Grieving

[Andrew, Jr.]

Grief comes from all kinds of loss. It can be from the loss of a child, a spouse, a lover, a parent, a sibling, a cousin, to the end of a relationship, or even the death of a beloved pet. It also is when you are helping someone die from a terminal illness or old age. Grief just hits you like small waves crashing on a beach, and then sometimes the waves are huge and come out of no where, like a rogue wave. Then there are waves that a small, and you can walk thru them enjoying the coolness of the water. Then there are waves that take your breath away, drag you under the water, and you end up with sand in your crotch.

No matter who or what the situation is, you have to come to terms with the loss. You have to find a way to live, and enjoy your life again.

Let me give an example here. My sister's youngest son is 15 yo, and is developmentally delayed. He has no interest in driving a car. None. He cannot hold down a job. He will be living with his father for the remainder of his life. He has not grieved the loss of his mother yet. He is seeing a psychiatrist 3x a week. He just has not been able to express his loss. In fact, he has no clue as to what happened to her. Trying to explain to him that cancer killed his mother just has not been easy. In fact, we all have tried. We are leaving it up to the psychiatrist to do it now. It proves that some are able to handle death, and some just are not. No matter what the issue is at hand, death is a strange topic to grasp. Death is final. It doesn't scare me or the afterlife. In fact, I look forward to it. I think we are all just passing thru here.

I pray for those who have died, and those who are passing over. I think it is a welcome relief. The hard part is for those who remain behind imho.

[Liquefaction]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

Death is final. It doesn't scare me or the afterlife. In fact, I look forward to it. I think we are all just passing thru here.

I pray for those who have died, and those who are passing over. I think it is a welcome relief. The hard part is for those who remain behind imho.

I am in no hurry to leave this life because I want to see how this all turns out but I too am looking forward to the next great adventure. What a ride that will be!

[Andrew, Jr.]

Yes, you are so right about that. My younger brother committed and completed suicide when he was just 15 yo. I can't believe this year will be his 30th year anniversary. He is finally at peace.

Life is wayy to short. I always make sure to tell everyone that I love them all the time. It is just how I am now. Some people take offense to this, but they are the ones who skip thru life without any bumps or buises. Then there are those of us who have to literally pick ourselves up from our bootstraps and put one foot in front of the other.

Peace,
Andrew

[Andrew, Jr.]

I was suddenly surprised, and somewhat shocked by my niece who is getting married. She wants to put a picture of her late Aunt on the alter during the service. I thought it was a good idea. Well, her cousins will be at the wedding, and are ok with that. However, her uncle is not. He wants to bring a date to the wedding, and wants to move on to some normal-cy with life and living. He told everyone not to put anything in the program to recogn. his late wife, and does not want her picture on the alter. He got very upset when this subject was even talked about. I mean he was pissed. That took everyone by surprise.

What should I do? I was asked to be a mediator. I am not sure of what to do or say really. I recognize both sides.

Thanks.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Bumping the thread incase someone needs it.

I hope everyone is doing well, and life is being kind to each of you.

Andrew

[Butterbean]

I just wrote a lengthy post concerning the death of each of my parents in March of 1983 and March of 2005.

The post flew away somehow and I'm leaving it up to fate that perhaps the post was just for me to write.

I appreciate this thread a tremendous amount.

I'll never stop hating the month of March.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Butterbean,

Someone told me the same exact thing yesterday. March seems to be hard on a lot of folks for some reason. I just don't have the words to say today. Know that I am here, and I am listening.

Peace,
Andrew

[Andrew, Jr.]

One of my nieces got married over the weekend. On the alter was a picture of my late sister, her aunt, Jo. The two of them were very close. This was just a way of acknowledging Jo. And in the program was a short paragraph about my late sister. It was tasteful, and on one hand very sad. On another hand very sentimental, and happy. It was an acknowledgement of Jo's life. Jo's two sons were very touched by this. And her husband (who brought a date, but we won't go there in this thread), cried when they all saw the alter, and read about Jo in the program.

Jo has not even been gone for over a little over a year now. It feels like forever and a day. And we all survived. Life does go on. It is just very strange. Strange in that we have a life without Jo, and it's ok.

[Laidbackgrly]

I lost my Mother in 94 some woman ran a stop sign hit her head on It was a complete shock I never got to know her as a adult As soon as I graduated high school I left home went off to school Life is so diffrent with out her I cant wait to see her again

[violaine]

[QUOTE=Andrew, Jr.;57121][SIZE="2"]Grief comes from all kinds of loss. It can be from the loss of a child, a spouse, a lover, a parent, a sibling, a cousin, to the end of a relationship, or even the death of a beloved pet. It also is when you are helping someone die from a terminal illness or old age. Grief just hits you like small waves crashing on a beach, and then sometimes the waves are huge and come out of no where, like a rogue wave.

or from the loss of a friend, and news arrives belatedly, sixteen days after the crash.

