that's going to fuck you"!

02-22-2012, 11:31 PM	#481
starryeyes Senior Member How Do You Identify?: a round peg in a square hole Preferred Pronoun?: Guess... Relationship Status: Seat taken Join Date: May 2011 Location: Rocky Mountain High Posts: 2,491 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,199 Thanked 10,052 Times in 2,076 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	The person I was working with today. Really!? never worked with someone who looked or acted so unprofessional in my entire career. I wonder how these people don't get weeded out of the field... very interesting. Needless to say, I did crack up! __________________ "It's ok to make mistakes. It's ok to fall down. Get up! Look sickening....and make them eat it!" - Latrice Royale Starry

05-18-2012, 07:03 PM	#486
femmsational Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: bitch, but she will do Join Date: May 2012 Location: Jomtien Thailand Posts: 808 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 866 Thanked 3,787 Times in 773 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	LMAO!!! The Brutal One just got home from 5 days on the road. First time in....7 years....I think, that we've been apart that long. First thing he does is hug me and then we start talking. I notice that his eyes are much lower than normal. Like not looking at my face. So I ignore it thinking that his neck is probably sore from driving. He goes to change and comes back out of the room and walks through the living room, once again he's talking.......to somewhere lower than normal. I still think, eh, maybe he's just tired and doesn't realize what he's doing. Couple minutes later, we're in the kitchen getting pizza. Brute reaches for the plate I'm handing him and this time there is NO mistaking where he's looking. LMAO!!! I totally called him on it and it embarressed the heck outta him. So what cracked me up is that obviously when we are apart for a period of time, he reverts back to a 13 year old boy going through puberty. LOL~~~ Still cracking up!!! julie __________________ If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough" Albert Einstein Yes, I'm aware I can't spell, and no, I don't care quite enough to spell check. Sorry!!!

05-19-2012, 10:15 PM	#490
Rook Senior Member How Do You Identify?: A.G - Stone Butch - GenderFuck Preferred Pronoun?: Hym, Hyz...or, just b respectable, it's not that hard.. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Columbus Posts: 2,280 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,227 Thanked 3,182 Times in 1,287 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	this __________________

05-19-2012, 11:59 PM	#491
WingsOnFire Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Queer..femme.. .babygirl...girl Preferred Pronoun?: Female Ones... Relationship Status: Enjoying life but ready to meet someone Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Portland Oregon Posts: 3,945 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 12,015 Thanked 12,476 Times in 3,357 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Watching my beagle growl and bark at the sliding glass door... and trying to convince her that it is HER reflection.. lol.. That was funny... __________________ Previously known as MidnightBlueEyes ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ http://gailsforum.files.wordpress.co...-psd340941.png

05-20-2012, 01:04 AM	#492
always2late Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: m'lady Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NJ Posts: 2,000 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,834 Thanked 6,231 Times in 1,462 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	__________________ Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there ~ Rumi

02-23-2012, 07:16 PM	#482
Slowpurr Member How Do You Identify?: Stone femme Relationship Status: ** Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Posts: 286 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 833 Thanked 591 Times in 209 Posts Rep Power**: 21474850	Don't blame Serge, he had a traumatic childhood.

02-23-2012, 07:45 PM	#483
genghisfawn Member How Do You Identify?: Femme/Gentlewoman Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Relationship Status: Happily married 05/17/14 Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Saskatchewan, Canada Posts: 561 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,056 Thanked 2,158 Times in 403 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	Hearing someone say, "squat and cough" (and not like you'd think.) I swear my sense of humour belongs to someone who's 8 years old and male.

05-03-2012, 08:44 PM	#484
BrutalDaddy Member How Do You Identify?: Her Asshole. Preferred Pronoun?: Him, hym, he, whatever. Relationship Status: Bitch has no more excuses now. Join Date: May 2012 Location: Lower Alabama Posts: 519 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 206 Thanked 2,785 Times in 499 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	Femmsational and I were watching a new game show called Total Blackout. Purpose of show is playing on people's fears and phobias by having them compete in complete darkness. One of the contestants was this hilarious gay guy who just had us laughing until it came time for the contestants to rely on their sense of smell to guess what the "object" is. He slides the little slot back, takes a huge sniff and goes...."Ooooo I know this one!" .............It was a man's ass.......ROTF!!!!! And yes, he finally guessed it right. lol.

05-03-2012, 09:06 PM	#485
spritzerJ Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: Queer (gender), female (biological marker) Preferred Pronoun?: she will work as a default. Relationship Status: engaged to jac until 8/10/14 Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Maine Posts: 3,154 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,307 Thanked 15,802 Times in 2,905 Posts Rep Power: 0	First grade boy says to me... "what happened to your lips?" Me: that is lip gloss. first grade boy: "oh, and what happened to your eyes?" me: "eye shadow. it is make up and it is normal sometimes." first grade boy: "well it is new on you."

