What fart did you fart today?

[nycfem]

One from yesterday, one from today:

Yesterday: THE FREUDIAN FART

I ran into someone I knew and didn't want to really do the "Hi, how are you, what have you been up to" thing with him but did anyway. So we were having our upbeat convo, and I asked about how his on-again, off-again girlfriend was doing. He said, "She's doing an internship in Oakland, California for a year. It's a fellowship on renewable energy. She's become really interested in fresh air." I don't know if it was the unconscious power of suggestion or what but the moment the words "fresh air" were spoken I let a "silent but deadly" rip. "Anyway nice seeing you!" he called over his shoulder as he trotted off at a brisk pace.

Today: THE "WAKE THE DEAD" FART

After a fine meal of collard greens, injera (Ethiopian bread), shiro (Ethiopian chick pea stew), and Red Velvet ice cream (Ben & Jerry's), I felt a loud fart coming on. Sometimes one could stifle it but a sense of "Seize the Day! You only live once!" takes over, and instead it's given red carpet treatment. In this case that meant, lifting a cheek off the chair and pushing with gusto. I was sitting at my computer desk and BB was sitting at the dining room table eating take-out Italian, so I thought maybe just maybe, somehow, I could get away with BB not having heard it. But instead, instantly, a sleeping cat woke and stared at me, and BB nearly dropped hys fork. I said, "I think I woke the cat." BB said, "Are you kidding, Honey? You woke the dead."

[Julie]

I FARTED for the Preacher today!
And the Preacker cackled.

[Medusa]

I can verify said fart

[Dreamer]

Omg I am already imagining the wedding and New Orleans farts... Look out guests.

[RockOn]

Silent Stealth plan goes awry

I did a long one cheek sneak (so I had planned) in my cubi today. The first part went swell, a genuine stealth, under the radar fart - made me proud but the last portion went into a long sort of high pitched zinger and the pitch continued to rise as it played out. I could not stop it in the middle when it became noisey ... I was trying so hard not to laugh but unable to help myself at that point ... each stifled giggle produced little bullet farts at the end. Hot little fart it was, I had lots of jalapeno peppers on the veggie sub I had for breakfast earlier. Pretty rough, had to abandon my cubicle.

[Sweet Bliss]

Originally Posted by Brock

Silent Stealth plan goes awry

I did a long one cheek sneak (so I had planned) in my cubi today. The first part went swell, a genuine stealth, under the radar fart - made me proud but the last portion went into a long sort of high pitched zinger and the pitch continued to rise as it played out. I could not stop it in the middle when it became noisey ... I was trying so hard not to laugh but unable to help myself at that point ... each stifled giggle produced little bullet farts at the end. Hot little fart it was, I had lots of jalapeno peppers on the veggie sub I had for breakfast earlier. Pretty rough, had to abandon my cubicle.

<……… Brock

me...> ......

Coworkers ... >

[Gemme]

The average person farts 16 times a day.

[RockOn]

Your image portrayal is hilarious! Thank you!
I think the only co-worker who heard it was a guy I don't like - so I could care less. I was just praying my supervisor would not walk in when things got out of control, his entry would have caused me to laugh even harder at myself ... and this surely would have generated lots more rump end melodies. I'm a freaking rock-star fartster! LOL! I think nycfem is too, word has it she can wake the dead.

Hey Gemme, interesting statistics!

[Sweet Bliss]

http://mistupid.com/facts/page070.htm

[RockOn]

Sweet Bliss was so kind to give us the link ... I copied and pasted the following information (see below ) from this site.

***************************
Stupid Facts - Fart Facts

Farts are created mostly by E. coli.

On the average a fart is composed of about 59% nitrogen, 21% hydrogen, 9% carbon dioxide, 7% methane, and 4% oxygen. Less than 1% is what makes them stink.

The temperature of a fart at time of creation is 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit.

Farts have been clocked at a speed of 10 feet per second.

A person produces about half a liter of farts a day.

Although they won't admit it, women fart as much as men.

Termites are the largest producers of farts.

Farts are flammable.

The word "fart" comes from the Old English "feortan" (meaning "to break wind").

Excess gas in the intestinal is medically termed "flatulence."

*****************************************
If you could get a tiny, very sensitive tape recorder and stick it inside your walls near wood, it would be unnecessary to pay a termite control company because on the tape recorder you'd hear all the little partying termites farting while they munched your wood.

I wonder how that clock speed at 10' per second was achieved. And yes, I can tell you for an absolute fact, farts are flammable.

[Sweet Bliss]

My senses tell me there is more to Brockie's story..... and why pray tell, did my Kindle call him Brockie????? Ummmm.... has someone been using it?!?!?


And for the record, eating gluten, if you are allergic to it, will create an abundance of foul flatulence.

Eliminate gluten folks.

[RockOn]

* laughing *
That is all you will get out of me about that story!

[Sweet Bliss]

Was a flicking BIC involved???? Inquiring minds want the whole story....

[RockOn]

LOL! SWEET BLISS, YOU GOTTA QUIT!
*laughing even harder now*

[Sweet Bliss]

Originally Posted by Brock

LOL! SWEET BLISS, YOU GOTTA QUIT!
*laughing even harder now*

Well, had to give it my best shot

Should I have bribed you with a frosted mug of beer?

[RockOn]

Sweet Bliss

Good try but too bad the bribe would have been futile. Been in recovery since late 80s. Beer makes me want to chase cars ... caught up with a '68 Firebird one time ... knawed off the left rear tire - couldn't tell you what all that was about ... and chased after women too - I knew what that was about ... it became problematic. I do not miss the chaos.

More serious note ... really love being sober and would not change it for anything in the world.

[Sweet Bliss]

Originally Posted by Brock

Sweet Bliss

Good try but too bad the bribe would have been futile. Been in recovery since late 80s. Beer makes me want to chase cars ... caught up with a '68 Firebird one time ... knawed off the left rear tire - couldn't tell you what all that was about ... and chased after women too - I knew what that was about ... it became problematic. I do not miss the chaos.

More serious note ... really love being sober and would not change it for anything in the world.

ditto

damn....shooda said Root Beer!!!

[RockOn]

ditto???????
You mean alcohol makes you want to chase cars too?
Wow, too cool! You are the only person who has ever admitted that to me.

Pssst ... come closer ... want to whisper something in your ear ... I think there are others who experience the odd behavior of alcohol-induced car chasing but they are unable to talk about it.

*wink*

[solamite]

Juz pullz meez finga & u willz noe wat kind of fart I didz todae.

[GraffitiBoi]