Corny jokes

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

https://d22d7v2y1t140g.cloudfront.net/m_806125_7ulzOZe6EgnR.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://ginormasource.com/music/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/under_a_rest.jpg

[Candelion]

What do you call a musician who doesn't have a girlfriend? Homeless.


http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l194/burnishedlips/f6fbfe79-532c-45a9-9e79-86c9a785b969_zps2467f0e6.png?t=1399559279

[Kobi]

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/14/9e/91/149e91d06da4a86735a9b2eda4ff791d.jpg

[cinnamongrrl]

why did the cowboy get a dachshund?

he wanted to get a long little doggie....


:P

[ksrainbow]

The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.

A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no.

I knew a woman who owned a taser, wow was she stunning!

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://gabrielutasi.com/comic/copyright/gabrielutasi/2008/10/102708vegetarian_burger.gif

[Bèsame*]

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lhk0xnWRIO1qcsb7zo1_500.jpg

[Kobi]

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/11/fd/55/11fd55f30199e57c69d5016163fd49ab.jpg

[Candelion]

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l194/burnishedlips/7d4120f3-d14d-4c61-b992-0d591080b7f0_zps5258460f.jpg

[Kobi]

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/d8/38/c6/d838c615e7f10097fb0132ef03663338.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

https://shiralirit.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/man-met-staander.jpg

[Candelion]

In what way is America better than Canada?
America has nicer neighbours. :p

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l194/burnishedlips/a66f01b8-0983-417f-909e-849f859f50e9_zps86912232.jpg?t=1399840896

[gotoseagrl]

If vampires have no reflection, how do they have such neat hair?

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://mainlinemunchiesblog.files.wordpress.com/2013/11/hokey-pokey-dad-joke.jpg?w=580

[MysticOceansFL]

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b*tch in the kitchen."

[MysticOceansFL]

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that."
"Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.
The girl leans over to him and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."
The boy leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

[MysticOceansFL]

Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. " So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.
"President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."
And off they go. At the White House, Clinton spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Bubba. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."
So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"

[MysticOceansFL]

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you?You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://37.media.tumblr.com/2a0187799ec90f778b3593ca4046e6f2/tumblr_n5b9a95qdC1rcvf74o1_500.jpg

[Candelion]

A boxer complains to his doctor about insomnia. "Have you tried counting sheep?" asks the doctor. "Yes," says the boxer, "but whenever I get to nine, I stand up."

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l194/burnishedlips/e81a73ed-f9dd-4127-8108-7e89e1bc3dc4_zps4460cc5f.jpg?t=1399914811

[Kobi]

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/54/8b/de/548bde40ab0af965deedec7a7853b487.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc3/t1.0-9/s403x403/10269552_767734909917638_6465022699393973345_n.jpg

[gotoseagrl]

A cheetah and a lion are racing. The cheetah wins. But the lion says to the cheetah, "You're a cheetah!". The cheetah says, "Nah, you lion!"

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/236x/bb/dc/b9/bbdcb9fdac5a4052f4626bfc8215124c.jpg

[MysticOceansFL]

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"

[Amber2010]

A husband goes into the confessional and starts talking about all the things he has done wrong. He then gets really quiet and the priest ask him what is wrong. Almost in a whisper he says "Father I think my wife is trying to kill me with poision." The priest says no way I will have a talk with your wife. A couple of days later he has the husband's wife in the confessional.. an hour goes by.. an hour and a half goes by... two hours go by... when it is over the preist goes into his office and calls the husband... He says after spending time with your wife I can only recommend you take the poisen.

[Candelion]

David Hasselhoff walks into a bar, orders a drink and says to the bartender: "I want you to call me David Hoff." "Sure," says the bartender, "No hassle."

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l194/burnishedlips/df666fe6-0bff-4c2b-82e5-6e2875a631c7_zps338a0477.png?t=1400002921

[Kobi]

Why does a chicken coop only have 2 doors?

Cuz if it had 4 doors, it would be a chicken sedan.

