National Coming Out Day 10/11! What's Your Story?

*Anya* · 10-11-2011, 06:29 AM

National Coming out Day is Tuesday, Oct. 11. Founded in 1988 by Robert Eichberg, a psychologist from New Mexico, and Jean O'Leary, an openly- gay political leader from Los Angeles, the date was chosen to commemorate the anniversary of the 1987 National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights.

To celebrate National Coming Out Day, is there someone or a group of people you would like to come out to-but have not yet done so?

What was coming out like for you? Who did you tell first? Are you still coming out (it can be a life-long process).

PS: Coming out applies to you no matter how you ID if BFP is your home-away-from-home!

1QuirkyKiwi · 10-11-2011, 05:39 PM

I felt safe and comfortable first coming out to my Maori Grandmother at about 6-7 yrs. She kept my 'secret' until I was ready to tell my Maori Great-Uncle and his partner - they understood my fears of how the Maori family would react as they are gay. My Maori Great-Uncle was ostracised for many years because of it (we're talking pre WWII up until the early 60s).

By my late teens only the close family knew - the others suspected. My first time in the UK, as far as my English side of the family were/are concerned, I'm just me.

I came out to my Scottish side of the family in 2004 when I was living there - we've hardly spoken since!

In my professional life, I've only told those I've ever been closest too.

Soon · 10-11-2011, 06:14 PM

It's funny b/c I still cannot talk about it to many--even though, it has been over ten years.

I might be able to do the bare bones of it.

2002--I was 32 and had only been with one other woman for a year before this scenario.

Characters: Catholic Mother--Me

Restaurant--her and myself having a bday lunch (we are two days apart in the same month)

She asked how my *friend* was...and then proceeded to ask where she slept when she visited me (she was living in a different province at the time).

I replied, "Oh, so you know that we are more than friends..."

Her response: "WHAT?!?!?!?! You are kidding me; tell me you are joking!"

My response: "No. I though you KNEW!! Why would you ask her sleeping arrangements, if you didn't. etc etc"

Mom's response: "OMG. You HAD BOYFRIENDS!!!"

My response: "Yes...and now I don't...and exactly what IS your problem that M. is my lover?"

Her response: "It's against the CATHOLIC Church!"

My response: "And so was me sleeping with the past boyfriends, but you got used to that!"

Her response: "YOU ARE NOT GAY! People KNOW when they are/you were NOT born that way...." (still working on that as I believe women's sexuality is quite complicated, but what can you do when the meme is you are BORN that way.)

My response: I left the restaurant.

MOM left and knocked on my apt where my partner was sitting there and she proceeded to tell my gf how SELFISH I was and had always been. That's another story.

--------------------------

Conclusion: It got better from there.
-------------------------------

That is ONE of the coming out stories...of course, we do it over and over and over...i have tonnes of them, but that is the one that stands out in my head.

*Anya* · 10-11-2011, 07:14 PM

I came out to my 2 daughters first because they asked me why my girlfriend-my first "real" one, slept in my bed with me and why we were kissing. They must have been 7 and almost 6.

I said I loved her. They said OK. it did not bother them until they were pre-teens and knew what it really meant. Then it upset them because they wanted a hetero family like most of their friends. By the time they were in their late teens, they thought it was cool.

Then I told my brothers. They were 19 & 13. Neither cared until I told my parents and then all hell broke loose. WWIII freakout on mom's part. She did not talk to me for 15 years and my bros saw my rejection by our parents and didn't want any part of it so they sided with mom & dad joined in. I understand that, really.

One time, just a major coincidence, one year that my long-term butch and I were vacationing in Hawaii and we were in a store and who should walk by but my mother! My parents were there @ the same time. She walked right by me. I turned around and said: "Mom!" but she kept on walking! Yes, she saw and heard me.

Not invited to my brothers weddings as they got older or any family function. My girls also were rejected.

Now that they are in their 80's, it is an uneasy peace. They ask me zero about my life and do not want to hear anything about my being gay whatsoever. I accept them as they are as they are too old to change now.

My brothers both live out of state and we rarely speak.

The Waltons-we are not.

