PTSD and Trauma recovery

[Canela]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

I appreciate your answer!

When you look at chat, you can see who is in a group....then if you try to log on the the PTSD group it asks for a password. That is not safe to me. Safe is no one know I am even there. NO one seeing my name at ALL.

I do not want anyone ever to feel left out because they can't log in. They would be able to see us there, but not join in. I hate that idea.

Secrets and exclusion are triggering for many people.

Also, I do not feel like I am qualified to be a facilitator, nor have I seen anyone post who is. If there is a therapy group, then we need a therapist. I did not set this up as a therapy group.

Do whatever you want, start whatever you want, but I would like to keep posting in my own thread about things I find important and helpful. If a moderator tells me to stop then I will...but thats pretty much it at this point.

That someone else who wants to take things in a different direction towards secrecy is more than welcome to start their own thread and go from there.

I picked this website for a reason, to be open and honest. That is what I am looking for in life.

If I have to sneak around about bad things that have happened to me and be encouraged to feel shame about them and hide them for other member's safety then have not my abusers won?

I wonder if secrecy and confidentiality are the same thing for you. It's really not the same thing but I can see where you see it that way.

The chat room (in theory as it still is) I understood was open to anyone who wanted to participate, and that is what I still understand. I don't know anything else, really...and being able to see who is in the room is one thing, hearing or reading what is being said is quite another.

Your thread is great, I have posted in it and I am glad it's available to all, but do you see where some posters aren't comfortable with posting any details? That's okay right, but they still post to let us know they are there. That's a start. Posting in black and white is permanent. Like maybe it locks in your words and then it can't change...but that's not true, we know it can all change...good or bad (read trigger or healing) sometimes with just a well placed word, phrase or explanation...

I don't think anyone's abusers win when we the victims seek and find help. The abusers thought we could not do anything without them and we have, even starting this thread is a giant step in that direction. What I see about abusers in my mind and heart is that they are the ones who are royally messed up and in order to deal, they hurt others/us/everyone. (Hurt people hurt people) It's horrible to feel anything but anger towards them, but I do feel pity, and it's such a shame that they didn't have what we do...therapy, healing, hope...so now THEY are the sad little things in our memories and somewhere in our lives that don't have any more power over us...NO MORE!

I wish you all the best always...

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by LittleShug

I wonder if secrecy and confidentiality are the same thing for you. It's really not the same thing but I can see where you see it that way.

The chat room (in theory as it still is) I understood was open to anyone who wanted to participate, and that is what I still understand. I don't know anything else, really...and being able to see who is in the room is one thing, hearing or reading what is being said is quite another.

Your thread is great, I have posted in it and I am glad it's available to all, but do you see where some posters aren't comfortable with posting any details? That's okay right, but they still post to let us know they are there. That's a start. Posting in black and white is permanent. Like maybe it locks in your words and then it can't change...but that's not true, we know it can all change...good or bad (read trigger or healing) sometimes with just a well placed word, phrase or explanation...

I don't think anyone's abusers win when we the victims seek and find help. The abusers thought we could not do anything without them and we have, even starting this thread is a giant step in that direction. What I see about abusers in my mind and heart is that they are the ones who are royally messed up and in order to deal, they hurt others/us/everyone. (Hurt people hurt people) It's horrible to feel anything but anger towards them, but I do feel pity, and it's such a shame that they didn't have what we do...therapy, healing, hope...so now THEY are the sad little things in our memories and somewhere in our lives that don't have any more power over us...NO MORE!

I wish you all the best always...

Thank you so much!

But what if someone sees we are in that chat room and wants to be a part, but is not invited? It hurts my heart to think about it.

Does that make sense?

[Andrew, Jr.]

However, you have to remember that some folks have different motives than we do. We are survivors. We are recovering each day. Thank God above!

Some folks want to take our struggles and limitations to a different level and try to silence us so they have some attention that they are lacking in life. That is how I feel.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

However, you have to remember that some folks have different motives than we do. We are survivors. We are recovering each day. Thank God above!

Some folks want to take our struggles and limitations to a different level and try to silence us so they have some attention that they are lacking in life. That is how I feel.

I don't know really, but I just don't feel much like being silenced

[Canela]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Thank you so much!

