Your Ideal Relationship Format

MasterfulButch · 10-02-2014, 01:19 AM

Back Story
When I first came out, I was new to the scene, young and following some gut instinct. I had no real understanding or the perspective that a few more years would have brought. Anyway, I kissed my first girl and had that wonderful feeling of ‘rightness’ which I’m sure many of you will identify with. Within a very short space of time my excitement was thoroughly doused as the girl and her gay male best friend proceeded to explain to me that “gay people don’t do long term relationships”. “If that’s what you want in life,” they told me, “then you better not go down this path.” This threw me into a spin of trying to reconcile my definite sexuality with my equally definite belief in a certain type of relationship. The thought that two of the most fundamental facets of my personality were so diametrically opposed was horrific.

Fast forward to the present day and I’m glad to say I now know how thoroughly wrong these people were. Years and experience have taught me that we can have whatever form of relationship we want, subject to finding a willing partner(s) of course. So, I thought I would celebrate this choice and also how far society has come in those intervening years by asking you for your opinions…

Getting to the point
Imagine (if you need to) that you’ve found your ideal partner(s) and there are no tedious barriers like financial situations to worry about, what would your optimum relationship format look like?

I’m thinking general here. Would you be monogamous? Would you be poly? Live together? Live in neighbouring properties with an inter-connecting door? Be focussed primarily on other things (e.g. work)? Backpack around the world together? Are you soulmates? Best friends? Have a commitment ceremony? Call her/them wife? Have children? Have pets? Start a charity together? Still be together twenty years on? Live in the moment? BDSM? Vanilla?

imperfect_cupcake · 10-02-2014, 01:45 AM

Ideal?

we'd both live in the same building, different floors. I have no idea about her place, that's her biz. her space is not my fantasy lol.

Mostly Monogamous. I don't mind passing ships. I don't actually trust anyone to be totally monogamous, I think it's an unrealistic expectation for a life long partner, so, she can fool around as she sees fit as long as I'm always first, and her extra curriculars don't get dramatic or complicated.

I seriously doubt I'd bother with others but if someone fell in my lap and the environment was right I'd consider it - if there was no issue with drama, then sure.

I'd like to have three apartments. mine and two travel ones I share with her. One in the UK and one in South East Asia.

My career is my career, her is hers. I like mine. She loves hers.

I work 3 days a week, she works 3-4 or can work from home part time, so we can do long weekend get aways. she travels on her own sometimes, as do I.

She's the boss. I'm the happy first mate. With a lot of independence.

Kinky. But not old gaurd or too many rigid rules. I'm a Papa's dolly but I'm also informal and playful and feisty. I'd rather have what comes naturally to us than follow other people's guidelines.

It's life long.

I have cats. I dunno what she's got in her apt.

As for what we build together? I have no idea. With my exwife, we wanted to do doctors without borders. I never had that idea before I met her. I'll have to meet her first before I decide what it is - as a team - we do or don't do.

I hope she inspires me. I hope I inspire her.

JDeere · 10-02-2014, 02:22 AM

I will respond when I can answer these with lots of thought! Good thread title, too.

Penmarked Femme · 10-02-2014, 06:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MasterfulButch

Back Story
When I first came out, I was new to the scene, young and following some gut instinct. I had no real understanding or the perspective that a few more years would have brought. Anyway, I kissed my first girl and had that wonderful feeling of ‘rightness’ which I’m sure many of you will identify with. Within a very short space of time my excitement was thoroughly doused as the girl and her gay male best friend proceeded to explain to me that “gay people don’t do long term relationships”. “If that’s what you want in life,” they told me, “then you better not go down this path.” This threw me into a spin of trying to reconcile my definite sexuality with my equally definite belief in a certain type of relationship. The thought that two of the most fundamental facets of my personality were so diametrically opposed was horrific.

Fast forward to the present day and I’m glad to say I now know how thoroughly wrong these people were. Years and experience have taught me that we can have whatever form of relationship we want, subject to finding a willing partner(s) of course. So, I thought I would celebrate this choice and also how far society has come in those intervening years by asking you for your opinions…

Getting to the point
Imagine (if you need to) that you’ve found your ideal partner(s) and there are no tedious barriers like financial situations to worry about, what would your optimum relationship format look like?

I’m thinking general here. Would you be monogamous? Would you be poly? Live together? Live in neighbouring properties with an inter-connecting door? Be focussed primarily on other things (e.g. work)? Backpack around the world together? Are you soulmates? Best friends? Have a commitment ceremony? Call her/them wife? Have children? Have pets? Start a charity together? Still be together twenty years on? Live in the moment? BDSM? Vanilla?

Wow, that was an amazing post! Such insight, running out door, but coming back to this one!!!

Gráinne · 10-02-2014, 06:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MasterfulButch

Back Story
When I first came out, I was new to the scene, young and following some gut instinct. I had no real understanding or the perspective that a few more years would have brought. Anyway, I kissed my first girl and had that wonderful feeling of ‘rightness’ which I’m sure many of you will identify with. Within a very short space of time my excitement was thoroughly doused as the girl and her gay male best friend proceeded to explain to me that “gay people don’t do long term relationships”. “If that’s what you want in life,” they told me, “then you better not go down this path.” This threw me into a spin of trying to reconcile my definite sexuality with my equally definite belief in a certain type of relationship. The thought that two of the most fundamental facets of my personality were so diametrically opposed was horrific.

Fast forward to the present day and I’m glad to say I now know how thoroughly wrong these people were. Years and experience have taught me that we can have whatever form of relationship we want, subject to finding a willing partner(s) of course. So, I thought I would celebrate this choice and also how far society has come in those intervening years by asking you for your opinions…

Getting to the point
Imagine (if you need to) that you’ve found your ideal partner(s) and there are no tedious barriers like financial situations to worry about, what would your optimum relationship format look like?

I’m thinking general here. Would you be monogamous? Would you be poly? Live together? Live in neighbouring properties with an inter-connecting door? Be focussed primarily on other things (e.g. work)? Backpack around the world together? Are you soulmates? Best friends? Have a commitment ceremony? Call her/them wife? Have children? Have pets? Start a charity together? Still be together twenty years on? Live in the moment? BDSM? Vanilla?

Firstly, it would take someone really special, as I am not looking for anything. But, assuming someone does show up...

I'd live separately. I'm just about at the empty nest stage within three years or so, and I don't want to live with anyone. I love space.

Both of us would be focused on our work and our own lives. I want a lot of independence, for myself and for her.

I don't think I'll ever do the marriage thing again, for reason #1 above and it just isn't me. That doesn't mean I'm any less committed, though. She would ideally be more like my best friend with the physical side of a relationship. I don't want to blend money or our things. As for monogamy, very probably. I don't really have time for one partner, let alone being poly. And I think I would get jealous of a poly partner, so that wouldn't work.

I've done the children thing for 16 years, so I need someone who is either child-free or doesn't want to start over, like me.

