About Butches Q & A

TruTexan · 02-03-2015, 09:32 PM

Since I'm an older butch, 51 to be exact, and not much in contact with the LGBTQI community, hence the reasons why I tend to be on this site, I am not familiar with some of the ID's such as Butch as a Third Gender. Can someone please explain this to me gently? I mean I"m about a lost as a goose when it comes to this stuff and have spent a lot of time trying to retain what I've read in forums on this particular site, I have terrible time remembering things until I can find a way to get my brain to CLICK on and lodge the understanding in place and it stays. So, please help me to under stand what it means and any help from someone here on the site would be much appreciated.
Personally I see butch as a noun, an adjective and a verb and such. It means a lot to me in different ways that I've yet to be able to peace together on paper to write it out. My brain no longer works like it should due to several reasons and hence a disability for me at times when it comes to harder thinking.
So, thanks in advance for the help.

PS. MS.Tick, great post you seem so knowledgeable I like reading your posts. And to Jess who so to the time to post and step up as well and to all the others, what a wonderful way to make a newbie feel like they belong here and are cared about. I appreciate all of your posts, so well thought out and put together. I enjoyed reading each and every one of them. I learned something new in each post about myself so thanks.

And, to all of you here recently posting in the butch thread in response to randrum's post, thanks for stepping up to help ran. He needs our support on that journey of finding oneself. I personally love the site and all its been for me and the online friends I've made here. Thanks again.

JDeere · 02-03-2015, 10:46 PM

Welcome Randrum to the Planet, first off.

Secondly, you will find a lot and I mean a lot of different Identities on this site, it can be overwhelming at first, but asking questions, does help.

Back when I was in High school I was heterosexual genetic born female, then as I got older I came out as bisexual, I was with both genetic males and genetic females. Then I learned about butch, I wasn't so sure about it till I learned more from folks in the community, well lo and behold at the ripe age of 36, I learned that in all actuality what I was feeling about myself and how I felt as a child as well, is that I am Transgender.

Transgender is a huge umbrella term to me. I am writing this in my personal experience and opinion, only.

Everyday, lots of folks are coming into their own, give it time Randrum, you will get to where you feel very comfortable about your identity and yourself.

Never be afraid to be proud of who you are, no matter the label. You will find some great folks on the site as well as support.

If you ever need an ear, message me and we can chat.

Cin · 02-04-2015, 09:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TruTexan

I am not familiar with some of the ID's such as Butch as a Third Gender. Can someone please explain this to me gently?

Some people see themselves as a gender other than female or male, thus the terminology third gender. It is a gender outside of the binary. Some people feel having a third gender reinforces the other two thus it does the opposite of breaking free of the binary. Some do not agree and feel that a third gender allows an escape from the masculine/feminine gender trap. Some think everything outside of the binary can and should be lumped into a single third gender. Others think there are many more than 2 or 3 genders.

I believe the important thing, however we identify, is not to adopt the gender binary. It's difficult since we spend a huge amount of time discussing our identities in terms of masculine and feminine. Socially constructed ways of understanding what it means to be male or female permeate our gender narrative and influence our conscious and unconscious assessments of who we are and how we act and interact with others. We need to examine this and understand how we are conditioned to think in pink or blue.

This is probably clear as mud. I'm sure there are many people here that could explain this a hell of lot better than I have.

fulltimefaking · 02-17-2015, 06:27 PM

I don't know if this is the right place to put this... but I would love to read about some butches experiences of dysphoria.

I'm 22 years old. I have been with girls since I was 14 and out of closet since then so that part is not a problem for me. I dressed and expressed myself rather feminine (with very little passion for it I can tell) until one year ago, when I started to buy "mens clothes". In the begin wearing "mens clothes" felt like being high, like I finally did something that was truly me. I cut my hair and so on.

Later last spring I started to be annoyed by my breast, mainly when I saw them in the mirror, but then it accelerated. Started to lie awake late at night and thinking of how it would be to have flat chest instead and longing for that. Longing in a really hurtful way. And I started to wish I would just wake up and look more like a guy. This is still going on (my attempts to suppress these feelings hasn't succeeded...) Sometimes I feel so disconnected from myself and my body. It is like that I'm some moments can get into some place where me having flat chest is real, and to get back to reality after that hurts so bad. I feel so much panic sometimes, when I realize there is no escape from this, from my body or from society. I feel like I don't want people to look at me, I can't stand anymore that they look at my body.
These feelings of panic worries me partly because I have a history of depression and self harming... I guess I am afraid that I will fall back

I have been trying to seek "explanations" for these feelings like, maybe I am a guy? (I know this is a super binary way of thinking). But I feel comfortable with female pronouns and most of the time with identifying as female. No other trans identities that I've read about makes sense for me either. I just feel like I am a masculine person, even if I don't now exactly what I mean when I say that.