LeftWriteFemme · 10-11-2011, 07:24 PM

Today I was teasing the owner of the gallery where my work is represented, telling her that if it weren't for the fact that I'm gay and she's straight I would rub her til all her lupus pain went away......we both laughed. Then she said, "Oh isn't today National Coming Out Day?" and we laughed and laughed some more....she is one of those cool straight people. It's been a nice coming out day

Starbuck · 10-11-2011, 11:49 PM

Last November I came out to my dad first, he took it rather awkwardly, which is how I expected him to. Later I told my mother; she said she was not surprised and that she'd told my dad when I went into the Army she thought I was a Lesbian.

Fast forward almost a year and my dad and I have gotten into some pretty bad arguments about me letting his family know because he said it was an embarrassment to him (the stuff on FB he said). I tend to think he's just embarrassed of me, oh well...his loss. I'm still waiting on the shit to hit the fan on this one!

But today being NCOD 2011, I took the opportunity to share my lesbian status with the rest of the family that I'm connected to on FB. I've not received any messages from them and quite frankly I don't expect to. I have, however, received accepting and supportive messages from other FB friends. My post included the fact that if my declaration cost me family or friends, so be it, we
weren't true family or friends in the first place, but that I still loved them. I am out to my husband, I just wish some things were different at the moment. I keep telling myself that the grass on the other side of the fence may not be as green as it looks and so I'm afraid of upsetting the status quo. I just need more time to get things sorted out in my head first. Wish me luck!

lisa93 · 10-11-2017, 08:08 PM

I never got to come out, I was more so outed, which was hard

Mel C. · 10-17-2017, 07:15 PM

So, I was 16 or 17 and was driving my dad somewhere. For some unknown reason, he pops open the glove compartment. Inside the glove compartment were library books about homosexuality. I quickly slammed the glove compartment shut, but he just opened it right back up and asked me if I was a homosexual. I said the books belonged to a friend, which may have been true (I remember going to the library together but I don't remember which one of us had the courage to check the books out). Regardless, a lecture about homosexuality and how it was okay for friends and acquaintances but NOT for their daughter ensued. Over the next few years, I became more accepting of myself. I even co-founded a lesbian sorority. While I was in college, I brought the subject up with my parents again and said I was gay. There was some disappointment, but no big negative reaction. Today, I make no effort to hide the fact that I am gay.

girl_dee · 10-17-2017, 07:19 PM

*subscribing*

Thank you for bumping this thread that i could not find !

i want to hear these stories.

girl_dee · 10-19-2017, 04:05 PM

i came out in my 30’s.. i peeked out in my 20s but i flew back into the closet.

i was so afraid i was going to lose my family, but it was the opposite.

MsTinkerbelly · 10-19-2017, 05:40 PM

I came out at the age of 38, chucking aside a perfectly fine marriage with a perfectly fine man. Except it all was a lie.

My Dad passed away before I could tell him, and my mom said “oh, ok”. My sister was furious and didn’t speak to me for weeks...she finally told me that she was upset because I hadn’t told her sooner that I was living a lie.

No one in my family cared one way or the other, in fact I have a lesbian cousin who came out before I did.

I really feel badly for all of you who did not have support from the very people who were supposed to have your backs no matter what.

10-11-2011, 06:29 AM	#1
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,541 Times in 7,283 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	National Coming Out Day 10/11! What's Your Story? National Coming out Day is Tuesday, Oct. 11. Founded in 1988 by Robert Eichberg, a psychologist from New Mexico, and Jean O'Leary, an openly- gay political leader from Los Angeles, the date was chosen to commemorate the anniversary of the 1987 National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights. To celebrate National Coming Out Day, is there someone or a group of people you would like to come out to-but have not yet done so? What was coming out like for you? Who did you tell first? Are you still coming out (it can be a life-long process). PS: Coming out applies to you no matter how you ID if BFP is your home-away-from-home! __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