Femmadian · 10-02-2014, 10:32 AM

Thought provoking topic!

As an aside, I'm a bit amused by the two who told you gay people don't do long term relationships! In my neck of the woods, many if not most I know over 30, women especially, are suburban nesters with lots of gaybies! According to my friends who have kids, most of the time the local PTAs and hockey practices have more queers than the actual queer bars.

Anyway, to answer your question and to add a few things of my own:

I'm fairly open minded when it comes to my "ideal" relationship format though there are a few things I'd need and a few others I'd like.

Firstly, my (eventual) career comes first. She understands it is my number one focus in my life. She is my partner but doesn't expect me to be the throw-myself-on-the-sword type and sacrifice it for her. Her career is something she enjoys too, something which gives her purpose, and is something which makes a positive difference, working for the "greater good." We're both highly independent but close and there for each other when need be.

Monogamous, yes. Mandatory.

Poly, no. Not my thing.

Pets, yes please. The more, the merrier.

Children, hell no. That's a deal breaker.

Lots and lots of romance...

Very active sex life.

Age-wise, I tend to skew older. It's where I find my comfort zone. In the past I've done as large an age gap of 25 years and it was fine. In the future, anywhere from 5-20 would be ideal. Anything over that may cause issues with different life stages or compatibility. I don't date younger.

A relationship between two introverts is ideal. I love the quiet calm of an introvert and the common ground is lovely. Plus, they write the best love letters.

We should mesh on political views and views on religion [left/far left and atheist/agnostic]. That's one area of the relationship where there has to be harmony.

If we live together, I would appreciate separate spaces like our own bedrooms so we're apart when we want to be and together when we want to be. Plus, I'm very particular about my own ideas re: aesthetic and very stubborn to boot! The idea of adjoining spaces with an interconnected door intrigues me, though.

Not a backpacker, per se, but travel, yes, please! Anywhere and everywhere.
Would love to do the expat thing for a few years and this should be an option for the relationship to have long term possibilities. Korea for a few years? Brazil? Denmark? Norway? Definitely.

I don't believe in soulmates.

Best friends would be nice but is not a requirement. I don't think it's fair to your partner to expect to get all your emotional fulfilment from one person.

Undecided about commitment ceremonies and marriage in general. The romantic in me says, "yes." The introvert in me says, "elope!" The socialist in me says, "ehhh, not so much."

Long term, definitely. Life time is ideal and I crave the intimacy that you can only get when you've been partnered with someone a long time and have been together over various life stages.

Some kinks and bdsm but nothing too heavy. No breaking skin or hanging people from hooks, thanks. In the past I've been a (loving) dominant, though it's not a hard line for me. I think I could do mostly vanilla if they were not into it. I also think I could switch for the right person (maybe) but I will never be a full-on submissive. Like HB, I like a bit of kink but nothing too old guard or strict. No capitalizing of Me, Mine, You, Yours, O/ours, etc., no rigid protocols, no Sir/Syr-ing or Yes Ma'am/Mistress-ing outside the bedroom, no veto powers given on major life decisions for the other person, and FFS no Gorean... We're both adults. Fluid is best.

All that being said, I'm cognizant of the fact that sometimes you meet someone and many of your little "tick" boxes tend to fall by the wayside, so I'm open to different possibilities and to change and to having my views challenged on some of that.

Ultimately, for me, it all has to flow. Each relationship is going to be different and sometimes life throws you curve balls, so I think the key is being open enough to recognize what you can change and knowing yourself well enough to know what you can't.

imperfect_cupcake · 10-02-2014, 12:00 PM

Hmn, yeah, I left some out. No kids. And I don't switch. And as for kink, I let it naturally bleed outside the bedroom as is relaxed and natural for our dynamic. But it will never be public. And never 24/7. My papa is my papa. Always. But a natural and intelligent comprehension of daily life limits and sometimes I like being kids together, with each other.

I mommy top 10% of the time but only, only, only to Dominants. Never switches or subs.
I could never do vanilla. It's just not in me. Even in the most intense, intimate sex with a partner, there is power exchange and pushing boundaries. So, I couldn't.

Sex is extremely important to me in a relationship as is sarcastic/dark humour and intelligence. Those are my big three. Make me laugh at their shocking cheek and I'm instantly paying attention.

That's all I can't think of. I think everything has the possibility to change. I'm willing to bend on living together but I get my own room, and there is a house cleaner. I am never, ever cleaning up after someone again. And there is at least one day a week I have the house to myself. I may be an extrovert but I need my space away from my partner, no matter how much I love them. No more mixing money, no sharing cars, and preferably seperate living space. I would be open to marraige again, absolutely. But both of us sign a prenup.

I want, more than anything, to respect my partners independence, with love. And I want her to do the same with me. She does not need to be my best friend. But she needs to be one of my most favourite companions. I have had a best mate as a wife. And I think I'm done with that. Soul mates, no. But a commited partner that understands there are going to be crisies and challanges to deal with. That we are going to fight, that sometimes we won't be able to stand the sight of each other. Sometimes we won't like each other very much.
And be willing and adult enough to use their talky holes to negotiate and get through them to fall in love again

clay · 10-02-2014, 12:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MasterfulButch

Back Story

Getting to the point
Imagine (if you need to) that you’ve found your ideal partner(s) and there are no tedious barriers like financial situations to worry about, what would your optimum relationship format look like?

I’m thinking general here. Would you be monogamous? Would you be poly? Live together? Live in neighbouring properties with an inter-connecting door? Be focussed primarily on other things (e.g. work)? Backpack around the world together? Are you soulmates? Best friends? Have a commitment ceremony? Call her/them wife? Have children? Have pets? Start a charity together? Still be together twenty years on? Live in the moment? BDSM? Vanilla?

As far as ideal, for me, it would be how well we gel together. I don't have set expectations, I am fluid. Ideal is when two people mesh and are compatible, both giving and receiving, and respecting one another, and having their own identity!
I have an amazing partner, and we live comfortably, neither frugal nor extravagantly, just comfortably. We do try to take one "big" trip each year. Frequent flier miles , as well as hotel points, helps tremendously. Being "rich" isn't a priority for us. Being comfortable is. Fortunately, we both have more interest in the bank account of one another's heart than the actual bank account. We are both cognizant of keeping the romance flowing, devote quality time and spend quality time...together, and apart. We have no need to be joined 24/7. Each has their own friends as well as shared friends. Neither has any jealousy nor need for there to be any. We each maintain our own identities, our own accounts, etc. Time spent together is cherished.
As far as work, she still works, travels for hers. I am retired and her "stay at home" houseboi, she calls me.... I do household chores, laundry, cook equally, keep vehicles maintained, and am the "cabana boi" for our pool.

