older femmes

Bella~Vita · 01-23-2012, 12:53 PM

I am an older femme, I didn't always like saying it until the last few years. But I've come to realize it's a privilege that I embrace within myself. I 'm proud of the lessons i 've experienced whether good or bad. How else could I have learned things in life? So for all you older planeteers and the young ones following in our footsteps ... be proud of getting older !

PS: If I knew I would of lived this long I would of taken better care of myself so take this piece of advice and run with it

SweetJane · 01-24-2012, 02:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kat_Fl

I am an older femme, I didn't always like saying it until the last few years. But I've come to realize it's a privilege that I embrace within myself. I 'm proud of the lessons i 've experienced whether good or bad. How else could I have learned things in life?

I'm a late bloomer so being an older femme came with my awakening. The problem for me isn't older....I've earned every wrinkle and white hair among my ash blond head. But it's the lack of experience within this community AND being an older femme that is a challenge.

This really is a whole new culture, with new rules and ways of behavior. And if I am to navigate this new lifestyle, I need conversations, life experiences, words of wisdom, and friendships and companions to help me along the way.

I have been blessed with great butch bros who are all younger than I am, some younger than my own grown children. They have watched my back since I came out, often like a gang of Irish brothers with baseball bats, as I make forays out into this world. I love every one of them, though I have not met a single one in real time yet.

I've made my share of really bad mistakes, even with this support, but I am one step closer to being whole because of them.

So being an older femme for me has been a challenge and one that I'm still trying to find a comfortable fit with.

princessbelle · 01-24-2012, 02:30 PM

I don't get the whole "older femme" thing. I mean, aren't we all older than someone? Even when we are in our 20s?

Aren't we all getting older every day?

I look at some of my patients and see those precious hands of theirs. I think....those hands diapered babies, took care of their kids, families, other people. Just because they are more mature than the used to be they are still the same hands.

I guess i would be considered "older" by some people. And then again by others i would be considered young.

As far as the love and romantic part....Love knows no age, but i do believe that partnering with someone who doesn't have the same interests, music, movies, ect can pose some challenges. But, such is life.

I have an aunt that was very wise. Some may find it morbid but i think i get her message. Her tombstone says this:

Where ye stand i once stood, where i lay you shall lay. It will happen.

Time keeps on moving....it doesn't stop for anyone.

It's all perspective, yes?

apretty · 02-01-2012, 07:31 AM

I know for a fact that John Shaft digs older chicks.

Just saying.

*Anya* · 02-01-2012, 08:34 AM

I have avoided posting in this thread because I am touchy about being an older femme.

In my mind, I ways expected to be and to look like, I did in my 20's. I was frozen in time while in my 19-year relationship with my ex-butch.

I felt like Rippeda Von Winkle when I ended it. I could not ignore that I was older, that it was a different dating world as an older femme and then there were all the gender issues I had never been exposed to or had dealt with in a strictly lesbian world.

Long story short, I really thougt I would be alone forever until I forced myself to start dating again. Very, very difficult for me! I had lived as a hermit, just me and my dogs for almost 10 years. I am so glad that I did start dating again.

No, I do not look like I did I did in my 20's, etc. but it has become far, far less important to me than it did when I was first single.

I did meet and fall in love with my butch. She is a decade younger than I. That is also a little hard to write. Shouldn't be- in our society we no longer look at a man dating a woman 10 years his junior as unusual, but it has taken me some time to accept our age difference.

The funny thing is that it really is all in my head. In actuality, we have very similar backgrounds, shared interests and most important-our core values and outlook on life is remarkably similar. The sexual chemistry is electric-something else I thought I would never, ever have again in my life. My butch is really my soul-mate. The one I have always searched for on an unconscious level and did not find until now.

We are never too old to find love and unless we risk, we will never know what joy we may find by simply never giving up hope and believing that we deserve to be loved.

Kobi · 02-01-2012, 09:28 AM

I am an older woman with AARP credentials. I prefer being with and around people from my own era.

Younger people are cool too but I find them to be exhausting. LOL.

