Men with boobs.

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Here's what I don't get.... we have a pronoun spot now. People wanted it. People got it. But, most butches do not use it. Why?

I think there could be lots of reasons:

1) They are unsure which pronoun matches them the best.

2) They feel that "she" should be the default and so it is insulting to even have the pronoun space there (Toughy's always makes me smile!)

3) People worry that others will judge them/make assumptions about them, based on their pronoun choice.

4) Other reasons

The reality is that some butches prefer he, some she, some hy, some shi, and some zie. I don't think that we have any other choice than to work within that reality.

I say, write it in the space, or take what you get. It is not fair to get upset if someone calls you by the wrong pronoun when we all have a very easy and visible way to let everyone know what they prefer. I feel that it is almost unfair to expect others to have to work within a guessing game. If it is important to you, write it in.

Be proud of your pronoun!

Disclaimer: I went against my usual rule of never posting prior to reading a whole thread first, so I hope this still fits in with the current "groove" of the thread! I haven't read past the above quoted post. This has been in my head for a long time, and seeing Arwen's post triggered these thoughts.

I totally appreciate what you are saying here. However, it isn't working. I was jazzed to see the pronoun spot because I thought it would really help out with this whole matter.

I inserted she, her right off when joining. There have been more than a few times that I have been addressed as he or him just as it was on the dash site. And every single time this has happened it has been by a femme. I don't get it! We have the place to clearly state what we want, yet, this keeps happening. And I keep seeing statements about most butches identifying as female. What is this based upon? Are there some site stats around that I don't know about? I have no idea what the breakdown is. I honestly don't believe this to be true, but could certainly be wrong. And there are butches that (as you state) don't list pronouns or don't care which are used. My guess is that in those cases, pronouns default to male. Again, I have no data to support this and probably should not make this assumption- could just be a personal sensitivity.

Something I have thought about is that perhaps we butches might just have more of a sensitivity about this. Again, I have no idea. I do know that it is important to me to use the pronoun(s) that another butch prefers.

Now, to be fair, I would think that the same thing has happened for male-identified butches. I have no idea. I want to believe this is so.