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Old 08-27-2012, 11:32 AM   #1

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Exclamation Watching over you.

Hey, Femme sisters.

This is an FYI and Medusa may have something to add to it later, but I'm going to close this, as it's not intended to be a discussion, but rather things to look out for when being approached by a new to you member in a romantic way. The Butches and Men may want to take some of this to heart as well.

We have a couple of people who just keep coming back to play games with peoples hearts. We do the best we can to identify and ban them as soon as we know, but it can take a while to gather enough evidence.

In the mean time, some things you should look out for:

1. They seem to know you, even if you don't know them. They will mention things you like or are passionate about immediately.

2. They ask deeply personal questions about where you live, what you do for a living, your family and friends. (Do not give this information out until you know who you're talking to)

3. They immediately want to move to Yahoo or another outside source of communication. (off-site, because they know it's harder for us to watch or moderate)

4. They immediately want to start texting and will insist this happens daily, several times a day, we think in order to keep you engaged.

5. They immediately start talking about "forever" with you. They are charming and attentive, fascinated by your every word. They seem to remember everything you've ever said. Which is probably true, because they log everything you say.

6. They start making plans to meet you, but never seem to follow through, and often have dire emergencies that keep them from doing so.

7. They imply that they are temporarily short of funds, not quite asking for money, but hinting about it. Electricity may be cut off, apartment eviction. And it's always someone elses fault, a bank error, a check not received, had to pay for Grandmas hospital bill, etc. Sometimes, they will feign cancer or other serious illness. BEWARE!

8. They rep and thank every single post you make.

9. They often will infer they are personal friends with the owners or moderators of this site. Even though they've never met us. Please note: No one is exempt from moderation or time-outs from this site, even if you've eaten at our table or slept in our guest beds.

10. They can't provide you with the name of a single person from this site that they've actually met. This is a red flag, because if you get to a certain age and you are involved in this dynamic at all, chances are you've attended some kind of gathering with folks, even in your local area. It is POSSIBLE you haven't, but unlikely unless you are newly out, or just have a history of gamey, inauthentic behavior.

11. When you start asking them deeper questions about where they work, live, etc. they will almost always have some kind of important or eclectic job. They might work for Microsoft, be self-employed as a published author -- They often claim to have a lot of money, even though they might infer you should help them out due to a temporary reversal of fortunes.

12. Their story and/or name changes, and when asked to clarify, they will become defensive and hurt rather than giving a plausible explanation.

I know it's a lot to look out for, especially when you are receptive to attention and actively looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with. They tend to prey on folks like this and actively seek them out. This doesn't make you a bad person, but they are.

So, be aware and let us know if you feel you may be dealing with someone like this. What names they use on yahoo, email, signatures. Phone numbers -- Anything that might help us research someone to find out their intent.

Sometimes, we will ask people to verify who they are using a refundable $1 paypal transaction, a copy of their ID, or some other form of identification. Usually what happens, is these people will come up with all kinds of excuses why they can't provide it, none of them reasonable.

While we cannot possibly make this a completely "Safe" space, we do everything possible to keep outright predators away from the membership.


We're all interconnected. Act accordingly.

For information about protecting yourself here on the forums, click.
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