And, older femmes, to me, have beauty that just defies words. More often than not, they know exactly who they are, what they want, where they are going, and who is likely to be a good companion for the trip. Life experience brings with it a wisdom and settledness that is both grounding and exhilarating.

Besides, I like when someone knows exactly what I mean when I say the spirit is willing but the body is not.

socialjustice_fsu · 02-01-2012, 09:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by princessbelle

I don't get the whole "older femme" thing. I mean, aren't we all older than someone? Even when we are in our 20s?

Aren't we all getting older every day?

I look at some of my patients and see those precious hands of theirs. I think....those hands diapered babies, took care of their kids, families, other people. Just because they are more mature than the used to be they are still the same hands.

I guess i would be considered "older" by some people. And then again by others i would be considered young.

As far as the love and romantic part....Love knows no age, but i do believe that partnering with someone who doesn't have the same interests, music, movies, ect can pose some challenges. But, such is life.

I have an aunt that was very wise. Some may find it morbid but i think i get her message. Her tombstone says this:

Where ye stand i once stood, where i lay you shall lay. It will happen.

Time keeps on moving....it doesn't stop for anyone.

It's all perspective, yes?

Belle,
As always you articulate often what the rest of us want to.

Time and tide wait for no one.

Your Aunt was a wise woman.

~ SJ_fsu

SugarFemme · 02-02-2012, 01:48 AM

When I joined the ranks of AARP last year, I had no issue with it. For me, each year that I grow older, is another year that I have grown wiser, gotten more comfortable in my own skin and have beaten death.

Sachita · 02-02-2012, 06:12 AM

I've always been honest about my age and although sometimes I'd love to turn back the hands of time, I'm ok with be a 52 year old experienced woman.

I've always dated younger simply because I have a lot of energy and tend to date people that are very active. This is not to say older folks aren't active, some are but in the circles I traveled they were not. I guess I'm also attracted to innocence even if it's all in my head. I am often approached by very young butches, however the youngest I'll date at this stage of my life is 38. I think it's that dommie mommy thing that intrigues them.

I don't notice anyone treating me different because I'm older. Then again I probably wouldnt care.

SweetJane · 02-04-2012, 12:10 AM

Sachita,
I agree with you about younger companions. They do keep you feeling young. I think, for me, it was covering music for so long that I feel that way. Though I've interviewed music icons, it's the younger emerging musicians who had found their way musically into a sort of energetic maturity that were my inspiration. I tend to relate to that youthful creative vigor. I hope that I carry that into my daily walk, but balance it with some wisdom along the way.

01-23-2012, 12:53 PM	#1
Bella~Vita Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: where salt is used for Margaritas not Snow Posts: 891 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,049 Thanked 1,322 Times in 443 Posts Rep Power: 7157595	I am an older femme, I didn't always like saying it until the last few years. But I've come to realize it's a privilege that I embrace within myself. I 'm proud of the lessons i 've experienced whether good or bad. How else could I have learned things in life? So for all you older planeteers and the young ones following in our footsteps ... be proud of getting older ! PS: If I knew I would of lived this long I would of taken better care of myself so take this piece of advice and run with it __________________ ~ I believe that pleasing everyone is impossible..... but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake ~

01-24-2012, 02:30 PM	#3
princessbelle Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: femme ones Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tennessee Posts: 6,100 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,380 Thanked 30,503 Times in 5,201 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	I don't get the whole "older femme" thing. I mean, aren't we all older than someone? Even when we are in our 20s? Aren't we all getting older every day? I look at some of my patients and see those precious hands of theirs. I think....those hands diapered babies, took care of their kids, families, other people. Just because they are more mature than the used to be they are still the same hands. I guess i would be considered "older" by some people. And then again by others i would be considered young. As far as the love and romantic part....Love knows no age, but i do believe that partnering with someone who doesn't have the same interests, music, movies, ect can pose some challenges. But, such is life. I have an aunt that was very wise. Some may find it morbid but i think i get her message. Her tombstone says this: Where ye stand i once stood, where i lay you shall lay. It will happen. Time keeps on moving....it doesn't stop for anyone. It's all perspective, yes? __________________ ~ I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou

