"End Game" for butches : )

[dykeumentary]

Glad to see this important topic revived.

In a strange twist of fate, I'm now my mother's caregiver as she dies. It's been fascinating to see my mom's medical team try to figure out how to deal with a loving butch-dyke daughter.

[iamkeri1]

My FTM husband died almost 13 years ago. He died suddenly and unexpectedly. We were legally married. (well it was legal where we got married, but not in Florida, where we had moved to before his death.) I won't go into the pain and hassle and PAIN I went through because of the stupid laws in existence at the time. Thank the universe for the changes that have now been accomplished for us all .

Really the main thing I want to say is this. We were together for 25 years, and friends for 7 years before that. We had talked about death, who would go first, what kind of life preservation we were comfortable with. how the funeral should be handled, all that stuff. After his death however, I could not for the life of me remember any of his wishes. Funeral or no? burial or cremation? None of it. To this day I have never been able to remember what he wanted. Trauma erased it from my brain, I guess. So take the advise of other writers above, and WRITE IT DOWN.

Smooches,
Keri

[dykeumentary]

That is so sad, iamkeri. I hope in the time since your husband passed, you've found some peace.

I am so glad that I have Mom's wishes WRITTEN DOWN because we live in an area where people feel they can question my judgement and authority to make medical decisions about my mom becuase of their negative opinions about my gender expression, which for them equates to my sexual preferences too. So I have to keep the notarized paperwork with me.

I've never seen them ask to see the legal documents with straight white men. They just assume he's doing everything right.

So yes- get it all written down!