10-11-2011, 05:39 PM	#2
1QuirkyKiwi Senior Member How Do You Identify?: BBW. Unique femininity that does not encompass the western paradigm. Preferred Pronoun?: Anything Respectful! Relationship Status: Single, Happy, not Desparate or Looking, but Open to Possibilities... Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Europe and Aotearoa on a 5:2 ratio. Posts: 2,308 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,003 Thanked 6,035 Times in 1,617 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I felt safe and comfortable first coming out to my Maori Grandmother at about 6-7 yrs. She kept my 'secret' until I was ready to tell my Maori Great-Uncle and his partner - they understood my fears of how the Maori family would react as they are gay. My Maori Great-Uncle was ostracised for many years because of it (we're talking pre WWII up until the early 60s). By my late teens only the close family knew - the others suspected. My first time in the UK, as far as my English side of the family were/are concerned, I'm just me. I came out to my Scottish side of the family in 2004 when I was living there - we've hardly spoken since! In my professional life, I've only told those I've ever been closest too. __________________ What will make the difference to me is your strength of character and what's in your heart...

10-11-2011, 07:14 PM	#4
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,541 Times in 7,283 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	I came out to my 2 daughters first because they asked me why my girlfriend-my first "real" one, slept in my bed with me and why we were kissing. They must have been 7 and almost 6. I said I loved her. They said OK. it did not bother them until they were pre-teens and knew what it really meant. Then it upset them because they wanted a hetero family like most of their friends. By the time they were in their late teens, they thought it was cool. Then I told my brothers. They were 19 & 13. Neither cared until I told my parents and then all hell broke loose. WWIII freakout on mom's part. She did not talk to me for 15 years and my bros saw my rejection by our parents and didn't want any part of it so they sided with mom & dad joined in. I understand that, really. One time, just a major coincidence, one year that my long-term butch and I were vacationing in Hawaii and we were in a store and who should walk by but my mother! My parents were there @ the same time. She walked right by me. I turned around and said: "Mom!" but she kept on walking! Yes, she saw and heard me. Not invited to my brothers weddings as they got older or any family function. My girls also were rejected. Now that they are in their 80's, it is an uneasy peace. They ask me zero about my life and do not want to hear anything about my being gay whatsoever. I accept them as they are as they are too old to change now. My brothers both live out of state and we rarely speak. The Waltons-we are not. __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

10-11-2011, 07:24 PM	#5
LeftWriteFemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Daddy's good girl Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Jersey Posts: 16,642 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,529 Thanked 12,313 Times in 5,194 Posts Rep Power: 21474868	Today I was teasing the owner of the gallery where my work is represented, telling her that if it weren't for the fact that I'm gay and she's straight I would rub her til all her lupus pain went away......we both laughed. Then she said, "Oh isn't today National Coming Out Day?" and we laughed and laughed some more....she is one of those cool straight people. It's been a nice coming out day __________________ Clicking on these dragon eggs will take you to my new erotic novella: Dragon Bait .........Hope you enjoy it! ________________________________________________ Please take a look at my work Click on flashing smilie to see my website To look at my Daddy/girl erotica book Click on pompom girl to see Elbows on the Table, Palms Flat

10-11-2011, 11:49 PM	#6
Starbuck Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Oklahoma City Posts: 2,436 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,378 Thanked 2,148 Times in 756 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	NCOD 2011 Last November I came out to my dad first, he took it rather awkwardly, which is how I expected him to. Later I told my mother; she said she was not surprised and that she'd told my dad when I went into the Army she thought I was a Lesbian. Fast forward almost a year and my dad and I have gotten into some pretty bad arguments about me letting his family know because he said it was an embarrassment to him (the stuff on FB he said). I tend to think he's just embarrassed of me, oh well...his loss. I'm still waiting on the shit to hit the fan on this one! But today being NCOD 2011, I took the opportunity to share my lesbian status with the rest of the family that I'm connected to on FB. I've not received any messages from them and quite frankly I don't expect to. I have, however, received accepting and supportive messages from other FB friends. My post included the fact that if my declaration cost me family or friends, so be it, we weren't true family or friends in the first place, but that I still loved them. I am out to my husband, I just wish some things were different at the moment. I keep telling myself that the grass on the other side of the fence may not be as green as it looks and so I'm afraid of upsetting the status quo. I just need more time to get things sorted out in my head first. Wish me luck! __________________ To forgive is to set the prisoner free, And then discover the prisoner was you.

