What fart did you fart today?

nycfem · 02-08-2014, 09:07 PM

Just another fart thread for giggles because as Pamela Anderson said in her old column in Jane Magazine, "Farts are never not funny."

THE ORANGE OOMPA LOOMPA FART

Today I farted while on an elliptical (like a treadmill) at the gym today. It was a sour silent fart that lingered, as in my prayer, "Please disappear," but no... still there, perhaps even reaching a potential no one could ever imagine it would achieve at it's humble beginnings.

Unfortunately I was on a piece of equipment right next to only one other person. It was very clear who "dealt it." She handled my toxic gas with true civility and class by simply moving to an elliptical a few machines down from me, no 'tude in the least. When I've been in the reverse situation, I have not been as generous, instead angrily inhaling the stench while giving dirty eyes to the farter, who, of course, pretends that they don't notice they are being hated on.

I tried to diagnose my fart as I continued on my cardio machine all alone, as in, what created such a monstrous expulsion? I did have an orange and some almonds before working out, or was it the power bar, or some combination thereof. I had to go with the orange.

So, what fart did you fart today?

batennisboy · 02-08-2014, 09:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nycfem

Just another fart thread for giggles because as Pamela Anderson said in her old column in Jane Magazine, "Farts are never not funny."

THE ORANGE OOMPA LOOMPA FART

Today I farted while on an elliptical (like a treadmill) at the gym today. It was a sour silent fart that lingered, as in my prayer, "Please disappear," but no... still there, perhaps even reaching a potential no one could ever imagine it would achieve at it's humble beginnings.

Unfortunately I was on a piece of equipment right next to only one other person. It was very clear who "dealt it." She handled my toxic gas with true civility and class by simply moving to an elliptical a few machines down from me, no 'tude in the least. When I've been in the reverse situation, I have not been as generous, instead angrily inhaling the stench while giving dirty eyes to the farter, who, of course, pretends that they don't notice they are being hated on.

I tried to diagnose my fart as I continued on my cardio machine all alone, as in, what created such a monstrous expulsion? I did have an orange and some almonds before working out, or was it the power bar, or some combination thereof. I had to go with the orange.

So, what fart did you fart today?

OMFG!!!!! You have made my evening!!!! You are an inspiration!!!

mountainbikedyke · 02-08-2014, 09:12 PM

~subscribing~ because farts are funny!

Soon · 02-08-2014, 09:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mountainbikedyke

~subscribing~ because farts are funny!

LMAO! How'd I know you'd be in this thread PRONTO?!

Medusa · 02-08-2014, 09:16 PM

I did a "scare the dog" and a "punctuation" fart today.

The "scare the dog" is exactly as it sounds. Gracie was sleeping on the bed as I was cleaning the bedroom and I let one rip. It was a loud retort, kinda like a gunshot, and it woke Gracie up and she immediately growled and stood up, looking for robber who was surely breaking in/wind.

The "punctuation" fart is the one where you make a long, vibrating fart but there is an "exclamation point" at the end. Like one last extra fart to top it all off!

PPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF POP!

batennisboy · 02-08-2014, 09:19 PM

OMG...I *love* this thread!!!!!

mountainbikedyke · 02-08-2014, 09:31 PM

I like the "question mark" fart!!!

Medusa · 02-08-2014, 09:46 PM

I truly do wish T-Rex would come in here and talk about the time I chased her through the lobby of the only 5-star hotel in Arkansas at 3am while letting the World's Loudest Fart

DapperButch · 02-08-2014, 10:15 PM

I just farted in the car on the way home from the play TF and I just attended. I had to, the gas had been building up! It was a high pitched squeal of a fart.

It didn't even have a smell for some reason...

Liam · 02-08-2014, 10:34 PM

Subscribing in solidarity, pretty quiet day for farts, here.

Corkey · 02-08-2014, 11:02 PM

Is the silent but deadly sort....

In public I try very hard to leave public space, because I could kill a horse.

StillettoDoll · 02-09-2014, 05:36 AM

This is a smelly thread lol

deathbypoem · 02-09-2014, 10:40 AM

Had to get in on this one!

the other morning while waiting on the front porch for the bus to pick up my son I let one rip. It was sort of like multiple shots with a pause in between each one. He said "MOM that was NOT a straight fart!!" I said, um what is a straight fart? He said you know the ones where there is a line of gas that doesn't stop!

I nearly lost it. In fact not two secs later I had a straight fart. Think that made his day lmao

o'queery · 02-09-2014, 10:55 AM

I am quite fond of the

"Crop Duster"

Passing gas in a stealth manor, usually while walking through a crowd or a group, so that someone else gets blamed for the stench, or at the very least people besides the assailant must suffer it.

mountainbikedyke · 02-09-2014, 11:25 AM

I like the "fart and dart" myself!

Words · 02-09-2014, 01:56 PM

*I* don't fart.

I just hold it in and let it out as drama.

