Mental Illness

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

Holidays are hard for me. I struggle thru them. My depression is really bad this year. It is my 2nd year without my sister, JoAnn, and 30 some years without my brother, Jay. I find that life is very strange.

I think when you go thru life without your siblings you become different. You are much stronger than you ever realized. At the sametime, life changes - your reality changes. In fact, it is something I learned from Grief Share is that you create a new reality or a new routine. It is a coping means to survive the loss you endured. And there is nothing wrong with that.

[atomiczombie]

I have struggled with clinical depression all my life. Lots of factors contributed to this, but my brain is definitely wired differently that most folks. I take a lot of medication because without it I am miserable and its hard to see the glass half full. In the past 2 years, since the fire happened (burning down my apartment in the middle of the night), I have suffered profoundly with panic disorder and agoraphobia. I have been on disability and living with my folks because I cannot live alone and care for myself. However, I am on a new med that seems to be helping a lot more, and I am getting better, slowly but surely. I am not out of the woods yet, but I am making progress and that gives me hope.

to all of you who struggle with mental illness too.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

I have struggled with clinical depression all my life. Lots of factors contributed to this, but my brain is definitely wired differently that most folks. I take a lot of medication because without it I am miserable and its hard to see the glass half full. In the past 2 years, since the fire happened (burning down my apartment in the middle of the night), I have suffered profoundly with panic disorder and agoraphobia. I have been on disability and living with my folks because I cannot live alone and care for myself. However, I am on a new med that seems to be helping a lot more, and I am getting better, slowly but surely. I am not out of the woods yet, but I am making progress and that gives me hope.

to all of you who struggle with mental illness too.

I am so happy that you are doing better!

There have been so many times when I really needed to have a safe place in which to heal and did not have that option. I am so thankful that you have a safe place to be.

If I don't take my medicine I am so agoraphobic and anxious I can't leave the hosue at all sometimes.

I truly believe in better living though chemicals!
I fought it for a long time, but I know now that I will likely be on medication for the rest of my life.

[friskyfemme]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

I have neurological disorders from a head injury since infancy. I am very slow. My biological family is ashamed of me because of this. All of my siblings are successful in my parents eyes. I am a disappointment. I can barely read and write, and am close to 50 yo. Instead of finding goodness in the qualities I have, they just find my faults.

Same goes with online people too. They have no clue as to what it is to walk in my shoes. I think if they could see me, and spend time with me, they would understand. I am harmless, and am a good person. I have never meant anything evil or nasty towards anyone. Ask Linus. I met him last month to smoke a cigar at Cross Street Cigar Shop then to Rope Walk for dinner. I had a ball!

What is in my mind never comes out. It is trapped. What you read and see, is just an ounce of my being.

My dear Sir,

Those who judge or belittle you... do so because they, themselves feel inadequate. It is truly their own disability. My brother lives wih a tramatic brain injury. He is now 49. He went over a bridge in his car when he 25 yrs old. When he was in coma (6wks), the doctors told us he would be a 'vegetable'. All of his siblings agreed that he should be removed from 'life support'. However, our mother said she could not allow it . My brother
came out of coma after suffering 2 major strokes as well. He was paralyzed on his left side (dominant side), unable to speak, walk, eat, or even breathe on his own. I was appalled that my mother would allow him to continue living with all of this wrong. I, then witnessed a miracle. All of my family rallied together (untl then we hardly saw each other) to help my brother reach his full potential. We were with him everyday. After 18mons of therapy, my brother began walking, talking, eating and breathing on his own. Not only did he heal, but so did his family. We were the ones who faced our fears of our own mortality and limitations. It was my brother that gave this to us, not intentionally, but just by being in our lives. He is not the brother I knew before the accident . He struggles each day to walk, to express verbally what he needs or wants. He has outbursts of yelling, pounding, and hitting when he becomes frustrated or agitated. He can't control himself. His medication changes frequently, most works the opposite on him than it is suppose to. He has taught me compassion, love, and thankfulness for all I have. When he comes to the phone and struggles just to say 'hello' and laughs when I ssay 'hello' back, my heart smiles.