:|

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://img.izifunny.com/pics/20120605/640/important-things-by-demetri-martin-20-pics_2.jpg

[gotoseagrl]

"Doctor, I have a memory problem!" The doctor says, "When did it start?" "When did what start?"

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/236x/9c/71/27/9c71275da97c62eca785349cfd966fe5.jpg

[Kobi]

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/27/e8/42/27e842005822add3a95d6151c5b9e6f2.jpg

[ksrainbow]

Velcro. What a ripoff.

A guy walks into a bar with a set of jumper cables…the bartender says, buddy, I’ll serve you as long as you don’t start anything.

If someone hits you over the head with a coffee cup, have you been mugged?

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://rats-funnybone.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/The-One-Night-Stand.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

https://sundayisforlovers.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/intellectual-humor.jpg

[Kobi]

Why does a seagull fly over the sea?

Cuz if it flew over the bay, if would be called a bagel.

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/ea/1c/9f/ea1c9f43ad4cb383e5a6862c93127f29.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uz6hvizwiKw/USKLLBMdGHI/AAAAAAAAAV8/Ck0wwwnuen4/s1600/Gay+(3).png

[gotoseagrl]

Patient: "Doc, you have to help me. Some days I think I'm Mickey Mouse, some days I think I'm Donald Duck" Doctor: "How long have you had these Disney spells?"

[Candelion]

What happened when the butch computer mouse met the femme computer mouse?

They clicked straight away.


http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l194/burnishedlips/1c86269e-3423-43b0-b810-50a99827ac47_zpsed0e0c8e.jpg?t=1400161754

[MysticOceansFL]

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy
When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long



A man in a pub asks for a beer.
The barman says, "Sure, that'll be one dollar."
"One dollar?" exclaims the man. Reading the menu, he says, "Could I have steak and chips?"
"Certainly," says the barman, "that'll be two dollars."
"Two dollars?" cries the man. "You're joking. Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The barman says, "Upstairs, with my wife"."
The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The barman says, "The same thing I'm doing to his business."


Who lies better??

A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
A man didn't come home 1 night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friends house. The wife called her husband's 10 best friends. 8 of them confirmed that he had slept over and 2 said he was still there.

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

https://dumpyourphoto.com/files4/114453/UiyosNM4CXpZ.jpg

[Kobi]

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/e9/9e/79/e99e79663523f0fe3000288c73ff449b.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/de/23/6d/de236d4241e043855b7cea9995ab8c7d.jpg

[gotoseagrl]

"Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he's invisible." The doctor says, "Tell him I can't see him!"

[Candelion]

Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!


I like to call the shots. ;)


http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l194/burnishedlips/needle_zpsc8056e60.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!


I like to call the shots. ;)


http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l194/burnishedlips/needle_zpsc8056e60.jpg

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7ab821zhC1qmo2k3o1_500.png

[Kobi]

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/00/0e/92/000e92e5891e64d114825932ceb6f876.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://qph.is.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-8e749973ed260877048c255973258d9c?convert_to_webp=t rue

[gotoseagrl]

"Doctor, I think I'm a deck of cards!" The doctor says, "Sit in the waiting room, I'll deal with you later."

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://cdn9.staztic.com/app/a/319/319906/best-ever-puns-43-4-s-307x512.jpg

[Candelion]

A woman calls her husband to tell him that their two sons want to go to the zoo, then a movie.

"That's too expensive," he says, "it's one or the other."

"Okay, which one do you prefer?"

The husband replies, "Mikey."

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l194/burnishedlips/2e1281cd-7cc4-4c63-be41-b2a3b8888a7a_zps5cdf4662.png?t=1400433020

[Kobi]

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/fa/b2/df/fab2df046d94b5e87065d363c180e133.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://brianmcarey.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/kiss1.jpg

[gotoseagrl]

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Little old lady?
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn't know you could yodel!

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://suddenly.senior.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/ATT33950.jpg

[Kobi]

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/41/04/8d/41048d50bb6b2510082c496c3d71bd34.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://www.inscribd.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/58112_586433241409616_940418356_n.jpg

[Candelion]

Why is turtle wax so expensive?