Bard · 02-09-2014, 02:27 PM

our dog Gracie is the master of the silent and VERY deadly farts in our house and I swear she knows it .. desd will be GRACIE-LOO and then it will just linger .... like a fog
the goose she likes to try and fart .. on me ... no idea where she gets that from....

puddin' · 02-09-2014, 03:06 PM

i burped at work yestaday (one o' those short, barky burps) and it was mistaken by a co-worker fo' a fart!

how does that even happen?!! lol

batennisboy · 02-09-2014, 05:38 PM

Was walking down the hallway yesterday and thy fart felt it necessary to be released. It was a "walk the walk" fart - bits being released with each step and thus butt movement. It was further punctuated with a statement "period" short and sweet definitive fart.

Liam · 02-09-2014, 10:31 PM

Just a couple of putt putts today, while puttering about the house. It would seem that I have become a shadow of the Olympian Farter, I once was. *Sigh*

02-08-2014, 09:07 PM	#1
nycfem Moderator How Do You Identify?: femme sub Preferred Pronoun?: Baby Grrl Relationship Status: Attached Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NYC Posts: 6,792 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 52,982 Thanked 21,599 Times in 5,101 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	What fart did you fart today? Just another fart thread for giggles because as Pamela Anderson said in her old column in Jane Magazine, "Farts are never not funny." THE ORANGE OOMPA LOOMPA FART Today I farted while on an elliptical (like a treadmill) at the gym today. It was a sour silent fart that lingered, as in my prayer, "Please disappear," but no... still there, perhaps even reaching a potential no one could ever imagine it would achieve at it's humble beginnings. Unfortunately I was on a piece of equipment right next to only one other person. It was very clear who "dealt it." She handled my toxic gas with true civility and class by simply moving to an elliptical a few machines down from me, no 'tude in the least. When I've been in the reverse situation, I have not been as generous, instead angrily inhaling the stench while giving dirty eyes to the farter, who, of course, pretends that they don't notice they are being hated on. I tried to diagnose my fart as I continued on my cardio machine all alone, as in, what created such a monstrous expulsion? I did have an orange and some almonds before working out, or was it the power bar, or some combination thereof. I had to go with the orange. So, what fart did you fart today? __________________ *** How do I... ?** Check out the Members Helping Members thread: http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/foru...embers+Helping

02-08-2014, 09:12 PM	#3
mountainbikedyke Member How Do You Identify?: Masculine Woman Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Chicago y'all! Posts: 256 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 373 Thanked 495 Times in 147 Posts Rep Power: 20425078	~subscribing~ because farts are funny! __________________

02-08-2014, 09:16 PM	#5
Medusa Mentally Delicious How Do You Identify?: Queer High Femme, thank you very much Preferred Pronoun?: Mme. Relationship Status: Married to JD. Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Atlanta Posts: 10,446 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,995 Thanked 42,721 Times in 7,832 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	I did a "scare the dog" and a "punctuation" fart today. The "scare the dog" is exactly as it sounds. Gracie was sleeping on the bed as I was cleaning the bedroom and I let one rip. It was a loud retort, kinda like a gunshot, and it woke Gracie up and she immediately growled and stood up, looking for robber who was surely breaking in/wind. The "punctuation" fart is the one where you make a long, vibrating fart but there is an "exclamation point" at the end. Like one last extra fart to top it all off! PPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF POP! __________________ . . . Buy ButchFemmePlanet Merch Here: https://teespring.com/stores/butchfemmeplanetcom-merch

02-08-2014, 09:31 PM	#7
mountainbikedyke Member How Do You Identify?: Masculine Woman Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Chicago y'all! Posts: 256 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 373 Thanked 495 Times in 147 Posts Rep Power: 20425078	I like the "question mark" fart!!! __________________

02-08-2014, 09:46 PM	#8
Medusa Mentally Delicious How Do You Identify?: Queer High Femme, thank you very much Preferred Pronoun?: Mme. Relationship Status: Married to JD. Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Atlanta Posts: 10,446 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,995 Thanked 42,721 Times in 7,832 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	I truly do wish T-Rex would come in here and talk about the time I chased her through the lobby of the only 5-star hotel in Arkansas at 3am while letting the World's Loudest Fart __________________ . . . Buy ButchFemmePlanet Merch Here: https://teespring.com/stores/butchfemmeplanetcom-merch

02-08-2014, 09:19 PM	#6
batennisboy Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Queer Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: In love with the fuzzy yellow objects of my affection. Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Bay Area, CA Posts: 82 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 284 Thanked 277 Times in 79 Posts Rep Power: 4135521	OMG...I love this thread!!!!!

02-08-2014, 10:15 PM	#9
DapperButch Roadster Guy How Do You Identify?: FTM, Stone Butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Northeast Posts: 7,745 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 26,545 Thanked 26,838 Times in 5,771 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Great thread! I just farted in the car on the way home from the play TF and I just attended. I had to, the gas had been building up! It was a high pitched squeal of a fart. It didn't even have a smell for some reason... __________________ -Dapper Are you educated or indoctrinated?

