Out on a limb.

Spoon · 11-04-2010, 11:19 AM

I joined BFP a few months ago, was semi-active, then fell off the planet, so to speak. After much contemplation, I came here to tell my tale.

Since realizing my identity in my early twenties, I have comfortably lived as a bisexual. I always said I was bi across the board. Gender didn't matter, what mattered was the person. Once I hit my thirties, however, I began primarily dating women, and I was fine with that as well. However, no matter who I dated, I always felt incomplete. I felt off, wrong, that I was lying to myself and to my partner about who I was. I felt a duality in me that was squelched no matter who I dated.

Then I met a gentleman I'll just call "J." "J" identifies as Genderqueer FTM. He is on T, has been for about five years, but non-op with no intentions of surgery. He lives as a man, wears binders, has a man's name, but is open about who he is. Most of his friends are lesbians or other queer identified females, with one or two other FTMs. Our relationship was brief, ended as friends, mostly due to poor timing; no hard feelings.

From our very first conversation, I felt 'right' for the first time in my life. I felt safe, comfortable, home. I had never had my own duality respected in such a way. I have always been sort of in-between in every arena; race, religion, identity. That in-between was fostered by "J." I could have my dyke moments, I could be a total girlie, I could just be me without boundaries. It was the most equal relationship I have ever had.

My struggle now is multi-faceted. For the first time, I find myself with a clear preference. I want to make it absolutely known I am no fetishist. I'm not out prowling for FTMs to sleep with randomly. I have been pondering that, among other things, during my hiatus from here and the rest of the world. I just want to find that feeling again with a lasting partner and it's sort of tearing me apart. I honestly don't know how to go about finding who I'm looking for. I've tried a couple dating sites, including the one on which I met "J" (OkCupid) without success. I don't even know how to go about looking. I just know I want that equal feeling again, even if it takes forever to find it.

I don't know if this is the right site for this outpouring. I felt comfortable here when I was active before, so it seemed like a good place to sort of lay this out. I've been carrying it on my own for a while. Thanks for reading.

adorable · 11-04-2010, 11:30 AM

I am of the fetish variety. Not sure why that makes a difference or how that would equate to you looking for FTM's to randomly sleep with. lol

What you are looking for is out there and there are people in here. But some GQ, TG's & Male ID's don't make that known unless they do actually start the transition process. There is no benefit to them doing so without the risk of losing their community. The reason I am still on this site is because this site is one of the few where the owners have been inclusionary from the begining.

There is a thread about a new dating site that is starting here, hopefully that will be a place to go for you and connect.

rlin · 11-04-2010, 12:22 PM

cheers to you for figuring it out!

we want what we want... and we need what we need... luckily for you it sounds like the two match up...

i think that you are in a good space... i mean... it sounds like you are in the right spot in your head to find what you are looking for and i think you have also came to a great space to do so... there are some really great guys that come to this site... stick around... enjoy the planet... and... before you know it... someone will click and you wont be torn apart anymore... you will be starting another journey in no time...

its a pleasure to meet you by the way... i enjoy the hell out of geeky queer girlies!

have fun around here... but... be careful... with all the good comes a few bad... no matter where you are...

back...

11-04-2010, 11:19 AM	#1
Spoon Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Girlie Geek. Sofa King Queer. Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Searching. Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Michigan. Posts: 23 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6 Thanked 53 Times in 9 Posts Rep Power: 1903	Out on a limb. I joined BFP a few months ago, was semi-active, then fell off the planet, so to speak. After much contemplation, I came here to tell my tale. Since realizing my identity in my early twenties, I have comfortably lived as a bisexual. I always said I was bi across the board. Gender didn't matter, what mattered was the person. Once I hit my thirties, however, I began primarily dating women, and I was fine with that as well. However, no matter who I dated, I always felt incomplete. I felt off, wrong, that I was lying to myself and to my partner about who I was. I felt a duality in me that was squelched no matter who I dated. Then I met a gentleman I'll just call "J." "J" identifies as Genderqueer FTM. He is on T, has been for about five years, but non-op with no intentions of surgery. He lives as a man, wears binders, has a man's name, but is open about who he is. Most of his friends are lesbians or other queer identified females, with one or two other FTMs. Our relationship was brief, ended as friends, mostly due to poor timing; no hard feelings. From our very first conversation, I felt 'right' for the first time in my life. I felt safe, comfortable, home. I had never had my own duality respected in such a way. I have always been sort of in-between in every arena; race, religion, identity. That in-between was fostered by "J." I could have my dyke moments, I could be a total girlie, I could just be me without boundaries. It was the most equal relationship I have ever had. My struggle now is multi-faceted. For the first time, I find myself with a clear preference. I want to make it absolutely known I am no fetishist. I'm not out prowling for FTMs to sleep with randomly. I have been pondering that, among other things, during my hiatus from here and the rest of the world. I just want to find that feeling again with a lasting partner and it's sort of tearing me apart. I honestly don't know how to go about finding who I'm looking for. I've tried a couple dating sites, including the one on which I met "J" (OkCupid) without success. I don't even know how to go about looking. I just know I want that equal feeling again, even if it takes forever to find it. I don't know if this is the right site for this outpouring. I felt comfortable here when I was active before, so it seemed like a good place to sort of lay this out. I've been carrying it on my own for a while. Thanks for reading. __________________ "Where there is no hope, one must invent hope."---Albert Camus

11-04-2010, 11:30 AM	#2
adorable Member How Do You Identify?: Sarcastically Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Home of the Yankee's Posts: 752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,708 Thanked 2,645 Times in 590 Posts Rep Power: 12725118	I am of the fetish variety. Not sure why that makes a difference or how that would equate to you looking for FTM's to randomly sleep with. lol What you are looking for is out there and there are people in here. But some GQ, TG's & Male ID's don't make that known unless they do actually start the transition process. There is no benefit to them doing so without the risk of losing their community. The reason I am still on this site is because this site is one of the few where the owners have been inclusionary from the begining. There is a thread about a new dating site that is starting here, hopefully that will be a place to go for you and connect.

11-04-2010, 12:22 PM	#3
rlin Member How Do You Identify?: human Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: nomad Posts: 712 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,450 Thanked 1,190 Times in 451 Posts Rep Power: 1004848	cheers to you for figuring it out! we want what we want... and we need what we need... luckily for you it sounds like the two match up... i think that you are in a good space... i mean... it sounds like you are in the right spot in your head to find what you are looking for and i think you have also came to a great space to do so... there are some really great guys that come to this site... stick around... enjoy the planet... and... before you know it... someone will click and you wont be torn apart anymore... you will be starting another journey in no time... its a pleasure to meet you by the way... i enjoy the hell out of geeky queer girlies! have fun around here... but... be careful... with all the good comes a few bad... no matter where you are... back...