How do you communicate when you're angry?

[adorable]

This is such an interesting thread. Anger is one of those things that for me, is not an emotion by itself, rather the combination of other emotions. Usually, based in some sort of fear and combined with something else. If I am angry, really angry, I get quiet. I am one of those people that doesn't act on it. Luckily, it's rare that I ever get angry about something.

No good ever comes from a place of anger. Being heated or upset is a different story. Actual anger is more of a demon where rational thought is lost. The older I get, the more I see everything as choices and feel less need for discussion. Normally, I am likely to say what I'm thinking right at the moment that I feel it. Not always such a great idea generally. In that moment though, it's what I happened to think. In anger, that would be the worst thing to ever do. There are times that not speaking is far better than talking things through. And I'm fond of just letting things go. Sometimes, you both just really had a bad day and it wasn't more or less or something to be read into.

When I feel the need to talk things through, because I like to analyze behavior, I generally need to cut that out. lol. No matter what I'm feeling, the best thing for me is to get quiet and sort myself out internally. When I am attempting (in a relationship) to get another person to talk to me, it's usually because I want to hear what they're thinking and change it to suit me. It's a control issue, not a discussion. One that keeps the focus off of me, where it should be. I spent several years with someone who was unable (which is different than unwilling) to discuss or process feelings at all. What I discovered was that it didn't matter. Honestly, how we feel at one moment can be entirely different then how we are going to feel tomorrow at the exact same time. Sleep alone changes things. I usually know (thank you therapy) immediately what I'm feeling and the best way for ME to process that. Everyone is different. My thinking that people process like I do isn't fair or true.

Anger is also fleeting. A feeling that passes, like all other feelings, AS LONG AS, I don't act on it. Unlike other feelings, it's one that by acting on it, will create more feelings. It's easy to go from a dust storm to a tornado and not know how you got there. I stop it when the dust starts to rise. It's not complicated for me. I just cut it out and don't go there. I can shut down completely. I have control over that today, that ability to chose when and where, which some people think is a bad thing. Not me. It also means that I can see it when it happens in someone else. For me, the worst thing is to be crowded. The more pressure, the more likely I'll withdraw. Most of us come around if we're left a lone for a while.

It's funny because I will say things like "I'm so mad right now," or "I hate this," or "This pisses me off," but only when I'm not angry, just upset. If I was angry someone would likely never know. Anger in myself is a place I take seriously. I talk in extremes generally because that is how I learned to talk, my feelings are not that way. I generally say "I hate" a lot which for some people is one of those words that is reserved for the lowest of the lowest of the lowest of everything. I use it to signify a more general dislike of something. As in, "I hate lemon meringue pie." (true story)