Loving a Transman Isn't Easy

[SelfMadeMan]

I've been doing a lot of thinking about what the lesbian partners of transmen must go through... and reading everyone's input here. I want to preface this post by saying that I speak from some of our experiences - not suggesting this is true for everyone in every place. Certainly some places have more trans support than others. But as I was sitting here pondering this issue... it dawned on me that in many relationships with transmen, when in the company of other transmen/couples, their lesbian partners aren't really encouraged to speak out about what might be uncomfortable for them during their partner's transition. I have seen, and we have experienced, the ostracizing of a lesbian by her lesbian community for partnering with a transman. And then there are the hetero friends you make - since you're viewed as just another hetero couple by society - the friends you can't always even be open and honest with about your trans partner. So oftentimes, a lesbian who chooses to partner with, or stay with a transman has no real outlet for the very real emotions and fears she is dealing with.

So, I'm happy to see these dialogues taking place, I know my wife has dealt with these issues and felt she had to become invisible again to fully support me - and that was my fault for worrying so much about being stealth and wanting to blend in. Wanting every rainbow sticker peeled off, and put away. Our relationship has grown and been so much more comfortable for both of us with my becoming an out transman. I'm not saying everyone has to be out - there are ways to support your partner as a 'stealth' transman and let her be honest - let her be vulnerable. By remembering that she is transitioning too.

I will say though, that being out and visible sure made life easier for not only me - but for the hot queer girl I married