I hope that you can see that those who don't support you, don't feel good about themselves. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive them. Pray that they can heal. This world's peace and love comes from everyone's ability to have it and share it.

[friskyfemme]

Originally Posted by WicketWWarrick

I'm wondering if some of you may experience seasonal affect disorder (SAD), which basically means your depression worsens during the winter months. The theory is that this is related to less sunlight, although we don't know for sure. I wanted to mention a couple things. One, just be aware that this might happen to you - I'm certainly not saying that it will but it could. If things start to feel bad and nothing has changed in your life that may be what's going on.

Another thing that might be helpful is using a full-spectrum light which may offset the lack of sunlight. It doesn't require too much time a day - one of two 20 minute sessions are supposed to be useful. I bought one last fall and have used it ever since. I use it as my lightstand light, so when I lie in bed reading at night I'm getting its benefits. You can also get desk lamps if those will work better for you. I can't say for sure that the light made too much of a difference. However, last winter I did not have nearly as much trouble with SAD than I have in the past and that's the only thing I can think of that was different. It can't hurt. Here's a link to the product I use:

http://www.verilux.com/light-therapy...appylight-6000

Something to consider.

I have suffered for years with SADS. I tried various drugs, no help. I moved to AZ and because of 97% sunshine here, I don't have it as often or as long. Also I have found that chocolate (1 ounce a day), helps increase serotonin levels in the brain. I have used the full spectrum lights as well. They worked pretty good for me too.

Sending you plenty of sunshine.

[friskyfemme]

Originally Posted by WicketWWarrick

Hi Friskyfemme,

I may be reading too much into this, but I wondered if you read my post as implying that I don't think it's okay to talk about this stuff, which is definitely not the case. I will say when I read the original post the tone didn't really sound serious to me, in my mind it came across more like a fluffy topic. When Andrew shared in the third post his/her own personal experiences that made a very big difference for me, changed the tone of the thread.

Believe me, I very much value talking, sharing regarding mental illness. I think I deal with it in about every possible way that I could. I live with clinical depression, diagnosed 21 years, and likely a life-time anti-depressant taker. I manage it well, medication always, therapy when needed. My mother also lives with depression, also well managed. My partner struggles with depression. And I work as a therapist (soon-to-be-psychologist. You are absolutely right - society does tend to ignore folks with any sort of disability - I think it's generally seen as a personal weakness. In particular I don't think some people take mental illness seriously - we could get over it if we really tried. We need safe places to share with other folks who get us and support us, and threads like this can certainly provide that.

-Wicket

Wicket,
Please know I wasn't making any judgement on your post. I am just expressing my views/observations of the some people's reaction to anything they don't understand.
I do agree with you that most people (who don't live with a disability -mental, physical, emotional) don't generally have a clue the struggles the individual, that does, has each day with the simplest of tasks. It never goes away, the person with a disability just learns to adapt the best he/she can with the tools he/she has.

[Darth Denkay]

Hey Apocalipstic!

I have never heard of Brainspotting - I will check with some colleagues and see what I can find out.

I know that I couldn't live anywhere that didn't have a full day of light - taking the time of year into consideration. I couldn't live in the Pacific Northwest. I couldn't live in Iceland. I NEED the daylight. And I use my lightbox every single day.

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Thank you! Yes yes, in the past I have only gone to therapy when things were a disaster and I was in total crisis. What we worked on was getting me OK and we never even got to the deep issues. I forgot I did go to concelling for maybe 2 sessions 6 or 7 years ago during an awful break up and basically we talked on how to navigate the breakup, not how I allowed myself to get into that situation in the first place...same thing in my 20's. How deep are you able to dig when all you want to do is give up. You know?

I hope that now that things are stable I will be able to dig deep and actually give full attention to healing from childhood and early traumas.

Do you know anything about Brainspotting? She said that might be helpful.

