Femmes: How do you like to be treated on a date?

[Nat]

From my vague and blurry memories of dating:

Do not pause and wait for me to open the door for you. I often will open the door for you because i'm a chivalrous femme like that, but if I let you get to the door first and I'm all fancy for a date, I will act like I don't have arms if you pause and wait.

Brains and kindness are far more important to me than money.

Be yourself but be your best self. Don't try to be somebody else.

Do not defend strangers for flying the confederate flag. Do not say they aren't racist. Do not spend the rest of the night saying "I am not a racist - I hope you don't think that."

Please don't use the word "retarded" to criticize or make fun of people or ideas.

Inexpensive dates can be the most fun - but if you're paying and a waitperson is involved, please tip well. Cheaper food but better tip wins hands-down over expensive food and so-so tip. Also please treat anybody serving you like a human being whether it's at mcdonalds or fancyfrufru mcgees.

It's cute when it's obvious a person has put thought and creativity into planning a date - even though it's usually the awkward moments that make it obvious. It's also nice if a person can go with the flow and not be rigid about the plan.

Hanging out like friends would is often my favorite kind of date.

[MsTinkerbelly]

My first date with my Kasey was at Denny's...for those unaware, it is a chain restaurant just slightly better than Mc Donalds. She was just off a delayed flight from PA on business, and instead of the big plans she had made and since Denny's was right by a freeway, I suggested we meet there instead.

She was kind, considerate, and grateful that she didn't have to go through some long involved date while she was exhausted. She more than made up for that date the next time!

[WickedFemme]

Just have manners, be well groomed and please by all means put the damn cell phone away and don't text or talk about your ex's or any other gossip for that matter. Just be yourself and have a good time. the texting is such a pet peeve. I get so annoyed when I'm out for dinner with friends and they are texting. I'm sure it can wait - really.

I'm so glad I'm not dating and good luck!

[atomiczombie]

It's great to see this thread going again.

[betenoire]

This sounds pretty good to me

http://toronto.en.craigslist.ca/tor/stp/2582878028.html

Wanna Explore A Haunted Asylum? - m4w - 20 (Guildwood)
Date: 2011-09-05, 11:22AM EDT
Reply to:
Have you heard of the Guildwood Inn? If you have, there's a chance you know of it's paranormal background. If you haven't heard of it, it's been around since the early 1900s. It was used to treat ill soldiers in the mid 40s after World War II. The basement is where the mental patients were kept. Stories say that some unknowing souls are still wandering about down there..
This isn't for the faint of heart. Also, security patrols the perimeter of the now boarded up and abandoned institution. I'm looking to infiltrate it with a courageous girl who is alright with the idea of sneaking past security and breaking into a supposedly haunted house.
Doesn't have to be anytime soon; I would like enough time to get to develop a friendship first.

http://www.hauntingsresearch.org/Guild.html

[lettertodaddy]

I like chivalry. Open the door for me. You don't have to pull my chair out for me, but you get bonus points if you do.

Talk to me. If I wanted a monosyllabic troglodyte, I'd date a (male) hockey player. Talk to me about anything, from the fantastic to the mundane, from the sacred to the profane, but talk to me. I promise you I'm listening, and I promise you're not boring me.

Make eye contact once in awhile, especially if you see I'm having a hard time meeting your gaze. Let me know it's OK, that you think I'm OK. Or better than OK.

Be present. It's OK to check your phone or wristwatch for the time, but the time we spend together is a gift and an honor. Treat it as such.

Don't assume that my answer's going to be yes at the end of the night, regardless of whether it's our first date our our thirty-first.

I guess this means I'm high maintenance.

Touch my hand now and again when we're talking, or even if we aren't. If you're getting good signals from me, feel free to touch the small of my back when we're walking, or touch my knee when we're sitting next to each other. I'm shy, so whatever little signals you can throw my way to let me know you're interested, keep them coming.

[lettertodaddy]

Originally Posted by pinkajl

p, I will not come to you if you honk the horn. As a matter of fact, I will not even open the door to let you know I've heard.

THIS. I think this is when I realized my ex and I were doomed to fail.

[Martina]

i think i've said this before, but don't pick me up and then go get gas and stop at the ATM. Do that stuff BEFORE.

Do know how to get where we're going if you are driving. Fine if you get lost or whatever, but at least have the directions.

Do not scare me with your driving.

Do not diss femmes. i have had this happen in the guise of "you are cool, unlike other femmes."

Be nice to service people.

Don't complain a lot or expect me to reassure you or do emotional care for you unless your mother has just died or something.

Do not posture too much. Rein it in some. i definitely do not want to hear about how you kicked someone's ass.