10-11-2011, 06:14 PM	#3
Soon Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: attached Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: . Posts: 6,896 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,046 Thanked 13,097 Times in 3,386 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	It's funny b/c I still cannot talk about it to many--even though, it has been over ten years. I might be able to do the bare bones of it. 2002--I was 32 and had only been with one other woman for a year before this scenario. Characters: Catholic Mother--Me Restaurant--her and myself having a bday lunch (we are two days apart in the same month) She asked how my friend was...and then proceeded to ask where she slept when she visited me (she was living in a different province at the time). I replied, "Oh, so you know that we are more than friends..." Her response: "WHAT?!?!?!?! You are kidding me; tell me you are joking!" My response: "No. I though you KNEW!! Why would you ask her sleeping arrangements, if you didn't. etc etc" Mom's response: "OMG. You HAD BOYFRIENDS!!!" My response: "Yes...and now I don't...and exactly what IS your problem that M. is my lover?" Her response: "It's against the CATHOLIC Church!" My response: "And so was me sleeping with the past boyfriends, but you got used to that!" Her response: "YOU ARE NOT GAY! People KNOW when they are/you were NOT born that way...." (still working on that as I believe women's sexuality is quite complicated, but what can you do when the meme is you are BORN that way.) My response: I left the restaurant. MOM left and knocked on my apt where my partner was sitting there and she proceeded to tell my gf how SELFISH I was and had always been. That's another story. -------------------------- Conclusion: It got better from there. ------------------------------- That is ONE of the coming out stories...of course, we do it over and over and over...i have tonnes of them, but that is the one that stands out in my head.

10-11-2017, 08:08 PM	#7
lisa93 Junior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Join Date: Oct 2017 Location: maryland Posts: 31 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 0 Thanked 21 Times in 11 Posts Rep Power: 214756	I never got to come out, I was more so outed, which was hard

10-17-2017, 07:15 PM	#8
Mel C. Long-time Member How Do You Identify?: WIB - woman identified butch Preferred Pronoun?: Your choice...not really a button for me Relationship Status: ♡ married 1/1/2019♡ Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: San Diego Posts: 2,149 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,772 Thanked 6,828 Times in 1,621 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	bump even though it's a bit late So, I was 16 or 17 and was driving my dad somewhere. For some unknown reason, he pops open the glove compartment. Inside the glove compartment were library books about homosexuality. I quickly slammed the glove compartment shut, but he just opened it right back up and asked me if I was a homosexual. I said the books belonged to a friend, which may have been true (I remember going to the library together but I don't remember which one of us had the courage to check the books out). Regardless, a lecture about homosexuality and how it was okay for friends and acquaintances but NOT for their daughter ensued. Over the next few years, I became more accepting of myself. I even co-founded a lesbian sorority. While I was in college, I brought the subject up with my parents again and said I was gay. There was some disappointment, but no big negative reaction. Today, I make no effort to hide the fact that I am gay.

10-17-2017, 07:19 PM	#9
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,862 Times in 13,915 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	subscribing Thank you for bumping this thread that i could not find ! i want to hear these stories.

10-19-2017, 04:05 PM	#10
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,862 Times in 13,915 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	i came out in my 30’s.. i peeked out in my 20s but i flew back into the closet. i was so afraid i was going to lose my family, but it was the opposite.

10-19-2017, 05:40 PM	#11
MsTinkerbelly Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: ... Preferred Pronoun?: ... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ... Posts: 6,573 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,737 Thanked 22,928 Times in 5,021 Posts Rep Power: 0	I came out at the age of 38, chucking aside a perfectly fine marriage with a perfectly fine man. Except it all was a lie. My Dad passed away before I could tell him, and my mom said “oh, ok”. My sister was furious and didn’t speak to me for weeks...she finally told me that she was upset because I hadn’t told her sooner that I was living a lie. No one in my family cared one way or the other, in fact I have a lesbian cousin who came out before I did. I really feel badly for all of you who did not have support from the very people who were supposed to have your backs no matter what.