On the subject of SAD...yes, I usually have a meltdown in February after we have not seen the sun in 6 weeks. Will try the bulbs, can't hurt! I wonder if people in places closer to the poles have an even more difficult time. We go to London every January for work and it seems to only be full daylight from 10-2. Some places never get to full daylight. I don't think I could handle that. Bright sunny days make me happiest.

[Darth Denkay]

BTW, I think this is my favorite thread on the site - and there are plenty that I like.

[Unndunn]

Andrew, I'm glad you started this thread, and I'm really happy that others are sharing. It's not easy to talk about mental illnesses, but it's important for everyone to know about them.

I have had a problem with depression since I was a teenager and didn't get treatment for it until I was in my mid-20's. For me a combination of talk therapy and an antidepressant is what works best. Also knowing when to distract myself vs. when to explore what I am feeling is important.

I started as a psych nurse 22 years ago and have been a clinical nurse specialist in psych for the past 17 years. I have worked as a therapist throughout that time, and (surprise surprise) have specialized in mood disorders and personality disorders. I enjoy doing individual therapy and group therapy and make it my mission to teach anyone that will listen about the symptoms of various disorders and the treatments available.

The first thing anyone with a mental health diagnosis should do is find out exactly what it is and why the person treating you believes you fit the criteria. Then read everything you can find, and try to educate everyone in your life. If people don't want to listen, or you're not ready to tell them, that's fine-- move onto the next person. It's also important to know that many mental illnesses run in families and that if a family member has had good relief of their symptoms from a particular med, you might also do well on that med. Finally, remember, there's no one cause for most mental illnesses and there's usually not just one treatment for them. Study after study has shown that combining different types of treatment works the best. Examples might be: medication management plus individual therapy, or cognitive-behavioral therapy plus group therapy, etc.

[Mindy]

I have dealt with depression all my life and was recently diagnosed as bipolar. I still haven't been able to find a good combination of medications that work very well for me, mostly because I have no insurance and have to rely on the free clinic and the $4.00 list of meds at WalMart for meds because I can't afford the others with no insurance. I have my ups and downs, deal with suicidal thoughts all the time, no matter how "well" I'm doing. Most people don't have any comprehension what it's like to constantly live with the feelings and thoughts that you'd rather be dead. A lot of days I'd rather stay in bed with the blankets over my head than have to interact with anyone, although most of the time I'm much better since I have been on meds. Usually once a year I have to change meds because they quit working. I don't know why they work for awhile then seem to not work. I've been on antidepressants that they've had to increase the dose over and over and over and I've finally had to be taken off them. I think now, because they have diagnosed me as bipolar I have my answer, because I've been told I need to be on at LEAST 2 meds, one antidepressant and one mood stabilizer at the minimum.

I'm supposed to be going to a clinic right now that has sliding scale and will get your meds for free, but it takes a month or more for all their intake stuff. I'm planning on moving in Feb. and will have to start over anyway when I move, so I decided forget it, I'll wait til I move. I hate it when I get settled on a set of drugs, move and have to change docs, the new doc doesn't believe the drugs I'm on are right, wants to change them and I have to fight with him over the fact I'm doing well, so who cares what he thinks, lol... So, once I get moved I'll deal with the intake baloney up there so that hopefully I won't have to do it twice in a short time span.

[Darth Denkay]

Thanks you for sharing your story with us Mindy. I know what you mean about the "what drugs are going to work for me at the moment game." A particular cocktail tends to work 2-4 years for me and then I have to switch up. I hope they get you set up quickly.

Originally Posted by Mindy

I have dealt with depression all my life and was recently diagnosed as bipolar. I still haven't been able to find a good combination of medications that work very well for me, mostly because I have no insurance and have to rely on the free clinic and the $4.00 list of meds at WalMart for meds because I can't afford the others with no insurance. I have my ups and downs, deal with suicidal thoughts all the time, no matter how "well" I'm doing. Most people don't have any comprehension what it's like to constantly live with the feelings and thoughts that you'd rather be dead. A lot of days I'd rather stay in bed with the blankets over my head than have to interact with anyone, although most of the time I'm much better since I have been on meds. Usually once a year I have to change meds because they quit working. I don't know why they work for awhile then seem to not work. I've been on antidepressants that they've had to increase the dose over and over and over and I've finally had to be taken off them. I think now, because they have diagnosed me as bipolar I have my answer, because I've been told I need to be on at LEAST 2 meds, one antidepressant and one mood stabilizer at the minimum.

