The Femme Continuum: The "Highs" and "Lows" of Visibility

[Nat]

Originally Posted by Medusa

Do we, as Femmes, have a continuum in our own community where the hyper-feminine is more valid/valued? What does that look like to you when it's in action?

How does this continuum affect our visibility or does it?

I don't feel pushed to be hyper-feminine these days, but I do wish I could find more ways to play with femininity in an obviously queer way. I wish there were a recognizable something we femmes could do that could make us more recognizably "family." Like Apocalypstic, I want the queer nod of acknowledgment sometimes. When I talk to women who set off my 'dar at work, I want them to get that I'm a femme. I'm the only out lesbian in a huge cubicle-land office with hundreds of women in it (and only a handfull of men), but even as an out lesbian, I can't get myself out of the damn closet.

Maybe we need to enact some sort of femme hanky code.

Originally Posted by Medusa

There was also some discussion around pronoun usage and several folks brought up what it might look/feel like to a Femme if she were "he'd" on a regular basis out in the world but also (and especially) in this community.
Thoughts on this?

I think this is an inducement to intentionally gender-bait and it's no prettier than when it's done to anybody else. Femmes may not be "he'd" on a regular basis, but our gender is entirely ignored, misinterpreted and misunderstood most of the time by most people we run across, even when we explain it over and over again.

My latest frustration is that I made the mistake of complimenting a straight cisgendered man on his charisma and speaking skills after he spoke in front of the class (and did so brilliantly), and he interpreted that as an open invitation to my pants. Not only am I invisible as a queer person, but the consequence of that is having to fend off unwanted advances from cisgendered straight guys. Then again, being interpreted as a lesbian is no guarantee of sexual harrassment avoidance.