Do not expect me to share my life story on the first date.

Don't talk about the things that you own.

Do not tell me you like me because i am smart.

Laugh. Make me laugh.

By all means, show me your tatoos.

[1QuirkyKiwi]

I’m old fashioned and do like to feel that my date’s attention is FULLY on me for the day/evening. Be well groomed, wearing clean, ironed clothes appropriately for the occasion – freshly showered and clean hand/nails. Turn your phone off. Make eye contact with me, smile and laugh to let me know you are enjoying yourself.

Walk to my door and knock, offering me your hand, then your arm as we walk to the car. Open the car door for me and help me into the car by offering your hand, again.

When walking somewhere, please, walk on the outside of the pavement offering me your arm. Open doors for me. Placing your hand on the small of my back when we’re walking. Help me off /on with my coat and pull out the chair for me to sit/stand. Be polite, have manners and be considerate me and other people. Be respectful of yourself and others.

I don’t expect or need the first date to cost a fortune – I appreciate it when my date has tailored the day/evening, taking the time, effort and thoughtfulness to plan something nice that we both will enjoy – something simple, yet, meaningful. The same with gifts – I hate to see flowers dying in a vase – take me to a park or public garden, even better are hand made gifts, a basket of fruit (I swear I was a Fruit Bat in a previous life, the amount I eat, lol!) a hand written poem composed by my date or some other thoughtful gift to my tastes – I love Museums, Art Galleries, even reading poetry to me by the river with a simple picnic will go a long way to winning my heart. I love Swans, it really twist my knickers when my date plans a date feeding them.

I love intelligent conversation, witty chatter and good conversation that flows easily – make me laugh without being crude (I’m by no means a prude, but, there is a time and place for that later). Get to know me – talk to me, let me talk to you. Be open and honest with me – if you don’t feel as though you want to see me again, say so, I won’t be offended unless you’re blatantly rude!

Pay me compliments if you genuinely mean them. Pay attention to the little things and details – I love he meaningful little things and details and surprised by the bigger ones.

Gently touch my hand, knee every now and then – body language says more than words. When wanting to hold hand, ask/offer me your hand and gently grip my hand in yours – please don’t squeeze my hand tightly, it makes me feel uncomfortable - I’m not going to run off unless my date is a complete Psycho. The first kiss, make it soft and tender – I’m not wanting my date to tickle my Tonsils until we are BOTH ready to take the relationship to the next level.

I like to plan a date(s) for my date, I can’t afford to spend a lot, yet, I do like to treat my date – offer suggestions, let me be creative and take the initiative occasionally. Let me spoil and pamper you.

Date me even when the relationship has moved to living together/marriage. Be a Gentle(Wo)man. I’m forever polite and thoughtful even when in a LTR.

I’m not saying "No Emotional Baggage"! How fair is that? If nothing has impacted upon us emotionally, then we’re either not human or have never loved and lived as we were meant to! It’s how the baggage is handled!

[Starbuck]

Open the door for me, both the car door and any other place that has a door; I love that!
Smell good, but don't put on so much that you could kill a small animal!
Make eye contact with me. It let's me know you hear what I am saying and that it matters to you.
If you're so inclined, you may order for me, it will not offend me, I rather like it when you take the lead.
I am an independent woman, do not be offended if I stand up for myself or us if the need arises.
Hold my hand or take my arm when we are walking, I love showing affection.
Watch baseball or football with me? That would be awesome!

[crashhere4eva]

Great input Ladies. I would love to have your input in my one boi one femme thread... please? Thank you

[Toughy]

When walking somewhere, please, walk on the outside of the pavement offering me your arm.

from my butch perspective....

In a big city, depending on the street and who is on it, I may indeed prefer to walk between you and the buildings, rather than you and the street. I have been known to switch sides as we walk down the sidewalk more than once depending on what is ahead...

This custom comes from muddy dirty streets where stuff gets splashed onto the sidewalk from street traffic. The idea is that 'ladies' should be protected from getting their clothes dirty.

[Nadeest]

Quote:
Originally Posted by atomiczombie View Post
I was talking to someone in the chat room the other night and I made the remark that I can't afford date anyone right now. The femme I was talking to asked me why I feel that it takes money, and for me it comes down to how I treat a femme on a date.

For *ME*, it takes money to date a femme properly. No, I would never take a femme to McDonald's for a date. I may not take her to the fanciest place for dinner, but it should be nice. 60$ is not an unreasonable amount to spend on a nice meal with a girl. Then there is all the grooming. A fresh haircut every 2 weeks; getting a car wash before each date because who wants to be picked up in a dirty car??; Having freshly cleaned and pressed clothes that are dress-casual to dressy. (Jeans are fine if you have a dress shirt and tie to go with them.) And, bring her a small gift with each date, usually flowers, but it could be something else that she likes, such as candy or something else. Buy her drinks if you are at a bar.

