Gay Marriage until...a break up. Why Gays need to walk the walk.

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by Puplove

I agree that we should have the same responsibilities of a legally binding contract if we have the same rights, and public perception that someone fighting for gay marriage can turn around and say "never mind, that wasn't real" hurts us all. (That may not be the real situation with M.E., but it's a good thinking point.)

Even in a painful breakup, I believe that decent people won't manipulate loopholes and the non-legal situation to get out of doing what's right in divvying up possessions, child custody, etc. (although it can take time to get past the initial hurt and knee jerk anger to get to that point). Non-decent people will find a way to screw over the person they had promised to love and cherish, even if they have to pay more to do it legally.

I feel, straight or queer: if you don't want to fully commit and be willing to embrace ALL responsibilities, then don't call it a marriage (whether or not there's legal paper involved). Then, you leave yourself an out and can easily walk away when it's over.

Here is where I think the higher standard idea comes in:
The contrast between fighting to have queer relationships recognized as "just as real" as heterosexual marriages, then seeing couples walk away from each other when things get tough, because...well, there's no legally binding document requiring a negotiated contract dissolution. Straight people do it too - all the time. But, no one has to work to validate straight relationships, so they can crap all over their privileges without affecting an entire community.

It sucks, but it's there. As SF said, this is where it comes in that gays need to walk the walk.

Point to ponder: When straight people run into an old friend they haven't seen for a couple years and they catch up on mutual friends, it's rare that you hear them ask about married couples "Are John and Phyllis still together? Wow, that's great they are!!"

When queers run into old friends and they catch up, the standard questions are "Are Adam and Steve still together?" and it's a surprise when they are. How many times have you and your friends asked "are they still together" when catching up on long-term queer couple friends. Who even realizes the root of that question?

Many factors way too big to talk about (history, culture, bias, etc etc etc) have taught us to believe that long-term queer relationships are the exception, not the norm. Although more than 50% of straight marriages end in divorce, we - the "all of society" we - do not believe that long-term straight relationships are the exception.

Thank you for so eloquently saying what I've been trying to say.

You bring up a fascinating point with the "is so-n-so still together" question. I remember clear as day being at a function last year and someone came up to say hello that I hadn't seen in a while. They asked if I was still seeing Cal and I swear to God they almost spit their drink out when I said yes. It was weird to me, that the follow up comment was something along the lines of how lucky I was, and how so many of "us" don't stay together.

You're absolutely right about there being tons of reasons for that, and one of those reasons is that a lot of people think we are just perverts, and that being gay is solely about sex.

That is why it is so important that we are visible as your everyday average folks next door...not a blurb on the five o'clock news from a pride parade.