I feel to scared to talk about this with anyone I know. I have mentioned this to my best friend but took it all back later, and said I just think it was a phase (lol). Actually I feel very lonely and disconnected from everything right now. I used to hang out a lot in feminist groups/enviorments, but lately I have just escaped all of that, doesn't feel like it is room for me there.

So, yeah, if someone would like to share it would be great to hear from some butches about your experience on dysphoria and how you are dealing with it.
I got to find a way to deal with this cause I won't be able to afford top surgery for probably another decade and someone like me would never pass the tests swedish doctors do before they provide free top surgery

Also, sorry if my english is not good, it is not my first language.

DapperButch · 02-17-2015, 09:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fulltimefaking

I don't know if this is the right place to put this... but I would love to read about some butches experiences of dysphoria.

I'm 22 years old. I have been with girls since I was 14 and out of closet since then so that part is not a problem for me. I dressed and expressed myself rather feminine (with very little passion for it I can tell) until one year ago, when I started to buy "mens clothes". In the begin wearing "mens clothes" felt like being high, like I finally did something that was truly me. I cut my hair and so on.

Later last spring I started to be annoyed by my breast, mainly when I saw them in the mirror, but then it accelerated. Started to lie awake late at night and thinking of how it would be to have flat chest instead and longing for that. Longing in a really hurtful way. And I started to wish I would just wake up and look more like a guy. This is still going on (my attempts to suppress these feelings hasn't succeeded...) Sometimes I feel so disconnected from myself and my body. It is like that I'm some moments can get into some place where me having flat chest is real, and to get back to reality after that hurts so bad. I feel so much panic sometimes, when I realize there is no escape from this, from my body or from society. I feel like I don't want people to look at me, I can't stand anymore that they look at my body.
These feelings of panic worries me partly because I have a history of depression and self harming... I guess I am afraid that I will fall back

I have been trying to seek "explanations" for these feelings like, maybe I am a guy? (I know this is a super binary way of thinking). But I feel comfortable with female pronouns and most of the time with identifying as female. No other trans identities that I've read about makes sense for me either. I just feel like I am a masculine person, even if I don't now exactly what I mean when I say that.

I feel to scared to talk about this with anyone I know. I have mentioned this to my best friend but took it all back later, and said I just think it was a phase (lol). Actually I feel very lonely and disconnected from everything right now. I used to hang out a lot in feminist groups/enviorments, but lately I have just escaped all of that, doesn't feel like it is room for me there.

So, yeah, if someone would like to share it would be great to hear from some butches about your experience on dysphoria and how you are dealing with it.
I got to find a way to deal with this cause I won't be able to afford top surgery for probably another decade and someone like me would never pass the tests swedish doctors do before they provide free top surgery

Also, sorry if my english is not good, it is not my first language.

There are definitely a number of butches who feel dysphoric about their chest, but you may want to consider that perhaps when it comes to your sex, you would identify as non-binary (betweeen male and female) or gender neutral (neither male nor female), and that this is what you are bumping up against, rather than it coming solely from a place of being (a) butch. One can be butch and still be something other than female or woman identified. You are by far not the only person who feels this way. I will PM you a link to a forum that you can check out if you don't get all your questions answered here.

You are not alone, my friend!

BullDog · 02-17-2015, 09:37 PM

I am completely comfortable as female and woman but also would prefer a flat chest and still hope to do something about that in the future. There are other butches that feel that way too. However you identify in terms of your gender and feel about your body, either now or in the future, just know that you are not alone and there is no one way to be female, male or any other expression. Best wishes.