Definitely monogamous. It is very difficult to be emotionally vested in more than one person, for me.
I am not into poly nor is she.
We do live under one roof, after 6 months of dating and living apart.
We are saged at this point in our lives, so backpacking around the world isn't high on our bucket list! Travelling abroad is on our agenda, with a trip in planning stages of the British Isles, one to Ireland. We just went to St. Croix for a week last May. Hawaii is probably next venture, next spring!
I do believe in soulmates, and have met my second one ( I believe we can have more than one) romantically & platonically.
No ceremonies for us. Not sure if we will ever do one. We are both definitely committed to one another and very compatible and happy! We call each other "wife" and no piece of paper is necessary for us to do that. We made heart committments!
I don't have any children. She has two adult children. Neither wants any more.
We do have two furbabies, one canine, one feline! They are both as saged as we are. I would get another senior dachsie when I lost my current one.
We will be together as long as the Universe allows us to. Having lost my previous partner of 15 years, at age 48 5 years ago, I don't use "forever".
She is vanilla flavored while I can be that spiced with some kink, BDSM. Those two parameters have so many definitions, and is uniquely individualized for each person.
I live in the moment, as I said before, "forever" isn't in my beliefs. For me, I believe we travel different planes, when our job is done on one, we transcend to another to do the same there. This is strictly my own, me place and my own me beliefs!
Every day presents its own set of challenges to life, etc, so I just try to go with the flow, and meet each challenge head on. I am very fluid, on many levels.
Dang, now I am ....you made me think!
This is just my own opinion, doesn't include or apply to anyone else but me....I enjoy this thread MB...thanks....[/SIZE]

stormprincess · 10-02-2014, 12:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MasterfulButch

Back Story

Getting to the point
Imagine (if you need to) that you’ve found your ideal partner(s) and there are no tedious barriers like financial situations to worry about, what would your optimum relationship format look like?

I’m thinking general here. Would you be monogamous? Would you be poly? Live together? Live in neighbouring properties with an inter-connecting door? Be focussed primarily on other things (e.g. work)? Backpack around the world together? Are you soulmates? Best friends? Have a commitment ceremony? Call her/them wife? Have children? Have pets? Start a charity together? Still be together twenty years on? Live in the moment? BDSM? Vanilla?

The dream: Our world would be sharing a cabin near water close to a small town, some animals running around and my little food stand with homemade goods. I would employ people with disabilities to give them employment. (this is my current job) My best friend would be my husband. Our dogs would play together while the toddler ran around chasing them. Hy would be Leather, A Top, Daddy.. I am the girl. Whatever Hys passions are I would support as Hy would understand mine and support me as well. If either of us wanted to go to school we would make the sacrifices necessary to make that happen. We agree that money is never an object because we have each other.. food and a roof over our head. Passion is brought from tender loving times, adventures we share and our common ground for mutual respect and love. The only vanilla is the cake I am baking.

There is a time for romantic unbridled passion, kink, calm and just being together. We encourage each other to be the best they can be... We support independence of each other. We are a We not a you and me. We always kiss before bed, no matter how the day went. Years later we are on the porch swing Hy made.. watching the sunset.. (a girl can dream)

stormprincess · 10-02-2014, 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clay

As far as ideal, for me, it would be how well we gel together. I don't have set expectations, I am fluid. Ideal is when two people mesh and are compatible, both giving and receiving, and respecting one another, and having their own identity!
I have an amazing partner, and we live comfortably, neither frugal nor extravagantly, just comfortably. We do try to take one "big" trip each year. Frequent flier miles , as well as hotel points, helps tremendously. Being "rich" isn't a priority for us. Being comfortable is. Fortunately, we both have more interest in the bank account of one another's heart than the actual bank account. We are both cognizant of keeping the romance flowing, devote quality time and spend quality time...together, and apart. We have no need to be joined 24/7. Each has their own friends as well as shared friends. Neither has any jealousy nor need for there to be any. We each maintain our own identities, our own accounts, etc. Time spent together is cherished.
As far as work, she still works, travels for hers. I am retired and her "stay at home" houseboi, she calls me.... I do household chores, laundry, cook equally, keep vehicles maintained, and am the "cabana boi" for our pool.

Definitely monogamous. It is very difficult to be emotionally vested in more than one person, for me.
I am not into poly nor is she.
We do live under one roof, after 6 months of dating and living apart.
We are saged at this point in our lives, so backpacking around the world isn't high on our bucket list! Travelling abroad is on our agenda, with a trip in planning stages of the British Isles, one to Ireland. We just went to St. Croix for a week last May. Hawaii is probably next venture, next spring!
I do believe in soulmates, and have met my second one ( I believe we can have more than one) romantically & platonically.
No ceremonies for us. Not sure if we will ever do one. We are both definitely committed to one another and very compatible and happy! We call each other "wife" and no piece of paper is necessary for us to do that. We made heart committments!
I don't have any children. She has two adult children. Neither wants any more.
We do have two furbabies, one canine, one feline! They are both as saged as we are. I would get another senior dachsie when I lost my current one.
We will be together as long as the Universe allows us to. Having lost my previous partner of 15 years, at age 48 5 years ago, I don't use "forever".
She is vanilla flavored while I can be that spiced with some kink, BDSM. Those two parameters have so many definitions, and is uniquely individualized for each person.
I live in the moment, as I said before, "forever" isn't in my beliefs. For me, I believe we travel different planes, when our job is done on one, we transcend to another to do the same there. This is strictly my own, me place and my own me beliefs!
Every day presents its own set of challenges to life, etc, so I just try to go with the flow, and meet each challenge head on. I am very fluid, on many levels.
Dang, now I am ....you made me think!
This is just my own opinion, doesn't include or apply to anyone else but me....I enjoy this thread MB...thanks....[/SIZE]

Sorry for you loss

I love this agree completely.. "No ceremonies for us. Not sure if we will ever do one. We are both definitely committed to one another and very compatible and happy! no piece of paper is necessary for us to do that. We made heart committments!"

clay · 10-02-2014, 01:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stormprincess

Sorry for you loss

I love this agree completely.. "No ceremonies for us. Not sure if we will ever do one. We are both definitely committed to one another and very compatible and happy! no piece of paper is necessary for us to do that. We made heart committments!"

Thank you stormyone! I appreciate the feedback!!!

JDeere · 10-02-2014, 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MasterfulButch

Back Story
When I first came out, I was new to the scene, young and following some gut instinct. I had no real understanding or the perspective that a few more years would have brought. Anyway, I kissed my first girl and had that wonderful feeling of ‘rightness’ which I’m sure many of you will identify with. Within a very short space of time my excitement was thoroughly doused as the girl and her gay male best friend proceeded to explain to me that “gay people don’t do long term relationships”. “If that’s what you want in life,” they told me, “then you better not go down this path.” This threw me into a spin of trying to reconcile my definite sexuality with my equally definite belief in a certain type of relationship. The thought that two of the most fundamental facets of my personality were so diametrically opposed was horrific.