I'm supposed to be going to a clinic right now that has sliding scale and will get your meds for free, but it takes a month or more for all their intake stuff. I'm planning on moving in Feb. and will have to start over anyway when I move, so I decided forget it, I'll wait til I move. I hate it when I get settled on a set of drugs, move and have to change docs, the new doc doesn't believe the drugs I'm on are right, wants to change them and I have to fight with him over the fact I'm doing well, so who cares what he thinks, lol... So, once I get moved I'll deal with the intake baloney up there so that hopefully I won't have to do it twice in a short time span.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Mindy

I have dealt with depression all my life and was recently diagnosed as bipolar. I still haven't been able to find a good combination of medications that work very well for me, mostly because I have no insurance and have to rely on the free clinic and the $4.00 list of meds at WalMart for meds because I can't afford the others with no insurance. I have my ups and downs, deal with suicidal thoughts all the time, no matter how "well" I'm doing. Most people don't have any comprehension what it's like to constantly live with the feelings and thoughts that you'd rather be dead. A lot of days I'd rather stay in bed with the blankets over my head than have to interact with anyone, although most of the time I'm much better since I have been on meds. Usually once a year I have to change meds because they quit working. I don't know why they work for awhile then seem to not work. I've been on antidepressants that they've had to increase the dose over and over and over and I've finally had to be taken off them. I think now, because they have diagnosed me as bipolar I have my answer, because I've been told I need to be on at LEAST 2 meds, one antidepressant and one mood stabilizer at the minimum.

I'm supposed to be going to a clinic right now that has sliding scale and will get your meds for free, but it takes a month or more for all their intake stuff. I'm planning on moving in Feb. and will have to start over anyway when I move, so I decided forget it, I'll wait til I move. I hate it when I get settled on a set of drugs, move and have to change docs, the new doc doesn't believe the drugs I'm on are right, wants to change them and I have to fight with him over the fact I'm doing well, so who cares what he thinks, lol... So, once I get moved I'll deal with the intake baloney up there so that hopefully I won't have to do it twice in a short time span.

Thank you for sharing with us!

I also know what you mean! My meds have had to be changed many times over the years. I also have recurrent suicidal thoughts and struggle with doctor changes and so forth.

Something I have discovered recently is that if I write out my history and medicines and what has and had not worked and hand it to my new health care provider, they tend to take me more seriously and believe what I am saying.

I have no idea why...maybe it shows them I am organized and on top of managing my own issues?

Best of luck with the move, I know moves can be much more difficult for us than for most people.

Also, years ago when I had no insurance, the clinic I went to with sliding scale also had erally low prices on the latest meds. I hope it will be the same for you. Mental health drugs have come a really long way in the last 30 years.

[Mindy]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Thank you for sharing with us!

I also know what you mean! My meds have had to be changed many times over the years. I also have recurrent suicidal thoughts and struggle with doctor changes and so forth.

Something I have discovered recently is that if I write out my history and medicines and what has and had not worked and hand it to my new health care provider, they tend to take me more seriously and believe what I am saying.

I have no idea why...maybe it shows them I am organized and on top of managing my own issues?

Best of luck with the move, I know moves can be much more difficult for us than for most people.

Also, years ago when I had no insurance, the clinic I went to with sliding scale also had erally low prices on the latest meds. I hope it will be the same for you. Mental health drugs have come a really long way in the last 30 years.

Right now the town I am in has a clinic that will actually give your drugs for as low as FREE! I also found out where I am moving has a clinic that does the same. So while I am looking for work after the move, I will at least be able to get them while job searching and waiting for insurance to kick in. Just a matter of waiting to get in initially.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Mindy

Right now the town I am in has a clinic that will actually give your drugs for as low as FREE! I also found out where I am moving has a clinic that does the same. So while I am looking for work after the move, I will at least be able to get them while job searching and waiting for insurance to kick in. Just a matter of waiting to get in initially.