Because turtles have such tiny ears.

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l194/burnishedlips/turtle_zps9272579e.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/236x/45/72/26/457226974547bff301e6b37f41f6cae4.jpg

[gotoseagrl]

How do you know if there's an elephant under your bed?
(Your head hits the ceiling!)


How do you raise a baby elephant?
(With a fork lift!)

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

For my 6th grade Algebra teacher, Ms. York. :)

http://rlv.zcache.com/acute_triangle_greeting_card-rc0bcdfa570174981bcd9fc77574cb20d_xvuak_8byvr_512. jpg?bg=0xffffff

[Kobi]

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/236x/4d/de/a2/4ddea241b34831216885aa626857ee9c.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc3/t1.0-9/s403x403/10247315_508340625961006_3061218727764903950_n.jpg

[gotoseagrl]

Patient: I think I'm a pair of curtains!
Doctor: Pull yourself together!

[Kobi]

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/53/be/fc/53befcb676cbebc44a78324db36cd9fb.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-iS1Py53QGuw/TdUd5eVm-lI/AAAAAAAAAGA/tA76k-nqzXU/s400/children-jokes.JPG

[gotoseagrl]

What color socks do bears wear?
(They don't wear socks, they have bear feet!)

What do little penguins sing when their father brings fish home for dinner?
(Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow!)

[gotoseagrl]

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Boo!
Boo who?
Don't cry, it's just me.


Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Cowsgo.
Cowsgo who?
No they don't, cowsgo moo.

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://www.bestfunnyjokes4u.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/iphone-text-joke.jpeg

[ksrainbow]

Q: Why do Kansas students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!

Q: Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Kansas burned down?
A: Almost took out the whole trailer park.

Q: Why do folks from Kansas go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
A: 17 and under are not admitted.

Ks- :wtf:

[Candelion]

My mood ring was stolen last night.

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l194/burnishedlips/thinking_zpsdd5a3e5e.jpg I'm not sure how I feel about that.

[Kobi]

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/d5/ab/29/d5ab29f44533640d015ce251bbb87086.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://cdn.ebaumsworld.com/mediaFiles/picture/297321/1070063.jpg

[gotoseagrl]

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Cash.
Cash who?
I knew you were a nut!

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://inkjot.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/trinoculars.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

Bonus joke via request from....someone

http://www.folksdaily.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Funny-Jokes-Quotes-Humars-3-300x255.jpg

[gotoseagrl]

What kind of socks does a pirate wear?
(Arrrrrgyle!)

[Candelion]

What do you call a country where all the cars are pink?

A pink carnation.

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l194/burnishedlips/carnation_zps0bd32d52.png

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://media.rd.com/rd/images/rdc/slideshows/laughs-Silly-Signs-Part-5/Silly-Signs-Part-5-04-af.jpg

[gotoseagrl]

Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
(Because he was standing on the deck!)

What do you call a pirate that skips class?
(Captain Hooky!)

Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
(Because they spend years at C!)

How much did the pirate pay for his hook and peg leg?
(An arm and a leg!)

[ksrainbow]

Traffic congestion is ten cars waiting to pass a combine on the highway.

OR:

You have to travel 20 miles just to go to the nearest mall

AND THERE IS THIS:


You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.

Kansas :)

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/a7/19/13/a71913b8aee7e0659508d84a2379b925.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/236x/95/a0/ab/95a0ab09d49689a0358ad302d6ed166a.jpg

[gotoseagrl]

What do you get if you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
(A hot-diggity-dog!)

What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot?
(A carrot!)

What do you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot?
(A walkie-talkie!)

[ksrainbow]

What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards? A receding hare line.

I was reading a book on anti-gravity, I got to admit it was pretty hard to put down.

I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure...

The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?

How do you make an egg roll? You push it.

