Corny jokes

[kittygrrl]

https://www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/relish-pickle-joke.jpg?w=1600

[Stone-Butch]

How do you plan a space party?
You planet

I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.

Why cant you trust duck doctors?
Cause they are all quacks.

[Stone-Butch]

Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?
She kept running away from the ball.

What do you call an angry carrot?
A steamed vegetable.

Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.

[kittygrrl]

road dill ...............

[Stone-Butch]

Time flies llike an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.

What do elves learn in school?
The elf-abet.

What does corn say when it gets a compliment?
Awww shucks.

[Stone-Butch]

What does a storm cloud wear under his raincoat?

Thunderwear.

What kind of tree can you hold in your hand?

A palm tree.

What is a cats favorite desert?

Micecreme.

[Kätzchen]

Did you hear about the book on glue?
— You can’t put it down.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Eggs and Bacon walk into a restaurant.
— The hostess says, “We don’t serve breakfast here.”

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Why do bees have sticky hair?
— They use honeycombs.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

How do fish pay their bills?
— With Sand Dollars.

[Stone-Butch]

1) What do you call a fish without eyes? A fsh.

2) Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Cause he was outstanding in his field.

[Stone-Butch]

Why did the fish blush? She saw the oceans bottom.

What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.

What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.

[Stone-Butch]

Why did the deer go to the dentist? He had bucked teeth.

What job did the frog have at the hotel? Bellhop

Why was the broom late for work? It overswept

[Kätzchen]

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSAhEJRcGneSCGHyOofUbPYIivr1GdBB pQdfQ&usqp=CAU


https://static.demilked.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/60337bb729c2f-comics-funny-jokes-off-the-mark-mark-parisi-coverimage.jpg


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[A. Spectre]

Have you ever noticed what's odd?

Every other number.

[A. Spectre]

You have reached the incontinence hotline.....


Please hold.

[Kätzchen]

https://i.pinimg.com/236x/56/e9/86/56e986792564e82f7db84a51a2167e01.jpg

*LOL*

This reminds me of Coach Walz’ mid-western slogan:
“Mind your own damn business”. 🎯❣️

[Kätzchen]

You have reached the incontinence hotline.....


Please hold.

https://i.pinimg.com/564x/1f/5c/59/1f5c59696c707f4c0b0beef4928af487.jpg

[Kätzchen]

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSMwPouab9zQk4_OH5gJn2aP8Yt7mXhC rcQmQ&s

[Gráinne]

My Dad used to tell "shaggy dog" jokes, long stories that had some ridiculous punchline:

Two big turtles and one little turtle decided to go to the malt shop for sarsaparillas. As they were having their drinks, there was a clap of thunder outside.

One big turtle looked at the other big turtle, and both said to the little one: "Go back home and get our umbrella".

The little turtle refused: "No, then you will drink my sarsaparilla!"

The two big turtles promised they would not drink it, so the little turtle set off.

Two days later, one large turtle said to the other, "Come on, let's drink his sarsaparilla".

A little voice from the back of the store rang out: "You do, and I won't go for that umbrella!"

[Stone-Butch]

Why did the skunk take out a loan. --------- He only had one scent.

Why are pigs not allowed to drive? -------- They hog the road.

What would you call a cold puppy? -------- A chili dog.

[A. Spectre]

Have you heard the one about the corduroy pillow?





It made headlines!

[Kätzchen]

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/5d/a7/1f/5da71f21b1b32ba094e437b2c2f42728.gif

[Kätzchen]

https://www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/100-Hilarious-Clean-Jokes-2-GettyImages-1459325027.jpg?fit=700%2C700

[Kätzchen]

https://i.pinimg.com/200x150/25/3a/5a/253a5a726d40ffba9b884169558b1c42.jpg

[Kätzchen]

https://i0.wp.com/tickledmoon.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/Dad-joke.png?fit=1020%2C680&ssl=1

[Kätzchen]

https://www.weareteachers.com/wp-content/uploads/dad-jokes-37.gif

[Kätzchen]

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[Kätzchen]

https://comicsconnoisseurs.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/30-Dark-Humor-Single-Panel-Comics-by-Dave-Blazek-3.jpg.webp

[Kätzchen]

https://static.demilked.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/funny-one-panel-cartoons-speed-bump-comics-11.jpg

[Stone-Butch]

---What washes up on very small beaches?

