Bed Side Preference and Dominance

[nycfem]

I sleep on the left side in our current bed in our current home. I didn't ever notice what side I was on until I read this quiz and had to think about it. I totally don't get how it has to do with dominance but this thread has been interesting to read, and I'm not even sure why . I also am fascinated that people on this thread consider sleeping in these "protective" positions. Who knew? I thought I was into old school but apparently it has depths beyond my knowledge base. It was also weird to start thinking of one side of the bed as protected and the other as dangerous. I'm trying to take it all in!

For me I just want to be closest to the bathroom and the door. I want to be able to get up. I want to have space and a table right by me. I always assert this right away. "Do you mind if I..." Any butch or FTM that I've ended up in a relationship with has always been totally chill about this. It's better for them anyway, because I'm very hyperactive and take a long time going to sleep. If I was boxed in, the other person would never be able to sleep.

Once I was dating a butch and after we slept together, and I did my "Do you mind if I..." Hy said seriously and calmly but directly, "That's really selfish of you." Ugh, an argument AFTER sex, processing, having to take stock of whether I'm a bitch --while eye opening, I just somehow knew that the "side of the bed" question becoming an issue meant we would not end up in a relationship, and we didn't, so it got me thinking as I read this thread- that our needs for what side of the bed we sleep on and approaches to it, probably are some deep shit.

Then I thought about why I ended up with partners who were so cool about my always picking that side of the bed. Is it because I like being a princess? Don't answer that! It's just me thinking out loud and probably better for me to hash out in my own mind or with a trained professional.

I think it would be hella hot to be expected to sleep on the floor. Fuck yes! But outside of that scenario, I guess I'm quick to box someone into the wall

[Martina]

Closest to the door so I can go to the bathroom during the night. Teacher's bladder. When I have to go, I have to go.

[theoddz]

Using IN the bed as a reference, I sleep on the right and Dear Wife sleeps on the left. I prefer to sleep on my back and on my right side, and Dear Wife sleeps on her left side. Our furbabies (Henry and Lil'Bit), cuddle up between and around us.

Our frogs?? Well, they prefer the left side of The Big Frog House....piled up together, in the corner.

~Theo~

[GeorgiaMa'am]

I sleep on the right, and on my right side (facing the outside of the bed). This has only been a problem when I was sleeping with someone who felt I was "rejecting" them by turning my back to them to sleep. (And no, I did _not_ just do the deed and then roll over to go to sleep. I spent plenty of time cuddling.) This has happened with a few different people, who didn't work out in the end. I have to say, I felt their need to always sleep facing each other was needy and manipulative. I don't like people breathing in my face all night, and my spine didn't appreciate it either (I have to turn over a couple of times during the night).

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by nycfem

Once I was dating a butch and after we slept together, and I did my "Do you mind if I..." Hy said seriously and calmly but directly, "That's really selfish of you." ...

I hope you don't mind me saying so, but... What a JERK! You dodged the bullet on that one.

[CherryWine]

Like nycfem said, this thread really has been an interesting read! It has really never really crossed my mind, but now that I think about it, I have always slept on the left side. The left side has always been closest to the door, but I don't really think that has anything to do with it. Whenever there have been any strange noises, my partner is always the first to jump up and investigate. She wouldn't let me even if I tried.

I just asked my partner who she thought was the most dominant in our relationship, and she said "You mean like ruling the relationship? You." Then she gave me the side eye. Lol! So, I don't think our bed side preference has anything do with dominance.

[candy_coated_bitch]

Originally Posted by nycfem

Once I was dating a butch and after we slept together, and I did my "Do you mind if I..." Hy said seriously and calmly but directly, "That's really selfish of you." Ugh, an argument AFTER sex, processing, having to take stock of whether I'm a bitch --while eye opening, I just somehow knew that the "side of the bed" question becoming an issue meant we would not end up in a relationship, and we didn't, so it got me thinking as I read this thread- that our needs for what side of the bed we sleep on and approaches to it, probably are some deep shit.

Yes, I absolutely think that is true a lot of the time. For me--the fact that I'm a Domme and have mostly but not exclusively slept on the right side of the bed is an interesting coincidence as far as the side of the bed theory. When I initially said it depends on all of my sleeping paranoias, I sincerely meant that my choice of side of the bed is motivated by some deep shit. Which includes PTSD/trauma stuff and chronic insomnia and nightmares.

I prefer to be farthest away from the door, with my partner between me and the door. I like that protective thing even though I'm a Domme. For me it feels more like a service thing and also somebody accommodating my needs rather than someone being dominant over me because they take the protective position. However, I ALSO need to be free to get out of bed repeatedly through the night because I usually sleep very little and sometimes not at all. I have a lot of anxiety and panic around sleep and if I am boxed into the bed with no way to freely get out I feel like I am suffocating. Sometimes these two needs conflict depending on how a room is set up.

Right now I don't share a bed with anyone so my room and bed are set up purely based on the fact that I sleep alone. My bed is in the corner farthest from the door, which means the right hand side of the bed is boxed into a corner. I have a huge dresser at the foot of bed, between the bed and the door, sort of creating a little sleeping box/nook that is protected, yet completely open on the left hand side so I can get out of bed very easily, and the left hand side also has a bedside table with all the things I might need or want in the middle of the night. All of this is very deliberate.

Sharing this bed set up would be problematic with another person because it means I'd have to choose between my need to be as far away from the door as possible and my need to be able to freely get up during the night. In this case--I would choose being able to get up freely during the middle of the night and not feel boxed in. The bed feels reasonably well protected because of the dresser, my bedroom door has a lock on it, and being boxed in is by far and away the greater of the two evils. And for the record--it would put me on the left side of the bed.

NONE of this has to do with dominance at all. I expect who I sleep with to accommodate me. Ok maybe it's partially out of dominance or having a dominant personality LOL, but mainly I expect someone to comply with my wishes out of respect for the fact that I literally will not sleep even a minute if someone else puts my sleeping issues too out of whack. Usually it doesn't matter as much to the other person so I don't feel bad about it for even a second. I also could not be in a relationship with someone who did not have a more casual attitude towards side of the bed issues than myself.

Anywho. Not sure now why I shared all that except for that I am finding this thread interesting as well and to illustrate that side of the bed choice can be a complicated thing that is unrelated to dominance at all. I absolutely see how it comes into play. But it can also be "deep shit" as nycfem puts it, thing that have to do with convenience, or maybe something else no one has even mentioned yet.

[ksrainbow]

Being that this a new *thread*...I prefer a high quality *thread-count* for comfort and warmth

[Liam]

As I have grown older, my observation is that the person with the smallest bladder gets to sleep on the outside of the bed, when the other side of the bed is against the wall.

[C0LLETTE]

Even when sleeping alone, I sleep on the left side of the bed, even when it means walking around the bed to get there. I think it's cause I'm right handed.