:)

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://www.anyjokes.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/funny-jokes.jpg

[Kobi]

http://media-cache-cd0.pinimg.com/736x/6e/97/15/6e9715c1829c8556ea7dc74658736f61.jpg

[gotoseagrl]

What gives you the power and strength to walk through walls?
(A door!)

What did the inventor of the door-knocker win?
(The no-bell prize!)

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-AlhbswmTi-U/Ul1gmizt6WI/AAAAAAAADlc/6ZzcMQ5TFTE/s640/Funny+Quotes+(27).jpg

[Kobi]

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/fb/ad/cf/fbadcfb75fc5fb0e979cde2ce1dbf7ab.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9pfadKjeC1r8x2ybo1_500.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/236x/e1/ae/ec/e1aeecb401911f327a1e6167c890c7ab.jpg

[Kobi]

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/41/86/e9/4186e91e84bb75bafac6a8a27d34022a.jpg

[gotoseagrl]

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

What does a nosey pepper do? Get jalapeño business.

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/b2/34/15/b2341532dc52b71147dee07b18d94111.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://www.fun2video.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/funny-relationship-joke.jpg

[Kobi]

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/a4/ac/c9/a4acc9663dde8f6abdf0e61ee7b7b9be.jpg

[Cole]

http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9pfadKjeC1r8x2ybo1_500.jpg

I love this! =D

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://www.fallingfifth.com/files/comics/metro_gnome.png

[gotoseagrl]

What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?

Look grandpa, no hands!

[ksrainbow]

In a veterinarian's office: "Back in 15 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

In a New Hampshire car wash: "If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car."

Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques."

:giggle:

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/ab/e7/0b/abe70bea7e3a77d898fb628e2e3b91d7.jpg

[Smiling]

http://i1306.photobucket.com/albums/s577/Bree524/imagejpg1_zpse6c235da.jpg

[Kobi]

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/c4/ac/c1/c4acc1eb4b61ac72ebdf9a20aaa04758.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://sardonicsalad.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/1potato2shrunk.jpg

[Kobi]

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/b6/48/63/b6486376f40eb1f91e24d4a0fd914395.jpg

[gotoseagrl]

What does a wicked chicken lay?
Deviled eggs.

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://www.guy-sports.com/fun_pictures/word_duck.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://www.guy-sports.com/fun_pictures/eaten_something.jpg

[vagina]

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_sUy0EHSRyCs/TN3LSNPiFhI/AAAAAAAAJ2Y/y7_FCE7_pRA/s1600/Jokes%2B-%2BSexual%2Brelations.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://lh4.ggpht.com/_e109kKH12do/TJpO8h3joMI/AAAAAAAABsk/n5fgesNr1bM/knockknock_thumb%5B2%5D.png?imgmax=800

[vagina]

http://s.quickmeme.com/img/2c/2ca1beb5967b0879197e48e2554bd1c2d959a1e7f581a94480 12a148f8711c9e.jpg

[Kobi]

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/b3/1d/30/b31d30e4905e47a9647bb5c66b7e58f0.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://veronicaroth.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Diana.jpg

[Kobi]

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/66/a5/4a/66a54a821a2dbd6ff3a9909d97a7db61.jpg

[gotoseagrl]

What washes up on very small beaches?

Microwaves!

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/236x/82/0f/1e/820f1e8d23686a0966ba77b1175c3fc4.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/21/c8/a0/21c8a0ca53efbeb993db5092e534ced7.jpg

[Kobi]

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/17/44/c3/1744c37204165ef3e7526e59ef86b91a.jpg

[gotoseagrl]

http://i58.tinypic.com/f2vjpz.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://i245.photobucket.com/albums/gg74/jubed/stick%20figure%20humor/stick1.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://24.media.tumblr.com/14b4253bd336b2ff95f1faf87db8f85f/tumblr_n1y4ljdBmx1r5neogo1_500.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear?


http://www.principlem.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/PennyLoafers.png

LOAFERS!

These jokes have a lot of sole!

