The Femme Continuum: The "Highs" and "Lows" of Visibility

[Medusa]

Jo, thanks for telling your story!

There are quite a few Femmes (and Butches and Transmen) on these boards who came out later in life and/or who have been married once or several times. There are a lot of Femmes (and Butches and Transmen) who have slept with men and have children. None of this negates who you are now or who you were then

I had many of the same kinds of feelings when I first discovered the Butch/Femme dynamic. Kinda like a "Wow, I cant believe I missed this.." or "Wow, why didnt I look for this sooner.." What you say about only knowing what we know rings so true.
If we dont have access to other Femmes, its HARD to recognize that within ourselves sometimes, much less NAME it for what it is.
Think of the images and stories that are most readily available in the media about Lesbians. How many Femmes can we all point out? How many Femmes could we have pointed out in the 70s and 80s?
My personal view? People have BEEN Femme for a long, long time but the recognition and ownership of Femme is fairly new in the dyke world.

I would venture that most of us need some kind of touchstone to spark that recognition within ourselves. Something that tells us that we aren't just a "freak" or "a straight girl who has a kink for Butch women" or insert any other number of identifiers.

Im glad we have this space and each other to do that. Each of our ways of being Femme are correct and valid, and I love hearing about how other people have found their Femme and how they "do" it, even when it is very different than mine or anything I have ever seen.