But what if someone sees we are in that chat room and wants to be a part, but is not invited? It hurts my heart to think about it.

Does that make sense?

Yes, that makes alot of sense. I don't know about being invited or wanting to join. The way I see it I think all who want to should be able to do so...as long as it is being used to help themselves. If someone should breach the confidentiality and trust well, that's not something we should allow and I think something we should figure out how to deal with. Also, there should be a designated time so that those who want to be in that room need to be in there when it starts and unless they registered (and received their password)aforehand, late ones should wait for the next session so they can participate. How 'bout that?

(I gotta stop brainstorming, my head is starting to hurt now and my sore throat and cough is rearing its ugly head, lol...gotta go)

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by LittleShug

Yes, that makes alot of sense. I don't know about being invited or wanting to join. The way I see it I think all who want to should be able to do so...as long as it is being used to help themselves. If someone should breach the confidentiality and trust well, that's not something we should allow and I think something we should figure out how to deal with. Also, there should be a designated time so that those who want to be in that room need to be in there when it starts and unless they registered (and received their password)aforehand, late ones should wait for the next session so they can participate. How 'bout that?

(I gotta stop brainstorming, my head is starting to hurt now and my sore throat and cough is rearing its ugly head, lol...gotta go)

Maybe the group can be worked out so no one feels bad. I hope so.

For me it is important to speak my truth when I need to and I hope that by not being ashamed of things that have happened in my life others will not feel so alone.

I hope you feel better! I've had the cough and headache for 3 weeks now. UGH.

[Apocalipstic]

So back to my triggers, laugh.

After pondering how to deal with Rocky the Cemetary Dude, I decided to get my sister to handle it. She quite likes telling people off in a nice way.

We can't just be rude because our whole family is buried there, and we will end up seeing Rocky the Cemetary Dude again soon...but not for my funeral.

[Goofy]

Apocalipstic, I want to apologize if my posts hurt or offended you (or anyone else) in any way. Truly that was not my intention.

I've never posted in this thread until last night, but I read it often. I was reading last night when I saw a poster say that they were not comfortable sharing their stuff and it made me think of the group I participate in. I thought it might be a good idea to share some of that experience, since it has been such a good experience for me.

I think this is a great thread, and the support that if offers is incredible, whether someone is a sharer, or not.

[Dragonfly]

Originally Posted by Selenay

I don't think the chat is meant to be a substitute for the thread, perhaps a suppliment?

And, I think the password is meant to protect the privacy and safety of those who go--though, if you want my opinion, I think it's oppressive--why should people need permission to go, before they join? Why should it not be open?

I think that perhaps the common courtesy of asking if it was okay to advertise the chat in your thread would have been polite, but I don't think anyone is trying to take away from what the thread is, just broaden it into chat, as well.

Um I agree with the courtesy thing, especially because I was thinking Apoc was part of creating the chat room people were talking about. I am confused but reading on.

[Semantics]

Originally Posted by Amelia

Um I agree with the courtesy thing, especially because I was thinking Apoc was part of creating the chat room people were talking about. I am confused but reading on.

I am confused, as well, because it seems that courtesy would have been involving the thread creator and participants rather than coming in and announcing the wonderful PTSD chat that only certain people were invited to.

I had two people contact me today about whether or not I was invited to the chat (which I was not), one of whom was pretty upset about it.

I'm not much of a chatter, but it sucks that other people who may have benefited from such a support are upset/ confused.

I hope that it gets cleared up and everyone can feel good about it.

[Dragonfly]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

So back to my triggers, laugh.

After pondering how to deal with Rocky the Cemetary Dude, I decided to get my sister to handle it. She quite likes telling people off in a nice way.

We can't just be rude because our whole family is buried there, and we will end up seeing Rocky the Cemetary Dude again soon...but not for my funeral.

Times are probably hard for everyone, but really do you need to have a cemetary telemarket you?!? This seems really rude on so many levels.

I am really glad to hear your sister is handling it for you. I too find it hard to deal with people politely in social situations when it is DIRECTLY related to my abusers and triggers. Sometimes I end up feeling badly for reacting from that panic or rage state of mind.