Micro waves.

---What do you call a belt with a watch on it?

A waist of time.

---What did the grape do when it got stepped on?

It let out a little wine.

[A. Spectre]

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

[Kätzchen]

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

Answer (??): The sound of one’s crap?

—————————————————. :pursebee:

Erwin Schrödinger, Noam Chomsky and Kurt Gödel walk into a joke.

Schrödinger: I can’t tell if this joke is funny or not.

Chomsky: It’s funny. You’re just not telling it right.

Gödel: Of course you can’t tell if it’s funny. You’re in the joke.

[Kätzchen]

https://i.pinimg.com/736x/b1/2f/fa/b12ffa248e823add54134f66ef707fed.jpg

[Bèsame*]

What do mermaids use to wash their fins?


Tide.

[Bèsame*]

Did you know that light travels faster than sound?

That's because people appear to be bright until they open their mouths

[Stone-Butch]

*what did the snowman have for breakfast?

>frosted flakes

*What would you call a boomerang that won't come back?

>a stick

*What would you call a line of bunnies that are jumping backwards?

>a receiding hare line.

[Stone-Butch]

* What do cows do for entertainment?

> Go to the moovies.

* What would you call a fake noodle?

> An impasta.

* What would you call a can opener that doesn't work?

> A can't opener.

* What would you call a bear with no teeth?

> A gummy bear.

[Stone-Butch]

* Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?

> She always ran from the ball.

* How do you make an egg roll?

> You push it.

* What would bears be without bees?

> ears.

* What did the triangle say to the circle?

> You're pointless.

[Kätzchen]

Star Wars :eyebat:

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[Kätzchen]

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRtUgU5ExFnuFZPHM3Da0u2PspMhkl0H 73gjnOgf74fUg&s

[Kätzchen]

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRsOGXV6BFvKMPuQ_0PByEZJLR2LpITs 98_-cl2E1bybg&s

[Kätzchen]

Where does the ghost family go on vacation???

A). The Boo-hamas, Mali-booo, and Boo-dapest.

[Kätzchen]

The Past, Present, and the Future walked into a bar.


It was Tense.

[Kätzchen]

How much money does a skunk have???


Just one scent.

[Kätzchen]

Q: How do bats fly?
A: They wing it.

—————————————🎃

Q: Why did the skeleton quit his job?
A: His heart wasn’t in it:

—————————— 🎃

Q: Why don’t vampires play baseball?
A: Their bats keep flying away.

———————————————🎃

Q: Why did the ghost need first aid?
A: They had boo-boo’s.

[iamkeri1]

Here's a Christmas one.
The three wise men came to visit Jesus in the stable. They entered one by one because the door was narrow. The third wise man was tall and having hit his head on the door frame, exclaimed "Jesus Christ!

Mary turned to Joseph and said "You know, I like that name a lot better than Irving."

Smooches,
Keri

[iamkeri1]

Here's a Christmas one.
The three wise men came to visit Jesus in the stable. They entered one by one because the door was narrow. The third wise man was tall and having hit his head on the door frame, exclaimed "Jesus Christ!

Mary turned to Joseph and said "You know, I like that name a lot better than Irving."

Smooches,
Keri

[kittygrrl]

Q-how do you get trump to change a light bulb?

A-Tell him Obama put it in

[Kätzchen]

Why did the scarecrow win an award??

Because he was outstanding in his field. :eyebat:




Why are piggy banks so wise???

They’re filled with common cents. :flyingpig:


What did the skillet eat for its birthday???

Pan-cakes. 🎂

[Bèsame*]

What's 90 degrees but covered with ice?
The North and South Poles.

What happened when the blue ship and the red ship collided at sea?
Their crews were marooned.

What's the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu?
One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment.

[Kätzchen]

How do you throw a party in outer space??

You planet.


——————————.

Why don’t eggs tell jokes??

They don’t because they might crack up!!

——————————.

What did the big flower say to the little flower?

“Hi Bud!”