[Kobi]

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/a4/88/04/a48804871137811629adcd9ce04cf5c0.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://img.addfunny.com/files/uploads/pic/10/10/Clever_Witty_Title._Clever_Witty_Description_7ebbb 4_3534640342.jpg

[vagina]

http://www.m3cats.com/images/things/beach.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/236x/d9/95/ba/d995ba969b2a95e2447795466bce88b6.jpg

[Kobi]

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/3d/5e/26/3d5e266694d76a41257af04f2144f019.jpg

[gotoseagrl]

http://i59.tinypic.com/2eakk0h.png

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://whybecausescience.files.wordpress.com/2013/10/funny_and_clever_science_jokes_640_08.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://www.greatcleanjokes.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/doctor-humor1.jpg

[BestButchBoy]

I'll never do that for a buck again.

[Kobi]

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/53/57/d7/5357d74a21ec171a265fd74c95048ffe.jpg

[JustLovelyJenn]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfp1/t1.0-9/10409032_10153009846907080_1639799368695772470_n.j pg

[gotoseagrl]

Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses!
Waiter: You certainly do, this is a restaurant!

Patient: Doctor, I feel like a pony!
Doctor: Don't worry, you're just a little hoarse!

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/mfl/lowres/miscellaneous-joker-joke-puzzle-riddle-duck_filled-mfln6433l.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://reluctantmom.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/cyanide_01.jpg

[Kobi]

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/62/1f/89/621f899fff3f7e0b9ecf8e1ce0d56d61.jpg

[gotoseagrl]

http://i60.tinypic.com/2u8e8h4.png

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/236x/6b/ba/a4/6bbaa4dfdfaff0ee58c3094d6831bc66.jpg

[Kobi]

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/ef/59/98/ef5998a7536eda7890721bb0f6582eaf.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/69/73/56/697356a726894abdab41a7c82d3fd535.jpg

[willow]

School is so much easier these days. I just passed an exam in cheerleading.

I walked in and said give me an "A"

And they did!

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/236x/4f/26/69/4f2669f8e89afa54634bf3d609e5d96e.jpg

[gotoseagrl]

Why shouldn't you tell a secret on a farm?
(Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!)

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

How many tickles does it make to get a squid to laugh?

Ten-tickles!

http://laughingsquid.com/wp-content/uploads/598258226.gif

[gotoseagrl]

http://i62.tinypic.com/dxbp14.gif

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://www.funny-jokes-central.com/images/1103.png

[Kobi]

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/43/0d/d7/430dd7937ffdc86929b3525053d5f0df.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

I would imagine that if you understood Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy!



https://c1.staticflickr.com/3/2792/4377017353_04d2fdc9cf.jpg

[Mel C.]

Have you heard about the movie "Constipation"?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Of course not, it hasn't come out yet

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/kmh/lowres/transport-fork-cutlery-lifts-heavy_work-forklifts-kmhn82l.jpg

[Kobi]

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/8f/7f/50/8f7f50229ae47f71304c9ec3fd322ee3.jpg

[Degotoga]

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!"

Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad.

Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her.

Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?"

[gotoseagrl]

What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with fireworks?
(Dino-mite!)

What's as big as a dinosaur but weighs nothing?
(Her shadow!)

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://qph.cr.quoracdn.com/main-qimg-178f8827dd59b07e83f199668e59d8b3

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://www.city-data.com/forum/attachments/san-antonio/72998d1292831764-daily-joke-thread-mail-attachment-1-.jpeg

[Kobi]

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/ba/96/cc/ba96cc2b94a1d876783524072add2373.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

https://joyerickson.files.wordpress.com/2008/11/goldfish-joke.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://www.guy-sports.com/fun_pictures/books_houdini.jpg

[gotoseagrl]

What do you give a sick bird?
(Tweet-ment)

What do you give a sick pig?
(Oink-ment)

Why did the banana go to the doctor?
(Because it wasn't peeling well!)

[BestButchBoy]

then it dawned on me.

[ksrainbow]

When does it rain money? When there is "change" in the weather.

What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud

What's worse than raining buckets? Hailing taxis!

