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Old 05-10-2010, 06:17 PM   #1
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Unhappy Wow. Sad.

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"Gloria," I exclaimed, "you must be so proud!"

She nodded, unsmiling, and sighed in that stoic way that was now so familiar to me. "Yeah..." then a long silence..."but I really wish she were married."

Oh, Gloria, I thought, not you too! The first woman to be dean of Harvard Law School, and all you can say is you wish she were married! She just shrugged at my protests, and shuffled away with her mail.

....

When Gloria died a couple of years ago, I took the elevator down to her apartment where her family was receiving callers. In that awkward way of making conversation after a death, I told Elena how proud of her Gloria had been, how she'd posted the notice of her Harvard appointment in the lobby for the whole building to see. I withheld her mother's comment. But I wasn't fooling anybody. With an eye-roll and a tone so reminiscent of her mother, our newest nominee to the Supreme Court of the United States said dryly, "My mother only wanted me to get married."
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Old 05-10-2010, 06:23 PM   #2
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Yeah, but human too. NOw, if she IS gay, it really is sad. If not, just a mother wanting her daughter to have a husband. Ironic since the mother was sick and widowed. The belief that a partner will save you from living and dying alone clearly had not been proven true for her, but . . .

i am sure she just wanted happiness for her daughter. i hope.

i personally think that big-time strivers often lead very unbalanced lives. i am glad they exist. They bring good things into our lives. Obama seems to have it all. But it IS harder for women. And that's a fact.

One of my friends is a Dean of a college. She has an illustrious career by my standards, but her husband had to pretty much sacrifice his because they have children. They moved from state to state, and it's a major hassle to get your teaching credential accepted by other states. So the husband, a teacher, taught part time at community colleges and did all kinds of other jobs, but not classroom teaching. Right now he is a case worker at a children's mental hospital. This is a guy who was BORN to be a teacher of students with special needs. i sometimes think of all the kids he didn't help. BUT i also see the two wonderful kids he raised for the most part. So, i don't know.

Where Kagan is concerned, if she all shine, all about getting there, we will know soon. We will know if there is a person behind the gown, someone who has been working for the opportunity to make a difference. We'll see. i hope so. She clerked for Thurgood Marshall. One can hope she has a lot in common with him.

Anyway, i thought the article was kinda cute. Real. Again, unless she's a dyke, and then it's a whole nother tale to tell.
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Old 05-10-2010, 06:26 PM   #3
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Yeah, but human too. NOw, if she IS gay, it really is sad. If not, just a mother wanting her daughter to have a husband. Ironic since the mother was sick and widowed. The belief that a partner will save you from living and dying alone clearly had not been proven true for her, but . . .

i am sure she just wanted happiness for her daughter. i hope.

i personally think that big-time strivers often lead very unbalanced lives. i am glad they exist. They bring good things into our lives. Obama seems to have it all. But it IS harder for women. And that's a fact.

One of my friends is a Dean of a college. She has an illustrious career by my friends' standards, but her husband had to pretty much sacrifice his because they have children. They moved from state to state, and it's a major hassle to get your teaching credential accepted by other states. So my friend, a teacher, taught part time at community colleges and did all kinds of jobs. Right now he is a case worker at a children's mental hospital. This is a guy who was BORN to be a teacher of students with special needs. i sometimes think of all the kids he didn't help. BUT i also see the two wonderful kids he raised for the most part. So, i don't know.

i thought the article was kinda cute. Real. Again, unless she's a dyke, and then it's a whole nother tale to tell.
Hmm..I see it differently--lesbian or not.

What I find sad is that what was most important to her mother was NOT her daughter's amazing accomplishments, but that she hadn't fulfilled what she thought was necessary to be a true success--married.
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Old 05-10-2010, 06:30 PM   #4
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Hmm..I see it differently--lesbian or not.

What I find sad is that what was most important to her mother was NOT her daughter's amazing accomplishments, but that she hadn't fulfilled what she thought was necessary to be a true success--married.
I agree. It speaks volumes.
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Old 05-10-2010, 06:34 PM   #5
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i dunno. i am a feminist, but i think that putting career first, while a fine choice, is not something that should be celebrated as an absolutely noble act.

And i can understand how family members might feel a loss -- the loss of grandchildren, of time spent with the family, etc.

However, who knows?
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Old 05-10-2010, 07:08 PM   #6
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When even I'm thinking "would we have this conversation about a single man appointed to the bench", something is seriously wrong.
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Old 05-10-2010, 07:25 PM   #7
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The fact is that the culture is having this converstation. And i am too. People like her freak me the fuck out -- whether male or female.

She is the classic striver. Classic. So is Obama. i am glad they exist. They are good enough to manage to convince the banal and the conservative that they have a right to exist and to exist at the top. And we need them there. Some of them manage to have some kind of balance. i really hope Obama is one of them. Some of them are all about the trip to the top and have nothing to offer once they're there. If this woman is one of them, we will know within a year or two.

Most of them, male and female, whether married or single, have limited lives. i find that scary.

i do not celebrate that kind of ambition. i do not hold it up as a role model for young women. God help us if that's what we have to do to be successful and to make a difference. Fortunately, it's not.

Before the kind of media scrutiny and party polarization we have now, ordinary flawed qualified people could attain these heights. Now, not so much. Now if you don't toe the line almost your entire life, with your eyes on the prize, you are not gonna make it. i am amazed and happy that Obama did that. i will hopefully be glad that she has done it. i think it's weird human behavior though, and i am really sorry our culture seems to require it.
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Old 05-10-2010, 07:30 PM   #8
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When even I'm thinking "would we have this conversation about a single man appointed to the bench", something is seriously wrong.
Our talking about it is NOT the problem. The problem is that men can marry and have children and still pretty much devote their lives to their career. It's unusual for a woman to be in this position.

And my point is that it's fucked up for ANYBODY to do that, family or not. It's insane. You gotta have a scary lust for power to carry it off. Those people scare me shitless. Including Obama. But i like his politics, and it takes that kind of committment to succeed at those heights for an African American or a woman. It takes a lot of it for anybody to succeed at that level these days. But do i like or trust people like that? HELL NO. FUCK NO.
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Old 05-12-2010, 07:37 PM   #9
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When even I'm thinking "would we have this conversation about a single man appointed to the bench", something is seriously wrong.
Similar: The speculation around the appointment of David Souter, a single man.

Dissimilar: The discussion of stance, and not the political one...Softball Photo
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