[Lady Jewel]

Instead of anyone asking questions evertyone lets their imaginations run wild and start making assumtions and uninformed statemtent. The chat room willbe open to ALL PTSD surviviors that need support. If u want to join, you PM and and you get the password. Simple as that. But everyone felt the need to put their 02. cents in when they really had NO clue how the group was going to be run. It is password protected because people dont want someone who has just wanted to go and have the regular chat I.E The Planet chatroom, to come into the PTSD chatroom and hear their private stuff. Sooo ANYONE that wants to discuss PTSD can get the password. It was ALL put in place so survivors could have confidentitality if THEY needed it. The open forum is awesome for people that are comfortable putting their stuff out in an open forum, some of us are not evolved in our PTSD journey and dont want it in an open forum. There is NOTHING opressive or elitist about than when its open to all members. And as far as breaching this forum thread, its already been discussed and there was NO advertising involved. Someone asked a question and it was answered and then it go bigger. Lets get back to aopcs original thread here and when the kinks have been worked out, an announcement in ANOTHER thread will be made. enough is enough. Do we have to dissect and pick apart every single things thats made public? And no the facilitators arent PHDs. They are people that have been thru PTSD themselves and want to help others. They are just there to make sure we dont sit there and not know what to say to each other. Just to help the convo along.

Originally Posted by Semantics

I am confused, as well, because it seems that courtesy would have been involving the thread creator and participants rather than coming in and announcing the wonderful PTSD chat that only certain people were invited to.

I had two people contact me today about whether or not I was invited to the chat (which I was not), one of whom was pretty upset about it.

I'm not much of a chatter, but it sucks that other people who may have benefited from such a support are upset/ confused.

I hope that it gets cleared up and everyone can feel good about it.

[Kimbo]

Chat rooms and following conversations are difficult. I personally think they suck for support groups but that is my opinion. I might suggest free phone conferencing where you can actually gather a group and talk with one another. They're free...

http://www.freeconference.com/conferencecall.aspx

If people have phones with unlimited long distance it is a much easier process than trying to follow a chat dialogue. In support sessions hearing a voice can make it all that much more personal. Just a suggestion.

[Semantics]

Originally Posted by Lady Jewel

Instead of anyone asking questions evertyone lets their imaginations run wild and start making assumtions and uninformed statemtent. The chat room willbe open to ALL PTSD surviviors that need support. If u want to join, you PM and and you get the password. Simple as that. But everyone felt the need to put their 02. cents in when they really had NO clue how the group was going to be run. It is password protected because people dont want someone who has just wanted to go and have the regular chat I.E The Planet chatroom, to come into the PTSD chatroom and hear their private stuff. Sooo ANYONE that wants to discuss PTSD can get the password. It was ALL put in place so survivors could have confidentitality if THEY needed it. The open forum is awesome for people that are comfortable putting their stuff out in an open forum, some of us are not evolved in our PTSD journey and dont want it in an open forum. There is NOTHING opressive or elitist about than when its open to all members. And as far as breaching this forum thread, its already been discussed and there was NO advertising involved. Someone asked a question and it was answered and then it go bigger. Lets get back to aopcs original thread here and when the kinks have been worked out, an announcement in ANOTHER thread will be made. enough is enough. Do we have to dissect and pick apart every single things thats made public? And no the facilitators arent PHDs. They are people that have been thru PTSD themselves and want to help others. They are just there to make sure we dont sit there and not know what to say to each other. Just to help the convo along.

In the future, if you again choose to quote me, I would appreciate it if you don't then vomit out all of your confusing frustration in my direction.

I directed nothing at you, I just made a general statement because I was confused and others are, as well. I didn't even mention most of those things you are complaining about in my post.

But thanks for clearing that all up.

[Dragonfly]

Originally Posted by Princess4u

Tonight, something happened to me...and to some others...the PTSD room opened...thanks so those who worked on getting it started....it is a wonderful thing...ppl shared their past, their horrors, their story of survival. What courage we all have in our own rights...for we are all survivours...but I was not able to withstand the torment in my own memories....i wasnt able to share ....for so many reasons...unworthiness, fear....the physical restraints that fear and suffering subject us all to...I feel so horrible for not being to a point I thought I could tell of my history on this planet....I feel like i owe everyone in that room tonight an appology for not being strong nor brave enough to open up...and for those who did...you are amazing ppl in every right of the word...and i am sorry!!!