Can Bees fly in the rain? Not without their yellow jackets

How do lightning bolts flirt? They electrocute each other

[Candelion]

Did you know James Bond once slept through an earthquake?
He was shaken, not stirred.

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l194/burnishedlips/pinkmartini_zps000707c1.jpg

[BestButchBoy]

An instagram.

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_VWBiqWnlf8c/TBqPPTzIzAI/AAAAAAAABsU/ZGH8ujW7dK0/s400/il_430xN_125496414.jpg

[Janstevie]

Did you hear about the guy who got run over by a steam train? He was chuffed to bits.

[JustLovelyJenn]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfp1/t1.0-9/10449962_909042735776056_2356345248175079006_n.jpg

[Candelion]

Why should you never date a tennis player?

Because love means nothing to them.

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l194/burnishedlips/3425f670-3941-49b0-ae8f-516808e20b77_zpsb94954af.png

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

What happened when the cheese factory exploded?

De brie flew everywhere.

https://drawception.com/pub/panels/2012/4-23/dxLNYeLdHq-4.png

[puddin']

a hamburger walks into a bar and orders a beer.
barkeep looks at him and says "sorry mate, we don't serve food.

[BestButchBoy]

An AmFIBian.

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

"I have a leak in my boat!" Tommy cried balefully.


http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-mdFhuoyB7Mc/TcEMZmhL2FI/AAAAAAAAAIQ/LeMPOo-Lk-A/s200/boat_sinking.gif

[BestButchBoy]

They're for the cold cuts.

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

Darn kids! I had to take one to the hospital because somehow he got 6 plastic horses stuck up his ass. Doctors described his condition as stable.

http://www.easyvectors.com/assets/images/vectors/afbig/a3ca70ef20f525298022483f5ba754df-horse-stable-clip-art.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/3808822016/h9616CFEF/

[Mormegil]

A white horse walks into a bar, he goes up to the counter and the bartender turns and says " Hey we have a whiskey named after you!" The horse replies " What? Kevin?"

[Candelion]

A twin came home from a late date and told her sister, "We're not identical any more." :|

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l194/burnishedlips/0ea4934a-37ad-465a-b049-aa5530b3e9d1_zps9e85b905.jpg?t=1403484247

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

"Why I like cantaloupe" by Melanie Flavour

http://www.topbun.com/images/graphics/food_flirtz/food_flirtz_cantaloupe.gif

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://img0.joyreactor.com/pics/post/funny-pictures-auto-853171.png

[gotoseagrl]

http://i62.tinypic.com/4t7ktw.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/15/21/ee/1521ee904e0486f257b6bbf6e0429640.jpg

[vagina]

wCF3ywukQYA

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://blog.ivman.com/wp-content/Gingervitis.jpg

[MysticOceansFL]

A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.
He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No", he replies,"I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it.."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What"s so special about it?"
The cowboy explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."
The lady says, "What"s it telling you now?"
Well, it says you"re not wearing any panties."
The woman giggles and replies "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!"
The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing"s an hour fast."

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://i.imgur.com/kP10iyR.jpg

[gotoseagrl]

http://i58.tinypic.com/n2k2hc.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://www.buzzle.com/img/articleImages/372592-3811-58.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jMsu0Jwd-U8/Tq7RJ03z_qI/AAAAAAAAAsY/bIfWiV7eEmA/s1600/joke1.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/236x/11/fd/55/11fd55f30199e57c69d5016163fd49ab.jpg

[Smiling]

http://i1306.photobucket.com/albums/s577/Bree524/imagejpg1_zps0007794f.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_zUq8JuOcuWA/TP_beTRkAUI/AAAAAAAABLc/8ezB0m5Sq5k/s400/cactus.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://www.distractify.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads//2013/11//a87cb72ff75bf9ebfdd4d945d0d4bdebd643433d28c4ff7847 734403e95eab1f1.jpg

[gotoseagrl]

What do you call a bird in the winter?
(Brrr-d!)

Why are pirates called pirates?
(They just arrrrrgh!)

