Butch visibility

[MasterfulButch]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

I haven't had this happen while with a partner in a very long while. I mean looks and stuff, but not heckling.

Anytime I have read a story about a butch being heckled when with their femme, the femme is quick to burst out in anger and protection. I don't know if it is because it is a person with an "accepted" gender expression (which I would say most femmes have) or if it is just the shock of their reactivity to the instigator, but I have only hears positive results in these situations. Often it results in the instigator feeling embarrassed or shame.

You hear about femmes staring people down for looking at their butches in a disgusted way and things like that as well. Don't discount our femmes (not saying you are), they are some tough ladies! They have dealt with cat calls their whole lives, they know how to deal with this shit!

Is your femme expressing discomfort and anxiety due to the heckling? Unless this is her "first rodeo" with a butch, she is probably used to it.

Have you talked with her about it?

Thanks for the input.

My femme’s pretty savvy and certainly more street-smart than I am so it’s not her ability to deal with such situations that troubles me. I’m just bothered that she’d find herself in that position in the first place. It feels like I’m inadvertently taking away her choice as to outing herself and for situations like this where it has negative ramifications, that’s something I’m struggling to reconcile.

You make an interesting point about cat calls though. I tend not to think about them because they are outside my experience but perhaps this is not as wholly alien to her as I think (and should be to everyone).