Fast forward to the present day and I’m glad to say I now know how thoroughly wrong these people were. Years and experience have taught me that we can have whatever form of relationship we want, subject to finding a willing partner(s) of course. So, I thought I would celebrate this choice and also how far society has come in those intervening years by asking you for your opinions…

Getting to the point
Imagine (if you need to) that you’ve found your ideal partner(s) and there are no tedious barriers like financial situations to worry about, what would your optimum relationship format look like?

I’m thinking general here. Would you be monogamous? Would you be poly? Live together? Live in neighbouring properties with an inter-connecting door? Be focussed primarily on other things (e.g. work)? Backpack around the world together? Are you soulmates? Best friends? Have a commitment ceremony? Call her/them wife? Have children? Have pets? Start a charity together? Still be together twenty years on? Live in the moment? BDSM? Vanilla?

My answers are as follows, live separatly till it is time to cohabitate.

Be focused on work as well as our relationship, finances, etc.

Travel yes but no backpacking, prefer seeing family at holiday travel or going to abandoned cities to explore and paranormal things.

Best friends and soulmates are a yes.

No committment ceremony or marriage for me, sorry not the marrying kind here!

Call her my baby, my girl, my other half, pets are a must but must be willing to help with said pets.

Live in the moment, still be together after 20 years and Vanilla please and I ain't talking about ice cream

MasterfulButch · 10-03-2014, 02:23 AM

Firstly, thank you everyone so far for taking the time and offering such thoughtful responses. It’s really interesting to see the differing perspectives and it gives much food for thought.

So, to answer my own question...

My ideal partner and I have a life-long, monogamous, one-on-one relationship. We do marry when the time is right, partly because I want to put on my butch finery, stand in front of her and offer myself to her but also because I want to formally say that nomatter what life throws at us, she’s the person I’ve chosen to have by my side. I want her to know that being with her enables me to be a better version of myself and that I commit to supporting, challenging and encouraging her in whatever path she chooses. I want to formalise the bond that exists between us and to do it in such a way that says ‘yes, gay marriage rights were worth fighting for’, rather like the way in which women voting today are standing on the shoulders of the suffragettes. I don’t see it as some stuffy ritualization of someone else’s rules though. It would be a small ceremony, presided over by someone of significance to us but not a religious representative. The backdrop would be epic nature. Something like us standing on an outcrop with a beautiful valley of woodland and meadows spread out below. It would be the sort of place that simultaneously humbles and inspires me and would be representative of the pact I’m entering into.

Our life together has us living in the same home but with our own bedrooms and studies. Both intimacy and affection are frequent and there are times when we share a bed overnight because we want to continue the physical contact. She doesn’t get grumpy when I sneak into bed next to her and wake her in the middle of the night for some… companionship. She’s also very tolerant about the sleeping naked rule as long as I keep to my side of the bargain and keep her warm. Thankfully she thinks I’m endearing. I am thoughtful enough to let her sleep unhindered on the nights before big meetings or exams etc.

We have a housekeeper, a lovely lady called Beryl. She’s great at keeping on top of the things that my partner and I just can’t get around to because of our working commitments. She’s also great for pet-setting which is good because the menagerie love her. Both my partner and I work hard and are fulfilled by what we do. I have a few different irons in the fire because I like it that way but we respect and show a genuine interest in each other’s activities. I’m proud of her and glad to know that the feeling is mutual. Despite working hard there’s still time for being sociable and playful thanks to Beryl’s helping hand. My partner knows I can be a little shy at first even though I proactively try to override it so she helps me to push beyond my comfort zone and live the sort of life I want to. In return, she knows that I’ve always got her back and I will put the full force of my imagination and determination into helping her get what she wants.

We have a good group of friends and while she has more than me it’s fine because I get extra time for my solitary pursuits which works for me. We also have some separate interests as well as those that we enjoy sharing together. We have a mutual love of travel and next year we’re going to tour North America in an RV with our dogs while Beryl looks after the house and cats. My partner laughs at my desire to try a malted chocolate milkshake in every US state. I don’t know why. We’ve lots of other worldwide travel plans too, it’s just a case of fitting it all in around our other commitments which is a pleasant conundrum to have.

One day, when we’ve been together for donkey’s years, we’ll sit watching a sunset and smile about our years together. We’ll both be grey and wrinkled, I’ll be portly due to the malted chocolate milkshakes and she’ll have arthritis from years of sleeping naked but neither of us would change a thing. I take her hand, “thank you”, I say. She just looks at me and smiles and in that moment I can barely breath with my appreciation for the life I’ve led.

MasterfulButch · 10-03-2014, 04:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MasterfulButch

...in that moment I can barely breath with my appreciation for the life I’ve led.

Apparently, I was so caught up in the moment I also lost the ability to proof read.

BrutalDaddy · 10-03-2014, 01:09 PM

You know, I used to think that I would never get to a place where I could have what I would consider a "perfect" relationship with someone. I was proven wrong.

Moments like those, I don't mind being proven wrong. Now mind you, I don't mean "perfect" as in it's all a bowl full of cherries, long walks on the beach and nothing but mad, passionate whatevers. That's not our reality. Hell, I don't think it's even our ideal.

What makes our relationship perfect is that it works for us. I can honestly say I seriously doubt half the shit I say would be seen as funny by anyone else. Same goes for her. We're both kinda crazy in that off the wall way that makes some people give us wary looks and cause them to edge ever so slowly away from us. Yet when we're together, It. Works.

Starting to ramble so let me try to reign this back in and say that our ideal relationship is the both of us giving our all to each other. Come hell or high water, we've got each other's backs. If one of us stumbles, the other is there to snatch the second up off the ground and say, "rub some dirt on it and let's go." Okay, that's more her style but I've grown fond of it. Helps to keep me from drowning in my own self pity shit. We have this saying, you and me against the world and we live by that mantra.

She's my very best friend. She laughs at my stupid shit and I sure as hell laugh at her's. We've been through some very, very tough years but I believe one of the main reasons that we've managed to get through it together is because we're best friends. Because we are such best friends, we're able to call each other out on the other's shit. We may not always like each other but the love has never nor will it ever fade. Plus, nothing funner than giving rations of shit to my best friend.

I used to think that an ideal relationship for me would have to involve the other person changing to fit my needs or me being someone I thought they wanted. Little did I know that the reality was that we'd want to mesh our needs and wants because we enjoy making the other happy. And I couldn't be happier or feel more content.

So yea, ideal relationship for us, best friends + us against the world = perfect for us.

I Get Long Winded Sometimes,
Brute.

SirenManda · 10-03-2014, 01:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrutalDyke

You know, I used to think that I would never get to a place where I could have what I would consider a "perfect" relationship with someone. I was proven wrong.

Moments like those, I don't mind being proven wrong. Now mind you, I don't mean "perfect" as in it's all a bowl full of cherries, long walks on the beach and nothing but mad, passionate whatevers. That's not our reality. Hell, I don't think it's even our ideal.

What makes our relationship perfect is that it works for us. I can honestly say I seriously doubt half the shit I say would be seen as funny by anyone else. Same goes for her. We're both kinda crazy in that off the wall way that makes some people give us wary looks and cause them to edge ever so slowly away from us. Yet when we're together, It. Works.