[Andrew, Jr.]

At my nieces wedding there was a picture of my sister on the alter. It was surrounded by red roses. It was really done tastefully. When her boys came in and saw it, they smiled ear to ear. They told me that it was like their Mom wasn't forgotten. Their father did not bring a date - thank God. It would have been a bit too much imho. We all want him to go back and date, but with what had transpired over the picture and the wedding, no. It was a bit too much for the kids to handle.

When you loose someone, it is a different reality. The relationship changes, obviously. You do go on living. However, you don't forget that person, and you don't loose sight of what they meant to you.

Peace,
Andrew

Thank you for starting this thread...

I lost a friend at 36 2 months ago. She was an important part of my life and I miss her so badly.

I have lost several important people in my life and sometimes I wonder why but I know that it is through the painful experiences that the joyful moments are made more meaningful.

I also know that the experience I gain in this painful place can make me stronger and wiser so that I can help someone else.

Today may all those that are hurting, know that they are not alone.

Wishing you a day filled with peace and love.

[Andrew, Jr.]

I have a prayer I say...God please give ____ eternal rest. Let them feel Your perpetual light shine upon them like the stars in the night's sky. May they rest in peace. Amen.

[Andrew, Jr.]

I hope everyone is doing well this Easter & Passover Holiday.

Namaste,
Andrew

[Tommi]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

I hope everyone is doing well this Easter & Passover Holiday.

Namaste,
Andrew

A season of reflection, and rebirth, a time to give thanks for all I have and all that is to come..

The dormant trees are giving birth to new branches and fresh tiny buds and leaves unfold before my eyes. Like me, a time to grow, and to replenish my soul and give thanks to being cancer free for almost 6 years.

"Don't screen to-days sunshine with yesterdays clouds"
Scottish line

[Jedi]

I always thought I had this awesome handle on grief and death. Having grown up with a terminally ill parent and having her die when I was 11 gave me a unique perspective, I had always thought. That is...until my ex killed my dog. There's a part of me that won't forgive myself for ever trusting her (my ex). As all the woulda, coulda, shouldas toss themselves around in my head...I'm left in a limbo I never expected. For the longest time I got drunk to numb the pain. As that isn't the healthiest way to deal with loss...it did what it needed to until I was ready to look at it like I am now. As my life has moved on and I have had several months to numb over and ponder and remember and recover...I still am not ok with it. Xena was my best friend. I had moved all over the place with her and fought for her life in a city that banned her for looking like a pitbull. I had been through several gfs with her and still can't believe that she didn't survive this last one. For the longest time, it was Xena who kept me going when I would lose my hope. I still can't believe she's gone and so callously. I still cry when I think about it...as I am right now while writing this post. Xena, I miss you friend. I have no way to avenge your death...so please forgive me. I didn't mean for any harm to come to you. I know I promised to protect you and always be there and I just happened to go to work that day and well...I came home and you were gone. Life hasn't been the same without you. I moved into a house where I could have had you. All I can do is think about you being gone and shake my head. It wasn't fair. You died a senseless death and I can't help but feel responsible. Maybe one day I can forgive myself but it isn't today.

[Andrew, Jr.]

JediMaster,

There are evil people in this world of ours. All I can say is that I will pray that you find inner peace. No matter where it is, or how you find it, but that you find it.

Namaste,
Andrew

[Spirit Dancer]

Today my father took his last walk along the red road, he's now at peace;
In a better place so they say, but grief consumes those left behind,
even when we expect it, there's never a preparation for good bye.
Pain sears and tears blind, grief... there is no time limit for when it ends.
RIP Dad

[WolfyOne]

Originally Posted by Spirit Dancer

Today my father took his last walk along the red road, he's now at peace;
In a better place so they say, but grief consumes those left behind,
even when we expect it, there's never a preparation for good bye.
Pain sears and tears blind, grief... there is no time limit for when it ends.
RIP Dad

I've never been to this thread, but saw your post my friend. I've come to support you. When you need someone to lean on, I'm as close as a call. I feel your pain because I understand it. I'm just sorry that I'm not closer to you in your time of need.

Today this one is especially for you

[Tommi]

Originally Posted by Spirit Dancer

Today my father took his last walk along the red road, he's now at peace;
In a better place so they say, but grief consumes those left behind,
even when we expect it, there's never a preparation for good bye.
Pain sears and tears blind, grief... there is no time limit for when it ends.
RIP Dad

.
Sending shade and lemonade under a big tree. Hoping the sunshine kisses your cheek, the winds of time carry away the pain, and loved ones hold you close