Cool!

Remember to give yourself lots of breaks and take it as easy as you can with the move and all the change.

Best to you!

[Apocalipstic]

Overwhelmed today.

Maybe its all the rain?
Maybe its the holidays?
Maybe I feel pushed?

Wish I could be on a warm beach with white sand, listening to the waves.

[Andrew, Jr.]

I am clinically depressed. For me right now, I feel like I walk on egg shells around people. My words are taken out of context or misconstrued to mean something other than what they were meant to mean. And for me, it takes too much energy to get it out. I am tired of always and then being labeled a . Let me give an example. Today I went to the grocery store for Rosie. She has to give me a list, otherwise I come home with half the store. Anyway, she had some spice on the list that was for baking. I could barely pronounce the word, plus had no clue it was a spice. I handed the list to the lady in the help booth or whatever it's called nowadays. She looked at it, then laughed. She said the entire end cap was just filled with it from top to bottom. Who knew? I didn't. Heck, I didn't even see it. I felt like a jerk.

Holidays are hard on me. I used to enjoy being around people when I was younger, but not any more. It is more like dread as I have aged. Just another person to jump me, and make fun of me. I think I do better one on one. But that is just me.

I am glad that you guys and gals understand me, and help me. It makes my life so much more full. I use this site as a safe haven. You enrich my life more than you will ever know.

Love,
Andrew

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

I am clinically depressed. For me right now, I feel like I walk on egg shells around people. My words are taken out of context or misconstrued to mean something other than what they were meant to mean. And for me, it takes too much energy to get it out. I am tired of always and then being labeled a . Let me give an example. Today I went to the grocery store for Rosie. She has to give me a list, otherwise I come home with half the store. Anyway, she had some spice on the list that was for baking. I could barely pronounce the word, plus had no clue it was a spice. I handed the list to the lady in the help booth or whatever it's called nowadays. She looked at it, then laughed. She said the entire end cap was just filled with it from top to bottom. Who knew? I didn't. Heck, I didn't even see it. I felt like a jerk.

Holidays are hard on me. I used to enjoy being around people when I was younger, but not any more. It is more like dread as I have aged. Just another person to jump me, and make fun of me. I think I do better one on one. But that is just me.

I am glad that you guys and gals understand me, and help me. It makes my life so much more full. I use this site as a safe haven. You enrich my life more than you will ever know.

Love,
Andrew

Andrew, I agree 100% about the holidays. All sorts of people to be around and unfamiliar places to navigate. It takes all my energy for one party, and I have several in my future. Kind of like a field of landmines.



One thing I have found helpful is to remember that most people are so into themselves that I am noticed way less than I think I am. If someone takes you wrong...calmly appologize and laugh with them. I know its hard, I am working on this myself. I am very defensive when I feel like I have done somehting dumb...in reality, most people have not noticed what I did or me at all. Don't feel like a jerk.

Really, if they are laughing to your face, they are either laughing with you, or a way huger jerk than you are even capable of being and thats on them!

PS. yes, I know huger is not a word, but I live to make up words

[Andrew, Jr.]

Apocalipstic,

Thank you for your post. I love the words you make up. I do that too. It is my thing.

Yes, I am feeling like the holidays are a landminds just ready to go off. I am going to try what you said to do. I am just praying it works. My anxiety is off the charts now. I have been to the doctor 3x's already for this. Each year it just gets worse and worse.

Thanks again.

Love,
Andrew

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

Apocalipstic,

Thank you for your post.

Yes, I am feeling like the holidays are a landminds just ready to go off. I am going to try what you said to do. I am just praying it works. My anxiety is off the charts now. I have been to the doctor 3x's already for this. Each year it just gets worse and worse.

Thanks again.

Love,
Andrew

It makes me anxious too. Maybe it will help that we can talk about it here.

[Andrew, Jr.]

I have caution...