Starting to ramble so let me try to reign this back in and say that our ideal relationship is the both of us giving our all to each other. Come hell or high water, we've got each other's backs. If one of us stumbles, the other is there to snatch the second up off the ground and say, "rub some dirt on it and let's go." Okay, that's more her style but I've grown fond of it. Helps to keep me from drowning in my own self pity shit. We have this saying, you and me against the world and we live by that mantra.

She's my very best friend. She laughs at my stupid shit and I sure as hell laugh at her's. We've been through some very, very tough years but I believe one of the main reasons that we've managed to get through it together is because we're best friends. Because we are such best friends, we're able to call each other out on the other's shit. We may not always like each other but the love has never nor will it ever fade. Plus, nothing funner than giving rations of shit to my best friend.

I used to think that an ideal relationship for me would have to involve the other person changing to fit my needs or me being someone I thought they wanted. Little did I know that the reality was that we'd want to mesh our needs and wants because we enjoy making the other happy. And I couldn't be happier or feel more content.

So yea, ideal relationship for us, best friends + us against the world = perfect for us.

I Get Long Winded Sometimes,
Brute.

How you describe your relationship is very similar to ours. It's not about fitting a role to me or him, its about allowing each other to be who we are which creates happiness for both of us. We laugh at the same stuff, our goals are the same but we have different approaches to getting there. I'm more up front and open about speaking, he's more introverted. Because of the bond we have, I can 99% of the time speak for him and say exactly what he was meaning to say. Because we are best friends, the effort to communicate is stronger.

There is no giving up, and we are on a team. Very few people can say their partner would back them all the time, but I do believe (and have had) when moments arise and I need back up he will do whatever is necessary to make things safe for me. I have always wanted the type of relationship where the differences can improve each others lives, like teaching each other how to do things and being genuinely interested in working towards a better relationship.

I signed up for this, and expectations were always talked about and still are. We have always told each other "you were made for me" and I own that. I found my soul mate, and its exactly what I wanted it to be. Goofy, crazy, and together we make one amazing team.

Oh well, looks like I went off on a long winded love fest also.

Peace

imperfect_cupcake · 10-03-2014, 02:51 PM

I think it depends on what you mean by "best friend" so perhaps that term is problematic.
There are things I talk about with my best friend that I would not in *any* way shape or form appreciate from my partner, ever. I talk about people who I'd like to fuck with my best mate and she tells me.
I don't wanna hear that from my partner. That is for a certain kind of jocularity I don't want to hear. That's for her best blokey mates, not me.
I don't mind that she finds other people attractive, it's healthy. I don't mind she notices or even occationally has a side dish of fun.
I don't want to hear the details of what she wants to do with other girls in her head.
I don't want her pointing out girls to me in a bar.
I don't want to hear comments about girls tits when she's watching tv.
She can share those things with her best blokey mates.

I also don't want to spend 24/7 with her.

I attribute those things to people's best mates.
So I think everyone's dictionary or terms are goin to be different.

ProfPacker · 10-03-2014, 03:18 PM

I think for me, this is a loaded question. After coming out of a committed, monogamous relationship for 34 years, I am not so sure what my ideal relationship looked like. For a lot of those 34 years there were more moments and times that we were best friends, know each other like no one else, we raised children together, shared friends, families, etc. We owned homes together, shared money, but did not have similar libidos or tastes in what was satisfying.

So now, what is it that I want? I want someone kind, respectful, fulfilled with their own life, independent. I want more of a butch femme dance (although what that is will change as needs change and the relationship grows). I am a top and really do not enjoy being a bottom, so I would want someone who would want and enjoy that aspect of our relationship in bed.

I am not sure whether I want separate or joined homes. I do think that before homes are joined separate is necessary to see, really see, if joining homes suits both our needs and enhances the relationship.

I want tenderness, a tender person who will let me be tender and loving (maybe other things in sexually, kink and what is agreed upon by us).

I want someone who is passionate about their work and understands that my work takes a lot of time and energy. It depends on our work but we might for a time live in different cities or states because it would be hard for me to get another position full time somewhere else for various reasons.

Someone who supports gender expression in all forms, who is open to difference. Someone who understands my crazy family and dynamics. Someone who knows I have kids and they are an important part of my life.

We don't have to have "the same tastes" but a sense of humor is very important (dark or silly or corny). Someone who I can learn from and can learn from me.

Not sure what else to say

cinnamongrrl · 10-03-2014, 05:01 PM

A relationship with plenty of personal freedom for both of us...

I don't need anyone to complete me. I just want an equal in all things...

LOQUI · 10-03-2014, 06:04 PM

Hmmm some thoughts I wanted to share, and as usual, I ask you to remember that English is not my first language; not as a justification or excuse but as a reminder of from where words are coming

Here we gooooo!!

I guess monogamous (I have never known otherwise, so…)

After some time in relationship we will be moving together (we will know when the time is right)

Children…0? 1? 2? 3? Well something to discuss about…I have been in relationship with people who had teens and young adults… i don’t have children…

Work….we do what we love…and we encourage and support each other for professional growing

Finances I have mines….you have yours …but also, perhaps We have some together? I think time, dialogue and particular arrangements as needed will help us to discern on this matter...

Sex life….but of course!! What is life without some spicy! I have had some portion of kinky / little bit of bdsm…

She is wise and smart, joyful and kind in everything she does…Im so proud of her!! And I can spent hours listening to her, and at the same time, she enjoys listening to me, and ask me to tell her stories about my day, about life!

And she likes my “bad” jokes

We are independent individuals but we work and play as a team…She count on and with me and I do the same with her...

Her family is important….Mine too…but we also recognize and honor the holiness and worth of our own family!

Pets? Are we talking about dogs, cats, little pigs, horses?! Oh well! But, Hmm no lizards, snakes, any reptile allowed on this zone! Nope! They looks like little dinosaurs to me and that scared me!! lol

For those who know what that means, Im INTJ…Well, I still trying to figure out what does that means; some have described me as a conundrum…

We love music! Walks in the beach! Maybe taking some classes together about hmmm cooking or gardening or photography, or anything else!

She can handled when I speak the raw true -at least from my perspective- and she respond with the same; and all that wrapped in the love that brought us together…

We have individual dreams, as well as dreams as a relationship and we dialogue about them and the ways to accomplish them…

We like deep, crazy, nonsense, philosophical conversations about…anything!

Im very literal, I hope and dream she can be able patience enough as to love me beyond that

When we are upset with the other, we try not to go to bed without at least say something as: I might still upset, but I always love you!

Friends are welcome to visit at our home (I prefer planned visits but I guess she is one of those spontaneous girls,) so…when her friends come to visit, I try to give them their space. I might even go and cook something for them!

