About Butches Q & A

[Evolved]

Originally Posted by Femminator

I forwarded this site to my Butch as she is currently on a journey to decide if she is more feminine or masculine of center. She needs to have support of other Butches to help her I think. So, my question follows:

Is it common for Butch to be a life long journey along the spectrum? By this I mean, is it common for you to question yourself if you are Butch enough, how you present, how you act, how Femmes see you? I have been with mine for over a decade now and it has been only lately that she is questioning herself excessively. I don't care HOW she presents personally, I love her. Is it harder for older Butches? We are in our 40's.

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From my perspective, it's not so much of a question of "am I butch enough" but more of am I presenting my authentic self to the world. It's difficult because gender norms and expression - thus labeling is rooted in our socially constructed notions of what is butch and what is femme. I find that in our culture (US) we are so fascinated by how woman portray themselves whereas when I was in Germany, it was less of an issue/fascination.

I don't think I have ever compared myself to some invisible butch measuring stick but I have found that some femmes that I have been with do compare me to exes with regard to butchness. So I guess it's been more of how I am perceived in the world. Some would consider me "soft" butch. Whatever that means, I'm not sure but if that's what they need to label me as, by all means. What matters is not to lose yourself in the process. It sounds like she has some great love and support from you to help prevent that from happening.

Was her questioning herself spurred by a conversation she had with someone or an event?

I'm sure the forum would welcome her with open arms if she ever had questions or needed someone to vent/talk to...