Glad to hear the room was so meaningful and helpful for you princess4u. I am more confused now hearing that it is not open and not announced yet, but open to all who know to pm for a password. Seems that its already opened to me?? Hoping someone can explain whats really going on here in this thread and support chat rooms that arent really secret. At all..?

[Princess4u]

Originally Posted by Amelia

Glad to hear the room was so meaningful and helpful for you princess4u. I am more confused now hearing that it is not open and not announced yet, but open to all who know to pm for a password. Seems that its already opened to me?? Hoping someone can explain whats really going on here in this thread and support chat rooms that arent really secret. At all..?

Amelia, sorry there seems to be such confusion. I didnt realize prior to that posting that the "chat group" hadnt been made public..i seriously doubt that there was ever any intent on making a by invite only group. I dont think that was the goal then nor now. I didnt have a positive experience that night and personally have no plans to continue with any support other than what we do here on the thread. I am not in charge of it, had nothingn to do with setting it up. I would think that whomever is taking control of this venue..will make sure that everyone is made aware of the when's and how's....I think we have a good outlet here in the thread and for those who would like open group discusson then the chat will perhaps meet their needs....We are seeming to get out of control here...and I am sorry if my post started all this....i was very upset and needed support from my PTSD community, so I reached out without knowing that it wasnt made known there was going to be a chat room for us. So please, everyone take a deep breath....we are here to love and support....when and if a chat room will be up and running will hopefully be made known once all the legistics are well thoughtout. Until then....we are still a community who needs one another. And that is why A made this thread......it is a strong foundation and forum for us to post our thoughts and feelings and cries for help. For only a PTSD sufferer can understand what another PTSD sufferer is going through. I know some ppl may feel cheated, or left out, or perhaps there is some click thing going on in the chat community...but that is not the case....just some ppl need different venues for their outlet.....thats all....plain and simple..perhaps it wasnt handled the best way.....that could be just from lack of knowledge .....we all live and learn....and most of all we are all human....lets not forget that....there was no dishonest or evil plots trying to unfold here............I love you all....I value your hearts, your pain, your friendship and kindness......lets stick together.....for some of us......this forum is all we have at this moment in time......much love and peace to all of us.....princess

[Jet]

Originally Posted by Princess4u

Amelia, sorry there seems to be such confusion. I didnt realize prior to that posting that the "chat group" hadnt been made public..i seriously doubt that there was ever any intent on making a by invite only group. I dont think that was the goal then nor now. I didnt have a positive experience that night and personally have no plans to continue with any support other than what we do here on the thread. I am not in charge of it, had nothingn to do with setting it up. I would think that whomever is taking control of this venue..will make sure that everyone is made aware of the when's and how's....I think we have a good outlet here in the thread and for those who would like open group discusson then the chat will perhaps meet their needs....We are seeming to get out of control here...and I am sorry if my post started all this....i was very upset and needed support from my PTSD community, so I reached out without knowing that it wasnt made known there was going to be a chat room for us. So please, everyone take a deep breath....we are here to love and support....when and if a chat room will be up and running will hopefully be made known once all the legistics are well thoughtout. Until then....we are still a community who needs one another. And that is why A made this thread......it is a strong foundation and forum for us to post our thoughts and feelings and cries for help. For only a PTSD sufferer can understand what another PTSD sufferer is going through. I know some ppl may feel cheated, or left out, or perhaps there is some click thing going on in the chat community...but that is not the case....just some ppl need different venues for their outlet.....thats all....plain and simple..perhaps it wasnt handled the best way.....that could be just from lack of knowledge .....we all live and learn....and most of all we are all human....lets not forget that....there was no dishonest or evil plots trying to unfold here............I love you all....I value your hearts, your pain, your friendship and kindness......lets stick together.....for some of us......this forum is all we have at this moment in time......much love and peace to all of us.....princess

Good....for....you!!! And thanks for your sincerity...