If she decided she wants to go out with friends and I don’t feel as to go, she is able to understand that and Im able to understand that she is going with them…However, knowing me, some previous conversation and arrangements might be needed…

We do as we promise to each other…

We are spiritual people

We all have our flaws and in that, I think conversation is a plus to assist us to understand those particularities, and also to move forward and beyond those things…

Does all this even exists?!?! LOL

Well, Im sure there are other little and big things I’m missing here, but above all, she loves me as I am and I love her as she is..we decide, we choose to be together to build a “home” for the both of us…a “home” in which we both with our idiosyncrasies can feel at peace and safe, while at the same time developing a “personality” as a couple…

Thats all…For now…

Disclaimer: If you have difficulties reading this because of my “special” use of the English grammar, please feel free to contact me!

10-02-2014, 02:22 AM	#3
JDeere Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Transgender Preferred Pronoun?: He/him/his Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 17,752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31,018 Thanked 28,871 Times in 9,718 Posts Rep Power: 21474863	I will respond when I can answer these with lots of thought! Good thread title, too. __________________ Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. Albert Einstein

10-02-2014, 10:32 AM	#6
Femmadian Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Join Date: Apr 2014 Location: Isla Nublar Posts: 385 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,296 Thanked 2,413 Times in 362 Posts Rep Power: 21474847	Thought provoking topic! As an aside, I'm a bit amused by the two who told you gay people don't do long term relationships! In my neck of the woods, many if not most I know over 30, women especially, are suburban nesters with lots of gaybies! According to my friends who have kids, most of the time the local PTAs and hockey practices have more queers than the actual queer bars. Anyway, to answer your question and to add a few things of my own: I'm fairly open minded when it comes to my "ideal" relationship format though there are a few things I'd need and a few others I'd like. Firstly, my (eventual) career comes first. She understands it is my number one focus in my life. She is my partner but doesn't expect me to be the throw-myself-on-the-sword type and sacrifice it for her. Her career is something she enjoys too, something which gives her purpose, and is something which makes a positive difference, working for the "greater good." We're both highly independent but close and there for each other when need be. Monogamous, yes. Mandatory. Poly, no. Not my thing. Pets, yes please. The more, the merrier. Children, hell no. That's a deal breaker. Lots and lots of romance... Very active sex life. Age-wise, I tend to skew older. It's where I find my comfort zone. In the past I've done as large an age gap of 25 years and it was fine. In the future, anywhere from 5-20 would be ideal. Anything over that may cause issues with different life stages or compatibility. I don't date younger. A relationship between two introverts is ideal. I love the quiet calm of an introvert and the common ground is lovely. Plus, they write the best love letters. We should mesh on political views and views on religion [left/far left and atheist/agnostic]. That's one area of the relationship where there has to be harmony. If we live together, I would appreciate separate spaces like our own bedrooms so we're apart when we want to be and together when we want to be. Plus, I'm very particular about my own ideas re: aesthetic and very stubborn to boot! The idea of adjoining spaces with an interconnected door intrigues me, though. Not a backpacker, per se, but travel, yes, please! Anywhere and everywhere. Would love to do the expat thing for a few years and this should be an option for the relationship to have long term possibilities. Korea for a few years? Brazil? Denmark? Norway? Definitely. I don't believe in soulmates. Best friends would be nice but is not a requirement. I don't think it's fair to your partner to expect to get all your emotional fulfilment from one person. Undecided about commitment ceremonies and marriage in general. The romantic in me says, "yes." The introvert in me says, "elope!" The socialist in me says, "ehhh, not so much." Long term, definitely. Life time is ideal and I crave the intimacy that you can only get when you've been partnered with someone a long time and have been together over various life stages. Some kinks and bdsm but nothing too heavy. No breaking skin or hanging people from hooks, thanks. In the past I've been a (loving) dominant, though it's not a hard line for me. I think I could do mostly vanilla if they were not into it. I also think I could switch for the right person (maybe) but I will never be a full-on submissive. Like HB, I like a bit of kink but nothing too old guard or strict. No capitalizing of Me, Mine, You, Yours, O/ours, etc., no rigid protocols, no Sir/Syr-ing or Yes Ma'am/Mistress-ing outside the bedroom, no veto powers given on major life decisions for the other person, and FFS no Gorean... We're both adults. Fluid is best. All that being said, I'm cognizant of the fact that sometimes you meet someone and many of your little "tick" boxes tend to fall by the wayside, so I'm open to different possibilities and to change and to having my views challenged on some of that. Ultimately, for me, it all has to flow. Each relationship is going to be different and sometimes life throws you curve balls, so I think the key is being open enough to recognize what you can change and knowing yourself well enough to know what you can't. __________________

10-03-2014, 02:23 AM	#13
MasterfulButch Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: Charming the love of my life. Join Date: Feb 2014 Location: Here, for now. Posts: 141 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 286 Thanked 598 Times in 125 Posts Rep Power: 9572901	Firstly, thank you everyone so far for taking the time and offering such thoughtful responses. It’s really interesting to see the differing perspectives and it gives much food for thought. So, to answer my own question... My ideal partner and I have a life-long, monogamous, one-on-one relationship. We do marry when the time is right, partly because I want to put on my butch finery, stand in front of her and offer myself to her but also because I want to formally say that nomatter what life throws at us, she’s the person I’ve chosen to have by my side. I want her to know that being with her enables me to be a better version of myself and that I commit to supporting, challenging and encouraging her in whatever path she chooses. I want to formalise the bond that exists between us and to do it in such a way that says ‘yes, gay marriage rights were worth fighting for’, rather like the way in which women voting today are standing on the shoulders of the suffragettes. I don’t see it as some stuffy ritualization of someone else’s rules though. It would be a small ceremony, presided over by someone of significance to us but not a religious representative. The backdrop would be epic nature. Something like us standing on an outcrop with a beautiful valley of woodland and meadows spread out below. It would be the sort of place that simultaneously humbles and inspires me and would be representative of the pact I’m entering into. Our life together has us living in the same home but with our own bedrooms and studies. Both intimacy and affection are frequent and there are times when we share a bed overnight because we want to continue the physical contact. She doesn’t get grumpy when I sneak into bed next to her and wake her in the middle of the night for some… companionship. She’s also very tolerant about the sleeping naked rule as long as I keep to my side of the bargain and keep her warm. Thankfully she thinks I’m endearing. I am thoughtful enough to let her sleep unhindered on the nights before big meetings or exams etc. We have a housekeeper, a lovely lady called Beryl. She’s great at keeping on top of the things that my partner and I just can’t get around to because of our working commitments. She’s also great for pet-setting which is good because the menagerie love her. Both my partner and I work hard and are fulfilled by what we do. I have a few different irons in the fire because I like it that way but we respect and show a genuine interest in each other’s activities. I’m proud of her and glad to know that the feeling is mutual. Despite working hard there’s still time for being sociable and playful thanks to Beryl’s helping hand. My partner knows I can be a little shy at first even though I proactively try to override it so she helps me to push beyond my comfort zone and live the sort of life I want to. In return, she knows that I’ve always got her back and I will put the full force of my imagination and determination into helping her get what she wants. We have a good group of friends and while she has more than me it’s fine because I get extra time for my solitary pursuits which works for me. We also have some separate interests as well as those that we enjoy sharing together. We have a mutual love of travel and next year we’re going to tour North America in an RV with our dogs while Beryl looks after the house and cats. My partner laughs at my desire to try a malted chocolate milkshake in every US state. I don’t know why. We’ve lots of other worldwide travel plans too, it’s just a case of fitting it all in around our other commitments which is a pleasant conundrum to have. One day, when we’ve been together for donkey’s years, we’ll sit watching a sunset and smile about our years together. We’ll both be grey and wrinkled, I’ll be portly due to the malted chocolate milkshakes and she’ll have arthritis from years of sleeping naked but neither of us would change a thing. I take her hand, “thank you”, I say. She just looks at me and smiles and in that moment I can barely breath with my appreciation for the life I’ve led. __________________ "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." Ralph Waldo Emerson