BullDog · 02-17-2015, 09:43 PM

fulltimefaking,

Here is a thread you might want to read:

http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/foru...ead.php?t=6999

TruTexan · 02-17-2015, 10:39 PM

fulltimefaking,
You are not and never alone in how you feel. There are plenty of us butches out there that have gone through what you're dealing with. I am a female, woman identified lesbian butch, but I don't really care for my breasts, they to me are just things that make me look more like a girl more than I want to. When I worked in physical jobs, they'd get in the way of things I had to do. I always wanted to have smaller breasts that wouldn't stick out so much. Over the years, I've just learned to deal with it by accepting the fact that I have them and they are a part of my body whether I like it or not. I've never wanted Top Surgery, although there are others that have wanted that and did it.
However you feel is just that, how you feel about YOU. Allow yourself to go through your emotions, feelings and logic to see where you can find some kind of comfort. have you thought about binding? That is a way some of us have dealt with our breasts and some still do. There are bras out there you can get that are more flattening for you to a degree. I'm sure there's a thread around here someplace that talks about butches and binding. Try looking in the Butch Forum topics. There's tons of information there other than just that as well. Hang in there and don't ever be afraid to reach out to one of us here on the planet to talk to along with lots of others here as well. Come into chat sometime and meet a few of us and enjoy your stay here.
As Dapper and Bulldog have responded, they are some really great folks to talk to. Don't hesitate to initiate friendships on the site. You belong here just as much as we do. I'm glad you found us. Welcome to the Planet by the way.

02-03-2015, 09:32 PM	#1
TruTexan Senior Member How Do You Identify?: lesbian butch Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: in a one horse town in a large state, in the U.S. Posts: 3,952 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,112 Thanked 5,268 Times in 1,633 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Since I'm an older butch, 51 to be exact, and not much in contact with the LGBTQI community, hence the reasons why I tend to be on this site, I am not familiar with some of the ID's such as Butch as a Third Gender. Can someone please explain this to me gently? I mean I"m about a lost as a goose when it comes to this stuff and have spent a lot of time trying to retain what I've read in forums on this particular site, I have terrible time remembering things until I can find a way to get my brain to CLICK on and lodge the understanding in place and it stays. So, please help me to under stand what it means and any help from someone here on the site would be much appreciated. Personally I see butch as a noun, an adjective and a verb and such. It means a lot to me in different ways that I've yet to be able to peace together on paper to write it out. My brain no longer works like it should due to several reasons and hence a disability for me at times when it comes to harder thinking. So, thanks in advance for the help. PS. MS.Tick, great post you seem so knowledgeable I like reading your posts. And to Jess who so to the time to post and step up as well and to all the others, what a wonderful way to make a newbie feel like they belong here and are cared about. I appreciate all of your posts, so well thought out and put together. I enjoyed reading each and every one of them. I learned something new in each post about myself so thanks. And, to all of you here recently posting in the butch thread in response to randrum's post, thanks for stepping up to help ran. He needs our support on that journey of finding oneself. I personally love the site and all its been for me and the online friends I've made here. Thanks again. __________________

02-03-2015, 10:46 PM	#2
JDeere Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Transgender Preferred Pronoun?: He/him/his Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 17,752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31,018 Thanked 28,832 Times in 9,707 Posts Rep Power: 21474865	Welcome Randrum to the Planet, first off. Secondly, you will find a lot and I mean a lot of different Identities on this site, it can be overwhelming at first, but asking questions, does help. Back when I was in High school I was heterosexual genetic born female, then as I got older I came out as bisexual, I was with both genetic males and genetic females. Then I learned about butch, I wasn't so sure about it till I learned more from folks in the community, well lo and behold at the ripe age of 36, I learned that in all actuality what I was feeling about myself and how I felt as a child as well, is that I am Transgender. Transgender is a huge umbrella term to me. I am writing this in my personal experience and opinion, only. Everyday, lots of folks are coming into their own, give it time Randrum, you will get to where you feel very comfortable about your identity and yourself. Never be afraid to be proud of who you are, no matter the label. You will find some great folks on the site as well as support. If you ever need an ear, message me and we can chat. __________________ Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. Albert Einstein

02-17-2015, 09:37 PM	#6
BullDog Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Dominant Stone Butch Daddy Preferred Pronoun?: She Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In A Healing Place Posts: 5,371 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,160 Thanked 22,635 Times in 4,461 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	I am completely comfortable as female and woman but also would prefer a flat chest and still hope to do something about that in the future. There are other butches that feel that way too. However you identify in terms of your gender and feel about your body, either now or in the future, just know that you are not alone and there is no one way to be female, male or any other expression. Best wishes. __________________ Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other. - Rainer Maria Rilke