Things that don't cost money but are essential to me are: Be freshly showered before each date! Open every door for her; pull out her chair for her; allow her to order her food first; ask her first if you want to hold her hand or kiss her (that's just good manners). If you like how she looks or her smile or how she smells or the things that she says, or wears, then tell her. Let her talk about herself, and don't dominate the conversation with things about you. Don't use a lot of swear words. Don't talk about your exes!! Don't be in a rush to get into bed; try to get to know her, who she is and what she is like. Listen to her. Ask her what kind of things she enjoys doing, what kind of food she likes, etc. so if she agrees to another date, you can plan your next date around things she enjoys. Don't do the same thing every single date - try to plan a variety of activities. Thank her for spending time with you, and if you really like her and want to see her again, don't wait more than 2 days to call her. Don't call her the very next day, either. Give room, but not too much room. Don't blow up her phone with text messages either, but saying you had a good time is important.

The person I was discussing this with said she had never been treated this way on a date, and I was kind of surprised. She told me I should start a thread about dating, so here it is:

Femmes, how do you like to be treated on a date? I think all of us people on the masculine spectrum should know what you ladies would like and what you think is important. I know not all femmes are the same and like the exact same things, so having as much feed back as possible is really appreciated! Also, some feed back about what NOT to do would be helpful too! Stories about both good dates and bad ones are welcome! I personally would really like to know how to be a better date so that someday, if I ever can afford to date again, I can do it better. Thanks in advance!

Atomic, what you do sounds wonderful, but I don't really need my date to spend a lot of money on me. Just going to a museum and sitting down with a soda or some other drink can be a lot of fun. The last person that I dated had absolutely no money and had been unemployed for a long time. We went and did something minor for our first date and I really enjoyed our time together.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Toughy

from my butch perspective....

In a big city, depending on the street and who is on it, I may indeed prefer to walk between you and the buildings, rather than you and the street. I have been known to switch sides as we walk down the sidewalk more than once depending on what is ahead...

This custom comes from muddy dirty streets where stuff gets splashed onto the sidewalk from street traffic. The idea is that 'ladies' should be protected from getting their clothes dirty.

Yes to shifting which side to walk on the sidewalk, depending upon what is ahead.

In addition to the splashing streets, wasn't the whole chamber pot being poured out of windows another reason for walking on the outside...more chance of it hitting the man since the woman could be tucked in closer to the buildings?

[SweetJane]

I agree with most every suggestion here. I'm old school and love the idea of courtship, really getting to know someone, taking that time. That is the dance that is the most delightful....even after you have been together for an eternity, make it feel as if it's for the first time.

Though I love to be pampered with a fine dinner and an evening of dancing or going to a concert or to the opera, I find the small no-cost or little cost dates sometimes are the best. A walk along a pond in a park, a free day at a museum, a hot dog at a street fair and then watching the sunset, a hike in the woods, a visit to some place special to my date that hy wants to share with me (a view from the top of a building or hys favorite taco place or the stoop where hy used to play on as a child). I love intelligent conversation and discussions about life and lessons learned. I love sharing a creative experience with someone.

But most of all, I want to see my date as a real human being, intense, laid back, excited, content, thoughtful, in awe.... and who is willing to share that realness with me.

And I in turn will share my realness with hym.

And yes I do enjoy affection, especially when it comes from the joy of the moment, of being together, not because it's a prelude to asking for something more intimate.

[BugsAndKisses]

I'm not into eating out, I would love someone who thought a really great date was a picnic on an airboat in the middle of the glades. I want to pick cattails and kiss hidden behind sawgrass. I want to be taken where the wild things are and um...be wild!<3

[ScandalAndy]

I still love this thread!!! Sorry for the derail, but how awesome that there are so many different opinions and excellent suggestions!

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by ScandalAndy

I still love this thread!!! Sorry for the derail, but how awesome that there are so many different opinions and excellent suggestions!

Haha, that's no derail! And I feel the same way about this thread. Keep it up ladies, your responses are great!!

[Janny]

With impunity.

[betenoire]

You know what I always thought was fun? Meet me at the bar where some local band is playing and it's too loud for us to talk. Force your way up to the front line against the stage with me (I'm short and I'm rude, okay?) and bob alongside. Clumsily make out with me while we're waiting for my bus to arrive, then you go wait for your bus.

Actually, this one time someone got on my streetcar with me and took it to my place. Then she walked across the street to the stop for the streetcar going in the opposite direction and went home. I thought that was kinda rad.