10-03-2014, 05:01 PM	#19
cinnamongrrl Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: cleverly disguised as a responsible adult* Preferred Pronoun?: wild woman Relationship Status: No, thank you. Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: in my heart I'm going to Carolina...but I'm in MA for now Posts: 7,573 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 14,877 Thanked 27,396 Times in 6,872 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	A relationship with plenty of personal freedom for both of us... I don't need anyone to complete me. I just want an equal in all things... __________________

10-02-2014, 01:19 AM	#1
MasterfulButch Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: Charming the love of my life. Join Date: Feb 2014 Location: Here, for now. Posts: 141 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 286 Thanked 598 Times in 125 Posts Rep Power: 9572901	Your Ideal Relationship Format Back Story When I first came out, I was new to the scene, young and following some gut instinct. I had no real understanding or the perspective that a few more years would have brought. Anyway, I kissed my first girl and had that wonderful feeling of ‘rightness’ which I’m sure many of you will identify with. Within a very short space of time my excitement was thoroughly doused as the girl and her gay male best friend proceeded to explain to me that “gay people don’t do long term relationships”. “If that’s what you want in life,” they told me, “then you better not go down this path.” This threw me into a spin of trying to reconcile my definite sexuality with my equally definite belief in a certain type of relationship. The thought that two of the most fundamental facets of my personality were so diametrically opposed was horrific. Fast forward to the present day and I’m glad to say I now know how thoroughly wrong these people were. Years and experience have taught me that we can have whatever form of relationship we want, subject to finding a willing partner(s) of course. So, I thought I would celebrate this choice and also how far society has come in those intervening years by asking you for your opinions… Getting to the point Imagine (if you need to) that you’ve found your ideal partner(s) and there are no tedious barriers like financial situations to worry about, what would your optimum relationship format look like? I’m thinking general here. Would you be monogamous? Would you be poly? Live together? Live in neighbouring properties with an inter-connecting door? Be focussed primarily on other things (e.g. work)? Backpack around the world together? Are you soulmates? Best friends? Have a commitment ceremony? Call her/them wife? Have children? Have pets? Start a charity together? Still be together twenty years on? Live in the moment? BDSM? Vanilla? __________________ "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." Ralph Waldo Emerson

10-02-2014, 01:45 AM	#2
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,727 Times in 1,613 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Ideal? we'd both live in the same building, different floors. I have no idea about her place, that's her biz. her space is not my fantasy lol. Mostly Monogamous. I don't mind passing ships. I don't actually trust anyone to be totally monogamous, I think it's an unrealistic expectation for a life long partner, so, she can fool around as she sees fit as long as I'm always first, and her extra curriculars don't get dramatic or complicated. I seriously doubt I'd bother with others but if someone fell in my lap and the environment was right I'd consider it - if there was no issue with drama, then sure. I'd like to have three apartments. mine and two travel ones I share with her. One in the UK and one in South East Asia. My career is my career, her is hers. I like mine. She loves hers. I work 3 days a week, she works 3-4 or can work from home part time, so we can do long weekend get aways. she travels on her own sometimes, as do I. She's the boss. I'm the happy first mate. With a lot of independence. Kinky. But not old gaurd or too many rigid rules. I'm a Papa's dolly but I'm also informal and playful and feisty. I'd rather have what comes naturally to us than follow other people's guidelines. It's life long. I have cats. I dunno what she's got in her apt. As for what we build together? I have no idea. With my exwife, we wanted to do doctors without borders. I never had that idea before I met her. I'll have to meet her first before I decide what it is - as a team - we do or don't do. I hope she inspires me. I hope I inspire her.

10-02-2014, 12:00 PM	#7
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,727 Times in 1,613 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Hmn, yeah, I left some out. No kids. And I don't switch. And as for kink, I let it naturally bleed outside the bedroom as is relaxed and natural for our dynamic. But it will never be public. And never 24/7. My papa is my papa. Always. But a natural and intelligent comprehension of daily life limits and sometimes I like being kids together, with each other. I mommy top 10% of the time but only, only, only to Dominants. Never switches or subs. I could never do vanilla. It's just not in me. Even in the most intense, intimate sex with a partner, there is power exchange and pushing boundaries. So, I couldn't. Sex is extremely important to me in a relationship as is sarcastic/dark humour and intelligence. Those are my big three. Make me laugh at their shocking cheek and I'm instantly paying attention. That's all I can't think of. I think everything has the possibility to change. I'm willing to bend on living together but I get my own room, and there is a house cleaner. I am never, ever cleaning up after someone again. And there is at least one day a week I have the house to myself. I may be an extrovert but I need my space away from my partner, no matter how much I love them. No more mixing money, no sharing cars, and preferably seperate living space. I would be open to marraige again, absolutely. But both of us sign a prenup. I want, more than anything, to respect my partners independence, with love. And I want her to do the same with me. She does not need to be my best friend. But she needs to be one of my most favourite companions. I have had a best mate as a wife. And I think I'm done with that. Soul mates, no. But a commited partner that understands there are going to be crisies and challanges to deal with. That we are going to fight, that sometimes we won't be able to stand the sight of each other. Sometimes we won't like each other very much. And be willing and adult enough to use their talky holes to negotiate and get through them to fall in love again

