Warning Signs of Abusive Relationships

[Allison W]

Originally Posted by Glenn

6.Temper

This one right here, is important, and important to analyse, and important to watch in the context of what a red flag is. Because while there are people out there who have a temper but have the skills to control it and understand that it's their responsibility to control it, there are also a whole lot of people who either don't know how to control it or don't think it's their responsibility to control it. If it's part of a worsening or already sinister pattern, it's not just a sign the relationship could go sour, it's a sign that your partner (or you, if you're the one with temper problems) could be actively dangerous. Like, hospital or morgue dangerous.

I say this as someone from a really bloody angry gene pool. Everyone in my family is an angry person, myself included, and hostility is also one of the more common side effects of my primary antidepressant, so I had to learn to control my temper because I don't care to turn out like some of my family members did.

[JustLovelyJenn]

Sometimes abuse can be very passive...

It can look like someone who refuses to make a decision and then complains about what happens. It can be present in silent disapproval as much as a screaming argument. The constant "its's fine" or "you're right, it must be my fault." All of these small and quiet things can just be another form of control. Another way to shape your responses to what they want. It can be hard to see abuse in any form, but there are just as many forms of abuse as their are abusers to use them... they never have to raise their voice or lay a hand on you to break you down completely.

[gotoseagrl]

This is so, so true. They can be more calculating than someone who does not hide when they have lost their temper (or sanity). The quiet ones who are more subtle with it are the ones who can trap you on the roller coaster for the longest time, because they always appear, especially to everyone else, to be harmless & like they always intend well and are doing nothing. While sometimes that can be true, more often it's not. The finger can always end up being pointed back at you because they "haven't lost their cool". They will even say sorry in an obligatory way that reminds you that you are still the one to blame underneath it all or you were always the cause of whatever problem. And you're also the reason it never changes - you don't give enough chances, time, blood, sweat, your last ounce of everything you had in you and so on. They wouldn't say, do or feel x,y,z if it didn't have something to do with you instead of recognizing their own behavior and actively taking responsibility to change it on their own. This is a real mind screw because they can appear to be sympathetic, while really being self-righteous at the same time. It can be a lot harder to run & stay away from emotional/mental abuse that is gradual and that over time warps your perception & distorts the appearance of the way things really are.

This can end up being so dangerous to one's confidence - believing in yourself when your gut is telling you something's wrong, self-worth - the person has you convinced they are the only one for you & you cannot do better because everyone else but them is bad, sanity - when you start to question yourself in ways you never do with anyone else or other healthy relationships, and so much more.

I really don't think there is enough awareness out there about these silent, but deadly types of relationships. The toxic "soulmates".

Originally Posted by JustLovelyJenn

Sometimes abuse can be very passive...

It can look like someone who refuses to make a decision and then complains about what happens. It can be present in silent disapproval as much as a screaming argument. The constant "its's fine" or "you're right, it must be my fault." All of these small and quiet things can just be another form of control. Another way to shape your responses to what they want. It can be hard to see abuse in any form, but there are just as many forms of abuse as their are abusers to use them... they never have to raise their voice or lay a hand on you to break you down completely.

[Karysma]

Oh, this really spoke to me...

Originally Posted by gotoseagrl

They will even say sorry in an obligatory way that reminds you that you are still the one to blame underneath it all or you were always the cause of whatever problem. And you're also the reason it never changes - you don't give enough chances, time, blood, sweat, your last ounce of everything you had in you and so on. They wouldn't say, do or feel x,y,z if it didn't have something to do with you instead of recognizing their own behavior and actively taking responsibility to change it on their own. This is a real mind screw because they can appear to be sympathetic, while really being self-righteous at the same time. It can be a lot harder to run & stay away from emotional/mental abuse that is gradual and that over time warps your perception & distorts the appearance of the way things really are.

[JDeere]

When they alienate you from friends and family.

I almost forgot this one.