For the T-Femmes and SOFFAs...

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

Super,

You know I adore you and think you are so smart and sweet and kind, and very educated. I understand that you are saying that the whole person should be appreciated and not just that they are trans. I agree with that. Same goes for femmes and butches and.... anyone.

Let me tell you how I see it from my *ME* space. As a transguy, I feel on the periphery of the butch-femme community sometimes, like I am allowed to be here but this space is really for butches and femmes, not guys like me. That is how I see it. And that is fine, the site is called "Butch-Femme Planet", not "Butch-Femme-Trans Planet". That said, it appears to me that when a femme, who identifies as lesbian, becomes interested in me, it is in-spite of my being trans. Like she is making an exception in my case. However, when a woman says she is a transsensual femme, it means that I am not an exception, that my trans identity isn't something to be overlooked. And that doesn't feel like a fetish at all. Instead, it feels like someone sees me, all of me, and loves me for everything that I am. That is a wonderful feeling.

Just my .02

I totally get what you are saying. After all, I am married to a transguy. Did I fall in love with hym *in spite* of hys being transgender? Hell no! I fell in love with every fiber of hys being.

I get the feeling of inclusiveness you feel when a woman says she is a transsensual femme. Totally.

For *Me* it is not an either or situation. To love somebody "in spite of" is not to love that person as a whole. To love somebody as a whole is a chance at a successful relationship.

Yet, it feels false to me to love ones SELF as a whole while negating ones identity to whom one is attracted to. Any woman falling in love with YOU is just that. A woman falling in love with YOU. A woman falling in love with you not in spite of you being trans but rather *because* of you being trans feels like shaky ground (for both you and the femme).

But that is just one girl with a bumped head's take on the matter. I am not an expert, I am only speaking my own truth and forwarding the philosophy that we are all lovable for our entire being, not just one aspect. My truth might be the next persons poison. I accept that.

I just want to add that you are incredibly lovable, for a plethora of reasons, not just your transition.