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/89/53/46/895346b0182db52f3792237e76d571e9.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://www.anyjokes.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/carrots.jpg

[MysticOceansFL]

[COLOR="Blue"] [This guy was driving along a country road. Along the side of the road he sees a sign: "Apples, $5.00 each." So he pulls over to the side of the road and asks the farmer why his apples are so expensive. The farmer says, "Well, these are peanut butter and jelly apples." So the guy buys one. He says, "These apples only taste like jelly, where's the peanut butter?" The farmer says, "Turn the apple over and take a bit of the other side." Sure enough the other side tasted like peanut butter.
So he continues on his way and along the side of the road he sees another sign: "Apples, $20.00 each." So he gets out and asks the farmer why these apples are so expensive. "These are ham and cheese apples," the farmer says. So the guy buys one. The apple only tasted like ham, so he asked the farmer why and he said, "Turn the apple over and you will taste the cheese."
Then he is driving down the road again and he sees another sign: "Apples, $50.00 each." So he asks the farmer, "What's up with these apples being so expensive?" The farmer tells him they are p***y apples. So the guy buys one. He takes a bite into the apple and says "This apple tastes like s**t!" And the farmer says, "Turn it over."/COLOR]

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://37.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdsnriQrFy1rjephio1_1280.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://31.media.tumblr.com/32c419093f9b388f940d90f61c779034/tumblr_mqhy04v8oW1s4laaxo1_500.jpg

[gotoseagrl]

http://i57.tinypic.com/10gwfbk.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

Space Matters ;)

https://fbexternal-a.akamaihd.net/safe_image.php?d=AQAsV45NlY7TmW7j&w=470&h=246&url=https%3A%2F%2Fscontent-b-ord.xx.fbcdn.net%2Fhphotos-ash3%2Ft1.0-9%2F10262215_576247022474146_6751536350897989876_n .jpg&cfs=1&upscale

[Wrang1er]

What was the most popular dance in 1776?

The IndepenDANCE

What do you call a duck that says bang?

A firequacker

What did one flag say to the other flag?

Nothing, it just waved.

Happy 4th of July!

[MysticOceansFL]

Q: What is a astronaut's favorite place on the notebook?
A: The space bar!

Why was the computer tired when he got home?
Because he had a hard drive.


What do Scientists have for snacks?
Micro-chips.

Why did the computer get cold?
Because it forgot to close windows.

A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero" The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

[Mopsie]

Teacher : "Where did they sign the Declaration of Independence?"
Student: "At the bottom!"

Q: What did the colonists wear at the Boston Tea Party?
A: Tea-shirts!

Q: How do you have a good 4th?
A: You buy a 5th on the 3rd. ;)

[LadyLike]

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/fe/e1/9c/fee19cbdf26609bf2c14af4daddc9de1.jpg

[BestButchBoy]

Because he's a fun-guy.

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://www.guy-sports.com/fun_pictures/firework_acid.jpg

[LadyLike]

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/76/f5/1a/76f51aa62ce481c758a3e7eb7c3dbd75.jpg

[LadyLike]

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8Ys6KSjVHLs/T6PmaFVYmrI/AAAAAAAAAb0/PfzWkVvhiQE/s400/half-full-piss.jpg

[LadyLike]

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/236x/06/b8/9c/06b89c547b2ffe3a7ddcbd5b58904072.jpg

[LadyLike]

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/236x/69/49/3f/69493f42bc866aed0c36b38c7185e28d.jpg



last one for a while ....i know it's just toooo much funny on this thread we need a moment to contain ourselves........real it in ..........real it in ......:cracked: and i don't want to OD on corny ......

:D But I do Love this thread :)...Everyone that posts ...a Big THANK YOU ... it makes my day :).....laughter is my drug of choice :)

[~ocean]

~ what do cows do for entertainment ? ~

~ they go to the mooooo-vies ~

[gotoseagrl]

Teacher: "Who wrote `Oh say, can you see?"'
Student: "An eye doctor?"