02-01-2012, 08:34 AM	#5
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,791 Times in 7,290 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	I have avoided posting in this thread because I am touchy about being an older femme. In my mind, I ways expected to be and to look like, I did in my 20's. I was frozen in time while in my 19-year relationship with my ex-butch. I felt like Rippeda Von Winkle when I ended it. I could not ignore that I was older, that it was a different dating world as an older femme and then there were all the gender issues I had never been exposed to or had dealt with in a strictly lesbian world. Long story short, I really thougt I would be alone forever until I forced myself to start dating again. Very, very difficult for me! I had lived as a hermit, just me and my dogs for almost 10 years. I am so glad that I did start dating again. No, I do not look like I did I did in my 20's, etc. but it has become far, far less important to me than it did when I was first single. I did meet and fall in love with my butch. She is a decade younger than I. That is also a little hard to write. Shouldn't be- in our society we no longer look at a man dating a woman 10 years his junior as unusual, but it has taken me some time to accept our age difference. The funny thing is that it really is all in my head. In actuality, we have very similar backgrounds, shared interests and most important-our core values and outlook on life is remarkably similar. The sexual chemistry is electric-something else I thought I would never, ever have again in my life. My butch is really my soul-mate. The one I have always searched for on an unconscious level and did not find until now. We are never too old to find love and unless we risk, we will never know what joy we may find by simply never giving up hope and believing that we deserve to be loved. __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

02-02-2012, 06:12 AM	#9
Sachita Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Goddess Relationship Status: Completely in love Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Southern Virginia Posts: 3,225 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,564 Thanked 8,994 Times in 2,249 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I've always been honest about my age and although sometimes I'd love to turn back the hands of time, I'm ok with be a 52 year old experienced woman. I've always dated younger simply because I have a lot of energy and tend to date people that are very active. This is not to say older folks aren't active, some are but in the circles I traveled they were not. I guess I'm also attracted to innocence even if it's all in my head. I am often approached by very young butches, however the youngest I'll date at this stage of my life is 38. I think it's that dommie mommy thing that intrigues them. I don't notice anyone treating me different because I'm older. Then again I probably wouldnt care. __________________ You either like me or you don't. It took me Twenty-something years to learn how to love myself, I don't have that kinda time to convince somebody else. ~ Daniel Franzese

02-01-2012, 07:31 AM	#4
apretty Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: sea shell Relationship Status: married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: san diego Posts: 1,687 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,927 Thanked 4,377 Times in 1,015 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I know for a fact that John Shaft digs older chicks. Just saying.

02-01-2012, 09:28 AM	#6
Kobi Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Biological female. Lesbian. Relationship Status: Happy Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Hanging out in the Atlantic. Posts: 9,234 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,840 Thanked 34,662 Times in 7,652 Posts Rep Power: 21474860	I am an older woman with AARP credentials. I prefer being with and around people from my own era. Younger people are cool too but I find them to be exhausting. LOL. And, older femmes, to me, have beauty that just defies words. More often than not, they know exactly who they are, what they want, where they are going, and who is likely to be a good companion for the trip. Life experience brings with it a wisdom and settledness that is both grounding and exhilarating. Besides, I like when someone knows exactly what I mean when I say the spirit is willing but the body is not.

02-02-2012, 01:48 AM	#8
SugarFemme Member How Do You Identify?: Fierce Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Singular Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Southwest Posts: 1,029 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 650 Thanked 4,463 Times in 854 Posts Rep Power*: 21474850	When I joined the ranks of AARP last year, I had no issue with it. For me, each year that I grow older, is another year that I have grown wiser, gotten more comfortable in my own skin and have beaten death.

02-04-2012, 12:10 AM	#10
SweetJane Member How Do You Identify?: stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: always solo Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: New Mexico Posts: 368 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 380 Thanked 815 Times in 198 Posts Rep Power: 4309956	Sachita, I agree with you about younger companions. They do keep you feeling young. I think, for me, it was covering music for so long that I feel that way. Though I've interviewed music icons, it's the younger emerging musicians who had found their way musically into a sort of energetic maturity that were my inspiration. I tend to relate to that youthful creative vigor. I hope that I carry that into my daily walk, but balance it with some wisdom along the way.