The Mythical *Pass* for Differently-Abled People

[christie]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

I wanted to take a moment to remind everyone that this thread is about ALL differently abled people.

Not just neuro-disabled.

We have so very many types of differently abled people here and I want to make sure that we don't put everyone into a box. Sure, there are those of us who have cognitive issues. But a wheelchair, being hearing impaired, multiple sclerosis, cerebral palsy, an amputee and the rest of the different abilities all tend to lead to the general public thinking that all of it is cognitive (meaning we are all slow) issues. We find people talking louder, and slower and often times in a tone reserved for three year olds.

First of all, cognitive challenges don't = slow. Secondly, talking to DA'd people with the assumption that all DA = Cognitive really demeans us all as human beings.

This is just a gentle reminder, and not directed at any one person. I get super frustrated at the public perceptions around differently abled people and I want to make sure that this community steers clear of that.

If anyone has any questions please feel free to pm me.

thanks,

adele

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

I really want to start a conversation about something near and dear to my heart.

That is the subject of personal responsibility when posting as a differently-abled person. As the Ambassador for such things I think it is an important conversation to have right now.

As some of you know I am differently-abled. I have a severe TBI (traumatic brain injury) as well as some other serious health issues.

What does that mean for *me*? It means that I don't have filters the way normal people do. It means that my frontal temporal lobe was SO damaged that my critical thinking and emotional response mechanisms don't work like yours. It is like using a coffee filter in place of an oil filter maybe. The way that my brain processes and regurgitates is from a very emotional place, and the filtering system that most people have telling them what is okay to say and what is not doesn't work like normal.

I have to live every day very differently than most people in a lot of ways. I have to be reminded to eat, to take medicine, to feed my children, to shower....the list is endless.

I'm getting to the point I promise.

This all means that I have to work a little harder if I want to be a part of society. I have to set alarms, use calendars and rely on the people that love me (truly love me) to keep me on track. Mostly, I have to rely on myself, because at the end of the day it is *me* who has to live with the consequences of not using compensation strategies to fill in for the things that I am lacking.

I have lived this way since July 26, 2003. That is almost exactly 7 years.

For the first three years (while I was in a brain injury rehab program) I really believed that it was the worlds job to understand me. I couldn't understand why I didn't get passes for my ridiculousness because of my head injury.

I now understand that it is my job to the work. That means I don't get a special *Pass* for my different-ability. It is not the worlds fault that I am like this and frankly it is an impossible request that the world compensate for me rather than me compensating for myself.

I don't WANT a pass. I feel angry when I do get one, because it is taking away the day to day work of being Adele that empowers me.

If I act like an asshole, I don't get to say: "I have a head injury".
If I am hurtful to others I don't get to say: "I have a head injury".
If I am racist or sexist or misogynistic I don't get to say: "I have a head injury".
If I am mean spirited and snarky I don't get to say: "I have a head injury".

I instead get to own up to my behaviors. For me, this can mean apologizing, listening (and hearing) when others come to me and say "that was kind of fucked up and heres why", it means writing and re-writing posts, and it means having others check my posts AFTER I've read and re-read what I've written before I hit the submit button.

I am not perfect and I own that there have been plenty of times that I have gotten lazy and complacent. For the most part, I have had to live with the consequences of that. Like Juney un-friending me in Facebook.

So I hope that we as a community can remember that although a person may be differently abled, we are all responsible for our own actions. Head patting and "poor poor baby" responses are diminishing and erasing. I don't know any differently abled person who wants to be pitied.

Pitied would look like me saying anything I want and nobody every caring because poor thing has a head injury.

Accommodated would look like me saying gross things and people calling me out just like anyone else.

Because if somebody got angry with me deservedly that would be a consequence of me not using my compensation strategies. And that needs to happen.

Just because I am differently-abled does not mean that I don't have to live by the same set of rules that the rest of the world does.

When I am babied, coddled, or given leeway that others are not it translates to me that I am indeed challenged and broken beyond repair.

THAT takes away my hope and incentive for living in the world as a human being just like everyone else.

I'd like to have a discussion about this, and hear honest feedback, because I've noticed that sometimes we are given "passes" by our fellow community members (mostly in the spirit of caring/compassion) and I want to talk about how that can or cannot invalidate a differently-abled person.

Thanks.

Adele -

While I appreciate your wanting to be sure that this thread is about all DA persons, I can't help but be just a tad confused at this point.

In your opening post, you specifically wanted to address accountability when posting as a DA person. You went on to speak of your personal experience with TBI, which, to me, falls into neuro-diversity.

I thought that you were wanting to discuss holding DA persons to the same standards in rules and expectations on this site in relation to adhering to the TOS.

While I am sure that physical limitations such as the ones you mention in your last post have bearing and can be related to to a person's state of mind when they post, I don't know how my having a permanent physical disability impacts my posting. I don't know how having a 23% disability of my knee allows me to have the mythical pass you speak of when I am accountable for the words I type - not how long it takes me to navigate going down steps.

I am really not trying to be argumentative and wanted to ask for clarification since my interpretation of your last post seems to conflict with the OP. If the direction of the thread has now changed to talk about how physical disabilities allow DA persons this pass in real-time interactions, so will my participation in this thread.

Thanks,
Christie