05-18-2012, 09:53 PM	#489
bunni Junior Member How Do You Identify?: queer fem Preferred Pronoun?: she/her/miss Relationship Status: Crazy in love with JustJ Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: land of 10,000 lakes Posts: 7 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11 Thanked 12 Times in 3 Posts Rep Power: 0	This: http://www.regretsy.com/2012/05/12/w...family-tithes/

05-20-2012, 04:49 AM	#493
jac Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: butch stone Preferred Pronoun?: masculine ones work best... Relationship Status: ♥ engaged to spritz ♥ Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: bangor, maine Posts: 3,344 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,720 Thanked 16,492 Times in 2,972 Posts Rep Power: 0	Not sure if I have already put this in here sometime in the past ( I don't think so) but I'm too lazy right now to look and it's too early to care sooooo.... This woman walks into an ice cream shop and asks... woman: can I have a chocolate cone? attendent: we don't have any. woman: oh. can I have a cup with a scoop of chocolate then? attendent: we don't have any. woman: well, then can I have a mix of chocolate and vanilla? attendent: deep frustrated sigh do you see the "straw" in strawberry? woman: uh huh? attendent: do you see the "van" in vanilla? woman: yes! attendent: do you see the "freak" in chocolate? woman: there is no freakin' chocolate! attendent: THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU!! Have a nce day... and don't be pissin' off the ice cream attendent today!!

05-20-2012, 12:47 PM	#494
Morgan Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, hy, hym, does not matter Relationship Status: I am enjoying life.... Tournaments Won: 1 Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Arizona Posts: 643 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,753 Thanked 1,604 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	__________________ “If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is compromise.” Robert Fritz

05-20-2012, 01:27 PM	#495
scootebaby Timed Out How Do You Identify?: yes dear Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: south florida Posts: 2,494 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,264 Thanked 6,737 Times in 1,777 Posts Rep Power: 0	reading my Here & now post and realizing i used Cowboi's answer for where i was leaving for reckon i need to pay closer attention!

05-20-2012, 01:31 PM	#496
LaneyDoll Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Girly girl femme Preferred Pronoun?: She; Ma'am; Miss ;) Relationship Status: Pitbull protected. Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Birmingham, AL Posts: 2,204 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,892 Thanked 7,683 Times in 1,607 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I was on the phone with my mom, trying to get her the tech support number for Kindle. I gave her the number then said, "Hey, they have an option to call you. Would you rather me have them just do that?" She said, "ok, hang on a second." Then "yells" to my kids who are visiting her, "Guys, where is my phone? I need my phone, I am expecting a call." I hear my oldest saying, "um, Meme, you are talking on it." ~giggling begins~ __________________ There are beauties who stop traffic and then there are beauties who grow obsessively in the hearts of the susceptible.

05-20-2012, 07:52 PM	#497
jac Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: butch stone Preferred Pronoun?: masculine ones work best... Relationship Status: ♥ engaged to spritz ♥ Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: bangor, maine Posts: 3,344 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,720 Thanked 16,492 Times in 2,972 Posts Rep Power: 0	A facebook status from a friend and response from her mom... status reads: pooped. shower and then bed. work at 5. mother: we do not need to know when you go poop! that is kinda personal. friend: I wasnt saying that I need to poop people. lol Im saying that I'm tired. lol

05-20-2012, 10:24 PM	#498
Turtle Senior Member How Do You Identify?: A mixity Preferred Pronoun?: whatever Relationship Status: chillin Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: in a really really cute little place Posts: 2,144 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,442 Thanked 4,529 Times in 1,220 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	OK, so first I was watching Kevin Hart on Netflix (please don't bother me about this, he's not totally PC, but neither am I all the time and he's fuckin funny)...LAUGHING my ass off... AND then I'm reading the "Hellions" thread and come across Medusa tying a girl to the tetherball pole with a jump rope and the teacher didn't notice for awhile....in KINDERGARTEN! I'm very visual...I'm still crackin up... Thank you, Medusa!

05-22-2012, 06:29 PM	#499
jac Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: butch stone Preferred Pronoun?: masculine ones work best... Relationship Status: ♥ engaged to spritz ♥ Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: bangor, maine Posts: 3,344 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,720 Thanked 16,492 Times in 2,972 Posts Rep Power: 0	I went with my daughter and grandson (2.5yo) to sibling class at the hospital. There were six other kids and various other sidecicks (parents, etc) along for the ride.... Nurse: Julain how old are you? Julian: Seven!!

05-30-2012, 06:29 PM	#500
MrSunshine Senior Member How Do You Identify?: The Gardner Preferred Pronoun?: Ummmm Relationship Status: Nah Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Sunshine State, State of Sunshine Posts: 2,616 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,577 Thanked 3,891 Times in 1,155 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Shitmydadsays "These candidates are bullshit, all you're doing is picking out the dick that's going to fuck you"!