Empathy

[Gráinne]

I feel like the Empath character on Star Trek, who didn't have a voice of her own but reflected everyone else's feelings. I also learned very early on how to be a people-pleaser and put everyone else first. Someone else's crisis trumped my need for down time.

I'm generally very quiet and a listener more than a talker, so talkers tend to seek me out. I was also raised in a family where, when you had a problem, you had two choices: If it had a solution, you solved it and got on with things. If it didn't have a solution, you adapted and changed yourself, and got on with things. Either way, you didn't "bother" people with your problems.

I don't think the issue is necessarily too much empathy-Deity knows we need a lot-but balance. I don't like to lean on people or ask for help, even friends, and I've had friends tell me that this can make them feel unneeded or that I come across as cold and aloof, without issues. On the other hand, you don't want to keep going on and on about problems or you're no fun to be around. I'm striving for that balance between intimacy, asking for help, and independence. I've also had to learn when to say "I'm not feeling up to a lot of heavy stuff; maybe we can talk about light subjects and deal with problems later".