02-08-2014, 10:34 PM	#10
Liam Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Guy Preferred Pronoun?: He, Him, His Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The Evergreen State Posts: 2,269 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 14,865 Thanked 6,876 Times in 1,860 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Subscribing in solidarity, pretty quiet day for farts, here. __________________ <3 Love is weird.

02-08-2014, 11:02 PM	#11
Corkey Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Human Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Very Married Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Where I want to be Posts: 8,155 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 47,491 Thanked 29,274 Times in 6,637 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	Is the silent but deadly sort.... In public I try very hard to leave public space, because I could kill a horse. __________________ "Many proposals have been made to us to adopt your laws, your religion, your manners and your customs. We would be better pleased with beholding the good effects of these doctrines in your own practices, than with hearing you talk about them". ~Old Tassel, Chief of the Tsalagi (Cherokee)

02-09-2014, 05:36 AM	#12
StillettoDoll Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Lady Relationship Status: single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 2,824 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,779 Thanked 3,871 Times in 1,479 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	fart joke This is a smelly thread lol __________________

02-09-2014, 10:40 AM	#13
deathbypoem Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Poetically versed to breathe only truth and bleed certainty Preferred Pronoun?: Kane Relationship Status: Married to Chefnaction Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Finally, home Posts: 1,987 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,900 Thanked 4,738 Times in 1,583 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	LMAO Had to get in on this one! the other morning while waiting on the front porch for the bus to pick up my son I let one rip. It was sort of like multiple shots with a pause in between each one. He said "MOM that was NOT a straight fart!!" I said, um what is a straight fart? He said you know the ones where there is a line of gas that doesn't stop! I nearly lost it. In fact not two secs later I had a straight fart. Think that made his day lmao __________________ I need your grace To remind me To find my own

02-09-2014, 10:55 AM	#14
o'queery Member How Do You Identify?: serviceboy Preferred Pronoun?: him, hey boy Relationship Status: boyfriend of my joey. <3 Imma lucky bitchboy! Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Off the Grid Posts: 864 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,770 Thanked 1,895 Times in 523 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	bwahahahahaha! I am quite fond of the "Crop Duster" Passing gas in a stealth manor, usually while walking through a crowd or a group, so that someone else gets blamed for the stench, or at the very least people besides the assailant must suffer it. __________________ I'm not an artist i'm a fucking work of art

02-09-2014, 11:25 AM	#15
mountainbikedyke Member How Do You Identify?: Masculine Woman Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Chicago y'all! Posts: 256 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 373 Thanked 495 Times in 147 Posts Rep Power: 20425078	I like the "fart and dart" myself! __________________

02-09-2014, 01:56 PM	#16
Words Member How Do You Identify?: Queer femme submissive Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: UK Posts: 969 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,449 Thanked 4,259 Times in 677 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I don't fart. I just hold it in and let it out as drama.

02-09-2014, 02:27 PM	#17
Bard Family Man How Do You Identify?: TG Male Preferred Pronoun?: Masculine ones Relationship Status: She just gets me Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ..... Posts: 2,828 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,997 Thanked 12,786 Times in 2,431 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	our dog Gracie is the master of the silent and VERY deadly farts in our house and I swear she knows it .. desd will be GRACIE-LOO and then it will just linger .... like a fog the goose she likes to try and fart .. on me ... no idea where she gets that from.... __________________ This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill Fifteen percent concentrated power of will Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain And a hundred percent reason to remember the name! Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Don't dream it, be it.

02-09-2014, 03:06 PM	#18
puddin' Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: a genderqueer nuisance Preferred Pronoun?: bitchboi Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: new zealand Posts: 7,120 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,467 Thanked 7,968 Times in 2,341 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	i burped at work yestaday (one o' those short, barky burps) and it was mistaken by a co-worker fo' a fart! how does that even happen?!! lol __________________ be true, be you, be brave. Last edited by puddin'; 02-09-2014 at 03:12 PM. Reason: burp clarification

02-09-2014, 05:38 PM	#19
batennisboy Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Queer Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: In love with the fuzzy yellow objects of my affection. Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Bay Area, CA Posts: 82 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 284 Thanked 277 Times in 79 Posts Rep Power: 4135521	Was walking down the hallway yesterday and thy fart felt it necessary to be released. It was a "walk the walk" fart - bits being released with each step and thus butt movement. It was further punctuated with a statement "period" short and sweet definitive fart.

02-09-2014, 10:31 PM	#20
Liam Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Guy Preferred Pronoun?: He, Him, His Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The Evergreen State Posts: 2,269 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 14,865 Thanked 6,876 Times in 1,860 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Just a couple of putt putts today, while puttering about the house. It would seem that I have become a shadow of the Olympian Farter, I once was. Sigh __________________ <3 Love is weird.