02-17-2015, 09:43 PM	#7
BullDog Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Dominant Stone Butch Daddy Preferred Pronoun?: She Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In A Healing Place Posts: 5,371 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,160 Thanked 22,635 Times in 4,461 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	fulltimefaking, Here is a thread you might want to read: http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/foru...ead.php?t=6999 __________________ Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other. - Rainer Maria Rilke

02-17-2015, 10:39 PM	#8
TruTexan Senior Member How Do You Identify?: lesbian butch Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: in a one horse town in a large state, in the U.S. Posts: 3,952 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,112 Thanked 5,268 Times in 1,633 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	fulltimefaking, You are not and never alone in how you feel. There are plenty of us butches out there that have gone through what you're dealing with. I am a female, woman identified lesbian butch, but I don't really care for my breasts, they to me are just things that make me look more like a girl more than I want to. When I worked in physical jobs, they'd get in the way of things I had to do. I always wanted to have smaller breasts that wouldn't stick out so much. Over the years, I've just learned to deal with it by accepting the fact that I have them and they are a part of my body whether I like it or not. I've never wanted Top Surgery, although there are others that have wanted that and did it. However you feel is just that, how you feel about YOU. Allow yourself to go through your emotions, feelings and logic to see where you can find some kind of comfort. have you thought about binding? That is a way some of us have dealt with our breasts and some still do. There are bras out there you can get that are more flattening for you to a degree. I'm sure there's a thread around here someplace that talks about butches and binding. Try looking in the Butch Forum topics. There's tons of information there other than just that as well. Hang in there and don't ever be afraid to reach out to one of us here on the planet to talk to along with lots of others here as well. Come into chat sometime and meet a few of us and enjoy your stay here. As Dapper and Bulldog have responded, they are some really great folks to talk to. Don't hesitate to initiate friendships on the site. You belong here just as much as we do. I'm glad you found us. Welcome to the Planet by the way. __________________

02-17-2015, 06:27 PM	#4
fulltimefaking Junior Member How Do You Identify?: queer butch Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: single Join Date: Feb 2015 Location: sweden Posts: 2 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 0 Thanked 18 Times in 2 Posts Rep Power: 0	I don't know if this is the right place to put this... but I would love to read about some butches experiences of dysphoria. I'm 22 years old. I have been with girls since I was 14 and out of closet since then so that part is not a problem for me. I dressed and expressed myself rather feminine (with very little passion for it I can tell) until one year ago, when I started to buy "mens clothes". In the begin wearing "mens clothes" felt like being high, like I finally did something that was truly me. I cut my hair and so on. Later last spring I started to be annoyed by my breast, mainly when I saw them in the mirror, but then it accelerated. Started to lie awake late at night and thinking of how it would be to have flat chest instead and longing for that. Longing in a really hurtful way. And I started to wish I would just wake up and look more like a guy. This is still going on (my attempts to suppress these feelings hasn't succeeded...) Sometimes I feel so disconnected from myself and my body. It is like that I'm some moments can get into some place where me having flat chest is real, and to get back to reality after that hurts so bad. I feel so much panic sometimes, when I realize there is no escape from this, from my body or from society. I feel like I don't want people to look at me, I can't stand anymore that they look at my body. These feelings of panic worries me partly because I have a history of depression and self harming... I guess I am afraid that I will fall back I have been trying to seek "explanations" for these feelings like, maybe I am a guy? (I know this is a super binary way of thinking). But I feel comfortable with female pronouns and most of the time with identifying as female. No other trans identities that I've read about makes sense for me either. I just feel like I am a masculine person, even if I don't now exactly what I mean when I say that. I feel to scared to talk about this with anyone I know. I have mentioned this to my best friend but took it all back later, and said I just think it was a phase (lol). Actually I feel very lonely and disconnected from everything right now. I used to hang out a lot in feminist groups/enviorments, but lately I have just escaped all of that, doesn't feel like it is room for me there. So, yeah, if someone would like to share it would be great to hear from some butches about your experience on dysphoria and how you are dealing with it. I got to find a way to deal with this cause I won't be able to afford top surgery for probably another decade and someone like me would never pass the tests swedish doctors do before they provide free top surgery Also, sorry if my english is not good, it is not my first language.