What would you get if you crossed a colonial hairpiece with a teepee?
A powdered wigwam!

What's big, cracked, and carries your luggage?
The Liberty Bellhop!

[LadyLike]

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lqtntduQ041qmwofzo1_500.jpg

[LadyLike]

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/236x/e3/b9/84/e3b9849c6c86d388728682d6afab9249.jpg

[LadyLike]

http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6t6loIFUa1r0lgd4o1_500.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://tanyakhovanova.com/Jokes/xwhy/20080604.png

[BestButchBoy]

I Noah guy.

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

https://img0.etsystatic.com/019/0/8820347/il_340x270.528833932_3ans.jpg

[LadyLike]

http://crazyjamie.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/48976714667703262_un4i2ess_f.jpg

[LadyLike]

http://37.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0no323IKs1r7flh4o1_500.jpg

[LadyLike]

http://www.guy-sports.com/fun_pictures/corny3.jpg


It's going to be a hot one folks don't forget the sunblock and lots of water :)

[LadyLike]

http://doblelol.com/thumbs/corny-jokes-one-liners-funny_4989365724186706.jpg

[LadyLike]

http://www.bestfunnyjokes4u.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/funny-cartoon-joke-2.jpeg

[LadyLike]

http://www.severinbrowne.com/SevJoke02-25-10.jpg

[LadyLike]

http://blog.mysquawkbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Coffee_Joke.jpg

[LadyLike]

http://lifestylebranson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/corny-halloween-jokes2.jpg

[LadyLike]

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ENtYNhEmtSg/T-1X0tJaS5I/AAAAAAAAEFM/ctGdS2Am90g/s1600/tumblr_m40d77wjLE1rrdgv9o1_500.jpg

[LadyLike]

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/58/d7/a1/58d7a1b1c06338e0c44181440e31350c.jpg

[LadyLike]

https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/8185211136/h228F6398/

[Orema]

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/236x/97/8f/7e/978f7ef3950484d195abe7adeb95f250.jpg

[BestButchBoy]

…should get a no bell prize.

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://www.readersdigest.com.au/sites/readersdigest.com.au/files/styles/cartoon_image_300_250/public/attachments/pictures/1009-Gregory-Kogan-d.jpg

[MysticOceansFL]

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"

[ksrainbow]

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth, then it just becomes a soap opera.

I can hear music coming out of my printer.
I think the paper's jammin' again.

I'm going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I'm outstanding.

[MysticOceansFL]

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/72/20/38/722038c849478645a625b4eb2a28d18a.jpg

[gotoseagrl]

Why do dogs run in circles?
(Because it's too hard to run in squares!)

What dog loves to take bubble baths?
(A shampoodle!)

What do you get when you cross a Rottweiler and a collie?
(A dog who bites you, and then goes for help!)

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://funnyasduck.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/funny-dutch-shoe-think-sink-is-clogged-pun-joke-pics.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://media.rd.com/rd/images/rdc/slideshows/12-Cartoons-About-Food-Come-to-Life/dance-lessons-af.jpg

[gotoseagrl]

http://i57.tinypic.com/2mepyee.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/ama/lowres/health-beauty-deodorant-sure-sure_deodorant-puns-word_play-aman164l.jpg

[Deerboots]

What do you call a cow with no legs?

[homoe]

ground beef?

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/funny-puns-23.jpg?w=550&h=627

[Orema]

http://lowres.jantoo.com/shopping-hello-welcomes-greetings_card-greetings_cards-greeting-36533522_low.jpg

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

http://shechive.files.wordpress.com/2013/10/bad-puns-13.jpg

[Orema]

A woman meets a man at a party. She says, "Haven't seen you around. Are you new to the neighborhood?"

He says, "I just got out of prison."

She says, "Prison? Why were you there?"

He says, "I killed my wife."

She says, "Oh, so your single?"

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

https://d22d7v2y1t140g.cloudfront.net/m_1760544_s1WHaweBnnkL.jpg

[MysticOceansFL]

Q: Which part of the military do babies join?
A: The infantry.