Unconditional Love... is it really unconditional?

[TL1]

Originally Posted by Shystonefem

I disagree. I believe that unconditional love, just like love, can fade away. I can (and did) love someone through betrayal, abuse, etc and even after I was away from the situation, I loved that person but it fades and goes away.

I don't think unconditional love has to be forever to be unconditional. I think the presence of it is enough to qualify as unconditional.

I think it goes back to what imperfect_cupcake said, the definition of unconditional love is subjective to one's own interpretation.

I can see this point as well. Makes sense to me. It's unconditional WHILE its there.

Hmmmm........ But then if something killed it.....


I like these different aspects. Leaves me thinking.

[imperfect_cupcake]

I think love outside of immediate family *should* be conditional. I think that would be very healthy. I would love my parents even if they killed someone and ate them. Would I want to hang out with them? Probably not. But I would still love them, care very much they were ok in jail. Probably check up on them. Probably still visit them.

My birth mum is crazy, crazy and a hoarder. She will hord animals if she can and that is a form of animal abuse. She doesn't understand or believe this hurts them. I know why she got this way and it breaks my heart. I want her to be happy and I wish she didn't feel the way she does or do the things she does. I still love her.

My brother is a literal psychopath. He was diagnosed many years ago. He has been under a lot of treatment by cutting edge people. I don't know if he has stopped being a danger to others. He was exceptionally abusive to me growing up. I don't believe that its something he can help more than a shark can help its nature. I can't blame a bear for being a bear, nor a shark for being a shark. His brain is literally different from ours. He was born a preditor.
I do love him in that I have love feelings for him, as well as anger, disgust, etc. I probably think its in the community's best interest to shoot him.

I remember seeing a season of a tv show where a mother learns that her son is raping and killing women. He's an odd sort and skinny and get bullied a lot by the local lads. And she realised if he goes to jail, he will be severely bullied for the rest of his life. Like he has been bullied since that age of 6 by other kids. So instead she kills him. I think this is a perfect demonstration of a) unconditional love b) still understanding the person is accountable, even though they may not be fully functional to blame.

Brilliant show by the way. One of my favourites. The main character is a late middle aged woman cop who is a grandmother. And she is AWESOME.

Anyway, unconditional love means you love unconditionally, in my books. It doesn't mean you can't have the desire to stop their monsterous behaviour.

But all other kinds of love is still meaningful to most people.

I think our lack of names for the different kinds of love is a serious linguistic handicap. The Ancient Greeks had about 30 names for love to describe love in all of its different shades and complexities. You could love people in more than one way, you weren't limited to one type of love per user. The big seven are:

Eros
Philia
Ludos
Agape
Pragma
Storge
Philautia

[Kätzchen]

The Greek term -- Storge -- is most likely the type of love I tend to favor. Not on an biased type of way, but because of the way it develops over time, and the way it grows in an organic kind of way.

I relate to your post cupcake... like, my family was sooooo dysfunctional and still is...., but although I have loving feelings for some of my family, I usually draw the line and make distinctions about the way I can love them, or not.

Love is such a tricky thing. But, love is also an emotion, and like emotions, if left unregulated or left unchecked or not held to accountability, can be, most likely, as hurtful and damaging as its other emotive counterparts (ie, hate, scorn, blissfulness, happyness, et al).

I think, in my case, I view love as something that most likely is not unconditional. I think conditions are driving factors in emotive processes.... and if left unchecked and not regulated or held to reasonable limits or levels of accountability, can have any number of outcomes (+\-).

[Bubala]

Unconditional = without ANY conditions, without limitations and without expiration date, thus it means fully, truly and forever.

As humans, we exist in a finite state of constant conditioning. We condition our own selves... We condition everything.

As much as I believe in human goodness. I haven't felt or witnessed such love beyond hypotheses. Life is constant evolution with respect to one's emotional intelligence, I'm working on my own ability to love the universe and myself better, working for progress and against regression every day.

[Kätzchen]

***** bumping for a good Sunday read *****

[MsTinkerbelly]

My wife turned to me last week and said, "thank you for making me feel loved unconditionally".

Dang, I fell in love with her all over again.

[kittygrrl]

I've enjoyed reading everyone's thoughts here and it has made me examine my own ...Unconditionally loving is subject to one's personal scope of experience and idealism. We are imperfect beings and love accordingly...The universe understands..Is there a more perfect love? Probably, but I think everyone (on this planet) has boundaries and we do the best we can..I'm still working on mine

[Chad]

I don't believe in unconditional love. Everything has conditions.

This conclusion is based on experience.

[girl_dee]

oh i love this.

i think on a romantic level yes its conditional. If someone is abusive to me, i cannot love them, for example.

[Kätzchen]

Sexual and emotional abuse are an unfortunate part of experiences I've dealt with in my life. And, in many ways, as I have learned, via personal therapy or counseling or by active involvement in support groups for DV or Alcohol driven issues (I attend Al-anon), that I have an acute awareness concerning issues which are often connected with issues of abuse.

I stand by prior posts I have made in the past concerning ideas about if love is conditional or unconditional. For me, love --- whether it's platonic by nature or by romantic design, is *not* unconditional. Love is operant on conditions, conditions which must be present in order for an healthy type love to thrive or survive. If optimal conditions for love to exist are not present (or met), then in my case, love can't bloom.

[BullDog]

Yes, obviously unconditional love means different things to different people. I think you can love someone for who they are and what you have shared together and not for the things they do or do for you or how they feel about you. I love 3 of my exes unconditionally. I don't expect anything from them and don't expect them to love me unconditionally. My love just reached a very deep level with them and even though we didn't work out as a couple I still have a special place in my heart for them that will never change no matter how they feel about me and how much I might disagree with some of their opinions about me, lol. I also would do whatever I could for them if there is anything I could do to help. I have also never been severely abused or mistreated by any of them, so that has not been put to the test.

I feel my girlfriend and I love each other unconditionally. That we love each other for who we are, including our flaws, and what we share and that we will always love each other and be there for each other even if we were not to work out as a couple. I feel her unconditional love very strongly, stronger than I have with any other person. We are still a new couple and only time will tell, but I do believe we have unconditional love - by my personal definition of what that means.

[Shystonefem]

Originally Posted by BullDog

I feel my girlfriend and I love each other unconditionally. That we love each other for who we are, including our flaws, and what we share and that we will always love each other and be there for each other even if we were not to work out as a couple. I feel her unconditional love very strongly, stronger than I have with any other person. We are still a new couple and only time will tell, but I do believe we have unconditional love - by my personal definition of what that means.

I agree 100%

[Soft*Silver]

ahhh....the love I have for my grandchildren is unconditional. As is the love for my daughter. Those are givens.

as for romantic relationships, I think over the years I have learned there is one condition that needs to be established for the relationship to work. No abuse. Everything else is negotiable. And re-negotiable.

Also in the past few decades, I have loved 2 people that just chewed hard on that love like it was a poor cut of meat. I loved them anyway. I walked away only because my sanity was at risk. They werent abusive but loving them hurt me. I have now made that a condition...that if in loving someone hurts me, I need to leave. I need to love myself at all times, even at the cost of not loving someone else...

loving me, I have decided over the years, is unconditional