Femmes: How do you like to be treated on a date?

[kittygrrl]

Originally Posted by Gemme

Word.

I don't care how good you smell or how sexy you are. If you can't hold a conversation with me, sometimes even using big words and abstract concepts, then any initial attraction goes down the drain real fast. I like handsome faces and bodies, but if your brain isn't working on all cylinders, that's a big no from me.

Obviously, as I've grown older and wiser, different things tick off different boxes for me. Now, it's less about the butch, FTM or TG version of the Mustang with a Hemi motor and more about the fun but reliable SUV version of a butch, TG or FTM guy.

Sometimes a girl likes to take her time getting to where she's going and likes to know that she'll get there in one piece and without a stopover in jail.

Well I don't disagree with this..older>>wiser..but didn't you say it takes you (up to)2 minutes ? It just depends, I think(for me) I can't argue with your experience Gemme!

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

Well I don't disagree with this..older>>wiser..but didn't you say it takes you (up to)2 minutes ? It just depends, I think(for me) I can't argue with your experience Gemme!

I still stand by the fact that I know who and what attract me very quickly. It has been nearly instantaneous in a lot of cases throughout my life.

What I'm saying is that what flips that particular switch for me has changed over the years and that there are cases in which that attraction switch flipped the other way the second someone opened their mouth and revealed various ignorance/prejudice/dumbfoundery.



I've always required some sort of tangible intelligence in my partners but as time has gone on, my tolerance for those who don't meet that level has diminished greatly as well as my ability to justify someone being 'almost there' because they were hot and nice to look at.

Looks fade. Pretty fades. Handsome fades. Hot fades.

If there's nothing underneath all of that hotness, there's nothing left.

I demand more than nothing. I deserve more than nothing because I am something and I require someone else's something to match and/or complement my own something.

Does that help clear things up?

[clay]

Originally Posted by Gemme

I still stand by the fact that I know who and what attract me very quickly. It has been nearly instantaneous in a lot of cases throughout my life.

What I'm saying is that what flips that particular switch for me has changed over the years and that there are cases in which that attraction switch flipped the other way the second someone opened their mouth and revealed various ignorance/prejudice/dumbfoundery.



I've always required some sort of tangible intelligence in my partners but as time has gone on, my tolerance for those who don't meet that level has diminished greatly as well as my ability to justify someone being 'almost there' because they were hot and nice to look at.

Looks fade. Pretty fades. Handsome fades. Hot fades.

If there's nothing underneath all of that hotness, there's nothing left.

I demand more than nothing. I deserve more than nothing because I am something and I require someone else's something to match and/or complement my own something.

Does that help clear things up?

This is exactly how I think/feel, too!

Being humans, we do have emotions on every level, and initially, we usually do feel great at first meeting. Then down the road, when life is in reality terms, we sometimes find that that person really has nothing under that shiny exterior to hold our interest. Thus it becomes boring...and is difficult at best to maintain a relationship.

I want someone who can converse, who has interests that only grow deeper, feelings that intensify over zest for life, make new discoveries, and find we would actually have some deep down quality attractions that aren't fleeting once those hormones quell.

I totally agree with Gemme on deserving more, having more, and not settling for less.

I won't settle for less than I deserve either!!! I will not give anything less than she deserves either!

I am in with the group of I know immediately within 3 or 4 minutes if I have some deeper connection other than the physical. I look deeper...for to me, it is her mind, her heart, & her soul I fall in love with.....how she carries herself within the world...is she kind to those less fortunate, is she loving of animals & elderly, does she emit that gentle, loving energy outward upon the world. Is she steadfast & grounded....yet having an inner child that she can & does freely let out...anyway......clay...shut up....

[imperfect_cupcake]

I'm not really a physical link person. I'm a sapiophile, really and truly.
My attraction is based on humour, banter, and someone "getting" me. That's what flips my chenistry switch. Unfortunately, that can take a few meets with people. So I can't be instantly attracted. I can think someone is hot, physically, but that's about it. And that's not exactly something that sticks around for me. As soon as someone starts talking, they either get more and more attractive over time because I am starting to get revved up.by their intelligence and type of humour, their ability to relax around me, to be informal and cheeky, and see me as a person first, rather than my gender first. Then they *get* supah hot. If they act really formal and polite, talk about nothing I can relate to, view me a femme borg and thus *must* be treated X (don't swear around them, be on best behaviour, potential romantic endeavour only, etc), is more cautious than witty, I'm not going to get turned on. No matter how they look. But it can take up to 3-4 meet ups to figure that out, for me.

But I'm a "p" type that reserves judgement for insane amounts of time.
Many people that I meet that I can't stand initially because I find them abrasive, high maintenance, and self serving, and if I *have* to get to know them (colleague, patient, social situation where I am locked into something for a few days) I find that with some one-on-one time, I discover I actually really enjoy some great qualities about them and I actually like their company.

People I used to have immediate hot chemistry with have pretty much always turned out to be active addicts or heavy drinkers a month down the road. So I am *extremely* wary of that heavy, instant sizzle for some "mysterious" "soul connection" reason. That reason is 99% of the time the co-dependant-addict attraction chenistry.

So I just no longer trust it or go there. In fact, I find that chemistry kind of scary now.

[kittygrrl]

Personally, I believe a pan of brownies can do wonders

[clay]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

Personally, I believe a pan of brownies can do wonders

here! here! I concur!

[meridiantoo]

I really don't trust grand gestures on first dates, or the first few dates...I've learned the more grandiose the gesture, the more empty it is...my idea of a perfect date is someone who is casual, yet respectful, not entitled or assuming, but hopeful...someone who can enjoy getting to know each other through an uneventful activity. I love when they want to know me, not just me sexually. I love when they don't mention exes or want to know about my past as if I'm under investigation. I love for things to build, gradually.