[Selenay]

Originally Posted by Lady Jewel

Instead of anyone asking questions evertyone lets their imaginations run wild and start making assumtions and uninformed statemtent. The chat room willbe open to ALL PTSD surviviors that need support. If u want to join, you PM and and you get the password. Simple as that. But everyone felt the need to put their 02. cents in when they really had NO clue how the group was going to be run. It is password protected because people dont want someone who has just wanted to go and have the regular chat I.E The Planet chatroom, to come into the PTSD chatroom and hear their private stuff. Sooo ANYONE that wants to discuss PTSD can get the password. It was ALL put in place so survivors could have confidentitality if THEY needed it. The open forum is awesome for people that are comfortable putting their stuff out in an open forum, some of us are not evolved in our PTSD journey and dont want it in an open forum. There is NOTHING opressive or elitist about than when its open to all members. And as far as breaching this forum thread, its already been discussed and there was NO advertising involved. Someone asked a question and it was answered and then it go bigger. Lets get back to aopcs original thread here and when the kinks have been worked out, an announcement in ANOTHER thread will be made. enough is enough. Do we have to dissect and pick apart every single things thats made public? And no the facilitators arent PHDs. They are people that have been thru PTSD themselves and want to help others. They are just there to make sure we dont sit there and not know what to say to each other. Just to help the convo along.

With all due respect, Jewel, you have no right to speak to me about what is "oppressive" or not.

If I feel it is oppressive, it is oppressive. Just because YOU do not feel it is oppressive, does not mean you are allowed to take away my truth.

To be perfectly blunt, I do not think the ~*average*~ chatter would be so rude as to go into a support chat room just to see what was going on out of boredom. The whole ~*password protection*~ thing is elitist, in my eyes, because--maybe? Maybe I'm not comfortable PMing you and telling you I want to go. Maybe I just want to go. Maybe I don't want to need your ~*permission*~ to have the password to go in.

And, I'm sorry if you don't like that we are discussing this in here--but it was brought forth, so I am damn well going to talk about it until I am done. This is a thread for PTSD survivors to talk in a safe zone--so I'm talking. If you don't like it, lump it.

[Jet]

I never went to this "group" thing whatever it is. I only knew of it skimming through the last couple of pages. This is a thread to share our experiences and support as victims. PTSD is bitch and a bitch to talk about as it is. That group thing is alienating to the uninvited and uninformed, and from what it sounds like, not very workable. I'm glad people are sharing opinions against the idea and/or the meeting that didn't work for them. My .02.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Goofy

Apocalipstic, I want to apologize if my posts hurt or offended you (or anyone else) in any way. Truly that was not my intention.

I've never posted in this thread until last night, but I read it often. I was reading last night when I saw a poster say that they were not comfortable sharing their stuff and it made me think of the group I participate in. I thought it might be a good idea to share some of that experience, since it has been such a good experience for me.

I think this is a great thread, and the support that if offers is incredible, whether someone is a sharer, or not.

Thank you for your input, Im sorry the whole thing just hit me wrong after seeing the passcode and hearing that certain people would not be allowed.

I appologize if I made you feel bad. Come and discuss or read any time

Originally Posted by Amelia

Um I agree with the courtesy thing, especially because I was thinking Apoc was part of creating the chat room people were talking about. I am confused but reading on.

I had no idea.

Originally Posted by Amelia

Times are probably hard for everyone, but really do you need to have a cemetary telemarket you?!? This seems really rude on so many levels.

I am really glad to hear your sister is handling it for you. I too find it hard to deal with people politely in social situations when it is DIRECTLY related to my abusers and triggers. Sometimes I end up feeling badly for reacting from that panic or rage state of mind.

Stuff affects me differently than my sister, for her making the call is empowering.

Originally Posted by Kimbo

Chat rooms and following conversations are difficult. I personally think they suck for support groups but that is my opinion. I might suggest free phone conferencing where you can actually gather a group and talk with one another. They're free...

http://www.freeconference.com/conferencecall.aspx

If people have phones with unlimited long distance it is a much easier process than trying to follow a chat dialogue. In support sessions hearing a voice can make it all that much more personal. Just a suggestion.

That is a great idea. Then, no one will feel left out and no one can SEE the chat room they are being excluded from! Thank you!