10-03-2014, 01:09 PM	#15
BrutalDaddy Member How Do You Identify?: Her Asshole. Preferred Pronoun?: Him, hym, he, whatever. Relationship Status: Bitch has no more excuses now. Join Date: May 2012 Location: Lower Alabama Posts: 519 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 206 Thanked 2,785 Times in 499 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	You know, I used to think that I would never get to a place where I could have what I would consider a "perfect" relationship with someone. I was proven wrong. Moments like those, I don't mind being proven wrong. Now mind you, I don't mean "perfect" as in it's all a bowl full of cherries, long walks on the beach and nothing but mad, passionate whatevers. That's not our reality. Hell, I don't think it's even our ideal. What makes our relationship perfect is that it works for us. I can honestly say I seriously doubt half the shit I say would be seen as funny by anyone else. Same goes for her. We're both kinda crazy in that off the wall way that makes some people give us wary looks and cause them to edge ever so slowly away from us. Yet when we're together, It. Works. Starting to ramble so let me try to reign this back in and say that our ideal relationship is the both of us giving our all to each other. Come hell or high water, we've got each other's backs. If one of us stumbles, the other is there to snatch the second up off the ground and say, "rub some dirt on it and let's go." Okay, that's more her style but I've grown fond of it. Helps to keep me from drowning in my own self pity shit. We have this saying, you and me against the world and we live by that mantra. She's my very best friend. She laughs at my stupid shit and I sure as hell laugh at her's. We've been through some very, very tough years but I believe one of the main reasons that we've managed to get through it together is because we're best friends. Because we are such best friends, we're able to call each other out on the other's shit. We may not always like each other but the love has never nor will it ever fade. Plus, nothing funner than giving rations of shit to my best friend. I used to think that an ideal relationship for me would have to involve the other person changing to fit my needs or me being someone I thought they wanted. Little did I know that the reality was that we'd want to mesh our needs and wants because we enjoy making the other happy. And I couldn't be happier or feel more content. So yea, ideal relationship for us, best friends + us against the world = perfect for us. I Get Long Winded Sometimes, Brute.

10-03-2014, 02:51 PM	#17
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,727 Times in 1,613 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I think it depends on what you mean by "best friend" so perhaps that term is problematic. There are things I talk about with my best friend that I would not in any way shape or form appreciate from my partner, ever. I talk about people who I'd like to fuck with my best mate and she tells me. I don't wanna hear that from my partner. That is for a certain kind of jocularity I don't want to hear. That's for her best blokey mates, not me. I don't mind that she finds other people attractive, it's healthy. I don't mind she notices or even occationally has a side dish of fun. I don't want to hear the details of what she wants to do with other girls in her head. I don't want her pointing out girls to me in a bar. I don't want to hear comments about girls tits when she's watching tv. She can share those things with her best blokey mates. I also don't want to spend 24/7 with her. I attribute those things to people's best mates. So I think everyone's dictionary or terms are goin to be different.

10-03-2014, 03:18 PM	#18
ProfPacker Member How Do You Identify?: butch/MOC Preferred Pronoun?: Hy/hym/hys but in circumstances like work and some other places she Relationship Status: single Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: nj Posts: 1,365 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,023 Thanked 4,816 Times in 1,187 Posts Rep Power: 21474848	I think for me, this is a loaded question. After coming out of a committed, monogamous relationship for 34 years, I am not so sure what my ideal relationship looked like. For a lot of those 34 years there were more moments and times that we were best friends, know each other like no one else, we raised children together, shared friends, families, etc. We owned homes together, shared money, but did not have similar libidos or tastes in what was satisfying. So now, what is it that I want? I want someone kind, respectful, fulfilled with their own life, independent. I want more of a butch femme dance (although what that is will change as needs change and the relationship grows). I am a top and really do not enjoy being a bottom, so I would want someone who would want and enjoy that aspect of our relationship in bed. I am not sure whether I want separate or joined homes. I do think that before homes are joined separate is necessary to see, really see, if joining homes suits both our needs and enhances the relationship. I want tenderness, a tender person who will let me be tender and loving (maybe other things in sexually, kink and what is agreed upon by us). I want someone who is passionate about their work and understands that my work takes a lot of time and energy. It depends on our work but we might for a time live in different cities or states because it would be hard for me to get another position full time somewhere else for various reasons. Someone who supports gender expression in all forms, who is open to difference. Someone who understands my crazy family and dynamics. Someone who knows I have kids and they are an important part of my life. We don't have to have "the same tastes" but a sense of humor is very important (dark or silly or corny). Someone who I can learn from and can learn from me. Not sure what else to say

10-03-2014, 06:04 PM	#20
LOQUI Member How Do You Identify?: Butch, Non Binary, Trans, Always Me. :) Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 1,139 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,335 Thanked 2,486 Times in 848 Posts Rep Power: 19030326	Hmmm some thoughts I wanted to share, and as usual, I ask you to remember that English is not my first language; not as a justification or excuse but as a reminder of from where words are coming Here we gooooo!! I guess monogamous (I have never known otherwise, so…) After some time in relationship we will be moving together (we will know when the time is right) Children…0? 1? 2? 3? Well something to discuss about…I have been in relationship with people who had teens and young adults… i don’t have children… Work….we do what we love…and we encourage and support each other for professional growing Finances I have mines….you have yours …but also, perhaps We have some together? I think time, dialogue and particular arrangements as needed will help us to discern on this matter... Sex life….but of course!! What is life without some spicy! I have had some portion of kinky / little bit of bdsm… She is wise and smart, joyful and kind in everything she does…Im so proud of her!! And I can spent hours listening to her, and at the same time, she enjoys listening to me, and ask me to tell her stories about my day, about life! And she likes my “bad” jokes We are independent individuals but we work and play as a team…She count on and with me and I do the same with her... Her family is important….Mine too…but we also recognize and honor the holiness and worth of our own family! Pets? Are we talking about dogs, cats, little pigs, horses?! Oh well! But, Hmm no lizards, snakes, any reptile allowed on this zone! Nope! They looks like little dinosaurs to me and that scared me!! lol For those who know what that means, Im INTJ…Well, I still trying to figure out what does that means; some have described me as a conundrum… We love music! Walks in the beach! Maybe taking some classes together about hmmm cooking or gardening or photography, or anything else! She can handled when I speak the raw true -at least from my perspective- and she respond with the same; and all that wrapped in the love that brought us together… We have individual dreams, as well as dreams as a relationship and we dialogue about them and the ways to accomplish them… We like deep, crazy, nonsense, philosophical conversations about…anything! Im very literal, I hope and dream she can be able patience enough as to love me beyond that When we are upset with the other, we try not to go to bed without at least say something as: I might still upset, but I always love you! Friends are welcome to visit at our home (I prefer planned visits but I guess she is one of those spontaneous girls,) so…when her friends come to visit, I try to give them their space. I might even go and cook something for them! If she decided she wants to go out with friends and I don’t feel as to go, she is able to understand that and Im able to understand that she is going with them…However, knowing me, some previous conversation and arrangements might be needed… We do as we promise to each other… We are spiritual people We all have our flaws and in that, I think conversation is a plus to assist us to understand those particularities, and also to move forward and beyond those things… Does all this even exists?!?! LOL Well, Im sure there are other little and big things I’m missing here, but above all, she loves me as I am and I love her as she is..we decide, we choose to be together to build a “home” for the both of us…a “home” in which we both with our idiosyncrasies can feel at peace and safe, while at the same time developing a “personality” as a couple… Thats all…For now… Disclaimer: If you have difficulties reading this because of my “special” use of the English grammar, please feel free to contact me!