Were you adopted in a closed adoption?

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Rockinonahigh

I get ya on wanting to know the info on health,cause I know nothing about the other side of the familys health issues.Once I did contact someone about it,I told them all I wanted was health info...they hung up the phone.I gess like most of us will never know much if anything.I figure all I can do is stay healthy and fit as I can.
A fue questions,it may sound kinda weired but, hear it is.Do any of u feel like u are constantly looking for something,waiting for something to happen.In one of my therapy sessions I ask about this,the anser I got was..everybody dose that it dosent matter who.
The reason I ask is so many times I feel like no matter how hard I try,how much I work to do all I can to be the best I can be,its not enough.Also in social situations I can be such a dork,I often dont really beleave ppl are wanting to include me in what ever is going on as they are just being pc in public.There is one more but im not shure how to say it right,but hear goes..This has triped me up a lot..when I meet someone interesting that I would like to know better...I hear what they say about me,us maybe dateing some more. I hear them but somewhere in my mind I either dissassosheate it or am not shure if they mean it,so to keep from being hurt again...I step back
and out of whatever it could become.This has cost me big time,I hate it for doing this,so dont really know how to get past this.
Rockin

Actually many people who are adopted feel unconnected and angry. It's common in fact. I am surprised your therapist did not pick up on it.

I am not saying every adopted person, of course there are success stories, but a huge amount of adoptees continue to search all their lives and do not have any idea for what.

Adopted people are known to have abandonment issues too. Like even though people you try to date are telling you they want you, you still have that early trauma in the back of your head even if you don't know it's there, making you pull away. Like "I will leave first so you can't hurt me" kind of thing.

You suffered a very deep early trauma. That teeny helpless baby (you) was abandoned through no fault of your own and no matter how good your adoptive parents are, sometimes that trauma causes us to feel the ways we do. The social interaction difficulties, the problems connecting, in fact everything you mentioned can arise form adoption and the lies and secrets surrounding it. Not having a real past. and then when you reached out, you were turned away from again. No wonder you have these issues.

The books I am reading are: (Christie Avocado mentioned one)

Adoption Healing...a Path to Recovery by Joe Soll

Primal Wound by Nancy Veverier

Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness by Betty Jean Lifton

Maybe you could start by reading some and talking here. Maybe we can all help each other work through some of this stuff?